The Key to Successful Relationships

November 21, 2007

B Y L E O N A R D P E R L M U T T E R

DO YOU TRULY DESIRE to experience loving, meaningful and richly rewarding relationships? Is it important for you to be happy and content? Do you want to reduce or eliminate the various forms of dis-ease in your life? If so, you can achieve everything you earnestly desire by honestly examining the ways you deal with relationships.

Just for a moment, stop and think about the wide variety of relationships you have every day. Think of your spouse or lover, your child, parents, siblings, friends, extended family, people you work for or with, and those you do business with (like the banker, supermarket cashier, auto mechanic or plumber). Now, consider your more remote relationships with your local, state and national government officials, and all the celebrity types you know through television, radio, films and recordings. You have relationships with the house or apartment you live in, your work, tools, car, computer, clothes, pets and the environment.

Then add the thousands of other, more intimate relationships you have – with your body, the food you eat, your breath, your senses, as well as your mind and its many thoughts, desires, memories, imaginations and emotions. Let's face it; you have a lot of relationships!

Every single relationship requires you to take some kind of action. Essentially, that's what having a relationship means. When you have a relationship, it means that a thought, desire or emotion is commanding your attention and requiring you to respond. Relationships imply action just as action implies a relationship, and your choice of which thoughts to think, which words to speak and which actions to take will determine whether your relationships bring you happiness or sorrow.

We experience pain and dis-ease in our relationships because most of us merely adopt the goals, fashions and ideals of our society, without really knowing ourselves first, within and without. This leaves us ignorant of our Divinity and Its wisdom, and dependent on the suggestions of others. As each new generation takes on the handicaps of the previous generations, humanity continues to look outside itself for new objects and relationships that – it is hoped, or expected – will bring the desired happiness and contentment. Unfortunately, what we often wind up with is stress, anxiety, frustration, anger or even depression.

In Sanskrit the word lila is used to describe the vast, joyful and spontaneous play of creation. The word "play" implies fun, and lila is the Divine Reality's game that we are well equipped to enjoy. Whether we understand the word play to mean a theatrical production or the everyday events of an infinite cosmic game with defined rules and regulations makes little difference – we are the players.

As skilled actors we're required to play a variety of roles as perfectly as we can, but no truly accomplished performer identifies so completely with the role that she forgets who she is. Likewise, the skilled athlete is never so consumed by the winning or losing that he forgets how to play the game. As Shakespeare says, "The play's the thing!"

Several years ago two men walking in the forest approached a swift-flowing stream. For each, the stream's rapid current and uncertain footing proved insurmountable obstacles to the continuation of their journey. One man was blind, and the other was lame.

After much consternation, the blind man had an idea. "Look here, my friend. You are lame and cannot walk well, but have excellent sight. I am blind, but have strong and steady legs. If you sit on my shoulders, you can guide my sure-footed steps with your keen vision. Together we can cross the stream." And so the lame man climbed onto the shoulders of the blind man and they crossed the river. By sharing unique resources, their desired goal was accomplished. If your intention is pure and you dedicate yourself to the practice of yoga science, what you may lack personally will become available to you through the grace of Divine Providence. Despite seemingly insurmountable physical, mental or emotional handicaps, as you learn how to follow the intuitive wisdom of your own conscience confidently and fearlessly – knowing your Self to be none other than the One eternal, universal and compassionate intelligence – difficult relationships will either heal or wither away. New relationships will appear to lead you beyond your personal limitations and you will find that life can become a source of peace and joy.

Remember, however, yoga is essentially a science – verifiable or refutable only through your own personal experience. Do not accept any suggestion presented by me or anyone else without verifying its truthfulness through your personal practice. Dependence on external resources, suggestions and habits will only prolong the bondage. No one other than your own true Self can bring you liberating wisdom. Once you have begun assimilating the knowledge of yoga science, start actively experimenting with these concepts.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Leonard Perlmutter teaches workshops on practical yoga science throughout the United States. His new book, The Heart & Science of Yoga: Living Free from Worry will be released in early 2005. When not teaching, Leonard enjoys tending his vegetable and flower gardens, and writing articles for his bimonthly newsletter "Transformation". For further information visit www.amipublishers.org or phone (1) 518- 674-8714.