vanamali 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 I heard a rumor that Krishna Loves only Radha- Oh, what a fool I am! Is it true? Is it true? Is it really true? Oh Krishna! My God, You are so beautiful! I love You so much If my love doesn't please You I will kill it If my kisses offend You Lord I will walk this moment out of Vrindavan And roam the dusty roads forever Singing songs of Your glory Krishna, please don't think of pleasing me If you love only Her Then please forget me I couldn't bear the thought of You embracing me While thinking of Her I don't want to hurt You... But neither can I love you in any other way... So better we part ways, my Darling I will leave in the night without a sound Without saying goodbye And You will never know how or why I left You... Oh Krishna I will write your name with my tears in the dust From Delhi to Chennai I will sing songs of our love Till my body burns itself to ashes... Oh, don't cry my darling friends I have the fire in my heart To keep me company And the clouds in the sky To remind me of Him... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pankaja_Dasa 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Its a fact the Pure devotees are always happy to see Srimati Radha-Krishna together, I am not sure what mood you are expressing, but I feel nobody else will answer your post, so I made a fearful start. /images/graemlins/frown.gif Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
i_luv_krishna 0 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Its a fact the Pure devotees are always happy to see Srimati Radha-Krishna together, Its a fact Srimati Radha is always happy to see pure devotees and Krishna together .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pankaja_Dasa 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Thats means Vanamali Mata is a pure devotee. Who am I to say or not? Haribol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pankaja_Dasa 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Vanamali Mata is a pure devotee. Who am I to say or not? Me and my big mouth. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Oh sisters, I got up in the night Midnight I removed my payal Bangles and other noise-making ornaments And headed out of town But friends, Krishna found me on the road... "What's happening?" "I am running away." "Oh!... Where are we going?" That was it for my plans... I was so ashamed before Him Radhika's Krishna stays always with Her But my Krishna sticks to me like Metal filings to a magnet... I sing sad songs of separation by day But at night I lay my head in His lap While He smooths my hair And dries my tears with His lotus fingers... I don't know if this will please you I don't know if my theology My philosophy is correct I only know that Krishna is always there for me Whether I have the heart to ask Him or not.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 29, 2004 simply cheap imitation of the mirabai's mood.. our tradition: 5 sri-radhika-madhavayor apara- madhurya-lila-guna-rupa-namnam prati-ksanasvadana-lolupasya vande guroh sri-caranaravindam The spiritual master is always eager to hear and chant about the unlimited conjugal pastimes of Radhika and Madhava, and Their qualities, names, and forms. The spiritual master aspires to relish these at every moment. I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a spiritual master. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Abuse from the pure devotee is so sweet!! This is why I feel free to express my madness before you all! Yes, I am a cheap imitation and a fool! Please tell me more!! Your wretched servant, ~Vanamali Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 29, 2004 if your intimate "mad" feelings about sri krsna were authentic you would not bother to show them to all, but you were in krsnaloka enjoying lilas as a gopi so be serious, coherent and practice some religion Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Sweet devotee of the lord, I have not told anyone about these for many years, but now I am tired of hiding it. I think there may be many people having feelings like that, but are afraid that if they are open about it, they will be ridiculed. I just want such people to know that they are not alone... Anyway, I am not a gopi. I am just a madwoman. Please do not think I am trying to pass myself off as a gopi, or that I think I have any real prema for Bhagavan. I just have this sweet feeling in my heart whenever I see Him. This is because He is good. I am not good. I am attracted NOT because I am a good person, but simply because He is all-attractive. What is so confusing about this? HE is good, HE is beautiful. If a girl notices these things, so what? I am not passing myself off as some "pure devotee" or something like this. I'm a good-for-nothing wretch. But He is so kind that He accepts love from anyone, no matter how unworthy. Please, sweet devotee of the Lord, have mercy on me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
i_luv_krishna 0 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Sri Hari's dear devotees, May be Srimati Radharani feels happy whenever a lost soul tries to reach Krishna, not just pure devotees. My mistake. I did not make it clear enough. Of course, I have no knowledge. I am heavily dependent on you all. > if your intimate "mad" feelings about sri krsna were > authentic you would not bother to show them to all, > but you were in krsnaloka enjoying lilas as a gopi > simply cheap imitation of the mirabai's mood.. dear devotee of Krishna. Let your glory be establlished throughout the universe. we are not at all claiming to be authentic. We are indeed insane people. Cheap imitators. Somehow or the other, we have the fortune of taking Krishna's names while imitating these feelings. That gives us some solace. May be of the wrong kind. We are all just dependent on the mercy of devotees to show us the path. But then we are so very habituated to our wrong ways, we find it difficult to give up because that feeling just springs up out of nowhere. > so be serious, coherent and practice some religion Your advice is shirodhaari. When my heart is cleansed by the mercy of the devotees. Perhaps I will be able to serously take to the path of devotion. our tradition: 5 sri-radhika-madhavayor apara- madhurya-lila-guna-rupa-namnam prati-ksanasvadana-lolupasya vande guroh sri-caranaravindam The spiritual master is always eager to hear and chant about the unlimited conjugal pastimes of Radhika and Madhava, and Their qualities, names, and forms. The spiritual master aspires to relish these at every moment. I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of such a spiritual master. O dear one of Hari, Your tradition is the greatest and the best. There is none to compete in the three worlds. Yet because of our so fallen condition we are unable to understand its glory. That sublime name of Radha will not sit in our tongue. So we paatakis have, somehow or the other, found shelter in Krishna's name. Now whether He kicks us or keeps us, it is His wish. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
i_luv_krishna 0 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 Dear Vanamali ji, Srimati Radharani is your dear Bhuu Devi in Vrindavana lila and Satyabhama in Dwarka .... whoever is touched by the mercy of Her lotus feet is sure to become mad .... insane .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 29, 2004 We are indeed insane people. Cheap imitators not all the devotees, even at the first levels of practice, are imitators. The majority does not think at all to have a sentimental/sensual relationship with krsna in competition with srimati radhika. Our gaudya vaishnava acharyas are very clear and most of us follow this mood . When my heart is cleansed by the mercy of the devotees. Perhaps I will be able to serously take to the path of devotion. the only way tho let the devotees clean our heart is to be serious in devotion. God does not want to force us, if we remain in ignorance he does not disturb our desire . Now whether He kicks us or keeps us, it is His wish. so let us do his wish practising as disciples of the master who is an assistant of the gopis who serves radha, who is the servant of krsna... to imagine that we are fiancees of krsna will not help us too much ---------- ************************ vikretukAmA kila gopa-kanyaa muraari-paadaarpita-citta-vrittih dadhyaadikam mohavashaad avocad Govinda Daamodara Maadhaveti... ******************** can you post or give the link of the complete text and maybe the translation of this song? thanks.. hare krishna Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 O Beloved Devotee of the Lord!! Please excuse me for my impertenence. Being a servant of Radha, as you say, is best. Okay! But our Beloved Sri Krishna also needs friends, mummy, daddy, and yes even Candravali and Her sakhis... you know I like Candravali very much. Even I like Radharani very much, but I just don't have that coveted mood of a manjari of Radha. I tried to force it on myself, but it was very bad... first I was crying all the time, and then I couldn't even cry or anything. It all just dried up. I could only scream and beg Govinda's help. So I guess I am stuck as it is, with this mood of the conjugal nature. Okay! Krishna has visited me in dreams a couple of times to reassure me. Maybe I can get a place in the palace at Dwaraka or in Candravali's yutha in Vrindavana... a billion births from now... who knows???? Well, you know I think that "competition" with Radha is not possible. It is just for the sake of the Leela... Krishna is all-too capable of mutliplying Himself into many Krishnas, as He does with His wives at Dwaraka, so this game with Candravali and Radha is just for the Divine Play... okay, doesn't anybody feel sympathy for Candravali? Krishna never says "Leave Me alone! I only want Radhika!" No, He still goes to Candravali, and then floats back to His place at Radha's side. I bet Candravali cries all the time on account of this, but nobody feels sorry for Her? Well, I do! /images/graemlins/smile.gif You know, I am tooooo fond of Satyabhama. I can very easily think how to please Her, because She is always so stressed out thinking Krishna will leave Her... I can think of so many anti-stress techniques to calm Her in the evenings... maybe???? /images/graemlins/smile.gif Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 >can you post or give the link of the complete text and maybe the translation of this song? thanks.. hare krishna Yes, I will start another thread for that... /images/graemlins/smile.gif Jai Sri Krishna!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pankaja_Dasa 1 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 All this is too much for me. Don't you think this is private? Before I say anything also does your Guru Maharaja know about this? Have you wrote to him? What does he say? I feel you are commiting mistakes, maybe not aparadha too stronger word, little while ago you were having problems of some sort {I can't remember and don't want to just making a point} Bit worried for you thats all nobody else is replying to you so its down to me. Sorry. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 Do I think this is private??? Yes, it is quite private!! I am doing this for a reason, though!!!!! I NEVER thought I would mention these to anyone. However, I strongly believe that there are souls out there who are looking for others who understand their feelings, and since it took me a LONG time to find anybody that I trusted enought to tell... well, I thought I would just say all these *private* things in the open, only for their sakes. Yes, all these are very private. You should never expose your devotion openly like this. Others will not understand, and will not hesitate to try to uproot your bhakti-lata, thinking it to be a weed. Never do this, my darling devotee of the lord. I am opening my heart and pouring out the whole contents in front of everybody. I am completely emotionally naked before you, and inviting you to make comments. Never do this, please. Once again, the only reason I am doing this is A. Because I have recently got the courage to do so because of a specific help from Bhagavan, and B. Because I am concerned that some sister souls out there are feeling very very VERY alone, as I used to feel... I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Please, if what I have to say does not help you in any way, then don't bother reading my nonsense. Please don't be worried, sweet Devotee of my Lord... Oh, the problems earlier!! Yes, this is directly related to that!! Yes, I have learned to talk very nicely to devotees like you, because HE is very fond of you, and does not take it lightly when one devotee hurts another. Yes, at that time I was trying to force myself into a mood that is not natural to me, and it was creating severe mental turmoil. Krishna has since sent the assurance that I prayed for... And yes my Guruji (as such) has this wifely bhava towards Bhagavan. She does not see any problem. Unfortunately I cannot contact her often, as she does not live in the USA, where I am living. If you are worried about me, please do say some prayers for Bhagavan to remove all my sin and ignorance. Asato maa sadgamaya- tamaso maa jyotir gamaya- mrutyor maa amrutam gamaya Om shantih shantih shantih Harih om.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xxvvii 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 no madhurya without aishwarya ----------- maadhva=ice? If that's true, you're more aggressive than you appear to be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
i_luv_krishna 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 > not all the devotees, even at the first levels of > practice, are imitators. A symptom of a fallen person is that he is a slave to his habit. I cannot help it. Even with all the beating from the world or from the Lord Himself. > The majority does not think at > all to have a sentimental/sensual relationship with krsna > in competition with srimati radhika. "in competition"? whaaa...........? If I hurt Her, let Krishna send me to andah tamah. May be He will never come to me but how do I change the feeling that I have for Him. It is not possible for me and I do not see it being changed in future. That "feeling" for Him - that is the bottomline, not what I get back in return. Do you seriously think that if I have feelings for Krishna, Srimati Radha will feel competition. An elephant feeling competition from a bug? > Our gaudya vaishnava > acharyas are very clear and most of us follow this mood I have tried and I cannot follow it. I still declare that *YOUR* Gaudiya sampradaya is the pinnacle of sacrifice. But I do not have that capacity for sacrifice. > so let us do his wish practising as disciples of the > master who is an assistant of the gopis who serves radha, > who is the servant of krsna... to imagine that we are > fiancees of krsna will not help us too much Wherever Krishna wants. I will be Her servant's servant's servant. I can identify with Srimati Radharani's feelings, but I cannot identify with the manjaris. I just cannot remove my feelings of (so called) love for Krishna - just as a girl would love a boy. May be I will never get Him, but still I have that (so called) love. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
i_luv_krishna 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 > no madhurya without aishwarya yes I know that He maintains this universe with just one fragment of His opulences. vistabhyaham idam krtsnam ekamsena sthito jagat With a single fragment of Myself I pervade and support this entire universe. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
i_luv_krishna 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 > in competition with srimati radhika. Tell me friend, will your deity be angry if I try to have feelings for Her Lord? Did the gopis feel jealous of each other? Did the queens say they wanted exclusive right over their Husband. Yes I am a fool and I am just blabbering but what can I do, I am like that. I just pray to Srimati Radha ,who is Bhuu Svaruupaa, that She may take mercy on this useless soul and give me an opportunity to serve Them and Their devotees. I don't want to make you all angry. Your devotion for Srimati Radha is so great that you do not want to see Krishna away from Her even for a second. Even a moment's separation of Krishna from Srimati Radha is not tolerable for you. So I guess my saying that I have feelings for Sri Krishna is very disturbing to you. Please forgive me. But what can I do now that nila shyam megha varna Krishna has upset all my devotion. What can I do? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ShegavichaRana 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 Vanamaliji, you are truly devoted to Lord Krishna. So what, if someone calls you as a poor imitator or Meerabai or someone else? You have never claimed from the rooftops that you are her equal or greater. At the most I can say is that, the intensity of your devotion has suddenly increased to the extent that you could not hide your feelings for the Lord. There is nothing offensive in it. Meerabai was hated by one and all, during her lifetime, in fact the torture inflicted on her well known. Finally she had to leave the palace go to Dwaraka via Vrindavana. I also read somewhere that, most of the Rajputs even today, refuse to accept her as a great Vaishnava saint. That is one aspect. The fact remains that, from Lata Mangeshkar to MS everyone has sung her bhajans. So do not bother about what others speak of you and your devotion. Continue trading your path of devotion with utmost sincereity, that is all God wants. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted July 1, 2004 Really, I wouldn't want Sri Krishna and Srimati Radharani separated ever EVER EVER EVER, but... Just allow me this feeling. Sometimes I want to tear my hair out, sometimes I am floating in bliss.... I could survive forever like this, because *still* I am remembering Krishna, so even at the end of my life, if I continue like this, I would think of Him... I have tried to change, but it doesn't work. I feel all my feelings shutting down, and then I'm just a dead lump. Then it's just me and the samsaara and no Bhagavan... nooooo, I can't do it. I'm so sorry if I've hurt you sweet devotees by saying all these things... anyway it's between Him and myself... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted July 1, 2004 our spiritual masters do not show such sentimental behaviour.. please learn something from the devotees, be sober i will understand that you are gratificating your ego showing false prema if you answer to my post Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vanamali 1 Report post Posted July 2, 2004 Yes, don't worry I won't cause any more trouble!!! I won't mention all this again, do not worry. Just a one-time madness not to be repeated. Let us end it at that!!! I now realize I have hurt your feelings. I will pay dearly for that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
