Lust for Women

[Guest guest]

Hi all, I have a weakness and iam trying to fight it for years.

I have a wakness for women, I cant stop thinking about them and pictruing them in my mind in variuous forms. Iam thinking impure thoughts about them. And the more i fight againt this the more i start to fantasize. I see any girl in the street and i start to fantasise in a sexual way. I dont know how to fight

and win this war. Iam afraid i might destroy my family life.

 

How do i gain a clear conciense, mind and self ?

 

Thank You,

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the club my friend. We all have weaknesses for women and the way they dress these days doesn't help. But make sure it doesn't take over your life and be careful with who you may settle with. Who knows what they're really like behind the act that some of them put on.

But as a Hindu you're supposed to develop self-control and let's not forget to remain celibate before marriage.

 

Can I ask a question? Do you talk to women? Have female friends? Do you intend on having a girlfriend or is it against your morals? Or are these thought based on random women you see in everyday life? And do you live in India or a western country?

[sampath 0]

nothing wrong in it.Its a god given feeling.Whats natural cannot be a sin.Thats not a weakness.God is not calculating what lust you have in your mind and planning to burn you for that.

 

enjoy ,have fun.Dont cheat your wife,thats all.Simple rule.

[Guest guest]

How to Control ourselves?

 

I know what is wrong, yet why is it that I cannot refrain myself, or have the strength to stop myself from doing foolish things?

 

Our question this month is based on a very common experience. It is also an important question, which confronts all of us who would like to conquer an impulse or a desire, who would like to change themselves and their character but find it so difficult. We know what is wrong and yet, when the time comes, we are unable to stop ourselves from doing the wrong action. This can happen for very small things and also for things which have a crucial impact on our lives.

 

When we are quiet, by ourselves, we feel that we will not indulge in wrong movements or repeat our mistakes. But as soon as the occasion arises, not only do we forget our resolutions, but even begin to find justifications and excuses for our indulgence. And the whole cycle repeats itself over and over again. We sometimes wonder why this is so.

 

Here the Mother explains the reasons for such behaviour, and very beautifully describes the psychological states and shows the way out of the impasse.

 

"[You mean] people who know that they are doing foolish things, who are conscious, but who are not able to refrain from them, because their mind does not have enough strength to check them?..."

 

Mind and the Impulses

 

"But the mind never has sufficient strength to check them! For the mind is an instrument made to see all things from all sides. Then how can you expect to have a will strong enough to resist an impulse when the mind looks at it first from this side and then from that side? And then it says: "After all, it is like that and why should it not be like that?" And so, where is your will?…

 

As I said there, it always finds a way to explain everything, justify everything and give admirable reasons for all things… "

 

Mind and its Excuses

 

"For even the most beautiful theories, even if one knows mentally many things and holds admirable principles, that is not sufficiently strong to create a will capable of resisting an impulse. At one time you are quite determined, you have decided that it would be thus - for example, that you would not do such a thing: it is settled, you will not do it - but how is it that suddenly (you do not know how or why nor what has happened), you have not decided anything at all! And then you immediately find in yourself an excellent reason for doing the thing... Among others, there is a certain kind of excuse which is always given: "Well, if I do it this time, at least I shall be convinced that it is very bad and I shall do it no longer and this will be the last time." It is the prettiest excuse one always gives to oneself: "This is the last time I am doing it. This time, I am doing it to understand perfectly that it is bad and that it must not be done and I shall not do it any more. This is the last time." Every time, it is the last time! and you begin again.

 

Of course there are some who have less clear ideas and who say to themselves: "After all, why don't I want to do it? These are theories, they are principles that might not be true. If I have this impulse, what is it that tells me that this impulse is not better than a theory?..." It is not for them the last time. It is something they accept as quite natural.

 

Between these two extremes there are all the possibilities. But the most dangerous of all is to say: "Well, I am doing it once more this time, that will purify me of this. Afterwards I shall no longer do it." Now the purification is never enough! "

 

How to Conquer the Desires

 

"It happens only when you have decided: "Well, this time, I am going to try not to do it, and I shall not do it, I shall apply all my strength and I shall not do it." Even if you have just a little success, it is much. Not a big success, but just a small success, a very partial success: you do not carry out what you yearn to do; but the yearning, the desire, the passion is still there and that produces whirls within, but outside you resist, "I shall not do it, I shall not move; even if I have to bind myself hand and foot, I shall not do it." It is a partial success - but it is a great victory because, due to this, next time you will be able to do a little more. That is to say, instead of holding all the violent passions within yourself, you can begin calming them a little; and you will calm them slowly at first, with difficulty. They will remain long, they will come back, they will trouble you, vex you, produce in you a great disgust, all that, but if you resist well and say: "No, I shall carry out nothing; whatever the cost, I shall not carry out anything; I will stay like a rock", then little by little, little by little, that thins out, thins out and you begin to learn the second attitude: "Now I want my consciousness to be above those things. There will still be many battles but if my consciousness stands above that, little by little there will come a time when this will return no longer." And then there is a timme when you feel that you are absolutely free: you do not even perceive it, and then that is all. It may take a long time, it may come soon: that depends on the strength of character, on the sincerity of the aspiration. But even for people who have just a little sincerity, if they subject themselves to this process, they succeed. It takes time. They succeed in the first item: in not expressing. All forces upon earth tend towards expressing themselves. These forces come with the object of manifesting themselves and if you place a barrier and refuse expression, they may try to beat against the barrier for a time, but in the end, they will tire themselves out and not being manifested, they will withdraw and leave you quiet."

 

The Right Order

 

"So you must never say: "I shall first purify my thought, purify my body, purify my vital and then later I shall purify my action." That is the normal order, but it never succeeds. The effective order is to begin from the outside: "The very first thing is that I do not do it, and afterwards, I desire it no longer and next I close my doors completely to all impulses: they no longer exist for me, I am now outside all that." This is the true order, the order that is effective. First, not to do it. And then you will no longer desire and after that it will go out of your consciousness completely."

 

- The Mother

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi, Iam very much pleased to see some advices for my problem.

I live in North America, There are lot of women who dresses with little clothing, But iam not blaming them for this. But its really difficult to control oneself.

 

"The very first thing is that I do not do it, and afterwards, I desire it no longer and next I close my doors completely to all impulses: they no longer exist for me, I am now outside all that." - This is a good solution, But it will be lot suitable if iam an alchoholic or smoker. But the desire and lust is also a physical property in humans. Its hard to control it by mind, since your body craves for it, just like if when you get hungry. You cannot control hunger, can you ?

Because the same way there are hormones in the body that overflow and needs to be satisfied. I need some sort of sultion to control the production of certain hormones that causes the problem. I know that there is some form of Yoga that will help to control the body and mind, But i dont know where to learn it. If someone knows anything about this please let me know.

 

Thank you all for your advises, its really helpful to go on the right path.

[Guest guest]

Maybe you shoud get out of North America and come to India. Here you will end up fantasizing about Indian women. What sort

of life do you live?. Why do you feel guilty? Everybody has sexual feelings. Many women too fantasize about men,please

understand that it is not a one way street!!

[Guest guest]

Hi,

 

I only posted that "this will help article".

 

One psychiatrist commented on this impulse as follows:

 

"it is not exactly a bodily need that addicts unlike a itch,pain etc.It has something to do with the thinking pattern which ultimately drives the cells".

 

To explain this sentence in layman terms,I give a eg.

 

Suppose one is very much distressed,tensed etc say in the wedge of losing a job.That time you wont feel that impulse.But regarding hunger,it will still pop up at that time also,may be he wont eat happily yet he has to take food.

 

But impulse is something that will come only when the bodily health is perfect and mind is reasonably free from worries.

And the real fame and strength lies in controlling the bodily sense organs by commanding them through the mind.And if you take homeopathy or yoga for harmone correction,that solution will last only to this body and this harmone cells.

 

And when we take next birth,because the mind is not treated,it will still use the instruments of expression and continue this non sense.

 

Apart from advising you,I am a sort of person who daily doest 'that male specific' act,atleast once.

 

And the article I posted is written by a great yogin Aurobindo Mother of pondicherry.You did not see the words but her power of divinity there.She once said "a sincere soul will get the right guidance and help,even a little bit sincerity will initiate that spiritual journey".

 

So pray like this to The Mother of Pondicherry "Mother,let me be guided by the pure divine which intervenes in our path of karma.Let me be guided and protected by that force against which the evil plane gets defeated."

 

Actually there is a universe of thoughts where all the thoughts of entire world gets accummulated.So our mind and inturn soul is like a radio antenna.When we start sligtly tuning our thinking to sexual demonic thoughts,the accummulated universal sex thoughts will send the transmission which our mind antenna will catch and express it through our sense organs.

And the more you think of a thing,the more you will master that art.I openly admit,in my early teens,I will always think about erotic nature of the organ.And slowly I started mastering that evil art.And I found myself always engaged in that ocean of ignorance.I started linking everything I see to that.

 

Once I went to a sea shore,where fishermen in their half dress were catching fish.I got really very passionate when they were sorting the half alive fishes which were poorly suffocating to death.I got the extreme manhood feeling to see the fishes slowly dying.And after that incident,I added one more aspect to the sexual thoughts,viz the tribal manhood.

 

But fortunately,in my case,only the mind is fully inclined to the sense desire as it has got the body instrument to express it nicely.(mind is not brain,it is called manas or an integrated product of our all thoughts).

 

But something I can call my psychic being (or the inner being or instinct within myself or as people say the soul),was assuming a basic hypothesis that 'this act of mind and body is wrong'.I was very much convinced that though I am doing that impulse act,I was clear it is wrong.

I never accepted when my age group people told that it is common only.

 

And that small instinct within myself was helpless before the mind and his ally viz the body.

 

But slowly that inner being started working sub consciously and it is a sort of under ground work.The battle took place between the inner being and the mind.And the result was that I started feeling guilty of myself.Everytime I indulged on that act,I got the feeling that I would go to hell on doing this.

 

And I should call its the sincere quest,I read the The Mother's books and now I feel very much advanced and I feel no more arrogant urge.My body and mind has started understanding what I wanted to convey them.And I hope to stop it completely very soon.

 

Comment on this and I am there to guide you further.

[Guest guest]

Very easily. The girl on the street you are fantasising about may be sombody's mother or daughter or wife. You, I am sure, will not take liberties or in all possibilities check your feelings (lustful) if this Girl/ lady happened to be your daughter/ mother. Just attempt to put yourself in the shoes of the kid of the mother or the father of the girl. You will get out of the feeling quickly. The rest of the "self control" bits, I am not too sure about how far one can suceed; it may even lead to pent up frustration if not hendled effectively. The mind has its wants just as the body has its own. Just teach yourself to draw the line. You and only you can be the best judge to yourself. The phsyciatrist you may attempt to visit, for all you know, may silently be batteling the same situation you are in. Good luck.

[bhadramoorthi 0]

Read the Lalitha Sahasranama and it will bring amazing effects.

It is my personal experience that we will raise spiritually and materially after starting the practice of regular chanting.

 

Initially it seems a cumbersome and difficult task.

But reading it daily makes us fit for spirituality.

 

 

170th name =NirLobha(devoid of lust ie One who protects Her children from lust)

142th name =NishKama(devoid of immoral sexual urges,ie One who protects Her children from those)

[Guest guest]

nothing happens without will. if your willpower discerns your actions, if you are bold in asserting lines of thought for yourself, your will holds true. set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. there is a good muslim quote i had read, which goes something along the lines of this: "don't follow a casual glance with a second, intentional glance". remember this the next time you want to perve.

 

the decisions you make are not always right. self control is important, but sometimes detachment and resistance is not in our nature. we are all human, we need some things for our benefit. you must conform to your nature also, so find some female friends.

 

self control, within your limits is what you need. Krishna said in the Gita, the soul is the highest, followed by the intellent, the mind, the senses, and then matter. in the modern world, we first satisfy our senses. our mind becomes affected. our intellect listens to our mind, and then our soul becomes delluded because of our intellect.

 

reverse this chain. purify your soul first. your soul in turn works downward to your intellect, your mind and therefore controls your senses. material things wont affect you anymore. meditation on God helps. ask for clarity and purity and strength.

[sampath 0]

There is nothing wrong in lusting.Thats a god given feeling.If we see a member of the opposite sex by nature we will lust.Its a feeling.Nobody can control feelings.There is also no need.A woman also will lust at an attractive man.What is the harm in this?

 

So stop this moral nonsense.Lust at women but dont misbehave to them.Be friendly and remember that they too lust.It isnt a sin.Its a natural feeling.Anything natural isnt sin.

[Guest guest]

Dear guest (who keeps saying lusting after women is ok)

 

I understand that you may not have English as a first language, but your conclusion that lusting after women is ok so long as you don't act out that lust is not supported by the Vedas and is expertly explained by Lord Sri Krsna in the Bhagavad Gita Chapter 2 verse 62. "By contemplating the objects of the senses a person develops an attachment for such objects and from that attachment lust develops and from lust anger arises." Clearly your speculation that lusting and looking at women with an enjoying spirit is not supported by the Gitopanishad and I strongly advise you read that chapter as well as the Sri Isopanisad, which condemns the spreading of pseudo knowldge thus leading the people in general into the ditch of repeated birth and death.

 

I tell you this as your servant.

[sampath 0]

hey dude,

 

In Hinduism grashastha life is given importance.People who dont marry and have children will fall into a hell called as 'puth'.Everyone has to cross grahastha and bhramacharya stage.Without lusting how will you have children or be a grahastha?

 

Even when we attain vanaparastha stage i.e very old age we need not leave lust.It will leave us by itself.So be happy and enjoy life.

 

 

[tackleberry 1]

While I dont dispute the fact that most of our religious books are correct, I must say it has been embellished to some extent

 

That people who stay unmarried will go to Hell is laughable

Eons back the authors probably wanted to scare people into

marrying early to increase their tribe.

Dont tell me you believe this

[Ganeshprasad 0]

Jai Ganesh

Namaste sampath

 

Re

(In Hinduism grashastha life is given importance.People who dont marry and have children will fall into a hell called as 'puth'.Everyone has to cross grahastha and bhramacharya stage.Without lusting how will you have children or be a grahastha?)

 

All stages of life is important non more so than the Brahmachari, it is here you learn the art of living, a guru advises according to the nature of student weather to take up grashastha or not that was in olden days.

 

Never heard about the hell for one without a child, which could be for any number of reason.

Did Bhismadev or sukhdev goswami or better still Hanuman go to hell?

 

Re

(Even when we attain vanaparastha stage i.e very old age we need not leave lust.It will leave us by itself.So be happy and enjoy life.)

 

Vanaparastha comes on fifty one, then Sanyasa i tell you time does not stop it comes very quickly.

 

Yes enjoy and be Happy, but do not forget nothing in life comes for free.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

[Guest guest]

Good post S.!

 

to guest :

 

Nature has made us this way and it is completely natural and healthy. In fact, too much supressing of sexual feelings can lead to unhealthy and even dangerous situations.

 

And even from a hinduview it is not wrong : in worst case scenario you don't get moskha and "have to" go back to this world with beautifull women. So, what s wrong with that? Another " chance " to do it again. Nothing to loose , right?

 

Anyway, Devi Nature is beautyfull and some aspect are "cruel " but she has done a good job by creating this feelings. In this way she make sure that we want to expand and even enjoy it too!! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Guest guest]

Ow...forgot to sign my last post.

 

M

[sampath 0]

Namaste ganeshprasad,

 

(All stages of life is important non more so than the Brahmachari, it is here you learn the art of living, a guru advises according to the nature of student weather to take up grashastha or not that was in olden days)

 

Those olden days are now gone.We dont have gurukuls.Even in olden days guru sukracharya asked his disciple kacha to marry his daughter devayani.

 

(Never heard about the hell for one without a child, which could be for any number of reason.

Did Bhismadev or sukhdev goswami or better still Hanuman go to hell?)

 

They escaped only since they saw lord Ram and Krishna in person.Hanuman did not die so this question doesnt arise.

 

Sex is god given,beautiful feeling.It isnt sin.Let us enjoy lust.Let us not make it a sin or abuse it by overusing it.Sex within limits and lust within limits isnt sin.For thoughts and feelings sky is the limit.

 

 

 

[Ganeshprasad 0]

Jai Ganesh

 

Namaste Sampath

 

Re

(They escaped only since they saw lord Ram and Krishna in person.Hanuman did not die so this question doesnt arise.)

 

No sir there is no question of escape, they knew Dharma

they saw the Lord because of their virtue, there is no bases on what you quoted, it can never be a sin to be Bramachari

On other hand Krishna when asked by Arjun what is the root cause of the sin he replied it is the lust, it burns like fire, never can it be satisfied.

 

Re

(Sex is god given,beautiful feeling.It isnt sin.Let us enjoy lust.Let us not make it a sin or abuse it by overusing it.Sex within limits and lust within limits isnt sin.For thoughts and feelings sky is the limit.)

 

yes sex is natural but it is also a binding force.

Human life has a higher goal.

Ponder this

TEXT 3

naariistanabhara naabhiidesham drishhtvaa maagaamohaavesham etanmaamsaavasaadi vikaaram manasi vichintaya vaaram vaaram

Meaning Do not get drowned in delusion by going wild with passions and lust by seeing a woman's navel and chest. Bodies are modification of flesh, fat and blood. Reflect upon this again and again in your mind. 24 hours, 365 days.

TEXT 7

baalastaavatkriidaasaktah tarunastaavattaruniisaktah vriddhastaavachchintaasaktah pare brahmani koapi na saktah

Meaning

Childhood is lost in play. Youth is lost by attachment to woman. Old age passes away by thinking over many past things. Alas! Hardly is there anyone who yearns to be lost in Parabrahman.

 

TEXT 12

dinayaaminyau saayam praatah shishiravasantau punaraayaatah kaalah kriidati gachchhatyaayuh tadapi na mujncatyaashaavaayuh

Meaning

Daylight and darkness, dusk and dawn, winter and springtime come and go. Time plays and life ebbs away. But the storm of desire never leaves.

 

TEXT 22

punarapi jananam punarapi maranam punarapi jananii jathare shayanam iha samsaare bahudustaare kripayaa apaare paahi muraare

Meaning

Born again, death again, birth again to stay in the mother's womb! It is indeed hard to cross this boundless ocean of samsara. Oh Murari! Redeem me through Thy mercy.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

[sampath 0]

Ganesh prasad ji,

 

You are confusing between the duties of a householder and jnani.The verses you gave are meant for jnani's.They apply to householders only when they have finished their duty as householders.

 

see what paramacharya chandrasekaraendra saraswathi sankaracharya says about this.

 

http://kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part19/chap1.htm

 

"Those who do not marry and remain "naisthika brahamacarins" (lifelong brahamacarins) are exceptions to the rule that no man ought to remain even a single moment without belonging to one of the asramas. That is after the proper conclusion of his student-bachelorhood he has to prepare to become a householder.

 

The Brahmin is born with three debts: he owes a debts to the sages, to the celestials and to the fathers. He repays the first by learning the Vedas as a student-bachelor; the second by taking a wife and performing sacrifices; and the third by begetting a son. So without marriage he cannot repay the second and third debts.

 

Sons are primarily intended for the repayment of the debts to the fathers. Performing the sraddha ceremony is not enough. Forefathers of the past three generations are to be made to ascend from the manes. So even after a man dies, for two generations the daily libations must be offered to him. That is why the birth of a son is considered important. (The case of the naisthika brahmacarin and the sannyasin is different. Because of their inner purity and enlightenment, they can liberate, not just two generations, but twenty-one generations fathers without performing any sraddha ceremony).

 

Panigrahana (the groom taking the hand of the bride in his), mangalyadharana, saptapadi (the bridal pair taking the seven steps round the sacrificial fire ) are important rites of the marriage function. There is a controversy about whether or not mangalya-dharana is a Vedic rite. It is an unnecessary controversy. Mangalya-dharana is a custom that is thousands of years old and it is an essential part of the marriage samskara.

 

As I said before, after completing his student-bachelorhood a young man must take a wife for the pursuit of dharma. The latter should dedicate herself to him so as to become pure within. The purpose of marriage is a life of harmony and the procreation of virtuous children"

 

[Guest guest]

Sampath Ji,

 

What you are quoting do not favour lust. There is difference between lust and love.

 

 

Lust is actually yearning to satisfy momentary thrill of body and mind (using another body and mind as prop). But love is deeper yearning to take the rascal mind to the pure goodness of primal one being.

 

 

Love becomes divine with the knowledge that "one loves another because one loves the Self."

 

Whereas Lust is always despicable. Rudra from inside comes out to burn the lustful. That is how Brahma lost one of his five heads.

 

 

And overcoming lust is not possible till the third eye illumines one's manas and dissolves all created pictures of differences residing in it.

[Guest guest]

*********Hi all, I have a weakness and iam trying to fight it for years.

I have a wakness for women, I cant stop thinking about them and pictruing them in my mind in variuous forms.*********

 

*******How do i gain a clear conciense, mind and self ?******

 

 

All jivas fight this sometime or other and only good ones acknowledge it. The conscience pricks because it is the God within.

 

The answer lies in your question. You said "cant stop thinking about them and pictruing them in my mind in variuous forms".

 

 

So, meditate on the ONE wherefrom the various forms have sphurana. Your mind also has sphurana from that same ONE.

 

 

*******And the more i fight againt this the more i start to fantasize.*************

 

You do not have to fight. It is your mind (thoughts) that is fantasizing. You have by forgetfullness started thinking that "I am this mind body". Whereas you are not the mind- which is just a bundle of thoughts arising from the real calm and placid you. You are also not the body but the body is your vehicle.

 

Once the imagination that I am this body-mind is dropped all lusts vanish.

 

So, meditate on ONE from which forms have sphurana. The ONE is real whereas the forms are thoughts (arising from the real). Become real and see the thoughts. The thoughts will go with practice.

 

[Guest guest]

Namaskar Ganesh Prasad Ji

 

 

[Ganeshprasad 0]

Jai Ganesh

 

Namaskar Atanu ji

nice to see you back

 

Jai Shree Krishna

[Ganeshprasad 0]

Jai Ganesh

Pranam Sampath ji

Re

(As I said before, after completing his student-bachelorhood a young man must take a wife for the pursuit of dharma. The latter should dedicate herself to him so as to become pure within. The purpose of marriage is a life of harmony and the procreation of virtuous children" )

 

I am afraid you did not make your self clear, before you were advocating free lust.

What you say now is pure and Dharmic, even Krishna says Bg7.11

 

balam balavatam caham

kama-raga-vivarjitam

dharmaviruddho bhutesu

kamo 'smi bharatarsabha

 

I am the strength of the strong, devoid of passion and desire. I am sex life which is not contrary to religious principles, O Lord of the Bharatas [Arjuna].

17.14

deva-dvija-guru-prajna-

pujanam saucam arjavam

brahmacaryam ahimsa ca

sariram tapa ucyate

 

The austerity of the body consists in this: worship of the Supreme Lord, the brahmanas, the spiritual master, and superiors like the father and mother. Cleanliness, simplicity, celibacy and nonviolence are also austerities of the body.

 

Jai Shree Krishna