Pankaja_Dasa

If it wasn't for nehru India would maybe still be under british rule.! I saw this movie on Tv, he worked hard and tried to build an army but his plane crashed, not sure what happened after that. I think visited places all over the world. I think he was married to a British Women:)

I am actually not initiated anymore. I never surrendered to Gurudeva. After 3 years I hardly chanted or followed the principles after 3 years. I did nothing to serve Him, except pretend to preach on the internet. He rejected me in a way I cannot say on-line ( mainly because nobody would believe me), I know I am unfortunate because I had Pure Guru, but I think PERSONALLY, I was bound to make this mistake. I still think He helped me. And strangly I always always attracted to Srila Narayana Maharaja even though I had Bhakti Vaibhava Puri Maharaja as my Guru. I am glad He rejected a fool like me. I would never learned my lesson otherwise. Now I am trying to get back on track and not make same mistake again. I am not thinking about initiation, but to see and goto India, and just go there basically. I have to say that I did some really bad things like swearing at Krishna and even Nityananda, and at Muslims and Qu'ran etc. I am trying to change now. And I found out that I need to respect. But not easy for me. Krishna gave me so many chances to serve Guru, but I always rejected, but still Guru helps me, sorry if i sound sentiMENTAL or anything. I don't want sympathy, or forgiveness. I want to redeem myself and serve HUMBLY. And really this time try to actually be serious which I was not. It's not easy admitting to myself I was never serious. And i nearly went to a mental hospital in the process. I have to say the mind is a total devil. It says things to you. Anyway, I still Guru picture but mosly in my mind. I think Gurudeva already knew about this, because I was guided to goto Narayana Maharaja even before this happened. That's the mercy of my Gurudeva ki jai!

I don't consider my Godbrothers and Prabhupada disicples different Babhru Prabhu gave me this advice before!

I don't either. Pains me a lot to admit it. But I do anyway, today I thought Oh forget chanting I WILL DO IT TOMMOROW. I thought to myself, you ****er not again. I always say tommorow. But I did them, sometimes I can't believe I actually chanted. Feels good to get it done, I struggle everyday with my ownself. I always say tommorow I wil do this and that but never do. After long time I admitted defeat and said would do 4 in front of Tulasi devi ji. It does feel good though. We all in it together, not a compitition to see whos chanting the best. Godbrothers. Just thinking about 16 scares the hell out of me lol. 4's cool for me. I think Babhu prabhu told me this a year ago, but I didn't take his advice now I wish I had.

16 but i stopped and only thing I can do is 4! I hope to do 16 later on in the year. Better to chant then to not chant a senior Vaishnava said to me which I keep the advice with me.

16 is still too much for me, maybe in future I will. I want to do 4 rather then be forced to do 16. When I feel I WANT to do 16 then I will do it.

8th Post. To me. If God asks me on judgement day, what I did, I would probably say, were you not paying attention?

No no I said 4,

Better off chanting 16 rounds etc and see if that changes situation. I don't:smash: think you'll become a millianaire or aquire a big house. Or have a nice perfect family situation. I thought it would for me, but everybody, EVERYBODY has problems. That's what life's about. I think if everything was perfect (what's that(?), that you never ague with your parents or sisters. I don't think i ever heard such nonsence as somebody who never argues with somebody. I only chant 4 rounds a day, and follow some principles. I find my anger rises a lot (because I have to do it), I am forcing myself. Sometimes I take my anger out on my parents. ANd sometimes I think I'll forget about chanting. But I started for a good reason so I wonder sometimes why I think I should stop? Must me the Guru in my mind (that ****in bastard) lol. I will be happy if i do 4 everyday, maybe in future I will do 16, good luck don't die just yet.

Here you go, Guruvani Prabhuji. http://www.archive.org/details/Bhaktivedanta-Swami-Prabhupada026

Rules can't be any more simple... I'll type '1', next post types 2, next is 3 and so on, until whoever gets the 20th post wins

tO mOOOOVE TO THE OTHER SIDE.

Jaya Prabhupada!

Parents?

Hare Krishna, Glad your Back. Dandavats. Hare is the vocative for Hara. Hara is the form of addressing the energy of the Lord. - To my humble understanding, means that it goes together, Hare Krishna.

Prabhu, I heard once that intelligence is no understanding. And mind. It can't understand God. It comes from the soul. When I read Bg I used to try to understand it with my I and mine. But doesn't work. What you said was 100%, in Islam they amaganate the mind and intelligence and direct the ego (I) to God. I don't come here so much as my ego goes a bit high. I am so glad I don't use my mind and intelligence so much anymore (LOL). One Godbrother said to me the mind is very tricky, it says things it don't know. Ps. I want to say sorry to Guruvani p in case I offended in the past.

I'll try to. Hare Krishna, Dandavats

+oooooooooooooo passport expired

Sorry over years i came and offended. I'm not chanting and make excuse. And i got ego. I love you all, i hope you can meet me one day. I meet you lot. And i hope that time I am practising and happy. Hare Krishna.

I'll do some nama before I go, should be better. Clear my head!! Chant and sleep. ...

I promise to book ticket. I hope to stay for a very long time (i really really hope I can and am able), living in an asharam and get serious. And get desire. My Passport is up to date (i didn't check but I think it is, it better be!). I want to be away from my circumstances, and be happy for once. It's for 1 month, but well that can change. I don't have anything to come back to, so I'm not really bothered about coming back to Uk. Wish me luck. ! I'm born here as indian, and become really sense gratifier. So hope I can be more pure. I don't have any association back in the Uk. And i always never chant, or do anything almost like a Sahajiya. And I just wanna do the right thing. And make my Guru proud of me, maybe. Bye for now. I'm actually really despressed and morose. So I am going in a right state. And my Faith is almost nill. 'O'. Send me your blessings!!. Otherwise I can't be happy. Sometimes because I am indian I feel it's easy for me, but for strange reason it's not. Anyway I have problems doing it. And I need to respect devotees more. And be more friendly, (to get love you gotta give love), I wish really really wish, devotees would not be so controlling. It really kills your self-esteem to an unbleievale rate. And it has made me a nervous wreak. Please show more love. I don't mean to offend by saying this. But it makes me into a pretender. I am pretending to be, when it should be natural. We're all in together, even on a forum don't change. It effects me, because I see I am talking with devotees. I never think that I'm talking to some person on other side of the World. I am senstive that this is a devotee. And when somebody is harsh with me, it effects me. Because I love devotees. Anyway, sorry for any offence I did (i did many x10000). I have no Bhakti to speak of. Please bless me to become humble. Oh yeah I'm going in 3 weeks on flight with some devotees (who i don't know), damn I wish I was not so depressed. Guru arraged this. So I just listened. So I guess I have to go! Hariboooooooooooool!

Non of my business, because I am not in Iskcon. I still respect because they are at least madhayama, at +, i can't really see whos advanced. Even if I hear, I can't tell. So I just follow sastra and respect. Best way .

Yeah when I watch Tv, i think how it work, I think I know. It broadbasts. Anyway the reason I asked is because I want a machine invented (for my own personal use of course), so I can transport to Vraj. (in India).

What is it and how does it work anybody know? Just imagine I wanted to go to a place somewhere far away. How scientifically could you invent it? Like if you have a mystic power to transport to any place, you can magic yourself. How would you make it? I mean how exactly does this power work? How does a person go from one place to another mystically? What is the science for this mystic? You know what I am asking!

Is Gurus in Iskcon Uttama-adikari. If not they are Madhyama-adikari? So they not actually Gurus in true sence. Guru means like something high. Most Guru Iskcon, (i have no idea why), are trying but they not 'Uttama', I feel this is the greatest injustice to the human race (not just Iskcon), what will you gain by offering your respect to them? They not like Prabhupada. They should be respect for thier position, don't make a joke out of it. That;s how I feel anyway, I don't know what goes on thier. I wish they would stop the farcical Guru worship as well. They should direct it at Prabhupada. They are offending Krishna at every step.