Guest guest Report post Posted January 7, 1999 >"Sheila Waddington" <sheila.waddington >< > >Thu, 7 Jan 1999 20:51:42 -0800 >Reply-to: > Re: Digest Number 2 > >"Sheila Waddington" <sheila.waddington > > > >Hello list friends, > >I am Sheila, I am new to this list. >I am so glad to have found your list, thank you for the work you do. > >>Everybody has a sorrow in his heart. We have radios and televisions; we >>have jet planes and motor cars; we have the best food to eat and most >>attractive dress to put on; we have got social status and position; we >>have got money to spend and to burn. There is nothing that we lack, >>materially speaking. But we are unhappy, we are sorrow-stricken and we >>have a grief at the bottom of our heart. This is the essence of the >>whole matter. > >Thank you ten thousand times for this message, I am, from time to time, >convinced that I am the only one living in sorrow. >Everyone else seems to have their life sorted, in balance and all in working >order. They seem happy. >To understand that sorrow is part of everyone's heart helps me to see that I >create my own sorrow by pondering on it so much! > >If it is always there then I shall have to live with it, but pay more >attention to the other side of the coin. >ie not give sorrow the energy to grow. I have been walking with sorrow for >two years now and have been wondering why I can't release myself from it, >some times I have tried so hard to rid it from my being, only to find it >loom up in front of me just when I think I've got rid of it, other times I >have been 'waiting' for it to go away - for me to find the part of me from >the past that was not so affected by sorrow. > >I can accept that sorrow is always there, and was always there even when I >was not aware of it. >I am thankful to know sorrow and to be able to accept it, I am thankful to >you for enlightening me. > >I think I am going to enjoy this list very much, though a lot of what and >who you talk about is new to me. Some things I just skip past, I expect they >will become more familiar as I go along > >Love >Sheila Welcome Sheila. Thanks for your presence. There are many good people here. Harsha > > >------ >To from this mailing list, or to change your subscription >to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at and >select the User Center link from the menu bar on the left. > Absolute Awareness dawns with Perfect Clarity when the mind subsides into the Total Silence of the Self. The Unlimited Nature of Now becomes Fully Self-Evident. The Self Sees IT Self by It Self and Through It Self. Harsha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted January 7, 1999 > >"Sheila Waddington" <sheila.waddington > > > >Hello list friends, > >I am Sheila, I am new to this list. >I am so glad to have found your list, thank you for the work you do. > > >I can accept that sorrow is always there, and was always there even when I >was not aware of it. >I am thankful to know sorrow and to be able to accept it, I am thankful to >you for enlightening me. > >I think I am going to enjoy this list very much, though a lot of what and >who you talk about is new to me. Some things I just skip past, I expect they >will become more familiar as I go along > >Love >Sheila > > Welcome Sheila, My hope is that you will soon find here the joy that is also always present in your heart, even when we are not aware of that, either. We can have joy in the midst of sorrow. My life has been and continues to be "anything but all sorted out." The company of friends here has been so truly helpful to me in learning to have peace no matter what. I am glad you have joined us. With love, Gloria Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted January 7, 1999 Hello list friends, I am Sheila, I am new to this list. I am so glad to have found your list, thank you for the work you do. >Everybody has a sorrow in his heart. We have radios and televisions; we >have jet planes and motor cars; we have the best food to eat and most >attractive dress to put on; we have got social status and position; we >have got money to spend and to burn. There is nothing that we lack, >materially speaking. But we are unhappy, we are sorrow-stricken and we >have a grief at the bottom of our heart. This is the essence of the >whole matter. Thank you ten thousand times for this message, I am, from time to time, convinced that I am the only one living in sorrow. Everyone else seems to have their life sorted, in balance and all in working order. They seem happy. To understand that sorrow is part of everyone's heart helps me to see that I create my own sorrow by pondering on it so much! If it is always there then I shall have to live with it, but pay more attention to the other side of the coin. ie not give sorrow the energy to grow. I have been walking with sorrow for two years now and have been wondering why I can't release myself from it, some times I have tried so hard to rid it from my being, only to find it loom up in front of me just when I think I've got rid of it, other times I have been 'waiting' for it to go away - for me to find the part of me from the past that was not so affected by sorrow. I can accept that sorrow is always there, and was always there even when I was not aware of it. I am thankful to know sorrow and to be able to accept it, I am thankful to you for enlightening me. I think I am going to enjoy this list very much, though a lot of what and who you talk about is new to me. Some things I just skip past, I expect they will become more familiar as I go along Love Sheila Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted January 12, 1999 Hello: I thought I would like to respond to your thoughts. I found that it was possible to find the source of sorrow, even when I had buried it so deep I did not realize that it was not even my own. With a good therapist, meditation and prayer, I found that this deep sorrow was my mother's, imprinted on me in the womb, and was about her grief for the death of my sister, who had died three years before I was born after only a half hour of life...I then did research, found out where my sister was buried and went to her, and expelled my mother's grief there, at her grave. I then had a stone put on her grave ( there was none ) and after a few more months of echos of sorrow and grief, was finally free of it. And I have this wonderful new relationship with my infant sister, my spiritual twin, in my heart. Sometimes it is worth finding the source of sorrow, even if the pain of getting there is intense. ---Sheila Waddington <sheila.waddington wrote: > > "Sheila Waddington" <sheila.waddington > > > > Hello list friends, > > I am Sheila, I am new to this list. > I am so glad to have found your list, thank you for the work you do. > > >Everybody has a sorrow in his heart. We have radios and televisions; we > >have jet planes and motor cars; we have the best food to eat and most > >attractive dress to put on; we have got social status and position; we > >have got money to spend and to burn. There is nothing that we lack, > >materially speaking. But we are unhappy, we are sorrow-stricken and we > >have a grief at the bottom of our heart. This is the essence of the > >whole matter. > > Thank you ten thousand times for this message, I am, from time to time, > convinced that I am the only one living in sorrow. > Everyone else seems to have their life sorted, in balance and all in working > order. They seem happy. > To understand that sorrow is part of everyone's heart helps me to see that I > create my own sorrow by pondering on it so much! > > If it is always there then I shall have to live with it, but pay more > attention to the other side of the coin. > ie not give sorrow the energy to grow. I have been walking with sorrow for > two years now and have been wondering why I can't release myself from it, > some times I have tried so hard to rid it from my being, only to find it > loom up in front of me just when I think I've got rid of it, other times I > have been 'waiting' for it to go away - for me to find the part of me from > the past that was not so affected by sorrow. > > I can accept that sorrow is always there, and was always there even when I > was not aware of it. > I am thankful to know sorrow and to be able to accept it, I am thankful to > you for enlightening me. > > I think I am going to enjoy this list very much, though a lot of what and > who you talk about is new to me. Some things I just skip past, I expect they > will become more familiar as I go along > > Love > Sheila > > > ------ > To from this mailing list, or to change your subscription > to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at and > select the User Center link from the menu bar on the left. > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted January 13, 1999 > >Michel Campeau <ml_campeau > >Hello: I thought I would like to respond to your thoughts. I found >that it was possible to find the source of sorrow, even when I had >buried it so deep I did not realize that it was not even my own. With >a good therapist, meditation and prayer, I found that this deep sorrow >was my mother's, imprinted on me in the womb, and was about her grief >for the death of my sister, who had died three years before I was born >after only a half hour of life...I then did research, found out where >my sister was buried and went to her, and expelled my mother's grief >there, at her grave. I then had a stone put on her grave ( there was >none ) and after a few more months of echos of sorrow and grief, was >finally free of it. And I have this wonderful new relationship with my >infant sister, my spiritual twin, in my heart. Sometimes it is worth >finding the source of sorrow, even if the pain of getting there is >intense. > Hello Michael, Thank you for sharing your story. I suppose many of us may carry other's grief, passed on to us like an inheritance. Many other emotions besides grief are also transmitted to us...the idea of asking who may have given me this ______whatever emotion...is a good avenue to look from. It is interesting to me that once you identified this was not even your grief, you carried it to such completion on your mother's behalf. It would have been so easy to deny and just say, "Hey, if this isn't even mine, why bother?" It is beautiful and touching that you would do so much to honor your sister and mother. The original post on sorrow pointed out that we also carry a kind of nameless grief...which I think of as a kind of homesickness. Still it is worthwhile to explore other origins. Thank you again, Gloria Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted January 14, 1999 GLoria: thank you for your kind response. I agree, there can be a nameless sorrow or grief that we can carry inside us for years. I guess I should have been clearer in my own message that I found myself, after a very good two years of therapy and meditation, free of a number of old emotional suitcases full of hurts, angers, rages and sorrows. To my surprise there remained this generalized grief that was quite strong and did not appear to have any basis. It was a result of this that my therapist and I began to look for other possibilities and this led to the recollection that my mother had never really gotten over her grief at the loss of my sister. This in turn led to a deep inner search for the source and the discovery that, indeed, this sorrow I carried was not my own and that I could release myself from it, and, in doing so, complete my own birth in a sense, as well as release myself from this generalized pain. I guess I am suggesting that we are so very good at creating a pain or sorrow "program" within ourselves, and then covering it up so that it cannot easily be discovered and dealt with. Meditation, prayer and other forms of spiritual practice, along with therapy in some cases, can help us to discover these old programs and bring them to an end. If a generalized grief or sorrow still remains after that, then certainly it may suggest a deeper inner longing for reunion with ourselves, or for some return to an inner home of some kind, perhaps lost in early development or as a result of some trauma or crisis. Interstingly enough, it was a result of this process involving my sister that I had a "spontaneous" kundalini awakening in my heart about three years ago and my experience with this process has been relatively gentle - intense at times, and continuous for the last eight months or so, but gentle and loving nevertheless...I am very grateful for that... ---gloria lee <glee_is wrote: > > "gloria lee" <glee_is > > > > > >Michel Campeau <ml_campeau > > > >Hello: I thought I would like to respond to your thoughts. I found > >that it was possible to find the source of sorrow, even when I had > >buried it so deep I did not realize that it was not even my own. With > >a good therapist, meditation and prayer, I found that this deep sorrow > >was my mother's, imprinted on me in the womb, and was about her grief > >for the death of my sister, who had died three years before I was born > >after only a half hour of life...I then did research, found out where > >my sister was buried and went to her, and expelled my mother's grief > >there, at her grave. I then had a stone put on her grave ( there was > >none ) and after a few more months of echos of sorrow and grief, was > >finally free of it. And I have this wonderful new relationship with my > >infant sister, my spiritual twin, in my heart. Sometimes it is worth > >finding the source of sorrow, even if the pain of getting there is > >intense. > > > Hello Michael, > > Thank you for sharing your story. I suppose many of us may carry other's > grief, passed on to us like an inheritance. Many other emotions besides > grief are also transmitted to us...the idea of asking who may have given > me this ______whatever emotion...is a good avenue to look from. It is > interesting to me that once you identified this was not even your grief, > you carried it to such completion on your mother's behalf. It would have > been so easy to deny and just say, "Hey, if this isn't even mine, why > bother?" It is beautiful and touching that you would do so much to > honor your sister and mother. > > The original post on sorrow pointed out that we also carry a kind of > nameless grief...which I think of as a kind of homesickness. Still it is > worthwhile to explore other origins. > > Thank you again, > > Gloria > > ------ > To from this mailing list, or to change your subscription > to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at and > select the User Center link from the menu bar on the left. > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted January 16, 1999 Hello Michel, Thank you for replying - you know that with what might have been a small realisation my life has changed, for two years or so there has been no ability to tap into happiness, i just haven't been able to find it, until i read that message, then instead of searching for happiness I found I could just let go of sorrow and live life again. I know it sounds so simple, but really its been a revelation. My immediate (this two years) sorrow has been love based, the same old story, 'the man I love doesn't love me' I am too tapped into my emotions, but the logical side of me just couldn't understand why I could get so locked into this feeling, I was embarrassed with myself for being this way. I tried to follow God, 'this is meant to be' attitude, but my meditations almost ceased as i was so frustrated with life. This is indeed a pattern that has been with me since childhood, and no doubt is not necessarily about my ability or non ability to be in love with someone. The aim is to love everyone equally, but with a few people its like a magnetic attraction (sounds corny ) - usually I feel the attraction, and they dont. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't know why they don't feel the way I do. (Logically it doesn't make sense, but emotionally its too powerful for me to see what is happening in reality) I wonder if it is possible to feel this 'softening and openess' for everyone? Maybe its my own greed that feels this with someone, then I want this person all for myself. I don't know. Love may be a very splendid thing...etc.., but it is certainly the strangest thing I've come accross! and the hardest thing for me to deal with. As I am in 'release mode' at the moment - and heady with the feelings of joy and happiness its brought, it was good for you to remind me that this is probably a pattern, and one which I think can only be broken whilst I'm out of its lock. I am now able to meditate again, relaxed and peaceful, I have thought of seeking professional advise or help, but I don't know how I'd explain it in a way that someone just might understand, - or how to find someone who can help me? somehow part of me thinks no-one will understand - if I do ever find the courage to say anything to anyone they often say 'oh, don't worry about things like that - get out there and live your life!' so I keep quiet and try to work it out for myself. I am 45 now, and I also feel this may be a teenage problem, another reason for my embarrassment, and another reason for me not to talk about it. But how can a soul reach emotional maturity if it is locked into behaving like a teenager? Oh, I'm sorry I've rambled - Yes, I think that patterns like this can be hereditary, so, like you say, much harder to find, but in releasing it from yourself you will also have released it in your mother. That is honourable, and I feel probably very difficult, were there many times when you wanted to turn away - not upset the apple cart?, it was interesting that it was not immediate released at your sisters grave and continued for several months afterwards. (My natural grabbing self wants immediate release!! -) Maybe the pleasant state of affairs I'm in at the moment may only be temporary until the next jolt comes around - because I have not dealt with the underlying issue. I don't have a completely happy relationship with my mother, I love her dearly but I am irritated by her, perhaps that is a sign... she's 83 now and has started to work on herself through something called the Anneagram - I will meditate and pray, with love and thanks, Sheila Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted January 18, 1999 Hello Sheila: I'm glad to hear that you have been able to release yourself from this grief. There is no doubt it is easier to do when we know what the source is, I guess, provided we are willing to turn our attention away from it. My experience is different from yours. I have been happily married for 28 years. I am 50, with two grown daughters, a granddaughter and a grandson on the way ( they had an ultrasound done today!) From this it is easy to see why I would find it very easy to argue the case for loving one person ( or a small circle) in a very special way.. I do believe it is both natural and healthy to do so. I don't think it takes away from our capacity to love more generally as well, and I it sounds to me like you have great capacity to love in small or wider circles...finding the right person can take a very long time, sometimes. That's alright too. I wouldn't think that your capacity and desire to find a special relationship is juvenile or immature, rather I would suggest that it shows a courage and clarity of vision that is often lacking in our sad little world...and perhaps frightening to people with less emotional insight than you may have. Hang in there. I would hope you keep your heart open and your mind free. Spiritual development does not necessarily mean development alone. Many traditions do not require or demand celibacy and isolation to attain enlightenment, and, as you well know, deep spiritual insights are often gained in the process of working out a healthy and honest relationship with another person... ---Sheila Waddington <sheila.waddington wrote: > > "Sheila Waddington" <sheila.waddington > > Hello Michel, > Thank you for replying - you know that with what might have been a small > realisation my life has changed, for two years or so there has been no > ability to tap into happiness, i just haven't been able to find it, until i > read that message, then instead of searching for happiness I found I could > just let go of sorrow and live life again. I know it sounds so simple, but > really its been a revelation. > > My immediate (this two years) sorrow has been love based, the same old > story, 'the man I love doesn't love me' I am too tapped into my emotions, > but the logical side of me just couldn't understand why I could get so > locked into this feeling, I was embarrassed with myself for being this way. > I tried to follow God, 'this is meant to be' attitude, but my meditations > almost ceased as i was so frustrated with life. > > This is indeed a pattern that has been with me since childhood, and no > doubt is not necessarily about my ability or non ability to be in love with > someone. The aim is to love everyone equally, but with a few people its like > a magnetic attraction (sounds corny ) - usually I feel the attraction, and > they dont. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't know why they don't feel > the way I do. (Logically it doesn't make sense, but emotionally its too > powerful for me to see what is happening in reality) I wonder if it is > possible to feel this 'softening and openess' for everyone? Maybe its my own > greed that feels this with someone, then I want this person all for myself. > I don't know. Love may be a very splendid thing...etc.., but it is certainly > the strangest thing I've come accross! and the hardest thing for me to deal > with. > > As I am in 'release mode' at the moment - and heady with the feelings of joy > and happiness its brought, it was good for you to remind me that this is > probably a pattern, and one which I think can only be broken whilst I'm out > of its lock. I am now able to meditate again, relaxed and peaceful, I have > thought of seeking professional advise or help, but I don't know how I'd > explain it in a way that someone just might understand, - or how to find > someone who can help me? somehow part of me thinks no-one will understand - > if I do ever find the courage to say anything to anyone they often say 'oh, > don't worry about things like that - get out there and live your life!' > so I keep quiet and try to work it out for myself. > > I am 45 now, and I also feel this may be a teenage problem, another reason > for my embarrassment, and another reason for me not to talk about it. But > how can a soul reach emotional maturity if it is locked into behaving like a > teenager? > > Oh, I'm sorry I've rambled - > > Yes, I think that patterns like this can be hereditary, so, like you say, > much harder to find, but in releasing it from yourself you will also have > released it in your mother. That is honourable, and I feel probably very > difficult, were there many times when you wanted to turn away - not upset > the apple cart?, it was interesting that it was not immediate released at > your sisters grave and continued for several months afterwards. (My natural > grabbing self wants immediate release!! -) > > Maybe the pleasant state of affairs I'm in at the moment may only be > temporary until the next jolt comes around - because I have not dealt with > the underlying issue. > > I don't have a completely happy relationship with my mother, I love her > dearly but I am irritated by her, perhaps that is a sign... she's 83 now and > has started to work on herself through something called the Anneagram - > > I will meditate and pray, > > with love and thanks, > > Sheila > > > > > > > > ------ > To from this mailing list, or to change your subscription > to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at and > select the User Center link from the menu bar on the left. > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
