I have lost all faith in people!

April 16, 2009

Oh and I am not done yet. Ordinary Sparrow was tell me about contractions. Well I have finally figured it out. It isnâ€™t me. It is society. I am contracted against society. Because I have children I am required to have a house and furniture and such. I donâ€™t want them. I would be happy living in a tent in the middle of no where. So long as I have a garden, a cow for milk and a chicken for eggs, I would be happy with that. You know about a month before I started posting I told my husband I wanted to get a dumpster and throw everything out. Just rid the house of all of it. His buddy was here at the time and he was like well where would you sit and where would you go to bed. My response was on the floor. I donâ€™t need a couch or a bed. I keep hearing my Grandma tell me over and over again you canâ€™t take it with you when you die. She always said that to me when I was growing up. It wasnâ€™t until Mary started in that I realized what I was struggling

with. For that I have to be grateful to Mary. I want to be like the piece of paper and fly through the wind and go WEEEEEEE. Oh there is food. WEEEEE! But society tells me I canâ€™t because I have children and they have to have a roof over their head. And what I live in is wrong to most people , but I realized it is the closest thing to a tent I can find. Society puts way to much stress on us. We have to have houses and 5-6 cars and furniture and stuff we donâ€™t need. And if we go against that we get the Maryâ€™s in the world who condemn us for it. They take away our children and try to institutionalize us for being free. As if being free is against the law. There a ton of Maryâ€™s in the world and each one wants me to be like them and to make my life just like theirs. I donâ€™t want their life. I want to be able to live my life as I want. I only need food and shelter when needed otherwise sleeping on the ground under the stars having bugs crawl all

over me is great.

goldencougarwolf <nlring80962 Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 1:33:33 PMRe: Re: I have lost all faith in people!

You know I must be getting old, because I am fascinated by a piece of paper stuck on a picker branch struggling to free itself. Actually the wind is trying to free it and the paper is trying to stay on the branch. I think. But it is like a power struggle between the branch and the wind for a piece of paper. I am also noticing more and more how money and stuff just doesnâ€™t enthuse me any more. It is like I know this is my house and it will be paid off whenever I get the money to do so. Who cares when it will happen, it will happen when it happens. And yet there is a part of me going there is something seriously wrong with that. And I am finding that I care even less about what happens to people or animals or plants. I do know that I should feel bad when bad things happen but I canâ€™t. I think too that if another was to come after me with a sword I would pick up one and defend myself but I get the feeling that death for me would not be as bad as

it would be for the one who came after me. See I am getting old or I am not caring anymore. I don't know which. Could be both. Maybe I am getting worn down by all the spirits. I had a dream the other night. I was teaching. I had planets and numbers swirling around my head. Like they were caught in my gravatational pull. You know like how planets get moons. Thats what I had with planets and numbers. When I think about it, I laugh. Don't know why, just thought you would like to know.

ordinarysparrow <ordinarysparrow@ gmail.com>Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 Thursday, April 16, 2009 1:08:42 PM[Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] Re: I have lost all faith in people!

Namastei have enjoyed reading these threads on trust and the experience oflosing faith in people. . .surely all of us have gone through these passages many times. . . ihave. . . . along with the disappointment they often become greatlessons that enrich our being. . . for me it is important to embrace the experience and the feelings, for when i do not allow the process tounfold based on spiritual interjects applied to quickly there can bethe pit fall of spiritual bypass. . . .i use to work with death penalty inmates to gather information formitigation to have their sentences changed from death to life withoutparole. . .initially would walk away from a meeting with them andhearing their tragic histories and violent reaction to life and wouldsay, "except for the grace of God there go i.". . . .then somewhere along the way. . .there was slow seepage. . .and the"except the grace of

God there go i". . .became replaced with; " therego i ". . . .i have found it most interesting to harvest thosesituations where there is disappointment, anger, frustration, judgmentand turn the "there go i" into a question. What am i seeing in thisperson. . .then pulling it back to for self-inquiry. . . .why do ineed this person or situation at this time in my life. . .what is it toteach. . .how much of what i am seeing in this person is a projection ofthat which i am unconscious in myself. . . .who am i. . . .who is thisone i am creating as other?. . .Often i find i may not displaying thesame level or have the same faces on the situation but at other levelsthe mirror reveals my own similar energetic. . . .awhile back i had a friend's son revealed a story to me. . . .he lovescomputers and had been without a job for too long. . . and the issue washe like to smoke w & & d. . . .he would not show

up to the job interviewsbecause he knew he would be tested. . .after a couple of years. . .hemade it to an interview and sure enough he got the job contingent on thedrug testing. . .this was winter and he went to the testing with aborrowed sample. . . .but when he got there he realized the sample wascold, so th solution was to warm the sample with this own urine. ..needless to say. . . .he failed the test. . . .as i heard this story. . .i hit underlying judgment of his intelligenceand ethics. . . and then reluctantly said, "there go i". . .internallythere was a dialogue of, "you have got to be kidding, i am not thatdumb.". . . But the more pondered. . . realized just how often i mixmy own egoic stream into the pure steam of consciousness. . . .an egoicthat has all kinds of impurities based on attachments and dependencies.. . . and sure enough. . . "there go i. . .one of the concepts i have

thought a lot about from the Course ofMiracles has to do with heaven is not entered alone, but rather two. . ..if there is anyone we have held hostage by placing a frame on them asless than or unworthy. . .then we have denied our own entrance of thedivine. . . .for me it is a hard concept to practice but one of thosethat leads to ever increasing levels of freedom. . .I love the simplereminder, "take no prisoners". . . .i often fail. . .but with time itbecome more easy, and then it turns to fun. . . .and slowly there isrelease. . .just some rambling thoughts and would love to hear how others havelearned to anchor spiritual into everyday reality. . .i have learnedmuch from reading your posts for sometime now and truly appreciate theexchange and working through. . .much honor to eachordinary sparrowKundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 , "boltonben111"<erniebeneventi@ ...> wrote:>> John,>> I'm going to throw a few things out there for consideration and youcan digest it however you wish.>> I can empathize to what your referring. For me, I find that with allthe programming going on out there in the 'commercial' world, the word'deceit' is more relevant term for me (for experiences that I've gonethrough in the last year). Do I believe everyone is deceitful? No, butpeople are learning to wear different masks. Are people afraid of whothey are, or are they not content on who they have become, or are theyputting on this face to obtain something they wish for. On the otherhand, take a look at a really good salesperson, and you will see variousfaces and the behavioural flexibility

that is displayed, usuallymatching up to the buyer- is this deceit? I don't think so, it's justrapport building and business.>> On a more personal level, there are those who, instead of changing, Ifind them (as you termed it) hiding behind the actors mask- there is atremendous difference between the two. It's important to differentiatepersonal and business, and behaviour and self. There cannot be a potluck of all off the various levels as it will cause confusion,generalization and distortion of your world view of people.> If you stand back and look at yourself from an 'observers'perspective, you will notice that you too change, based on the peopleyour with, your environment, etc. I think God gave us this flexibilityto cope with the various degrees of situations.> Let's give hope to those who change based on the better good of theworld.>> St. Benedict started the

Monastery based on the fact that he wasdisappointed with everyone and became a hermit in the caves of Italy. He had a tremendous following that became what we know today asChristianity- as far as the rituals are concerns.>> What you are referring to has gone on as long as people walked theearth. It becomes a choice of whom you wish to surround yourself with. There is good and not so good. I believe intentions of most are goodand each and every person has a positive intention of making themselveshappy- It's the context of which they use to get there...it may harmsome, but they get what they want to make them happy.>> For me, you get what you see. No hidden agendas, no deceit, integrityand honesty. And with all of that, people read into me as if I have anagenda, etc...go figure. I have also learned that people see thingsthrough their own perspective. If a person cannot trust anyone,

theyare mearly seeing the world through their own spectacles that theycannot be trusted. Or past experiences has dug deep into their mind thatthey cannot surrender.>> Read the safties....Forgiven ess and Surrender it all to move forward.>> Just food for thought.>> Ernie>> Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 , "JOHN. M"john.mathieson1@ wrote:> >> > There is A difference between people who live in honor And PERSONSwho are dead fictional commercial entities, It takes time to learn> >>

April 16, 2009

You know every time I talk to me Mum she tells me I am becoming my Grandmum. My Grandmum was just like me or I am like her. I donâ€™t which. I hate wearing clothes. I live 40 miles from the nearest town. I would love to have a horse and ride that where I need to go, but I canâ€™t have it in town. I can take a bike to town but its 40 miles 1 way. I wouldnâ€™t even go to town if I didnâ€™t have to. Why? Because I have to have a job. I have to keep a roof over the kids heads. Because society says so. My husband has been stressing lately about money because there hasnâ€™t been work for either one of us. He does construction and I do massage. So we get sent home a lot. He has been driving me nuts with it. But it is only because we have to have this stuff because we have children. If we didnâ€™t have them we would be out doing what ever we wanted. Granted I love my children and I know if we were living in a tent they wouldnâ€™t care. That would be the best

time of their lives. But then DHS would be taking them away because you canâ€™t live in a tent with children. I donâ€™t want a house or a car. I want to get my hands dirty and grow my own food. I want to go outside and sit there. Yet everyone keeps saying oh you need sunscreen. No I donâ€™t. I wonâ€™t get skin cancer. Go ahead Universe give it to me. I told my hubby I donâ€™t care if we lose the place, we can live in a tent then. He would like that. He is like me. So are our children. I am naked all the time. I hate clothes. So did my Grandmum. I keep clothes beside me in case one of my hubby â€˜s buddies come over. They knock and then open the door now. They have seen me naked way too many times. They always ask if I am dressed. My Grandmum used to have the same problem. She would go into her bedroom when someone came over saying excuse me, I have to go get dressed now because you donâ€™t like seeing the wrinkly old me. There are people in this town

who will tell you it is child abuse to allow your children to see you naked. Can you believe that? Why? Its not like we arenâ€™t all the same. If you see one you see them all. If it were up to me you would see me naked walking down the road pulling fruit off trees. I have started within the past year to leave our doors and windows unlocked. My husband doesnâ€™t care because he doesnâ€™t want the stuff any more than I do. I dare robbers to come in and take, it would save me getting a dumpster.

Okay. Sorry guys for all the ranting. But it feels better getting it all out.. So what if I donâ€™t have any money or anything else. I donâ€™t want it anyway. I dare the universe to make me rich. Go ahead make me wealthy. I would just give it all away anyway. I donâ€™t even want to charge for massages. I only do because I have to pay for a house I donâ€™t want and gas in a car to get there. Why is it that the government doesnâ€™t just say no more taxes, where ever you are that is yours. Do as you will? Oh I know the real reason. Some people will take that to mean they can do mean and hurtful things to people. Well maybe one day we will be rid of those people and we will all live in peace and harmony.

goldencougarwolf <nlring80962 Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 2:00:20 PMRe: Re: I have lost all faith in people!

Oh and I am not done yet. Ordinary Sparrow was tell me about contractions. Well I have finally figured it out. It isnâ€™t me. It is society. I am contracted against society. Because I have children I am required to have a house and furniture and such. I donâ€™t want them. I would be happy living in a tent in the middle of no where. So long as I have a garden, a cow for milk and a chicken for eggs, I would be happy with that. You know about a month before I started posting I told my husband I wanted to get a dumpster and throw everything out. Just rid the house of all of it. His buddy was here at the time and he was like well where would you sit and where would you go to bed. My response was on the floor. I donâ€™t need a couch or a bed. I keep hearing my Grandma tell me over and over again you canâ€™t take it with you when you die. She always said that to me when I was growing up. It wasnâ€™t until Mary started in that I realized what I was struggling

with. For that I have to be grateful to Mary. I want to be like the piece of paper and fly through the wind and go WEEEEEEE. Oh there is food. WEEEEE! But society tells me I canâ€™t because I have children and they have to have a roof over their head. And what I live in is wrong to most people , but I realized it is the closest thing to a tent I can find. Society puts way to much stress on us. We have to have houses and 5-6 cars and furniture and stuff we donâ€™t need. And if we go against that we get the Maryâ€™s in the world who condemn us for it. They take away our children and try to institutionalize us for being free. As if being free is against the law. There a ton of Maryâ€™s in the world and each one wants me to be like them and to make my life just like theirs. I donâ€™t want their life. I want to be able to live my life as I want. I only need food and shelter when needed otherwise sleeping on the ground under the stars having bugs crawl all

over me is great.

goldencougarwolf <nlring80962@ >Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 Thursday, April 16, 2009 1:33:33 PMRe: [Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] Re: I have lost all faith in people!