The Secrets of Women's Language

[Guest guest]

The Secrets of Women's Language - A must-read for any man

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Keywords and their meanings:

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"Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we

are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how

woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

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"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes

that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so

it's an even trade.

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"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"

is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you

inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an

argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

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"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in

a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

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"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want

because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a

few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in

about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

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<Loud Sigh>: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal

statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are

an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here

and arguing with you over "Nothing".

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<Soft Sigh>: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are

one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content.

Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

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"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me

get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night."

If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes

out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.

"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a

lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised

eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring

ourselves to write about them.

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"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can

say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard

before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.

"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with

a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has

plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

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"Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you

the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing

whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth,

so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

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"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.

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"Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say,

"Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you

have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh".

Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only

tell you "Nothing".

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I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

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[atma 0]

So true!

Still I don't think the guys will get it.

[Tarun 6]

I got it. And you can keep it.

[amanpeter 0]

It's of no value unless you know what to do with it after you've got it. Get it, guys?

 

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No offense meant to anyone...