beemasane

i think you are right. i have just seen so much damage in my life with my godbothers it is horrifying and i cannot add to it. i would rather just go away the minute i see the problem. i am afraid of myself too. i used to be a formidable opponent but about 7 years ago i started getting very definite signals to not fight anymore...so now i just want to see all sides so i and others can make up their own minds with love, not force. we have tried "intelligence" and "force" it has failed. thank you for your kindness Babhru. how are we to be the servants of the servants if we are all going to be telling everyone what to do? better to let sides be told clearly, communicate, as you suggest, for all to see and we let people do what they want and respect them anyways. i just want friends here even if i don't agree with someone...and even that disagreemant anymore i try to hide so as not to offend...haribol.

oh i am still here. i coulnt go away for a bit. it is killing me in the heart so, so much that i could even blame some nice advanced devotee just trying to help me and making him think i am going because of him. i have seen too much damage done in the past..it is horrible and i want to help. i am simply an old fool. i am sorry. i just want information to see other sides of things. i like all these other gurus people and they like me.. why cant they like each other..yes i am motivated, i am sorry. i want to see change and i wonder if it is evr possible. i am sorry Audarya Lila.

i'm not even at the shraddha level yet. however. this is not a dsicussion of forbidden fruit here what i am simply looking for is some association and some historical perspectives on a number of issues. 1 nitya siddha of my Guru re Narayana/ Nikunja VNN 2 the origin of siddha pranali from the time of Bhaktivinode, more specifically, a clear understanding of Bhaktisiddhanta's stance on this and the subsequent transition of siddha pranali or no thru to Prabhupada. these are very straightforward historicalphilosophical questions i dont want to argue about...just information. i thot i could get that without a big todo here by trying to be nice. i chant 16 rounds daily. it does not matter who i am because your inference to find out who i am, i feel is a break of some anonmymity code here that i would have liked to be respected as do others. i knew that this forum would at some point in time produce someone who would love to argue and i am not that person. i am sorry, but without wanting to make any possibilities of futher offending Audarya Lila, i am going to be just monitoring this fellowship for research with an occasional Prabhupada story for the friends that i have made. Very simply put Audarya Lila, i found your tone of wanting to know who i am extermely threatening as no one els here has made a big deal out of it. i vowed i would leave here if the topic degraded to this level. I absolutely respect your Guru, as you will note he is one of my possible authorities i cited as someone i could speak to all by myself. you can check my profile again and find out one more thing: not ONCE didi EVER speak ill of ANYONE> goodbye and i still always will offer all respects to all Vaisnavas, even those who would not like me if they found out who i was...and i emphasize the word here...WAS< WAS< WAS!! i only hope to God that we can all learn to clarify issues and arguments one of these days. when that happens i will be back. i'll be waiting. all glories to all Vaisnavas. and i mean it with all my unadvanced heart!

i'm soooooooooo ready!

Audarya Lila Prabhu, you're startin' t' git me all mushy here, y' think it could be Krishna Conciousness...i do! i am looking forward to future battles of love with you...and who cares who loses in that kind of a war, huh? do you realize that we have just undergone the impossible with regards to most exchanges like this? we are being nice to each other in spite of differences or possible differences...THAT, my friend is MY agenda, my contribution i want to leave my beloved Guru's legacy! peace, man! b.d. [This message has been edited by beemasane (edited 03-27-2002).]

hey Audarya Lila Prabhu don't get me wrong, in real life you'd like me ! i even know the 5 stages of anartha dissapation(i got a loooooong way to go!) aaaaaand i can do big fat friendly godbrother hugs as good as i know gHari can do. i'll even bet i can get you to laugh at one of my hand puppet schticks with Bhakta Prastistha Pandit Prabhu and Bhakta False ego fRedeRik. you would also like my little birdy parrot sakhi didi too. i know i would like you too because you are so sincere and serious, not like me love, beemy.

hey Babhru Prabhu, as daffy duck once was quoted, " i'm happy, iiiiiiiiiii'm faaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulously haaaaaaapy!" and purported by porky pig:" buh-dip-buh-dip...that's all folks!" dangit where,s gHari when we need him most? leyh....leyh? ...concluded the tin man," ...if i only had a hearrrrrt".

Dear Audarya Lila Prabhu, so are you telling me i can't talk to and ask Bodhayan Maharaja, Tripurari Maharaja, Jagat Prabhu, Babhru Prabhu, Govinda Maharaja, Narayana Maharaja, my old Temple Presidents and lets not forget Puru Prabhu either, about the Bhaktisiddhanta Lineage? and for the last time i dont want to jump ahead to anywhere before i'm ready and to credit you i am a little satisfied even with your last statement concerning "Nikunjo"...and hey, to clear the air here, i have given my fair share of the Prabhupada nectar stories here, hows about you blessing us with a story...we need a break here if you don't mind my saying so. all i can say to you is never stop watching me to keep me in line... i am just a fallen rat, and am sure that your devotional career is much more spotless than min has been, but still a real senior Vaisnava has spoken and i'd like to find out more from everybody with your permission please. causal mercy interlude dedicated to Babhru Prabhu: i thot love was only true in fairy tales, then for someone else but me, then i saw his face, His Divine Grace, now i'm a believer, not a trace of doubt in my mind, i'm a believer i couldn't leave You if i tried. c'mon gimme a Prabhpada story somebody, puleeeeeze! and please forgive all my offenses as i am trying to glorify all devotees!

oh golly another legal entanglement! i'm really sorry in between the laughter here, hows abouts we have me make a public amendment here " i am nothing but a devotee with a heart of igneous gneiss." ???? hi Babru, from b.d. (sheesh, i still hope you "da" nice guy still. regarding your quest of story origin, i do remember it but not name and same for the biz aspirations beclouding tattva...me three! hari bol!

Dear Jagat Prabhu, i would like to inform you that i would consider it my misfortune if you do not notify me of the results of your "pin-point-point" historical "goswami time" of a breakdown of harmony, when you feel this,your much needed research, is complete. i am in your debt for your salient point regarding the possibility of speculation creeping in also. i am trying to remember which posting i was reading yesterday in the Audarya files concerning the lineage of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta's legacy and its division into what i believe i remember is a split into a number of camps regarding this siddha pranali siddhanta we are discussing. i would welcome it if you or anyone else for that matter can direct me to that posting if you know where it is. until that time or sooner actually, i hope, i remain your indebted "senior-siksa kick in the you know what type" disciple...beemasane...hey hey we're the Vaisnavas, we're to busy chanting and relishing siddhanta and glorifying Vaisnavas,to put anybody downnnnnnnnnn.

Dear Audarya Lila Prabhu. Please accept my humble obeisances and all glories to his Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktiventa Swami Prabhupada. i am perfectly content with the conclusion you have stated in your letter...Prabhupada has given his disciples everything. if you will kindly refer to my posting upon this thread dated 3/26/02 addressed to Jagat i had commented upon his statement where he was addressing the the possibility of incomplete teachings...i am currently in the process of discussing this matter with a number of my senior godbrothers in a most sober and as humble way as i can. i am also availing myself of the archchives of the Audarya Fellowship to add to my knowledge of the concept of "completeness" as i will henceforth refer to it as unless a better and more respectful nomenclature is rightly insisted. i am very thankful that you have taken your valuable time to give me this well taken instuction with regards to the Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Line. i can assure you that i am well aware of the fact that higher processes begin after the nistha level has been obtained and the subsequent levels of Bhakti following. i can even more safely assure that i am not at that level. However, when Senior Senior Vaisnavas make statements RE.VNN article "Nikunjo...etc. it behooves me to inquire. if some of us need a little "kick in the pants" by a senior Vaisnava as a possible qualified "siksa type of informal advice" to help us jump start a little ruci, i have been investigating this matter...i seem to be taking advice this way from you right now don't i? If because of the sometimes "goofy" nature of my possibly misdirected attempts at being friendly have possibly led you to the conclusion that i am thinking that my "sentiment" of wanting to know the nitya svarupa of my Guru, Srila Prabhpada is going to be achieved "cheaply" and i am not "serious", once again i will refer you back to a statement in the previous post that i am willing to accept this will not even possibly happen in this lifetime and i have to start somewhere. well, i am starting and will keep starting and asking any question i have to any number of qualified Vaisnava authorities, you, i am also sure, being one of them. i hope i have made no offence here, none was intended. i will respect and carefully consider any future advice as my good fortune. Very Sincerely yours, b.d [This message has been edited by beemasane (edited 03-27-2002).]

my dear Gauracandra. i absoluely couldn't agree with you more...mental speculation has nothing to do with the quest of finding Srila Prabhupada's siddha svarupa. this is something that cannot be obtained cheaply. it will take all the time necesary for one to be qualified for this. okay. here is the hypothetical scenario: let's say some superior Vaisnava says he knows and you have to do this that and whatever. i for one am ready to do whatever it takes with the full understading at least, that i might not even be able to achieve the required spiritual credentials to do so in this life...is this going to stop me from starting right now to inquire and practise? absolutely not. this is the spirit that i am going to take on this matter. and my ohman i gotta go take kids to scoll....dang! i'll be back soon. beemasane the taxi walla...i wont cheat my kids tho' all they will pay is with nam. haribol

dear Jagat Prabhu, i have read your postings and i think you are a very powerful person. all will watch what very nicely educated people such as yourself will say. You have a grave responsibility...i respect your opinion and your right to have them always. i personally will not fight anybody devotee anymore because when i am not glorifying vaisnavas i am absorbed in my particular way, which funny like may not be that much different..in any case, i am looking to you for learning also because you like all other Vaisnavs are indeed more qualifeied than i am. and if i am ever out on harinam sankirtan and i am seeing you in danger, oh i promise you...THEN you will see me fight PRaBhU! fight FOR you! all Glories to Jagat Prabhu...senior Vaisnava! hooray! and Hare Krishna!

hey leyh..i am now sitting with little "Sakhi di di" she is the little coketiel birdy that my family likes me to hold because i have to be so careful with this living entity thast is so frgile...you know i've seen a lot of pictures with the Gopi parrots too... she is a mirror of emotions, little Sakhi... so she just flew over to let me see how i am doing right now...aint it cool. all glories to the mellow softhearted devotees like leyh that will ever be so inspiring to me when i am fully ready to ROCK! (oh yeah and all the others to!)

when the devotees were in hyderabad i managed to get up on the stage with the big boys right up in front of Prabhupada...oh yeah! as well as the compassion i have been so nicely describing to Kishan in previous posts...here Prabhupada was stern with VERY firey eyes. i am compelled to tell you this now 'cause good old Jagat has got me ALLLLLL blissed out... yes i am rubbing my hands and chortling with the ecstasy of absorbtion uh-huh! any ways when Prabhupada stood up to leave i wouldnt turn arund to go... i just wanted to look at Him until the last possible moment i HAD to get off of that stage. well everybody was walking off and as i'm looking right into Prabhupadas eyes he gives me one ferocious look and i see he is wagging his rather formidable cane at a song book that SOMEONE ELSE had left on the stage floor! at the time, being relatively scared stiff, i really didnt see that this was the time to LOGICALLY explain "I didnt leave it there !" i dove for that book as if it were life itself. and he didnt smile back, He just looked grave. so if we are ever at a Bhagawatam class, you better be ready to get the sauce from me if i see your book left on the floor! LOGICALLY it would be best!

oh boy. i begged for a reprieve from my two computer hungry boys so i can come back now for a bit. i am sorry for the typing and grammatical errors, i am not a typist and it is very hard for me especially when i want to go fast. i do know that these affairs of which we speak have to be handled with as much love for each other as Vaisnavas as well as the siddhanta panditry. the minute one becomes more than the other all is lost. i will not argue with you as to whether any one of these camps is right. they are all so much more advanced than me i can only acknowledge them all. i will tell you this tho about myself, if i find that any of the gurus who i have spoken about or their reps. will have any knowledge of how to complete the teachings of Srila Prabhupada as you have spoken the possibility of i can assure here in front of all that i will be there on the next flight to their neraest location. and i have done this before on several occasions an taken fine solace and comfort from friendly gurus and theirdisciples of every camp you have mentioned. i am a practical pandit, i am not in this game for the "geeyawn", the pratistha OR the argument for the argumant's sake. i want to know who my guru is and if i have to surrender at any of these fine gurus feet i for one will hesitate for not one minute with ABSOLUTELY NO WORRY of ANY diminishing of my very fierce loyalty to Prabhpada. i havent done all that good on my own finding out who Prabhupada is anyway what about the rest of you? anybody else KNOW who is Prabhupada...i'll surrender at YOUR lotus feet if i have to."come on back now good buddies...this is delta mango squad lieutenant Sonic Boomer-Sane hopin' there aint no bogies at two o'clock cause i dont need no friendly fire. over....for now Jagat is right isnt any body kind of wondering about all this...sheesh!

dear Jagat Prabhu. i think you have pointed out a very interesting point. i was getting there in my own sweet time...indeed the next thread was going to be "why did Prabhupada not reveal? " i am asking this question who is Prabhupada to see if there was anybody who Prabhupada had revealed to...i have been asking a whole lot of people as a matter of fact...i feel that it is time every body stopped for a little bit and give this matter grave unified consideration. i am only doing my small part here at Audarya in the kindest and hopefully most civil and respectful way i can muster. i think that for all interested people to examine guru tattva with relevance to siksa in an open forum with civility is so important right now. this seems to me to be an very historic chapter of our Mahaprabhu tree. if nothing else simply stand back and fols hands because i see the possibility for earth shaking offences when even dicussing not only Vaisnavas of the caliber of Narayana Maharaja, but also the Sridhar line and also Puri Maharaja line to name just a few. i have friendly Godbrothers in each line and i love them all. i have to go for now because of my dang family obligations but i am happy to talk with you more as i nkow you are a knowldge able pandit. there will be many people listening to you and you will have a big responsibility i think. one thing i want to say before i go tho'. i have always said two things that i know somewhere must be shastra..i am a practical pandit, i understand these complicated issues and things because i have been around and i read a lot...i am not a true pandit braminical brahmin etc. those two things sre this: 1. you cannot legislate love with regard to a guru and his disciple 2. there will be people in any camp that make it look bad. gosh i want to stay but i have yo go darnit and i will be back tho. i want to know who my guru is.

this "Prabhupada feeling" that i am talking about seems to be distinct from the sentiments that i get a lot of when talking with my godbrothers like on this website...our senses are imperfect but the this "Prabhupad contact" as it were and two others seem to be VERY different from mere sentiment. the only reason i speak of this incident is because i have already spoken of it with my godbrothers who were there..who by the way were laughing at me. i really couldn't control what was going on and my face looked all funny they said. they got very serious later tho' when i described what had happened and also they could SEE the different way i viewed that godbrother i didn't like. as far as they were concerned it was a minor miracle as they could see first hand how wierd i could get on somebody if they just wouldn't leave me alone. i have spoken to a few people about this incident and have concluded that even if it is for someone at a neophyte level like me, it sure was nice being with Prabhupada! also, i mention here that the nature of this particular incident was its inherent sweetness and compassion, it felt like Prabhpada was being very gentle with me. i suppose that this compassion element is why i am taking what i feel to be a real chance talking like this on an open and uknown forum. i have no idea who is reading this, but even if they don't respond, i feel even if i can convey the level of love and compassion that was Prabhupada and compel them to want to know Him to even one soul it is a good thing...over the years i seem to be learning one thing...one thing even my dad knew..."if you cant say anything nice about somebody, then stick the shoe on the other foot" and honor all Vaisnavas! (even if it has to be half way around the world to stay away from them sometimes!)

hello again Kishan Prabhu. i want to make a very simple example for you of why i say i am sorry so much for being here at Audarya by simply omitting one letter from the greeting i gave you..."Hell again Kishan." by simply forgetting one itsy-bitsy-teeny-little letter, everything gets off to a way different start huh? that is how easy it is to make a an offense. even unintentionally i could have forgotten the letter o...not meaning any harm...so sometimes when even one is meaning well, he gives hell. i have seen so much havoc between "well" meaning devotees since Prabhupada has physically left this realm...myself being one of them...ha-ha...i guess that makes me a real sorry fellow. i just want to say we should give all "hello" to each other with a very careful and gentlemanly touch...one of the strong points of this computer sanga that i think is a very nice thing for me to have is the preview button so i can take a real good look at what write. i am going to start a real short Prabhupada story here but i might have to interupt to take a kid to wrestling or something...this Prabhupada experience actually happened about 8 or 9 years after Prabhupada had physically departed...we were having a Sunday feast kirtan at a devotee restaurant. this was run by two devotees and their wives. one devotee i liked and one devotee, well i just found his association not so tastey. really not so tastey. i actually had to be forced to go to this feast by my godbrothers..forced. all of a sudden when i am singing i am noticing a sensation i have felt before...so then i just closed my eyes and chanted, hoping no one would see me getting talked to by Prabhupada if you know what i mean and it WAS Prabhupada telling me thru this devotee's sweet kirtan, not talking words, that He< Prabhupada< loved that devotee. i actually almost hated this devotee, lets stop being nice here and yet here i was, being bathed in this spirit of Prabhupada and that feeling of his love i had felt before..gotta go for a minute..be back

hello Kishan. the reason i even considered using a computer as an aide to my saddhu sanga was that i felt that here at Audarya there was a bit of unity going on....i hate computers and i can oly type with two fingers looking...any way to the point: even there were problems when Prabhupada was here, but there was unity. as i thoroughly review the past postings here i see that even here at times things get snippy, but i am praying it will not get bad because of my natural arrogance that i want to fight.. Prabhupada was indeed the most compassionate and i know where a wild person like myself would be...dead...or worse...the living dead. one time i was on a walk with Prabhupada and the big devotee s and i was young to say anything i felt. and because i felt i had to do something for the spiritual master because i was feeling left out so i was running ahead to clear his way of the pieces of wood that the wind had blown off the trees, that, i thought, i can do for Prabhupada...here i am just scamping around like a good little monkey and i am suddenly seeing the devotees are looking and so is Prabhupada...right at me and i froze...uh-oh, i'm gonna' get it now! i thought..and all he said in one of the kindest voices i have ever heard is "OH that is okay". this is not some earth shattering deep and profound thing with so may others he must have had but to me it absolutely stunned me that here is the king of everything and he has not just shooed me away with a smaranam stick, but he spoke to me in this soothing voice i still get goosebumps because i have NEVER heard ANYBODY sound so nice to me even when they supposedly love me. IT FROZE ME! i couldn't even throw the wood down for 5 or ten or a million seconds even...this this is not the only time that i experienced that absolute compassion either. these are the only memories that even keep alive and enlivened here in this stool world where i just cant get it that i am not enjoying. i am so sorry to go on like this but i want you to hear this story of the compassion because it is the highlight of your response... and yes you watch out for this leyh...she is miles ahead of most...because she is expert at one most important thing...she respects all Vaisnavas...just like you too, i think...Kishan Prabhu. ta-ta for now..oops, i mean ta-pa:chant Hare Krishna!

the word brken hearted leaps off the page at me! what could i have done since 1977 to have contributed to even the POSIBILITY that Prabhupa was sad. every morning that i come to this sight i find myself smacked down and i am forced to be humbled...for this i thank you skeptic!

dear leyh, i am very eager to respond as quickly as i am capable to your wonderful response to my hopefully, humble and uchallenging request: "Who is Prabhupada". indeed you are right about the flood...we wouldn't even be here writing to us without the mercy of His Divine Grace...absolutely: "...in every town and village...". the fact that you have included your answer within the designated parenthetical spacial locale is further evidence of your charming Vaisnava ettiquette and wit..thank YOU!...i think you are a fun devotee! i should restress my desire here to make this identity request as unchallenging as possible, but with a further clarification...for many years it has remained a mystery to myself and many others as to His "Spiritual Identity". before i leave this body i would like to know if anybody out there knows the answer AND how to find out if nobody does know...or do i just have to wait until???? when?

jayati jayati namananda rupam murare/viramita nija dharma dhyana pujadiyatnam/katham api sakrdattam muktinam praninam yat/ paramrtam ekam jivanam bhusanam me: all glories, all glories to Krishna Murari's name, the embodiement of divine bliss. it halts the cycle of birth and death and relieves one of all painful endeavors in practicing religion, meditation, charity, deity worship, and austerity. it awards liberation to one who utters it even once. Krishna nama stands alone as the supreme nectar and sole treasure of my life. Sri Brhad Bhagawatam rtam 1/9 Sanatana Goswami. this is the sloka i was talking about leyh.

leyh i have been reading your posts and as far as i can tell of when Prabhupada was here he would be very kind to you even if you say you are struggling. everything is there in the name and i am in too much hurry to get my favorite sloka i say every morning but cant even remember..but it says everything is there and makes everything easier too and sooner or later your already sterling qualities are going to shine like the sun. there is some shame? take that and cry with your bead bag and you will get powerful results. in early days Prabhupada came upon Syamasundara and he had his cigarrettes on top of Lord Jagganatha! they were carving out of redwqood ties(MUkunda told me of railroad ties) and what did Prabhupada say...to para phrase... very kindly please take maybe one less per day...he not kick him out of temple. we all have anarthas and you should see what it says in the Bhaktirasamrita sindhu bindhu about the 5 point gradual process where anarthas dont even go until you are REALLY advanced. i am seeing how people are everywhere too hard care. you have a soft heart and Radharani likes soft hearts not some former heavy like me you are one of the biggest inspirations to me on this computer stuff. because of what you say on your "kanti mala" thread i did not make my own thread just to honor you. it is your name that started all the wonderful association with you and Gaurahari i mean gHari. you inspire people! go for it and we will not say any bad things just praise all Vaisnavs. why do i always say this because i was one of the WORST critical fighting... even devotess, but not any more. hari bol! i am soorry for the bad typing and all but i want you to here this right now before i cook dinner. [This message has been edited by beemasane (edited 03-25-2002).]

pss. if i ever get the extra money i want all of us here at Audarya to go out on New York Harinam headed up by "Narada-Taruni"!aka Tarun.. ALL of us , then the world would take some notice of MahaPrabhu's Movement and Prabhupada will be there himself...i know it! beemasane the not so great