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atma

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Everything posted by atma

  1. I AM CHINESE! Wai... I'm not a cook. an IT guy, or the owner of a laundromat I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. And I don't drive a souped up Civic. And I don't know Ping, Ming or Wing from Markham Although I'm certain they are very rice, I mean nice people. I use chopsticks not a fork I don't drive in a sidewalk. I believe in giving cash, not gifts And I pronounce it HELLO, not HERRO. I can proudly fly my country's flag on a tank during a massacre at Tianamen Square. Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk and Jet Li can kick Van Damme'back side anyday. China is the largest country in Asia The FIRST nation of Ping-Pong and the BEST remaining communist country!! My name is FONG!! AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM AMERICAN.... I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded or generally well-liked. I don't live in a clean place, I don't eat nutritiously very often, And I don't drive very well. I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg, Although I'm certain they weren't American. I drink beer...not good beer, I don't use utensils when eating I believe in guns for settling disputes, not discussions, And I pronounce it AIN'T not AREN'T I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack....until I go anywhere. Burger King IS fine dining. Cracker Jack IS a vegetable and WWF wrestling IS real. The United States IS the ONLY country in the world. the FIRST nation of ignorance, and the BEST part of South America!! My name is Johnny Bob Jimmy Joe Ray AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. I AM GREEK! I'm not a strip club owner, or run a restaurant. I don't live on Pape or Danforth. I don't eat souvlaki every night. And I don't drive a Volkswagon. And I don't frequent the race track or engage in other illegal betting activities. And I don't know Jimmy, Gus or George from The Danforth, Although I'm certain they're very very hairy people (especially on their backs) I drink ouzo...not beer I don't use utensils for baklava. I believe in open shirts and gold chains at weddings not ties. and YES I do smoke 4 packs of cigarretes everyday. I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the world cup...if they ever qualify. A gyro IS a sandwich, Tzatziki is NOT mayo, and Nana Miskouri IS the best singer of all time, Greece is the ONLY country..(censor, censor) the FIRST nation of...(censor, censor) and the BEST part of the Mediterranean!! My name is Nikos!!! AND I AM GREEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM PAKISTANI! Allo, I'm not a taxi driver, a variety store clerk or a gas station attendant. I don't go to fleamarkets, I don't worship elephants, And I don't eat with my hands. And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Brampton, although I'm certain they're very very smelly people. I eat roti...not pita. I don't only shower once a week, I believe in discounts, not full price. And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege. A turban is and article of clothing Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods And currie is a very tasty dish. Pakistan IS a third world country, the FIRST nation of cricket And the BEST part of the subcontinent!! My name is Ali!! AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. I AM CANADIAN (clears throat) Hey. I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader... and I don't live in an igloo or own a dogsled... or eat blubber. and I don't know, Jimmy, Sally or Joe from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice. I have a Prime Minister, not a President, I speak English and French, NOT American, and I pronounce it 'ABOUT' NOT 'A BOOT'. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peacekeeping, NOT policing. DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation. AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL. ATOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH, AND IT IS PRONOUNCE IT 'ZED' NOT "ZEE', 'ZED! CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA! MY NAME IS NATHAN!! AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!! I AM ITALIAN ciao.... I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school janitor. I don't live in a basement. I don't eat pasta every night. And I don't drive a Camaro. And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge, ALTHOUGH i'M CERTAIN THEY'RE VERY VERY HAIRY PEOPLE. I drink wine...not beer I don't use utensils for pizza. I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash. And I pronounce it ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the world cup Gelato is an ice cream Biscotti are cookies and Pavarotti IS the best of the 3 tenors. Italy IS the ONLY country shaped like footwear, the FIRST nation of soccer and the BEST part of Europe!!!! My name is Giuseppe!! AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! grazie.
  4. Yuck!!! Guys, you're so gross!
  5. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy and Wearable" What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women." What is the difference between men and E.T? E.T phoned home How do you know if a man is lying? His lips are moving. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than women? When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say. Why don't men have mid-life crisis? They stay stuck in adolescence. Why do bachelors like smart women? Opposites attract. Why only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell!
  6. Potatoes also came from the new world! JNdas pointed right that many vegetables and fruits are forbiden in rainy season because all the worms that get in them. Try to eat a guava during monsoon time or cut an eggplant without killing a worm!
  7. You have the right to dream.
  8. I think JNDas is upset because he didn't get any answer right.
  9. Men are like.......placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. Men are like.......mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like.......lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright. Men are like.......bike helmets. Handy in a emergency, but otherwise they just look silly. Men are like.......government bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like........copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. Men are like.......bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. Men are like.......high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
  10. I couldn't post a reply in that topic because of some problem with the server. Yesterday in Bhagavatam class the speaker said that in the 3rd Canto of the Bhagavatam said that only paramahansas and fools are happy. Anybody knows the sloka and the purport to that? I couldn't ask Maharaja about it because I was listening from the pujari room.
  11. Maybe if you contact Prahladananda Swami he may help with the names of the ayurvedic and homeophatic preventive medicines. he is really into health and has a newsletter about it. Anyone in COM can give you his e-mail. One of my friends died of malignant malaria in Calcutta (within 5 days). I don't want to scare Maitreya but I saw many devotees sick in Vrindavan with it. Personally in my 15 years in India I never got it, and usually I was very healthy. Just a couple of times knocking in some stranger's house in Navadwip asking for the toilet.
  12. I always thought that mushrooms were of 2 kinds, those for eating and the other ones for having hallucinations.
  13. I don't know if any of you ever noticed the old ladies in India that can't stand straight, they are completely bended. This happens because they have many children and breast-feed for long time and they don't get enough nutrition themselves. They don't have any calcium left in their bones. I support breast-feeding and I did it for my kids for over 2 1/2 years, but I think to do it more than 2 years is a little bit too much. The experience of breast feeding is very rewarding and the emotional bond with the baby is very strong. I think that's why it's difficult to stop it because mother and child become very dependant in each other.
  14. During Kartika, is a special day where brothers and sisters go and bathe together in the Yamuna River. Most of the people go to a ghat in Mathura. Yamuna and Yamaraja are brother and sister, children of Surya Dev, and it is said that Lord Yamaraja gives instructions to the Yamaduttas to not to approach the persons that bathe in the Yamuna in that auspicious day when they leave their bodies. Trying to get the mercy, we went to bathe in Vrindavan near Keshi Ghat. Our group was 5 women and 3 children. We tried to look for a suitable place but couldn't find any because it was full of the local men and we didn't want to bathe near them to avoid problems. Finally we decided to bathe in a spot very, very close where all the sewage (really disgusting) from the town was spilling in the Yamuna. It was the only deserted place. Offering prayers to Yamuna Devi and with full faith that everything will be all right, we entered her holy waters and when we took some water in our palms to offer back to her, to our delight and surprise we realized that the water smelled like chandan (sandalwood)We all got the same experience. From the materialistic point of view we were in the middle of sewage, but Yamuna Devi blessed us with her unconditional mercy. We didn't get sick, we got lots of mercy!! Yamuna Mayi Ki Jaya!!!
  15. That was very nice! What's the book's name? I was born and raised as a Roman Catholic and our church was run by the Franciscans. They were really nice and humble. They suppose to be vegetarian but I don't know if they follow that now. I heard that Srila Prabhupada said that St. Francis obtained Paramatma realization. Did you see the movie: "Brother Sun, Sister Moon", about St Francis and St Claire?
  16. Mwangi comes up to the Kenyan border on his bicycle. He has 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand" answered Mwangi. The guard says, "We'll just see about that...Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing but sand. He detains Mwangi overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Mwangi, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them into the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand" says Mwangi. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. he gives the sand back to Mwangi, and Mwangi crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every week for 3 years. Finally, Mwangi doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cafe in Nairobi. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Mwangi seeps his drink and says, "Bicycles."
  17. atma

    Ouch!!!

    The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists: two men and one woman (red-headed one) For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her." The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never kill my wife." The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried but I can't kill my wife." The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
  18. atma

    Funnnnny!

    OK guys, here goes one againts women (only blonde ones) A blonde puzzle. One morning, a blonde called her boyfriend and said, "please come over and help me. I have this awesome jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." her boyfriend asked, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde said, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's boyfriend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then he studies the box. He then turns to her and says, "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these pieces to look like the picture of that tiger.Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
  19. Dubai is not a country, is a city of the United Arab Emirates. Urchins can refer to sea animals but in India I always read it in the newspapers in reference to children, mostly mischiveous (how do you spell that?). What about, Dutchland and Unicorn?
  20. Actually I agree that when you're starving the choices are limited. This reminds me a true story: in the 70's a group of Uruguayans rugby players flew to Chile to play against their counterparts in Santiago. They flew in a small airplane with family members because they wanted to do Cristhmas shopping in addition to sport. The plane crashed in the Andes Mountains in between Chile and Argentina. Many of the people died but there were survivors. The rescue teams couldn't find them and they gave up because they knew that nobody could survive in that environment. Two months later, in February, a shepperd saw this 2 extrange looking men in the other side of the river. Somehow they got in contact and he called the police and the story came out that were around 14 (I don't remember exact details) survivors of that crush. For over 2 months they ate the flesh of the dead people. Because it was cold, the meat didn't descompose. They had a system to get the most nutritious parts of the body. To not get so emotionally disturbed (remember, mothers, sisters, friends were the dead) when they were cutting the meat, they covered the faces and most of the body and they didn't know whose flesh they were eating. They went through lots of trauma afterwards because they were Roman Catholics and they had the conviction that in the day of Resurrection the same bodies would arise from the dead for the Final Judgement. When you're starving the instinct of conservation prevails! What about people that know we're not this body? Would you do it? Is a movie about this, it's called: "Alive."
  21. Polygamy is not encouraged because increase sex desire. More women the guy has more sex he'll have. Another issue are the children, how much attention he can pay to 29 children? (like the guy in the report) It is not conducive to spiritual life. In the past was allowed if the men were wealthy and potent enough to satisfy the wives. You want the women happy, otherwise they'll make your life hell! Another thing that come to my mind is that now in Asia that is so common the killing of the female embryo, the ratio of men and women population is changing drastically. There are more men than women in Asia and that will create lots of problems. Maybe the women will have more that one husband in the future.
  22. atma

    Punctuation

    Just having fun. That's it. Pure and plain fun!
  23. Give me a break Gauracandra! You started everything with your "childish, inmature and sexist" joke. Even recognized that "I guess that pretty much sums me up." Now you're saying that you like what Shvu's saying: "Men are not retaliating because are noble, mature, thoughtful and considerate." Tell you the truth, I think you can't do any better! Think, guys, think!
  24. atma

    Name Game

    A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is not longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "oh no, not my brother...he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girls name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I ws wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."
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