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atma

Getting Old

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-----GAMES WHEN YOU ARE OLDER

 

1. Sag, You're It.

 

2. Hide and go pee.

 

3. 20 Questions shouted into your good ear.

 

4. Kick the bucket

 

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

 

6. Musical recliners.

 

7. Simon says something incoherent.

 

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

 

************************

 

Chapter 2: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

 

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

 

2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using

you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not

amused, you shoot him.

 

3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

 

4. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

 

5. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a

field trip to Chippendales.

 

************

 

Chapter 3 -- SIGNS OF WEAR

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"

and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your

face.

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long

as you don't have to go along.

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker

opens the garage door.

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take

fiber today.

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the

parking lot.

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!

 

 

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When your night table cup is for holding teeth.

When your night table jug is for holding urine.

When "Urine Town" (Broadway Play) means staying in bed.

When "Urine Town" means everywhere u go.

When "It had legs" (basketball term) means it no longer walks.

When "Ït had legs" can mean several other things.

When "Prune Face" not only refers to Dick Tracy's adversary.

When Prunes r always kept within reach.

When u can no longer reach them.

When u can no longer reach it.

When u no longer long for what u cannot reach.

When there's not much length left.

When u r 'growing' shorter.

When u become "victim of the shorts".

When u can't find your shorts.

When your shortcomings overcome u.

When "Playing Shortstop" means positioned near a toilet.

When "I gotta go" means u may never come back (in same body).

 

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Here is how. When you go to buy new tennis shoes and you can't find your classic Reebok hightops. Instead you get a bunch of weird colored shoes, or shoes that look like they've been molded, and have springs, and wiring, and are see-through, and just plain look ridiculous. No self-respecting man can wear the sports shoes that are sold in the stores today. They are just idiotic looking. But I guess I'm just getting old...

 

Dab nammit, where's my cane.... /ubbthreads/images/icons/wink.gif

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