new vegan

[Guest guest]

My husband is a huge stumbling block here. He's making changes, but they are

nowhere near enough for him to regain his health, or for my preferences as

to what to serve here at home. Ugh. I HATE the constant fights about food, or

the asking for cheese with this, or meat with that. Or the way he tells me

how much he HAS changed, and that he doesn't have " that much " of whatever. Just

shoot me.

 

As to family--why make an issue at all? Do they police your plate to see

what you've taken, or eaten? No one should even notice! If they do, simply tell

them that you are not hungry enough to eat all that right then, or that you

will " later " , or that your plate is full just then but maybe later, or that

your doctor has told you to cut back on whatever is the item in question, or

whatever you feel comfortable with--then drop it. I don't think it should

become a major battle with anyone.

 

Marilyn

 

 

 

 

 

**************Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

(http://music.aol.com/grammys/pictures/never-won-a-grammy?NCID=aolcmp00300000002\

5

48)

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Aww, gee, Kelly,

 

I'm sorry to hear about his reaction. I was already vegetarian when

my significant other and I met, so he just had to deal with it. It

remains frustrating for us because it is inconvenient to eat out or

eat at other's homes, but I've never found a host or hostess unhappy

about my diet choices. I believe my daughter was mocked by her

mother in law. I doubt that family members besides your husband will

get mad though. I find most people overly enthusiastic about trying

to figure out what I will eat...to my embarrassment. Inevitably, if

I sit down to eat with people, they will scan the menus

for " vegetarian " items for me.

 

I hope he gets over it. We're supposed to change over the course of

our lives. All of us. It's usually called " growth. " I can't see

that becoming a vegan is a bad thing. It's not evil, you're not

hurting anyone or anything.

 

My best to you.

 

Bess McBride

 

, " Kelly " <FLuwrchLd

wrote:

>

> Hi all, I am a brand new vegan, yay for me! I finally after a long

time

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much angie, that helps a ton!

 

1 , Angela Leigh Pohlman

<angiepee wrote:

>

> Hi Kelly, Congratulations on going vegan! I don't any experience

in your situation, but a great book is out there by Carol

Adams, " Living Among Meat Eaters " It has a few chapters on dealing

with family and partners. I have found it really helpful in dealing

with family and people I don't really know reacting to my being

vegan; I am sure she will have good advise for marriage. I hope that

helps!

>

> angie.

>

>

> " The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were

not made for humans any more than black people were made for whites

or women for men. " -alice walker

>

>

> Kelly <FLuwrchLd

>

> Saturday, February 9, 2008 10:38:15 PM

> New Vegan

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

Hi all, I am a brand new vegan, yay for me! I finally

after a long time

>

> decided to take the step I have been wanting to take after a very

long

>

> time and go vegan. Does anyone have any experience with a spouse

who is

>

> a little unsuportive at first? How did you handle it when you first

>

> told them? I just never went vegan before out of convience of my

>

> husband and all our family members. He had asked me earlier if I

wanted

>

> to go to dinner tomorrow at his gandma's for chicken cutlets and

>

> spaghetti. I said sure I will just have the spaghetti maybe. He got

>

> angry, he told me that he is mad and he has a right to disagree.

That

>

> it's going to cause a problem with family members because I am now

>

> making things difficult. This is the reason I never went vegan

before,

>

> because of everyone else. I wanted to just make life easy. I just

feel

>

> like it's not fair. I want to be healthier and feel better and try

>

> something different he is upset? He says I am not the same person

he

>

> first met when we were dating and that I changed too much. I know

men

>

> dont like change too much but I just pray he'll get used to it.

>

[Guest guest]

hi kelly

welcome, and congratulations, and commiserations! i never had the

spouse problem, because it was my husband who inspired me to become

vegan. but other friends and family have found it a difficult concept.

someone else recommended 'living with meat eaters' - i second that,

it's great! if i'd read it earlier, i might have handled many

situations much better.

diet is an extremely personal and emotive thing. it's one of our

strongest links to our culture and the way we were raised. omnis seem

to think that by not eating animal products, we are criticising those

who do. (actually, i try not to, but i still wish they would stop

eating animals!). if they take it as a personal attack then i suspect

they feel deep down some guilt about eating animals, and that's why

they become so defensive.

does your husband think you want him to become vegan too? is that what

concerns him? does he understand your reasons for going vegan?

do you bake? vegan cakes and cookies are a good way to let omnis know

that a vegan diet can still be fun!

i wanted to go vegetarian for a couple of years before i met my

husband, but didn't because i couldn't handle imposing a new diet on my

two sons. then i met billy and realised it would actually be a gift to

them, not an imposition!

best wishes

alice

ps if your husband is willing to do some reading on the subject, i

strongly recommend 'mad cowboy' by howard lyman.

 

On 10 Feb 2008, at 16:38, Kelly wrote:

 

> Hi all, I am a brand new vegan, yay for me! I finally after a long time

> decided to take the step I have been wanting to take after a very long

> time and go vegan. Does anyone have any experience with a spouse who

> is

> a little unsuportive at first? How did you handle it when you first

> told them? I just never went vegan before out of convience of my

> husband and all our family members. He had asked me earlier if I

> wanted

> to go to dinner tomorrow at his gandma's for chicken cutlets and

> spaghetti. I said sure I will just have the spaghetti maybe. He got

> angry, he told me that he is mad and he has a right to disagree. That

> it's going to cause a problem with family members because I am now

> making things difficult. This is the reason I never went vegan before,

> because of everyone else. I wanted to just make life easy. I just feel

> like it's not fair. I want to be healthier and feel better and try

> something different he is upset? He says I am not the same person he

> first met when we were dating and that I changed too much. I know men

> dont like change too much but I just pray he'll get used to it.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Shannon--Ugh. Sorry!!! It must be VERY uncomfortable for you. Is there any

way to be reeeeeeally calm, and tell them that they don't need to worry about

anyone's food intake, and that you really don't care to talk about it

anymore, as you've made the best decisions you could for your family? I know

that

sounds really " rational " , and your in-laws don't sound particularly rational.

But sometimes, that's just what it takes to throw them off completely! It's

actually worked for me, with difficult people (read that: " ex-husband " )--change

tactics and you really ruin their agenda. They simply don't know how to

respond because the game has changed! You might even mention that if food is

going to be such an uncomfortable issue with them, you really can't visit when

food is being served--and of COURSE you want to spend time with them <smile

sweetly>.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'm just at the age where I could give a darn what

others say, and I speak my mind with no problem. And I have no icky in-laws.

Marilyn

 

 

 

 

 

**************Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

(http://music.aol.com/grammys/pictures/never-won-a-grammy?NCID=aolcmp00300000002\

5

48)

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I think my husband is upset about the topic for a couple of reasons,

one he thinks I am going to change what I make for the two of us

(which wont happen, and hasn't yet he still eats what he wants) two

it will change simple things like restaurants and family get

togethers (restaurants is simple, it's his family that may be a

problem, they are very old school traditional italians, and I think

he may be more embarrassed about it than anything. I think he just

needs some time. It's something I have wanted to do for a long time,

and just feel ready to stand up for myself and change how I eat. I

really feel happier and no headaches already after 4 days.

 

 

, Alice Leonard

<alice wrote:

>

> hi kelly

> welcome, and congratulations, and commiserations! i never had the

> spouse problem, because it was my husband who inspired me to become

> vegan. but other friends and family have found it a difficult

concept.

> someone else recommended 'living with meat eaters' - i second that,

> it's great! if i'd read it earlier, i might have handled many

> situations much better.

> diet is an extremely personal and emotive thing. it's one of our

> strongest links to our culture and the way we were raised. omnis

seem

> to think that by not eating animal products, we are criticising

those

> who do. (actually, i try not to, but i still wish they would stop

> eating animals!). if they take it as a personal attack then i

suspect

> they feel deep down some guilt about eating animals, and that's why

> they become so defensive.

> does your husband think you want him to become vegan too? is that

what

> concerns him? does he understand your reasons for going vegan?

> do you bake? vegan cakes and cookies are a good way to let omnis

know

> that a vegan diet can still be fun!

> i wanted to go vegetarian for a couple of years before i met my

> husband, but didn't because i couldn't handle imposing a new diet

on my

> two sons. then i met billy and realised it would actually be a gift

to

> them, not an imposition!

> best wishes

> alice

> ps if your husband is willing to do some reading on the subject, i

> strongly recommend 'mad cowboy' by howard lyman.

>

> On 10 Feb 2008, at 16:38, Kelly wrote:

>

> > Hi all, I am a brand new vegan, yay for me! I finally after a

long time

> > decided to take the step I have been wanting to take after a

very long

> > time and go vegan. Does anyone have any experience with a spouse

who

> > is

> > a little unsuportive at first? How did you handle it when you

first

> > told them? I just never went vegan before out of convience of my

> > husband and all our family members. He had asked me earlier if I

> > wanted

> > to go to dinner tomorrow at his gandma's for chicken cutlets and

> > spaghetti. I said sure I will just have the spaghetti maybe. He

got

> > angry, he told me that he is mad and he has a right to disagree.

That

> > it's going to cause a problem with family members because I am

now

> > making things difficult. This is the reason I never went vegan

before,

> > because of everyone else. I wanted to just make life easy. I

just feel

> > like it's not fair. I want to be healthier and feel better and

try

> > something different he is upset? He says I am not the same

person he

> > first met when we were dating and that I changed too much. I

know men

> > dont like change too much but I just pray he'll get used to it.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/10/2008 10:09:34 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

shanwest writes:

 

The thing is, they mean well. So it's hard to really get too terribly

pissed at them, at least not to their faces, as they'd never

understand why I'm so mad.

 

Shannon

 

 

 

LOLOL! Sounds like my husband! Gotta love him. Good luck, Shannon! Marilyn

 

 

 

 

 

**************Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

(http://music.aol.com/grammys/pictures/never-won-a-grammy?NCID=aolcmp00300000002\

5

48)

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

At 02:14 PM 2/10/2008, you wrote:

 

>As to family--why make an issue at all? Do they police your plate to see

>what you've taken, or eaten? No one should even notice! If they do,

>simply tell

>them that you are not hungry enough to eat all that right then, or that you

>will " later " , or that your plate is full just then but maybe later, or that

>your doctor has told you to cut back on whatever is the item in question, or

>whatever you feel comfortable with--then drop it. I don't think it should

>become a major battle with anyone.

 

LOL! I'm sorry, but that's one of the funniest things I've read all

day. People get very emotional and weird about food. It's a HUGE

battle with my in-laws. They simply do not believe that a little bit

can hurt, and if it does, well, just suck it up. You're there, you

eat their food. They sorta try, but they don't understand, and they

aren't willing to make the effort to try to do better because they

think they know better. They think I'm being a picky primadona, and

that I've corrupted their poor innocent son. They don't see the

health issues because we don't live near them. And they get mad at my

daughter if she gets sick at their house, because they think she's

'over-reacting'. It pisses me off to no end.

 

Shannon

 

 

--

 

 

Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.0/1268 - Release 2/9/2008 11:54

AM

[Guest guest]

At 05:11 PM 2/10/2008, you wrote:

 

 

 

>Shannon--Ugh. Sorry!!! It must be VERY uncomfortable for you. Is there any

>way to be reeeeeeally calm, and tell them that they don't need to worry about

>anyone's food intake, and that you really don't care to talk about it

>anymore, as you've made the best decisions you could for your

>family? I know that

>sounds really " rational " , and your in-laws don't sound particularly rational.

>But sometimes, that's just what it takes to throw them off completely!

 

Heh. Yeah, that's pretty much what I do. Plus, they're really passive

aggressive, so there's not much they can say to that.

 

>It's

>actually worked for me, with difficult people (read that:

> " ex-husband " )--change

>tactics and you really ruin their agenda. They simply don't know how to

>respond because the game has changed! You might even mention that if food is

>going to be such an uncomfortable issue with them, you really can't

>visit when

>food is being served--and of COURSE you want to spend time with them <smile

>sweetly>.

 

Nope, doesn't work. They live 24 hours away by car. And they live 2

hours away from the nearest city, so no hotels to stay in either. And

of course, they're this way at my house too. *sigh*

 

 

>I don't know. Maybe I'm just at the age where I could give a darn what

>others say, and I speak my mind with no problem. And I have no icky in-laws.

 

The thing is, they mean well. So it's hard to really get too terribly

pissed at them, at least not to their faces, as they'd never

understand why I'm so mad.

 

Shannon

 

 

--

 

 

Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.0/1268 - Release 2/9/2008 11:54

AM

[Guest guest]

I feel deeply for you Kelly, I have a partner who was supportive and although

not vegetarian or vegan we have a substantially different lifestyle now with a

" free-range, mostly vegetarian household. " Even that is changing... As Alice

said it sounds like he finds some kind of implicit judgement in your changes and

that is threatening to him? It's very hard... Particularly living in New Zealand

where the meat and dairy industry are considered the " backbone " of the economy.

Sometimes I wish I lived in India, with thousands of years of vegetarianism in

over 70% of the population... Jealous. Over there it's just par for the course

and to be vegetarian is to be enlightened. Anyway, this is just basically me

sending some support your way.

 

Jess

 

 

 

Alice Leonard <alice

 

Monday, 11 February, 2008 8:01:39 AM

Re: New Vegan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hi kelly

 

welcome, and congratulations, and commiserations! i never had the

 

spouse problem, because it was my husband who inspired me to become

 

vegan. but other friends and family have found it a difficult concept.

 

someone else recommended 'living with meat eaters' - i second that,

 

it's great! if i'd read it earlier, i might have handled many

 

situations much better.

 

diet is an extremely personal and emotive thing. it's one of our

 

strongest links to our culture and the way we were raised. omnis seem

 

to think that by not eating animal products, we are criticising those

 

who do. (actually, i try not to, but i still wish they would stop

 

eating animals!). if they take it as a personal attack then i suspect

 

they feel deep down some guilt about eating animals, and that's why

 

they become so defensive.

 

does your husband think you want him to become vegan too? is that what

 

concerns him? does he understand your reasons for going vegan?

 

do you bake? vegan cakes and cookies are a good way to let omnis know

 

that a vegan diet can still be fun!

 

i wanted to go vegetarian for a couple of years before i met my

 

husband, but didn't because i couldn't handle imposing a new diet on my

 

two sons. then i met billy and realised it would actually be a gift to

 

them, not an imposition!

 

best wishes

 

alice

 

ps if your husband is willing to do some reading on the subject, i

 

strongly recommend 'mad cowboy' by howard lyman.

 

 

 

On 10 Feb 2008, at 16:38, Kelly wrote:

 

 

 

> Hi all, I am a brand new vegan, yay for me! I finally after a long time

 

> decided to take the step I have been wanting to take after a very long

 

> time and go vegan. Does anyone have any experience with a spouse who

 

> is

 

> a little unsuportive at first? How did you handle it when you first

 

> told them? I just never went vegan before out of convience of my

 

> husband and all our family members. He had asked me earlier if I

 

> wanted

 

> to go to dinner tomorrow at his gandma's for chicken cutlets and

 

> spaghetti. I said sure I will just have the spaghetti maybe. He got

 

> angry, he told me that he is mad and he has a right to disagree. That

 

> it's going to cause a problem with family members because I am now

 

> making things difficult. This is the reason I never went vegan before,

 

> because of everyone else. I wanted to just make life easy. I just feel

 

> like it's not fair. I want to be healthier and feel better and try

 

> something different he is upset? He says I am not the same person he

 

> first met when we were dating and that I changed too much. I know men

 

> dont like change too much but I just pray he'll get used to it.

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Your compassion is a gift.

 

 

bessmcbride <bessmcbride

 

Monday, 11 February, 2008 6:36:52 AM

Re: New Vegan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aww, gee, Kelly,

 

 

 

I'm sorry to hear about his reaction. I was already vegetarian when

 

my significant other and I met, so he just had to deal with it. It

 

remains frustrating for us because it is inconvenient to eat out or

 

eat at other's homes, but I've never found a host or hostess unhappy

 

about my diet choices. I believe my daughter was mocked by her

 

mother in law. I doubt that family members besides your husband will

 

get mad though. I find most people overly enthusiastic about trying

 

to figure out what I will eat...to my embarrassment. Inevitably, if

 

I sit down to eat with people, they will scan the menus

 

for " vegetarian " items for me.

 

 

 

I hope he gets over it. We're supposed to change over the course of

 

our lives. All of us. It's usually called " growth. " I can't see

 

that becoming a vegan is a bad thing. It's not evil, you're not

 

hurting anyone or anything.

 

 

 

My best to you.

 

 

 

Bess McBride

 

 

 

Vegan-and-Gluten- Free@ .com, " Kelly " <FLuwrchLd@. ..>

 

wrote:

 

>

 

> Hi all, I am a brand new vegan, yay for me! I finally after a long

 

time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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________

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[Guest guest]

Pay no attention to them, hang with us!

Jann

 

Susan Buchberger <sassy12nv wrote:

>

> Hello,

> I'm new to this message board. I have been vegan since April 2008,

though not getting support from family & friends. They think I have

gone off the deep end. I have already had several health improvements

and so I know that I am on the right track! So I'm glad that I found

this group to learn from and make new friends who " get it " .

> Susan

[Guest guest]

Finding support from family can be difficult. I became a vegetarian

when I was pregreant with my youngest son. All I heard was you're

hurting the baby you have to eat meat. Ha - Charlie is just as healthy

as the other two and growing faster. Now I am wanting to remove diary

from my diet. My health has improved, but not to what I want it to be.

I know my mother is going to have a fit, but I have to do what's right

for me. So keep with it.

 

Karen

Buchberger <sassy12nv@> wrote:

> >

> > Hello,

> > I'm new to this message board. I have been vegan since April 2008,

> though not getting support from family & friends. They think I have

> gone off the deep end. I have already had several health

improvements

> and so I know that I am on the right track! So I'm glad that I found

> this group to learn from and make new friends who " get it " .

> > Susan

>

[Guest guest]

Some of the people picking at you, will end up vegetarians years from now. I

have seen this over and over again. They wish they had the will power to try it

so instead they will make fun. Ignore it, soon they will slowly start to ask

questions in a positive way.

Donna

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

 

 

Susan Buchberger <sassy12nv

 

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 11:58:28

 

New vegan

 

 

Hello,

I'm new to this message board. I have been vegan since April 2008, though not

getting support from family & friends. They think I have gone off the deep end.

I have already had several health improvements and so I know that I am on the

right track! So I'm glad that I found this group to learn from and make new

friends who " get it " .

Susan

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group -- talking to people who " get it " is a major benefit of

this group!

 

Audrey S.

 

On Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 1:58 PM, Susan Buchberger <sassy12nvwrote:

 

> Hello,

> I'm new to this message board. I have been vegan since April 2008, though

> not getting support from family & friends. They think I have gone off the

> deep end. I have already had several health improvements and so I know that

> I am on the right track! So I'm glad that I found this group to learn from

> and make new friends who " get it " .

> Susan

>

>

[Guest guest]

Greetings All:

 

I have just joined this group and am really excited about the transition to

veganism for my 13yo daughter and I. We live in Newmarket, Ontario with my

father and three cats. Any tips, thoughts, etc. would be most welcome.

 

Regards,

Olwen )O(

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group!

Judy, Ohio, USA

 

 

On Behalf Of Olwen Moonda...

I have just joined this group and am really excited about the transition to

veganism for my 13yo daughter and I. We live in Newmarket, Ontario with my

father and three cats. Any tips, thoughts, etc. would be most welcome.

Regards,

Olwen )O(