bhaktashab Posted February 25, 2002 Report Posted February 25, 2002 From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things people actually said in court word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you have forgotten? Q: what gear were you in at the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son - the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Q: Do you know if your daughter has been involved with some form of occult or voodoo? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: When you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes Q: Did the defendant say anything as she got out of her car? A: Yes Sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision? Q: You were there until you left. Is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? CLERK: Please repeat after me: "I swear by almighty God." WITNESS: "I swear by almighty God." CLERK: "That the evidence I give." WITNESS: That's right. CLERK: Repeat it. WITNESS: "Repeat it." CLERK: No! Repeat what I said. WITNESS: What you said when? CLERK: "That the evidence I give." WITNESS: "That the evidence I give." CLERK: "Shall be the truth and." WITNESS: It will and nothing but the truth. CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and." WITNESS: I'm not a scholar you know. CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and." WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and." CLERK: Say "Nothing." WITNESS: Okay (Witness remains silent.) CLERK: No. Don't say nothing. Say "Nothing but the truth." WITNESS: Yes CLERK: Well, do so. WITNESS: You're confusing me. CLERK: Just say "Nothing but the truth." CLERK: Yes. WITNESS: Okay, I understand. CLERK: Then say it. WITNESS: What? CLERK: "Nothing but the truth." WITNESS: But I do! That's just it! CLERK: You must say "Nothing but the truth." WITNESS: I will say nothing but the truth. CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But", "The","Truth". WITNESS: What you mean like now? CLERK: Yes! Now, please. Just say those four words. WITNESS: Nothing. But. The. Truth. CLERK: Thank you. WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at the time? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to the deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm. Q: And Mr Denington was dead at the time? A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: You were not shot in the fracas? A: No, I was shot mid-way between the fracas and the navel. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, was it possible that the patient was still alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient been still alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. Quote
gHari Posted February 25, 2002 Report Posted February 25, 2002 A guy could die from laughing at that last one. Quote
Tarun Posted February 26, 2002 Report Posted February 26, 2002 After frog dissection I avoided Biology. Where's the Fracas? Quote
bhaktashab Posted March 1, 2002 Author Report Posted March 1, 2002 Originally posted by Tarun: After frog dissection I avoided Biology. Where's the Fracas? Fracasn. a noisy disturbance or fight; uproar. Quote
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