Marriage

[Guruvani]

Why ask for advice about something that you already have decided on in your heart and something that you know most others won't understand?

 

[Guest guest]

"The only this that he has asked of me is that we both agree not to display religious idols, pictures, ie idols or in his case the crucifix."

 

Then later you mention that he's not interested in his Christian symbols, so it doesn't sound like much of a compromise, if you have to make the major sacrifice, but he doesn't. If Krsna Consciousness is truly important in your life, you shouldn't be relegated to hiding photos in an album so that he won't be disturbed. What about music, will he let you play Hare Krsna music in the home?

 

Sometimes these types of marriages can work, but if so, usually it happens in older, middle-aged couples, where the partners do not place such heavy restrictions on the other. After the initial honeymoon period is over, your spiritual compatibility, or lack thereof, will become more significant. For older couples, friendship or companionship is often enough, but usually there will still be some common ground, such as being vegetarian. Naturally, you will do as your heart tells you, as it seems you have already made up your mind. Still, it's good that you posed this question.

[ifnotsonot]

 

The girl just asked a simple question about getting married, now you guys have just about mapped out her worst nightmare. Give it a break will you.

Marriage is a serious challenge at the best of times, we all know that, but i know innumerable Krsna devotee marriages that have been total disasters and I've come to the conclusion there is no magic formula.

I think if you both love God in your own way and there is respect for each other as a child or servant of God, it will go a long way to a successful union, keeping you both happy with each other, still there are so many other tangibles and hurdles to overcome but that's just par for the coarse. Mind you I'm no marriage councillor nor any of the others giving advice here.

Regarding deity worship... it isn't imperitive to serve deities, many devotees choose not to, it's just a nice way to focus a families attention to a common centre especially kids because it is tangible.

But you can grow with the Lord in your heart and teach your children that God is everywhere in every atom, in others hearts also whether they be Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim or atheist which can be a lot healthier than just limiting Him to one deity. This is a more advanced consciousness anyway. If he's open to the other concessions thats a lot to work with.

Maybe with time your love for Krsna and your husband will melt his heart and he'll change when his fears are allayed.

It takes time to understand the Lord in Deity form.

Try not to be confused by so many opinions as well meaning as we all may be.

Just try to sincerely pray to the Lord in your heart if you don't have a guru to guide you. And the answers will come to you, don't stress it.

Hare Krsna

 

I agree with you, I enterted this realtionship knowing that we both love God in our own way. Somewhere in my heart, my intuition tells me that with time, we willoth have an understanding of our religions and be able to live happily. As such I feel our biggest problem will not be him and I, and "our" differences, we are both afraid, that our families, will try to influence each of us.

 

This is going to be a huge step, I am telling my parenst about him this weekend. Please pray for me, I need all the strength & courage I can get.

hare Krrsna

[Ayodhya]

 

I agree with you, I enterted this realtionship knowing that we both love God in our own way. Somewhere in my heart, my intuition tells me that with time, we willoth have an understanding of our religions and be able to live happily. As such I feel our biggest problem will not be him and I, and "our" differences, we are both afraid, that our families, will try to influence each of us.

 

This is going to be a huge step, I am telling my parenst about him this weekend. Please pray for me, I need all the strength & courage I can get.

hare Krrsna

 

We have all presented our case on the worst case scenario of his boisterous religion over your children. We obviously do not know who he is or what he is capable of doing.

 

May the Gods be with you.

[Guest guest]

I agree with post #27. She would be doing the majority of the sacrificing. It sounds like something that only someone with really low self-esteem would agree to and think is a good deal. Her choice is to continue to live by herself and do whatever she wants, including worshipping God however she pleases, or live under the tyranny of someone else who places such heavy demands on her--but not on himself--as well as her future offspring in exchange for his paying some attention to her. Oh yeah, that's a marriage made in heaven.

[krishnadasa]

May Krishna bring you a cheerful and happy married life

 

Hari hari bol

[Guruvani]

Well, I have to be honest and confess that I understand how you feel.

 

Likewise, I married a Catholic Filipina because I did NOT want a Hare Krishna devotee type woman for my wife.

When I was in the Philippines in 2005 I went to Catholic church with my wife.

However, she has voluntarily accepted the vegetarian diet because she knows how strongly I feel about that.

 

I didn't want a Hare Krishna wife.

I don't think that Hare Krishna women have good chemistry for marriage because their minds have been butchered by cult mentality.

 

My wife is more simple and humble than any Hare Krishna woman I have ever known. Hare Krishna women are prone to lose their simplicity and become bad choices for marriage partners.

 

So, maybe you feel the same about your husband.

Maybe you prefer not to have a Hare Krishna husband because you want your marriage and family life to be NORMAL by our western standards.

 

I think it can work.

There will be compromises to make for sure.

But, over all you might be more satisfied in being your own person as a devotee without having a Hare Krishna husband who might diminish your position.

 

Lots of Hare Krishna people are very mixed-up and cultified.

 

I know exactly why you have opted to marry a non-devotee who is not cult oriented.

[Sridas]

Maybe you prefer not to have a Hare Krishna husband because you want your marriage and family life to be NORMAL by our western standards.

Yes prabhu this is closer to the point! Not that some devotees don't get it right, I know lots that do, but generally marriage isn't the goal of life in Krsna consciousness, as we have vanapras and sanyas to follow after marriage if we can, and that can be a little daunting to the ladies, and the gents, many of them like the 'till death do us part' idea that is prominent in Christianity, as they naturally like the protection of a man's company.

Sanyas is loathed in India, but still it is respected as most Indians know the sacrifice involved in voluntarilly giving up the comforts of family, hearth and Home after one has raised children, for the higher calling to develop further in ones spiritual life..

In truth when it comes to marriage and women's roles, fundamental Hindu dharma is closer to the Islamic codes than Christianity, if enacted responsibly it can keep the ladies well protected, but if abused it can be horrific. It seems in Christianity the ladies have far more equal standing after some hard fought battles to get that ground. I feel the Islamic and Hindu ladies are also engaged in that battle at present. Hopefully they can cut thru hundreds of years of archaic hard line suppression.

Because it's the women who can change these unbending male egos if they play it right, it will in turn change the world.They say that behind every good man is a good woman, likewise a good woman can make a man good.

 

The women generally have a natural serving propensity where as the guys tend to be domineering, and expect to be served.

We are very fortunate in Krsna Consciousness because we have the supreme role models of our lordships Sri Sri Radha and Govinda to get some hints on how to understand relationships, in or out of marriage. Not that we can imitate, rather aspire to serve that ideal.

[Guest guest]

On chakra dot org recently there was an article about now there is a website for mixed marriages of devotee and karmi for lack of better terminology. All jivas are internally devotees but you know what I mean: external situations like Gurukuli gal [also not an accurate term] marries couch potato/ beer-guzzling/ TV watching/ garlic imbibing/ works hard like a mudha/ karmi who is otherwise nicer guy than most KC creeps she has ever met, present company excluded of course.

 

That site seemed to have all sorts of positive rah rah things on it, like "after having sex with him daily for 30 years and doing whatever he wants now he built me a little cabinet for my Deities." [for those who don't wish to just go down to the hardware store and buy one; I suppose that is one way of obtaining an item]. Then she doesn't get razzed by an anonymous but well-meaning gentile guest: "The purpose of Marriage is NOT to enjoy sense gratification and have illicit sex, my dear", even though according to some sanghas one of the four LEGITIMATE goals of life for a Hindu is: Dharma, Artha, KAMA (omigod!!!! cover your eyes and ears!!! wash out your mouth with soap!!! Do 50 Hail Marys and a Good Act of Contrition for even saying that or thinking that), and Moksa.

 

Different strokes for different folks. That website might have more birds of a feather for her. Just marriage has a 50 50 success rate approx with the karmis and 80-90 percent failure rate with the devotees. So is quite understandable why someone might opt for a karmi. The odds are much better. However I feel it is still good to be prudent and cautious, such as in an extended engagement. I believe that the working rule ISKCON uses now is they allow people to shack up and if after 6 months it cools then it gets annulled. Because if it's just based on your continual physical proximity to another person in the kitchen or the pujari room and no other human contact for months on end, it will probably die a natural death once the next good looking new bhaktin shows up, is the conventional unwritten wisdom.

 

The argument for being cautious goes like this: yes it seems somewhat cruel to not think about everything that can go wrong and then discuss it with your prospective partner and see how they'd react to different hypothetical situations first. But that is what airline pilots and crews do every flight before you even get on board any airplane. They go through a routine test of all of the systems. That is why there is not an 80-90 percent crash record for most of the airlines, not even a 50-50 crash record. I mean would you even get on an airline that has a 50-50 crash record? Well if you are young you might think: awww it will never happen to me, because I pray to My Lord. But if you value your life and are capable of not acting on the first impulse then you might decide it's not worth the risk. So although it may seem cruel to encourage people to throw caution to the winds, tough love is different from co-dependent enabling; you have to be cruel to be kind.

[guruji]

Religion is a bridge to unite people. If both have agreed not to dispay religios

icons, better u do accordingly..or discuss with ur partner over this subject for finding out a better solution.You can very well go to the temple for worship.