World's Funniest Joke

gHari · 12-19-2001, 10:05 PM

World's funniest joke revealed after Internet vote:

LONDON: The world's funniest joke, voted by popular demand over the Internet, was unveiled on Wednesday by the British Association for the Advancement of Science (BA) after an experiment lasting three months.

Quote:

Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him.

HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.

WATSON: I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there there might also be life.

HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent.

The BA said the joke was the most popular among 10,000 submitted, being chosen as the best by 47 percent of the 100,000 people from more than 70 countries who took part.

The jokes can be seen, made and rated on http://laughlab.co.uk.

Clearly someone forgot to enter the Audarya Fellowship Forums in the contest. Somewhere deep inside I am still laughing, from jokes posted months ago here. Even Lord Gauracandra's joke about the old man Advaita Prabhu who dragged Him here from His spiritual home is still chuckling in my belly.

Gauracandra · 12-20-2001, 12:41 AM

Europe's funniest nation revealed
December 20, 2001 Posted: 5:40 AM EST (1040 GMT)

Scientists say people react in different ways to humour

LONDON, England -- Internet research into international humour has discovered that Germans laugh the most.

The stereotypically straight-laced image of the Germans has been bucked by a psychological study looking at what makes people laugh.

The Laugh Lab project, run by Professor Richard Wiseman at the University of Hertfordshire, was launched three months ago in an attempt to find if universal humour exists.

Researchers found that different nationalities have varying senses of humour while men and women do not always find the same joke funny.

Out of 11 nationalities, Germans rated more jokes "very funny" than anyone else, preferring puns that rely on wordplay.

The Canadians have the weakest sense of humour, according to the survey.

One of the favourite jokes in Germany was: "Why is television called a medium? Because it is neither rare nor well-done."

Other jokes voted funny in different countries included in France: "You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?"

"Absolutely! What's the second question?"

Belgians laughed at: "Well, you see, there are basically three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those that can't."

Swedes found funny: "A guy phones the local hospital and yells, `you've gotta send help! My wife's in labour!" The nurse says, `calm down. Is this her first child?' He replies, `no! This is her husband!"'

And Canadians chortled at: "What do you call a woman who can balance four pints of beer on her head? Beatrix."

Men prefer jokes that are aggressive, put women down, and contain sexual innuendo, while women find word-play jokes funniest.

An example of a male joke was: "A guy walked into a psychiatrist's office wearing only cling-film underpants. The psychiatrist said: `well, I can clearly see you're nuts."'

Women preferred: "A man walks into a bar with a piece of Tarmac under his arm. He says to the barman: `A pint for me, and one for the road'."

Dr Wiseman said: "These findings reflect fundamental differences in the ways in which males and females use humour. Males use humour to appear superior to others, whilst women are more linguistically skilled and prefer word-puns."

The year-long research hopes to collect jokes from 100,000 people in an effort to understand if universal humour exists, and whether it can further our understanding of the brain.

People taking part are invited both to submit and rate jokes over the Web.

About 10,000 jokes have been submitted so far, with one about Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson emerging as the early winner, with a top rating from 47% of those taking part.

The joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa, from Blackpool, goes like this: Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars.

During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson says: "I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replies: "Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent ..."

Two chicken jokes were awarded the lowest ratings by 74% of people taking part.

One was the joke known to every school child: "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side."

The other was: "Why are chickens considered good employees? Because they work around the cluck."

Laugh Lab, organised in conjunction with the British Association for the Advancement of Science, is the largest experiment of its kind ever carried out.

gHari · 12-20-2001, 01:43 AM

Canadians have no sense of humor, eh? Well, I just submitted this humour. The usual [insert favorite minority here] slur is replaced by a generic fictitious fall group:

Quote:

The small island country of Wannabe was not to be upstaged by America's moon landing. They announced that they were about to launch a manned space mission to walk on the sun.

The American astronauts warned them that they would certainly burn up, likely long before they even reached the surface of the sun.

"Don't worry", said the Wannabe leader, "we're going at night".

And we will walk on the sun and show you just who is the greatest nation on this globe! Not only the funniest, but also the most technically dexterous.

[This message has been edited by gHari (edited 12-20-2001).]

Tarun · 12-20-2001, 04:34 PM

Holmes-Watson Tent gag wasn't too bad.
It's already been floating around Internet for 2-3 yrs.
Bronx Zoo Lila has a collection that can easily rival it.
When's the next contest? Let us know!

gHari · 12-21-2001, 01:05 AM

The contest is still ongoing; see link in first post.

Tarun · 12-21-2001, 02:29 PM

Below joke submission space it says:
Submission is tantamount to copyright transfer to UH.
Who's UH?

gHari · 12-21-2001, 04:46 PM

dasa · 10-04-2002, 08:27 PM

Scientists identify 'funniest gag in the world'

The world's funniest joke has been unveiled by scientists at the end of the largest study of humour ever undertaken.

For the past year people around the world have been invited to judge jokes on an internet site and contribute quips of their own.

The LaughLab experiment - conducted by psychologist Dr Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire - attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million ratings.

The joke which received the highest global ratings was submitted by 31-year-old psychiatrist Gurpal Gosall, from Manchester.

It is: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

People logging onto the LaughLab website were invited to rate jokes using a "Giggleometer" which had a five-point scale ranging from "not very funny" to "very funny".

One intriguing result was that Germans - not renowned for their sense of humour - found just about everything funny. They did not express a strong preference for any type of joke.

People from the Republic of Ireland, the UK, Australia and New Zealand most enjoyed jokes involving word plays.

Top joke in Scotland: I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Top joke in USA: A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Belgium: Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

Story filed: 11:09 Thursday 3rd October 2002

dasa · 10-04-2002, 08:30 PM

I don't think jokes get to Belgium very fast.

11-06-2003, 07:26 AM

This is really a good, clean joke. I heartily laughed!!!

11-10-2003, 10:17 AM

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend and says, "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."

What does that tell you?" asked The Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute,then says, Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then says, "Tonto, you idiot , someone has stolen our tent."