vanamali

But then again you did.... What am I holding back. Tell me. I will try to fix it...

Devi, are you doing fine? Enough about me. How are you doing?

The heart full of love for Him thinks it has not a single drop of that nectar.... - Yes, you have that kind of humility. You do the right thing in reproaching me for bad conduct and then apologize as if you had done something wrong. You are pure gold, sakhi! Is everything fine with you? I hope I did not startle you with that last email. I have resolved to tell you everything. Everything is out on the table with me. I'm not holding anything back... ~Vanamali

--->I am sorry that I hurt your pure heart. My heart is not pure! It is full of selfishness and vice. The fire purifies the heart! This is good, even if the heart is hurt a little in the process.

I hope you don't think this is weird, but... Every day I am waiting for your emails. I think you have a very good sensibility about how Krishna wants me to be. You are so knowledgeable. He has blessed you to such a degree! I only wish I could return the favor somehow. But I have nothing to give you. I wish also that I could meet you as my sister somehow- ~Vanamali

What are you sorry about? You are teaching me. You cannot teach me and then say, oh, I shouldn't have said that. You are a lion, not a sheep. Don't back down. or is it something else??

that's why I think you should go to Him. I make such stupid errors to cause Him to weep!

Please forgive me, devi. please

sakhi, please don't be angry anymore /images/graemlins/smile.gif

Sakhi, I hope you are not staying up too late! I just realized what time it must be in your place. You might wonder why I've never asked you your name, or what you look like. Sakhi, I already know who you are to me. No need for further information. In my minds eye I can see your long flowing black hair, huge, glossy eyes and red ghagra choli...

Don't worry about the bugs There are ants on my tulsi devi sometimes, but they don't bite. Tulsi has natural chemicals that make her taste bad to bugs and other insects. I wonder if they're trying to eat the haldi/kumkum perhaps. ~Vanamali Tulsidevi always in ecstasy- if you look, you can see her bodyhairs standing on end (fuzzy stems) /images/graemlins/smile.gif

The kind of things you described in your "who are you?" email, devi, I want them so much. O sakhi, where is that black cloud? When will this empty sky become full? When shall I be soaked with the rain of *that* love? O prophetess, has He told you the answer? O sakhi, did you dream last night? Love, Vanamali

I was watching my tulsi plant and realized that plants do not have to kill for sustenance. I said "Devi, just look at you! You eat only sunlight from SuryaNarayan and you drink theertham from the Lord's feet. At night your leaves fold towards each other as if giving namaskar to the moon." How sweet she is.

I'm certain that the previous poster is not supporting the Ahmed clone ---> It is better for Indians who never visited USA not to make ignorant comments foolishy and for once i would request some people here to read the post in context. Anyway, this is an old post, and the heat is off. So do not worry Raguraman.

--->Krsna wants 100% from you .r All your heart totally. Nothing to Maya not even a spec Only cent per cent for Sri Krsna will do. He wants it all. So why not give it to Him? Krishna wants 100% from you. He chases you through the material world, giving you little hints and little gestures that bind you to Him. O brother, let the mystery be proclaimed, that once He catches your heart and it becomes 100% His- He turns around and runs from you, and you must chase after Him through the darkness of the world, to the last breath of your earthly life. O the sweetness of this Krishna! Adharam madhuram, vadanam madhuram... ~vanamali

I did resend that poem O sakhi, my mind is not focused due to not having His company. When I cannot catch Him with my eyes, I cannot catch Him with my heart. Sister, say a good word for me next time you talk to Him, and I will do the same for you. Forever in your service, Vanamali

When a man and a woman love each other very much... But seriously, perhaps you can tell the truth. The soul is constantly moving from body to body, birth to birth. You can tell your five year old, darling, you have been around for a very, very long time. There was never a time when you didn't exist. You were born in our family because we are the best parents for you. So you see, you and I are a perfect match! I love you sweetie... And that's a wrap!

evanavasthitasyapi arthitva matrena parama-karuniko bhagavan svanubhava-prityopaitaikatyantika NITYA-KAINKARYAIKARATI-RUPA NITYA-DASYAM dasyatiti vishvasa purvakam bhagavantam nitya-kinkaratam prarthaye (3) Though I am in this state, full of various defects, I beg of the Lord my acceptance in eternal service to him in the firm faith that the all merciful Lord, heeding to my earnest request, will grant me the favor of steadfastness in everlasting service to Him urged by devotion resulting from the experience of the Lord. tavanubhuti-sambhuta priti-kaitadastam DEHI ME KRIPAYA NATHA! najane gtimanyatha (4) My Lord! you should be pleased, out of Your unbounded mercy, to grant the service to You resulting from the joy of experiencing you. Apart from begging you, I do not know of any other means! -From Sri Ramanujacharya's Sriranga Gadyam

--->I must confess that I have been feeling extremely jealous of Radha all these years. For Her I would not get my Krishna. I felt as if a fortress of philosophy had been built to prevent others, especially a jiva, to get close to Krishna. I have had the same problem. I felt unable to relate to her, thinking that she only wants people who will help her get Krishna. Now I think that this is only a facade... I think She would understand these feelings as perfectly natural, and would love to sit and talk about His glories with others whose hearts have learned to worship the tinkling of His anklets. - As for people calling you sahajiya or me sahajiya, I don't really care. I used to be so afraid of this word thinking, oh Krishna, my love is not good enough for You, You think I am pretending! You think this is all fun and games. Krishna is not gotten cheaply for sure! If I said I am on a par with the gopis this perhaps would be sentimentality. My heart burns, and Krishna turns His face from me. I ache and He does not care. So how am I sahajiya? I am a miserable beggar at Hari's feet. If people think we are fakes then what should we do? Sorry, but if people don't like me, then all the better for me. I will run to Him and cry even more until He finally notices me. I love you, sakhi. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. I am praying for you daily that you will get Him before me. Jai Sri Krishna! ~Vanamali

As far as I have seen here in US it is Indians who dominate in software. However, now that the H1B party is, shall we say, "over" no longer are American companies hiring just any brown South Asian guy or lady. Previously, everybody was getting visas and as a consequence a lot of unqualified people got jobs. Now in the post 9-11 economy, incompetent people are not getting jobs (Indians, Americans, and otherwise), and people prefer to hire Americans right now due to lower pay requirements (no sponsorship). I have heard that the situation is improving, but I am not in the software business, so I couldn't say for sure. My original point in bringing up this topic was for this reason... in the US the only thing you ever see about India on TV is people washing cows. Most people here think India is all about cows and poverty, and that's the limit. This is the case in my state (Kansas) anyway. We're just a bunch of hicks. /images/graemlins/smile.gif Haha Actually that's not quite true, but almost. Cheers! ~Vanamali

He sakhi! You know something? I think you must have prayed on my behalf, or at least had some good thoughts about me, because Sri Krishna did appear in my dreams last night (kind of). In my dream I was reading from a book, and it said, "Krishna likes to be called Gopala, but if you call Him Govinda, He will not be able to reisist you, and he wil come to you in His cowherd form holding the flute." That was a very interesting dream, unlike any I have had before. Hmmm... perhaps I should stop calling Him "my Venu Gopala" as I am accustomed, and call Him Govinda. Who knows? Maybe it will work /images/graemlins/wink.gif ~Vanamali

Yeah, that's me posting there /images/graemlins/smile.gif

Oh Ho! Sorry, I guess I read too fast through these posts... Comment withdrawn Sorry Raguramanji Regards, Vanamali

You are in India, correct? I am in US, so it is 3:30 in the afternoon. I am working on a paper- it is our final exams this week. Anyway, sorry to keep you up all night, I will talk to you soon, sakhi. ~Vanamali

did you get it?