I honestly cannot do this.. I feel so depressed since I read this.. My heart is broken.. Does this mean I'll never go back to Godhead? I was doing great untill I started reading this book.. I feel like it just cut Krishna off from me.
I started reading "Nectar of Instruction" and the first chapter says that if one is to talk it should be of Krishna.. I don't think I can do this. Does this mean I can't talk about the newly born addition into my family? I cant speak to my Brother about the latest film that is out? Talk to my Mother about the problems I am having? Call my sister and let her know I still love her? To talk about football with my father when our team makes it to the superbowl? Most of my family would stop talking to me If all I did was speak about Krishna.
Is it bad to enjoy action films? For example my brother and I always goto the moivies together atleast once a month.. We are gonna see the new Movie 10,000 BC.. It has alot of action (violence) in it..
I'm not sure if I got this right.. The Body is maya.. this computer is maya?
Is love maya? What about Peacefulness, Joy, Goodness? are these maya as well?
Sometimes I pray at night for me to have a dream about Krishna.. I never do dream of him. However when I do cry out to him with a painfull heart something happens.. Its usually something small but just enough to let me know that he hears me.. Like tonight.. I was feeling like I just wanted to escape this life and cried out to him and then a comforting song would play on the radio.
I feel so alone here because I know of noone else who follows Krishna.. I wish I had some like minded people to hang out with.. to practice with.. I'm soooo alone..
I'm letting my Doctor know what I'm taking.. Ive already given her a list of Herbs that Ive been trying. So I am being careful.
As for symptoms.. I hear the voice of my previous Buddhist Lama and his wife.
They tell me how to run my life in everything I do.. From going to the bathroom to Books I read and well just about everything.
I have just recently been looking into alternative ways of treating my disease..
Ive been trying a few diff herbs and thye help a little.. Is there anything out there in the Ayurvedic Medicines for Schizophrenia?