Guest guest Report post Posted December 21, 2003 Haribol everyone, I need some advice from anyone about something I am going through. I am a devotee married to a non devotee. He is convinced that I am being brainwashed and that I am brainwashing our kids because I gave them little cymbals to play with and a sticker with krishna on it. He says "they have already sucked me in" and I am working on "brainwashing our kids too". My problem is that I get VERY defensive about it and get really angry with him. I know that is totally the wrong reaction, but I have such a love and desire to serve krishna that I hate to hear anyone say anything bad towards it. He thinks that me getting defensive like that is just proof that I am brainwashed and I hate that, because we all know thats not the case. Can anyone give me some advice on a better way to react to someone, especially a spouse who is so blatently against Krishna in your life? Hare Krishna and thank you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gHari 0 Report post Posted December 21, 2003 Just talk about God. He will either reveal himself a complete atheist or he will soften up. You need to engage him in thinking about God; then he will not be so *%*^%. Call his bluff: is it Krsna he hates or is it God he hates? Engage him in his own religion. When his heart softens, then he can see the truth. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cRimAl 0 Report post Posted December 21, 2003 I would like to give you some advice but unfortunately my marriage didn't survive my passion for krishna consciousness. I'm not gonna go in all the details here but I will say that another person was then send to me that understand me completely...we are now looking into spending the weekends at the temple to help out and the future looks very krishan concsiouss indeed. Actually, I do have some advice: show your kids and your husband the beauty of krishna concsiousness instead of the doctrination people alwats choose to see...show him how it can uplift people's spirit and turn them into better people. And if he really keeps putting you down then please ask krishna what you should do as He will always guide you. Radhe Radhe cRimAl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kulapavana 0 Report post Posted December 21, 2003 just be very, very patient with him. if he sees that both you and your kids enjoy Krishna Consciousness he will develop some appreciation for it, but it may take a very long time. Tolerance goes both ways: if you cant tolerate his ignorance, he won't tolerate your spirituality. bring him some good prasadam, that works even with very dense people... /images/graemlins/wink.gif Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livingentity 0 Report post Posted December 21, 2003 how long have you been practising Krishna Consciousness? This is a very very common response by a loved one when someone first starts to show their love for Krishna. It is based on fear of losing that person. Show compassion for your spouse - he is afraid right now. Show him all the beauty of Krishna - happiness, love etc. When you start to feel the passion of anger arising - start to silently chant. There is great power in the Holy Names which are none other than Krishna Himself. Take it slow around him - slow and easy is the key with someone with these fears. Obviously, he has only heard horror cult stories so his reaction is normal. Time is answer and Krishna is time. I know from experience what you are going through. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted December 21, 2003 Thank you everyone for the responses. I know I need to have patience with him, it is just hard when something you believe in so strongly is attacked. This morning I was doing an incense offering and he came in after I was done and I had candles lit and my incense and he says ;what are you doing in here a sacrifice or something? Is there a goat head under the table or something?" That is what I am dealing with daily! I know I am just going to have to go to krishna and ask him to guide me. Thank you everyone for your support! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted December 21, 2003 humour him, role your eyes and ask him if he has ever heard of india,or hindusim,or yoga,or buddhism, tell him the goat head only comes out on special occasions,play george harrisons music,show him this website http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Atlantis/3425/page336.htm get him to learn,he needs to see that you are part of a popular culture not just a cult, if he is worth having in your life he should respect you,if not,why bother ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted December 22, 2003 in my opinion to be a devotee means to chant hare krishna... so if you can chant hare krishna without problems please avoid all the other "marginal" things like candles, incenses, pictures, music, indian paraphernalia and even deities adoration and so on. Every quarrel made for a thing that is not your right to chant hare krishna is almost a waste of energy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livingentity 0 Report post Posted December 22, 2003 My rule of thumb for myself has been that if I know that a person will react in an offensive manner towards something that I am doing for Guru or Krishna then I do not do this in front of that person. My opinion (for the little that it is worth) is that by knowingly causing someone to create offenses to the Supreme Lord is both bad for them and to you since you knew how they would probably react. We should be careful about creating this offense. So until your spouse, family, friends or whoever soften up then it is best all around to not intice them into offensive behavior. Talk to them, soften their hearts. One little way that I do this is to tell them about a pastime I may have just read of Lord Krsna's. Above all, don't argue. Chant, chant, chant. Number nine of the ten offenses to the Holy Names: 9. To instruct a faithless person about the glories of the Holy Name. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gauracandra 1 Report post Posted December 22, 2003 There are situations in life when we realize that we can't control the world. Its probably best not to try and convince your husband. Instead, make progress yourself, and the happiness you exhibit should be convincing in itself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted December 22, 2003 in my opinion to be a devotee means to chant hare krishna... so if you can chant hare krishna without problems please avoid all the other "marginal" things like candles, incenses, pictures, music, indian paraphernalia and even deities adoration and so on. So records with bhajans on it can be considered marginal ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yasodanandana 0 Report post Posted December 22, 2003 according to this time, this place and this circumstance definitely YES!! if one can chant his mahamantra rounds keeping peace in the family with the hope, sooner or later, to bring everyone to krsna consciousness with his behaviour and example, there's no need to put on quarrels for playing bhajan, lighting incense and so on. chanting hare krishna contains all the practices of krsna consciousness... sravanam (=hearing bjakan) is surely included, chanting is a bhajan!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ancient_paztriot 0 Report post Posted December 22, 2003 I think I agree with Gauracandra here. The situation sounds nearly impossible to me. Alot of good answers here though. People need to be encouraged - not riddiculed and harrassed - when they begin their Krsna consciousness. Even demons should have peace in their own homes. What a mess. There is a bright side: There would be alot more messes like these if the devotees were spreading the KC movement. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cRimAl 0 Report post Posted December 23, 2003 "according to this time, this place and this circumstance definitely YES!! if one can chant his mahamantra rounds keeping peace in the family with the hope, sooner or later, to bring everyone to krsna consciousness with his behaviour and example, there's no need to put on quarrels for playing bhajan, lighting incense and so on." chanting hare krishna contains all the practices of krsna consciousness... sravanam (=hearing bjakan) is surely included, chanting is a bhajan!! I don't get that...I would say that in this time and age listening to bhajans is something that we should do. Myself, I really don't want to listen to much else except for bhajans because all the rest takes my mind to different places that I don't want it to go to. Music influences you so why not listen to something that infuences you positively. And yes, chanting hare krishna is a bhajan but I don't think that in this 'time and age' it is possible for everyone to chant the whole time...not everyone is living in a temple... So yes, during the day I like to listen to bhajans, during lunch at work i listen to bhajans and it relaxes my mind... I do agree with you that behaviour can also change people around you but I don't see why listening to bhajans or lighting incense would be 'marginal'. Hare Krishna CrimAl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yasodanandana 0 Report post Posted December 23, 2003 we have to be practical.... someone is living in environments where listening devotional music is simply not possible or it is like a declaration of war for the people surrounding him and if we make this war with relatives, friends, wifes, husbands, work colleagues it becomes impossible to bring them in a future in krsna consciousness and maybe these quarrels make our mind less controlled and peaceful for the purpose to chant attentively the hare krishna mahamantra so chanting is essential... hearing recorded bhajans, in comparison, is marginal or even, in some circumstances, as i said above, harmful for chanting... very simple (at the moment of initiation one is requested to chant rounds not to listen cassettes or cds) •••••••• "I would say that in this time and age listening to bhajans is something that we should do. " me too!!!... but we cannot make wars for it, otherwise it is bad for chanting, that's much more important and essential Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cRimAl 0 Report post Posted December 23, 2003 Very true. Anyways, I was just wondering why these things would be considered as being 'marginal'. I see now that you were talking about the 'guests' case in particular. Though i must say: I agree with you that was is not what we should be after BUT here I will also ask: have you ever lived together with a person that mocks KC, that makes you feel bad about who and what you are ? That's also war, a mental war and a very harsh one indeed. i'm not at all advicing persons to go to war with their husband cause I know at least three couples where only one person is a devotee and it works...the thing is, if there's no mutual respect then it just won't work and then I don't think that the devotee should ignore him/her own feelings and wishes. Afterall, it's beneficial for a person to go on the path of KC, so why throw away something beneficial ? I do agree that quarrels will make your mind like an ocean during a hurricane but avoiding them at all costs is also not the way to go in my humble opinion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yasodanandana 0 Report post Posted December 23, 2003 " have you ever lived together with a person that mocks KC, that makes you feel bad about who and what you are ?" •••••ehem... yes.. i lived with my parents 'til 24 years.. when i went living in the temple they sended to me some DEPROGRAMMERS to kidnap me... and they did it!! so i understand what you are saying, that there's a point (extremely rare and dangerous) where's better not to make compromises and maybe to stop living with people, family and so on... i know also that we are speaking without knowing well the circumstances... but my opinion remains that a devotee is one who chants regularly the holy name.. in this respect hearing bhajans is not ESSENTIAL and even, IN COMPARISON, respecting regulative principles or other regulations. in my experience of knowing devotees from 20 years i ofteen see these battles for (in an hostile family) keeping deities, listening devotional recordings, putting pictures in the wall, wearing tilak, coming out dressed in dhoti or sari for going to sunday feast and so on, lighting incenses, stopping sex with the husband/wife, quarrelling for cola, coffee, tea, mushrooms, onions, garlic and so on... i see these battles ending after some months with the practitioneer stopping to chant hare krishna and associating with vaishnavas with the families in a more demoniac attitude and with a more bad relationship with the poor silly fellow plagiarized for a while by the harekrishna sect .. and more often i see the opposite with people not shocking the family and humbly chanting hare krishna for years in a family who was keeping all the "karmi" behaviour... there's often a moment when the "demons" (inspired by krsna who is living in their house in the form of chanting) come to the temple, gradually they make friends with devotees, gradually they became devotees maybe stronger of the one who brought them... we have had these families for karma... we have responsabilities , they're not simply and obstacle. (of course i am simply expressing my ideas on the subject not objecting to you) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Indradyumna_das 0 Report post Posted December 23, 2003 I am prayed to Gurudev for you. I hope they will help you and the problem will be solved soon. ys Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cRimAl 0 Report post Posted December 24, 2003 (of course i am simply expressing my ideas on the subject not objecting to you) I understand, and the idea's or feelings rather that I was expressing were ofcourse based on experiences from my own life. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cRimAl 0 Report post Posted December 24, 2003 Apparentely this already got discussed here. http://www.audarya-fellowship.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=hinduism&Number=64906&Forum=All_Forums&Words=Sunanda&Match=Username&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Old=allposts&Main=64890&Search=true#Post64906 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted December 24, 2003 you can't change someone they have to want to change you might have to go your seperate ways (choose an eternal relationship with god, or a temporary relationship with ....) i know how it is to feel like something is being forced upon you, something foreign and unknown you have to realize you may never get him to agree with you and he may never take to k.c. how will this affect the kids? all the rituals and such are not necessary to love krishna a dhoti or sari is not gonna take you back to godhead, it's what's in your heart that matters everything else is marginal Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
