A long message... please help...

[xdementorsxkiss]

Monday night (last night for me) during dinner

I told my husband (he's Jewish, and very open-minded), all of my feelings for Krishna (I told him 3 years ago *BEFORE* we got married that I loved Krishna), and that I wish to become a serious devotee. I'm learning a lot, he's really happy for me. I explained to him that God is God, no matter what He is called. So Jehovah/Elohim/Adonai is the same as Krishna. Just a different name. He understood this perfectly.

 

He knows I chant, in fact he likes it that I do. He says, "whatever makes you happy makes me happy," and he knows that I meditate regularly. We agree with each other on spiritual matters 98% (minus 1% for what we CALL God and 1% for dietary differences). So there's no conflict whatsoever.

 

I promised him before we got married to raise our daughter as a Jew, until her bat mitzvah at 13 (I think maybe you all know what that is, but if you don't, ask and I'll explain). After that, she can decide what path to lead. If she chooses Judaism, then she can (if she wants) have her bat mitzvah.

All I want is her happiness.

 

I am perfectly okay with this. Perfectly fine. I'm not one to push anyone into believing anything. I will teach them, if they ask, etc. But you'll never hear me condemn.

 

I asked my husband last night if he would mind coming with me to the Temple. Of course, I told him, you don't even have to go in if you don't want to. I don't expect you to. There is a shop and a restaurant on the same premises (Govinda's of course!) and he can keep himself and our daughter entertained I just don't like to drive so far by myself, especially since "the city" isn't the best place for a young girl (such as myself) to drive alone. (Car jackings, etc).

 

He really didn't say anything. He said, "Okay." and then he said "And I really need to go to MY temple, too, it's been a long time."

 

I told him how I felt about going, about how I feel I need to belong somewhere. It's okay if I just worship and praise Krishna on my own in our home, but of course, doesn't everyone need to socialize with people of common belief? Right?

 

My birthday is in about 2 weeks (the 16th), and for my birthday, we are going (with his sister and our friends) that Saturday, the 20th to "3rd Street Promenade", where every Saturday from 6 to 8 pm, devotees come and "hang out" and chant, socialize, etc., and they do so, to give people a chance to come be with them, to socialize, to learn about Krishna.

 

They are all very excited about it (there are also tons of restaurants and street performers and even a guy who says his cat is psychic! A lot of funny characters).

 

I feel a little nervous about meeting with someone at the temple for the first time (I was raised semi-Jewish and even I don't know Jewish Temple etiquette!), and excited at the same time.

 

There's something inside of me (Sri Krishna?) telling me I need to go, that I will be happy and fulfilled if I go, and worship Krishna, be with devotees, maybe finally finding a guru for myself, etc. But of course I'm telling myself that I will never be happy, that I will always feel alone and miserable.

 

I know I sound completely irrational and I know it's wrong, but sometimes I also think to myself: "What if they tell me that my daughter must be raised with the same belief or else I won't be accepted?"

I know that sounds ridiculous, but I think that all the time. I don't know if any of you have children, but I'm sure you know what I mean when I say that I'm a "Mother Lioness!" Above all else, I want my daughter to be raised knowing she has her own choices to make in her life, and she doesn't need to feel that she HAS TO do anything she doesn't want. I want her to know that she can follow her own heart, to what she feels is right. I love her more than anything else, more than I love myself, and I wish her happiness.

 

I really don't know what I can say...

I feel "trapped," like I have no chance of going to Temple, no chance of anything. I absolutely do feel so much happier than I have been in my life,

but why does it feel like I need to be happier? That there is something missing still?

 

Do I need to be a more serious devotee than I am already, before I am fulfilled? I'm a new devotee, and I do know that I still have much to learn.

 

 

-Jenna

[Jahnava Nitai Das]

Happiness is the eternal nature of the soul, so it is natural for us to search for that happiness. Krishna is the reservoir of all pleasure. Only when we serve Him will we be able to feel satisfied.

 

Don't feel nervous about going to a temple. We are all children of God, so it is our father's house. You should always feel welcome in your father's house.

[Dwayne]

If anyone says that, ask where in Srila Prabhupada's writings it says that. When they can't answer, tell them to either back it up, or not say anything at all about your Daughter. It would be pretty insane if they said that though.

But don't be upset if they suggest you bring your daughter along sometime, because after all, Krishna is so attractive and why would anyone hold out

[xdementorsxkiss]

Thanks you guys

 

Yeah, you're right. Why would they say that?

 

Of course I'd bring her, to bring her. I don't want to bring her to say, "OMG BELIEVE IN THIS OR ELSE!!!jKDFJ!!!"

 

If she does when she's older, that's great! If she doesn't, that's great too. You know?

 

I worry I'm a mom, afterall

 

THANKS!!

[chandradas]

Hari bol,

I must say that krishna devotees I have had the pleasure of being with are the most beautiful people in the universe.

You must go to your temple to hear from them, as they will only do you and your family goodness.

Enjoy krishna`s love.

Hari bol.

[Guest guest]

 

 

There's something inside of me (Sri Krishna?) telling me I need to go, that I will be happy and fulfilled if I go, and worship Krishna, be with devotees, maybe finally finding a guru for myself, etc. But of course I'm telling myself that I will never be happy, that I will always feel alone and miserable.

 

SNIP

 

I really don't know what I can say...

I feel "trapped," like I have no chance of going to Temple, no chance of anything. I absolutely do feel so much happier than I have been in my life,

but why does it feel like I need to be happier? That there is something missing still?

 

 

Hello Jenna,

 

Thank you for your heartfelt note. What you are feeling is the natural result of the human intellect. Our subconcious knows that this world is impermanent and that all pleasure associated with sensory/mundane affairs will one day end and leave us in sadness. For this reason there is always a lingering sadness in the minds of all people. Those that calm the mind and listen for the truth will understand this on their own and seek a path whereby they can elinimate this misery.

 

In a way, your mind is correct, if you continue to seek pleasure in the material world, you will always be sad and alone. You will never be truly happy.

 

This is the crux of our human existence. We want to be happy, but we seek happiness only through material soruces. All material objects must end so our pleasure is only temporary. In your mind and heart you identify Krishna as the all attractive source of pleasure and deep down you know that as such he cannot be bound by the laws of this material world (Maya). This is why your soul screams out to be in the presence of devotees, it is your natural birthright to be happy, but happiness can not be found in this material existence.

 

RE: Your husband's religion and yours; truth can take on many, many forms. Just as the permanent soul takes on many bodies, the material organization be it a church, synagogue or temple is only the external house for the immaterial soul of truth/god conciousness.

 

-N