PONDERISM .... with the best compliments of Dr. Leo Rebello

[Guest guest]

 

 

 

PONDERISM .... with the best compliments of Dr. Leo Rebello

 

 

* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.* Life is sexually transmitted.* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?* Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery?