Tarun 6 Report post Posted October 5, 2001 Jesus & Satan have a discussion as to who's the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest, with God as Judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up their screens for several hours straight. Seconds before their competition ends, a lightning bolt strikes, taking out their electricity. Moments later, with power restored, God announces the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, crying, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, says God. "Let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus enters a command, His screen comes to life in vivid display, voices of angelic choir pour forth from its speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! How did He do it? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program remained intact? "How did He do it?" God chuckles. "Well, as everyone knows.. Jesus saves." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tarun 6 Report post Posted December 7, 2001 From Rev Carol J E > > BIBLE CREATION REVISITED > > In the beginning God created the Heavens and the > Earth. And the Earth was > without form, and void, and darkness was upon the > face of the deep. > > And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than > this." > > And God said, "Let there be light," and there was > light. And God said, > "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding > seed, and the fruit tree > yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good. > > And Satan said, > "There goes the neighborhood." > > And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after > our likeness, and let > them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and > over the fowl of the air > and > over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over > every creeping thing that > creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in > his own image; male and > female created He them. And God looked upon Man and > Woman and saw that they > were lean and fit. > > And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this > game." > > And God populated the Earth with broccoli and > cauliflower and spinach, > green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so that > Man and Woman would live > long > and healthy lives. > > And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's > brought forth the 99 cent > double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You > want fries with that?" > > And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained 5 > pounds. > > And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman > might keep her figure that > Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth Godiva > chocolate. > > And Woman gained 5 pounds. > > And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And > Satan brought forth Ben and > Jerry's. And Ben and Jerry's brought forth Cherry > Garcia. And Woman gained > 10 pounds. > > And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy > vegetables and olive oil with > which to cook them." And Satan brought forth > chicken fried steak so big it > needed its own platter, slathered with gravy. And > Man gained 10 pounds > and his bad cholesterol went through the roof. > > And God brought forth running shoes and Man > resolved to lose those extra > pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with > remote control so Man would > not have to toil to change channels between ESPN > and ESPN2. And Man > gained another 20 pounds. > > And God said, "You're running up the score, > Devil." > > And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable > naturally low in fat and > brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the > healthful skin and sliced > the starchy center into chips and deep fat fried > them. And he created sour > cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control > and ate the potato > chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw this and > said, "It is good." > > And Man went into cardiac arrest. > > And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass > surgery. > > And Satan smiled, and created HMO. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
