love

[sarah_lou23 0]

Hey my name is Sarah my boy friend of 13 months split up with me the other day and I was very upset. He is a Hindu and I’m English, his mum is very strong on religion and says that he isn’t allowed a girl at all so for a white girl like me is just out of the question. The reason he split up with me is because his mum found out that we were boy friend girl friend and told him to decide between having me or her, he is very close to his mum and keeps in the religion and as any person would he choose his mum and family and I’m not mad at him for his choice if I was him I would of done the same thing.

He has tried to tell his mum that we weren’t going out before but when she found out he was lying she tried to kill herself as I thought that god wanted her on this earth and that she was deceiving god by trying to kill herself. I’m sorry if I got that wrong.

My question is, is there any hope of us getting back together I love Karan with all my heart, and I’m broken to pieces that we can't be together, one of my friends said maybe writing his mum a letter may help but I don’t know the answer from a Hindu’s point of view what do you all think? I was scared of this happening from the start and now that it has I don’t know what to do.

Please give me some direction and I’m sorry this is so long and if I get my facts wrong. Tell me the truth if I should give up on him then tell me. Thank you

[barney 0]

Dear Sara,

 

I feel for you and know what it means to break off due to religious difference and parents demand. But when you fell in love with a Hindu boy, you should be prepared to face his parents wrath. Most Hindus are conservative but a few are orthodox. The orthodox Hindus do not wish to see their sons or daughters being married to an outsider and are cast conscious too.

 

This boyfriend of yours that you have mentioned must be from the orthodox family and he should have known better than to allow your friendship to develope too far. Anyway, you have an option that is you must learn more about the Hindu religion and speak to his mother and promise her that you will not take away her son by changing his faith into Christianity or any other religion. Promise her that you will be loyal to him and his religion and that you will learn to respect the Hindu faith. May be by doing so she will realize that you are not an enemy but a new found daughter. All mothers are possessive of their sons and that is natural in all HIndu families including mine. I fell in love with a Eurasian girl 34 years ago and her parents objected to our union but I went by the law.

 

She was 21 and we had the right to make our own choice and I assured my mother that I will not convert my religion as my wife to be was willing to embrace my faith. It's now been a wonderful 30 years and we are still deeply in love with each other. If your love is strong than it will not fail. If you are destined to be his companion for the rest of his life than no one can stop that not even his possessive mother. Pray and go to Mother Durga's temple and ask for her help and I assure you if you're sincere in your thought she will help you.

[Sephiroth 0]

I notice you said your boyfriend is Hindu and you are English. You didn't address your religion. Are you a Christian?

 

Main story here is - the Mother of the boy WILL NOT want his son leave her and her religion. To many Hindus, the last rites is performed by the son and if he leaves her, she has no one else to take care of her. So it is correct - he has to choose between her and you.

 

Secondly, the boy made several mistakes :

 

1. He lied to his mother - BAD mistake. The blame most likely be on you because no mother could want to admit her son is a liar on purpose.

 

2. He seems not taking any positive approach - forcing the mother to threaten to commit suicide. He (not you) who should sit down and talk to her nicely.

 

3. You MUST make a decision - are you willing to leave whatever religion you have now and become a Hindu? Yes or No.

 

If Yes - make the commitment. If No - consider your relationship is over and get on with your life. Asking us about Hindu point of view is illogical question ... the point you should consider is what you willing to give.

 

Thank You.

[Guest guest]

Dear Sarah:

 

There is nothing wrong in falling in Love. It is human to fall in Love. Most "religious" people do not know what love is, they just talk about sins, karma, Darma, puppets etc.etc.... Yes, it is very emotional and there are good and bads. Our God loves us so much He has given the Grace, the freedom to be on our own. Only in freedom we find Love. Love is active, dynamic, pulsatile and vibrant and it is LIFE. It does bring some good and some bad. With the God given freedom it is YOU to ask yourself what is the wise thing to do ( "The Best Question ever asked" by Andy Stanley ). Please do some research in the different cultures and decide what is best for you. I pray for you. God always loves us and we are not his "puppets" any more.

Best of luck............KT

[maadhav 0]

inter-religion marriage cause problems when both sides are serious about religion.

 

if you love him,

accept his religion hinduism.

be a serious hindu, and let his mom know you are serious.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Sarah,

pray to God with all your heart for the best possible resolution. if you know (and he does too), that the relationship is a long term one, then it seems to be the best option to speak to liase with the mother through him. if you decide to embrace hinduism (and please dont look at it in a secular way), then it will be best to study yoganandas material, as he was driven both by the bible as well as hindu scripture. be aware though, that the wife's commitment to the husband in hinduism means that family will become central to your world. be prepared for a culture shock. i also do not think it is fair that the mother blackmail the son with suicide. this was never a true part of our faith, and all this traditional rubbish seems to be besides the point. it's up to the boy to take a stand for his own life. sarah, be aware that if he loves you as much as you love him, he will find a way to solve it with his mother. he should do the talking and not you. make sure he pacifies her, and does not instigate or incite argument.

[Guest guest]

I think you have to first see Karan as a person

a) whom you love

b) who is in need of help

 

The help he requires is to handle his mom and not become a victim of his mom's demands. Maybe he requires to realise that his mom needs urgent help. Karan has to realise that merely understanding what his mom expects of him and living by it is NOT going to keep his mom happy at all.

 

So as is adviced to you already you can only help Karan, and it's upto him to deal with his mom.

[Guest guest]

I am surprised by you guys responding to this girl this way,i thought pre marital sex is a sin as per our religion and you are not mentioning that to her(i presume since she said they have been bfriend,gfriend im sure they had intimacy).

Why havent anyone pointed that out?

[sarah_lou23 0]

heya thank you so much for your replies.

i don't want to give up on this guy, i really do love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. thank you so much 'barney' by telling me about you and your wife!

you just give me that little bit of hope that this relationship could work, and i really do hope it does, as i don't just wnt to throw away the year i spent with an amazing guy, it sounds like you lot do want me to at least talk to someone of the hindu religion to try and find out a bit more about it and how it really works, could one of you help me? i heard that when Sikhs (sp?) fall in love something like there souls are as one and they believe that thats the way its suppose to be, is that right? is there anything like that i could say to his mum? i dont want to say something that will make her hate me completly and make the situation worse for both of us because thats what Karan thiks would happen but right now i dont think it could get worse. were not talking because he wants to see if it helps by not talking to each other every night like we use to. i have cried every day since we split up as i dont seem to understand i dont know if i ever will, just the fact that we split up because of something that didnt happen between us but his religion and i was always hoping that wouldnt come between us and now it has the outcome is worse then what i thought /images/graemlins/frown.gif i just dont knwo where to turn i dont even know what to say to him even if we do talk apparently we can just be friends but going from everything to almost nothing is going to hurt me so bad, i dont think i can do anything without Karan he is my world and he understadns me completly about my relaitonship problems i have with my parents and everything he was always there to talk to. sorry im just rambling on now. thank you so much!

[barney 0]

Yes, it is a sin if seen by all. What happens in close doors between two lovers is no business of ours. It is between GOD and them. Our religion forbids it but at the same time kama sastra and tantric encourages it. So, lets us not worry about what had happened between them in close door. She ask for help and we do whatever we can to help her. Why must you think of sex instead of finding ways to help the couple unite. Lets us not think of the human body and the pleasure it gets out of it but think of the two souls wanting to be united as one like SHIVA and SAKTHI or RADHE and KRISHNA.

 

 

[Guest guest]

O if killing someone happens behind closed doors it is also none of our business?What a hypocritical view this is.I dont care what happens between them behind closed doors,but this forum is a Hinduism forum and all rules here are the same for anyone,i remember someone else was talking about pre marital relationship earlier and everyone here were telling it was wrong,now that a foreigner is letting her problems known u all support her and try to help her,i dont cant comment on anyone helping them but it has to be clear whether the laws apply to one and all.

[Guest guest]

Dont compare 2 horny people to Shiva or Shakti or Krishna or Radha,i thought their love is different to the modern day so called Love and relationship where everything is based on lies and deciet,like in this case as well.

If this was the love like Shiva or Shakti then there wont be lieing and all the self inflicted Drama.

[Guest guest]

It's good to respond to what's written, than as JUDGED. So it's less about foriegner. I think you should not take the liberty to judge even if it's your next door neigbour or a indian.

 

Hinduism does not teach how to judge, develop doubts, perceive suspiction, and then seek tons of assurance from outside world. If you have been in a habit of doing all this and receiving tons of assurance from other people, then ofcourse you should have the arrogance to speak of rules. Right. You are liberty to doubt, make assumptions etc.

[Guest guest]

Ya but that doesnt answer what i asked at all,i asked is premarital sex not a sin and just because it occured close doors doesnt justify it.No one here is remembering what they had said a while ago in such a case and now that it was considered differently i put forth my views,ya i might not judge someone cause of their race,but its not them i mentioned about.I pointed out about double standard in the answers to this particular User.If u still dont understand what i mean read my prev 2 messages..

[barney 0]

Dear Guest,

 

What would it bring if you get too heated up over something that had not hurt you or anyone else. Hinduism does to encourage premaritlal sex nor would any parents would condone sucg an act. But as all things are natural and comes spontaneously between two lovers cant't be taken as act of sin. Any sexual act commited against each others freewill is a sin but than one has to face the consequence of such an act if discovered by parents concerned. It is a private matter and we do not have the right to question. We are not keepers of love birds.

 

You sound like those fanatical Muslim and Hindus who think they have control over every life on earth. Remember Hinduism is based on act of karma and will of God too. If this couple is destined to unite at any cause than no one can stop that but when asked for advice it is our duty as Hindus to help fellow human. Let us not judge but be judged by only GOD alone.

[Guest guest]

Where in Geeta it says:"Let us not judge but be judged by only GOD alone."

 

 

[barney 0]

Gita is not the only source in Hinduism. There are many oter sources. Please refer to them. Hinduism is a vast ocean and you cannot cover the whole ocean by swimming only in a lagoon and say I know all about Hinduism.

[Guest guest]

Barney,

 

u got no right to call me a fanatic,u might have had premarital sex so when i brought that topic out u got guilty so ur trying to defend everyone out there,by the way this forum is not for uniting lovers or matchmaking,if u want to do that,go do it urself,dont expect us to hear and say all kinds of sin commited,i dont care what happens to a sinner but all i care is it isnt allowed in our religion and this message board is all about Hinduism,maybe ur not a Hindu anymore or maybe u dont care to uphold the laws of it,and dont talk about judging or being judged to me.

 

[Guest guest]

Barney,

DOnt dare to compare me with muslim fanatics just because u didnt follow the rules of Hinduism.I never took anything serious here or anything,all i was doing was letting folks know that the sin is a sin,whether it happens in closed doors or open.

[Guest guest]

barney,

 

If following or trying to follow ones religion makes em fanatic then everyone here is a fanatic,r u calling us all fanatics?

[maadhav 0]

<< Gita is not the only source in Hinduism. >>

 

barney, if you have interest to save sanatana dharma in Bharat, then do not try to cause rift within Hindus, and do not talk as if you are an anti-Hindu.

 

Gita is well known as the BOOK OF HINDUISM.

it is the essenece of the Vedas which are the root basis of Hinduism. You are insluting Hindus by speaking low of Gita.

 

Puranas have glorified Gita, and you think low of Gita?

 

[Guest guest]

Well said Madhav,

That is exactly my point,if following the teachings of Hinduism is an option and can be skipped or considered not needed if things happen behind doors then this forum isnt for those kinda people.

Infact degrading our religion isnt a way to live it or even try to live it,guys like Barney have no reason to talk here if he isnt willing to follow BGeetha or any scriptures as such.

If he doesnt have complete faith in Geetha which as u said is THE book of Hindus he need not talk in this message board as if he is a Hindu, I think he is not a HINDU.

 

[Guest guest]

OK not in Geeta ? You all read person,Where does it state in any of the Hindi scriptures :"Let us not judge but be judged by only GOD alone."

 

[barney 0]

Dear maadhav,

 

You misunderstood me. I did not speak low of Gita nor did I speak like a anti Hindu. What I meant to say was do not be a fanatic like some Muslims or Christians. Hinduism does not rely soly on Gita although all Hindus know that Gita is a bood of guidence for Hindu Dharma. Why do you get yourself worked up over this issue. I only said Gita is not the only source for Hindus which means there are many other puranas and scriptures from the four vedas that Hindus have faith in them.

 

May be it is the utmost important bible for the ISCK but to me it is one of the many that Hinduism has. I do not wish to become a fanatic like you or the ISCK members. My consience is clear on this and you cant think what uyou want but I still say Gita is not the only source for Hindus.

[Guest guest]

People like Maadhav can get away with outrageous views like "drive muslims away from india", "overthrow indian government", etc.. just because he agrees to the basic principles like acceptance of Gita, proclamation that Vishnu is superior than Rudra, etc..

 

 

While Smarthas like us, no matter how decent we are, no matter how tolerant and compassionate we are, will still be mobbed just for simple reason that we follow a more tolerant stream of hinduism!!