sgb Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 i want to marry a non indian but dont know how to tell my parents. If you can please give suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maadhav Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 are you a non indian? if not, why such a decision? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 This is my opinion Whenever you are afraid of hesitant to do something, your mind has the feeling that your are doing something wrong. Try to find out whats wrong.If you dont feel nothing is wrong talk to ur parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barney Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 If you are a Hindu you have to be firm in you committment. If you are a man it is your duty to marry the person according to Hindu rites if that is you are a firm believer of Hinduism. I know many claim to be Hindus but do not folow according to sastras. On the other hand if you are a woman you need your parents blessings ortherwise you marriage would fail. Anyway it's better to consult your elders on this matter. Of late many westerners are marrying Hindu girls according to Hindu rites and I personaly had wittnessed two such wedding in my home town. So think twice before you make you r decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgb Posted March 14, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 I am a hindu male. This decision is because of love. Also i dont see anything wrong with me marrying a non indian. But iknow if i tell my parents they would not understand anything because they are very tradtional in the hindu culture. I dont see skin color i see only love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Honestly, I don't think this is the most appropriate place to ask this question, since it seems like a good deal of people on this forum want to preserve Hinduism. You might want to go to a South Asian family/relationship forum, or something of that sort. You might not find the advice that you're looking for over here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 i do not understand why the people in this forum is handicapped in giving sincere suggestion and advices to our friend we are free and able to speak, you are more educate and loyal if you simply discuss the ideas that you do not find right than to try to legitimate this board and the respectable people who comes there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 legitimate?.... noo!! DELEGITIMATE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 and as adults we need to take responsibility. in you saying that you are afraid of this marriage means you arent prepared to face the challenges of heading into this marriage. if you only see love then you will show this truth to your family, and they will eventually learn to accept it. if you cant do this for the one you love, how do you protect her in other ways? do you wish to forever be shackled by the narrow viewpoints of other people? progression means facing such challenges. i myself love a christian girl from a different background. i will never allow my family to stop me from marrying her if it comes to it, but it also means i will need to 'ween' them on the idea, and never create backlash or anger. sit them down and talk about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgb Posted March 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Thanks Jimbo3453 for your suggestion. I have tried to sit down and talk to them they told me that they will not accept me marrying a non indian. My mom and dad always worry about what other people think and dont think what is best for there son and what my intrest is. Jimbo3453 are you indian? Also there is other stuff that my parents have been hiding from me that affects me in a big way. Jimbo3453 have you talked to your parents about you marrying your girlfreind? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 i wish i could give you a sure answer but the truth is theres going to be a 100 different people with a 100 different opinions. i know a girl whos afraid to divorce her husband (who beats her) because she thinks the community back home wont accept her back. i have another friend who was blackmailed into marrying one girl who he doesnt know because the parents said they would kill themselves if he didnt. every situation like this carries its own baggage and only you know what the limits are in your family. yes i am indian and no i have not mentioned my girl, but the difference is i keep my private life totally private, and if i need to tell something to my parents and i know it's better for me, im relentless with getting them to change their narrow views. i just cant stand the thought of being caged by tradition. it would only be me left to regret things down the track, but then again each situation is different. if i could say anything meaningful to you, it would be to ensure you approach your discussions with your family without an 'me and my girl versus family' type attitude. dont breed ill will or make any final statements or decisions with them. dont lose your temper. dont enter the discussion beginning with 'you see, she's a christian'. that shouldnt be the emphasis. the emphasis should be that 'thanks for your help and support but ive found a girl on my own and i think you should meet her'. let them know that you think this is the best path for you and you want them to come to terms with the cultural difference. just make sure they know that you arent letting go of your own culture, or going wild, but that accepting this girl means that your duty to her involves partaking in her religous duties, and her partaking in your religous duties (if thats the issue). as for the problems they hid from you (did they arrange marriage for you or something?), i guess they need to know you're an adult and times are changing. if community and social woes are really a problem, then theres a thousand things that can go wrong as soon as you leave the house. you might go to a club or get drunk, you might get in trouble at work or lose your licence by speeding. do your parents complain about what the community would say in those times? probably not. why? its not the communities business. your selection for a life partner is not the communities business. i just think you should prepare answers for all their woes. remember to act with reason and logic, and not with passion. remember to stay on good terms with your family. all of the above is just my opinion. good luck with your decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Another thing i forgot to mention. You should incorporate God in your decision, this is the most important thing. spend time in meditation on God. Through Him you will know what to do. you need to ask what is right, and ask for guidance in your decision. you must be 100% sure the girl is worth it. be ruled by God's reasoning and not by base passion. only a holy relationship will last. it's only if the both of you have a solid foundation in God that you will be stable. in Hinduism it is said "There is only one Truth, but many different paths to obtain it". dont look at race or religion, these things dont matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgb Posted March 17, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 thanks for your opinion. The thing my parents are hiding from me is the truth about my birth name. I had changed my last name in court from my pervious last name to the new last name just because my parents told me that the state of nj made a mistake. Just recently i found out from research that my mom was divorced and that my dad that i been calling dad is not really my dad. I had taken your advise and talked to my parents and they told me that they will not accept my girl friend at all so me and her have decide that we would should move with her parents in utah in july and i asked her dads permission. Her parents are mormon which there culture and regilion is very close to hindus. All my parents see is the color of her skin and not the morals and the culture that she has in her background. Do you think me leaving my parents will make it worse or will it make them realize and make them accept what i have done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 hi sgb, u love ur girl friend, ok its nice, do u love ur parents? do u really think this: u said the person whom u were calling dad, u found out that he is not ur real dad, n now u feel free to reject him, but he has given u his love without feeling that u r not his son, how can u reject him? try n talk to them again. what if u adopt a son, n he does the same in future? this is just to put ur self in ur dad's position, so that u'll understand the situation better. ur biological father( real dad ) never thought of u. lastly for everyone God is both father n the mother. Let me make it clear, i'm not saying u shdn't go with ur girl freind, u shd, but at the same time don't hurt ur parents or the person who brought u up, n helped u to be what u r now. think abt it, i feel u need both the families, ur future family, as well as the one u r in now. may be u didin't expect this. its ok, have a good day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgb Posted March 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2005 the reason for me leaving is not because of him not being my real dad or cause of what they have hidden from me. I am doing this because of the fact that i tired of being controlled and being told what to do all the time i am 23 now and i think i should have some freedom. I love my parents dont get me wrong but some stuff in the indian culture i think is to far fetched and living in the 21st century they should be a little more understanding and not keep there mind narrow. I know they are trying to protect me but after they pass way they will not be there to protect me anymore. This is all i got to say if i am still wrong tell me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2005 Report Share Posted March 20, 2005 SGB, perhaps the best thing to do then is to wait. Why do you want to rush into this? at the age of 23, you have some years. Look at it this way: if the relationship between you and your girl can last the coming years, then the rest will fall into place. you cannot expect your family to accept your decision if it's impulsive. marriage is a big commitment. make sure you are doing what is right. like i said, think with logic and not with passion. dont make this a war with your family. in all events, they will stand by you where a girlfriend may not. im not trying to cheapen your relationship, but it's good to be wary. give your relation more years. thats probably the best thing for you to do. then you can think and decide with a straight head after those years have passed. just dont be impulsive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2005 Report Share Posted March 20, 2005 Hi Sgb, Namasthe, even i'm 23 yr old, but i feel v( i mean people like me) don't know much abt taking major decisions. as Jimbo342 said u shd think logically not with passion, vn u feel u r in love, its natural that u avoid certain thoughts which may hurt u. but think logically, i know u love both ur parents n girlfriend, since how long u have the relation, more than that how strong is it? this is imp. wait n see for some more time, learn better n see if u still feel the same. at every good work of urs God will guide u. don't be depressed, time will ans everything. believe in God, that's all, I wish u all the best, n have a good day, bye n Namaskar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 If you want to marry a non indian, Marry Thailand girls or Girls from Amsterdam, they are considered to be the most beautiful in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgb Posted March 22, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 The rush is that i been with this girl for 5 years. Also i am ready to settle down and have my own family i will have a good job and and a place to stay. I think we have spent enough time with each other 5 years is a long time dont you think. actually we are going on our 6th year soon. I have thought about everything that is why i talked to my parents. If i was not ready i wouldnt even talk about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2005 Report Share Posted May 25, 2005 Just go for it and tell your parents how you feel. Remember though to be firm with your decision and always say that you love them and will always be there for them. Their greatest fear will be that they are losing their son. It's great to see an indian man taking this step to live his life the way he wants to. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tackleberry Posted May 25, 2005 Report Share Posted May 25, 2005 Traditional means being close minded and stubborn. So please go ahead and tie the knot. You are an adult. Dont allow anyone to stand in your way. Inform your parents and go ahead!!! Good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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