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Everything posted by atma

  1. An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing," on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote:"Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
  2. atma


    I guess I offended someone's sensitivities with the joke about the 2 nuns. Sorry guys!
  3. If you ever need information in Vrindavan, is a couple that manage the Gift Shop in the Krsna-Balarama temple. His name is Laksmana (italian) and his wife's name is Uttara (indian). They know everything that is there to know (practical matters) He used to do one day Vrindavan parikrama and the next day Govardhan parikrama, and during Kartika, every day Govardhan parikrama. Really nice people. Feel good to remember them.
  4. Something that I just remember. Last Kartika we went por parikrama to Govardhan with a devotee who came to India for the first time. We knew that for her was no problem to walk many miles because she is a firefighter from San Diego and was fitter than the other 3 of us together. Everything went very smooth, going after Mangal Aratik and in good conciousness. Walking and chanting, avoiding prajalpa and the monkeys we reached the area where you turn and we were very close to Govardhan.Trying to catch up with her, we were a little bit behind and we saw 3 dogs standing in a door. The moment that our friend passed them they started howling and my Bengali friend inmediately said: "That is so inauspicious". We continued walking and we were so happy to see this beautiful area with many trees, peacocks, monkeysand beautiful Govardhan to our right. Our Californian friend saw a beautiful, majestic white bull and she stopped to take a picture of him with Govardhan as background. She started to take the camera out and all the paraphernalia and while she was kneeling doing that, the dogs came to her and to our surprise (she wasn't paying attention to them) they started to circumbalate her and all of the sudden one of them lifted its leg and passed urine on her!! Now, tell me, what was that? We couldn't stop laughing for a long time and our friend took it very well. She thought that in a previous life she did something to that soul that she had to come all the way from California to get piss by a dog in Govardhan. Maitreya, beware of the dogs that circumbalate!
  5. atma


    My favorite places in Vraja are Govardhan Hill and Sri Radha Kunda. To go in parikrama there is pure nectar. The first time I did the parikrama I did the mistake of going with a big group and we took so many hours that at the end I just wanted for everything to finish as soon as possible. After that every year for Kartika I just went with 2 or 3 devotees, very early in the morning and everything was much better, because we didn't have to walk at noon when gets really hot. Normally we took a book with us with the description and pastimes of the different places and from time to time we sat down to read. At the end we used to finish in Radha Kunda (fron where we started) and have the holiest bath ever. I recommend Govardhan Parikrama as one of the most rewarding spiritual experiences.
  6. Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A: We don't know; it has never happened. Q: Why are married women heavier than single women? A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A: Put the remote control between his toes. Q: What did God say after creating Eve? A: "Practice makes perfect." Man says to God: " God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her" "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you" What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature!!!
  7. atma


    Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them. Atma.
  8. ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee= production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who fins such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. MEMORY Any married manshould forget his mistakes: there is no use in two people remembering the same thing. APPEARANCE Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting that he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  9. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. he said, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, combined with horrible stress. if you don't do the following, your husband can die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch, fix him a nutritious meal. For dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your stress; this will probably make him feel worse. And most importantly, you must be intimate with your husband every day of the week. If you can do that for at least 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say to you?" "You are going to die."
  10. Lucky you that you're going to the Holy Dhama! Don't worry too much. I'd seen foreigners that don't even drink charanamrit thinking that they'll get sick because of the water used or don't take bath in the Yamuna thinking that She is polluted. Those are the ones that get sick all the time! Just don't eat too much. I would be careful with malaria though. There are some good ayurvedic and homeophatic preventive medicines that I hope someone can help with the names. Get your mosquito net and citronella and you'll be more or less OK. The mosquitoes are so smart that wait for some blood in the showers and toilets. Just relax and get ready for the mercy that is waiting for you. Atma.
  11. I know a lady that cured breast cancer with urine therapy. The doctors in the West after she came back from India couldn't believe it. She went to one of these Ayur Vedic clinics in South India where they take nice care of the patients. As JNDas said you should drink lots of water and have a very simple diet with fresh fruits and vegetables. Became a fashion for the devotees in Vrindavan to start drinking their own urine. Emphasis in the early morning one. I may do it only if I'm desesperate. Atma.
  12. WOMEN Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want the best for their family, their friends and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show you how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with. MEN Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders.
  13. Top 10 Reasons Eve Was Created 10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew that Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. 7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself. 6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone! And the reason #1 why God created Eve... 1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, " I can do better than that!"
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