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Relationship & Love

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“Why is it that every relationship begins with freedom and ends in bondages?”



Love comes like a strong wind and carries away two lovers to unknown dimensions. There is nothing worldly about it. And love doesn’t only mean the love between a boy and a girl. It might be love between parents and children, siblings, friends, love for self, a love that a devotee has towards his Lord and even love between two homo-sexual persons. Love is love; one cannot distinguish love or distribute it into different aspects. Nor can love ever be materialistic. For example if I say, “I love my Cell Phone”, or say “I love my house”; that is not love. I am just fond of it largely because it has fulfilled my needs and also because it shows my status in the society. These things which we are fond of are basically gifts of love which we give to our selves because we all love ourselves. Loving always involve giving. Always remember you can give without loving but can never love without giving.


Relationship is something which either you have born into or have landed up as a bond between you and someone you want to be linked to. To be more specific you have parents, sibling, uncles, aunties etc. in your relation since you were born; so this is the relation you were born into. Not all parents are your parents. There is specification about such relations. And as you grow, you like being with a particular person and so you befriend him and share a relation called friendship. This is a kind of relation which acts as a bond between you and your friend to keep you both linked. Although the latter relation is more pure but if it is a relation there has to be a bond and bond itself means bondage. The only bond which does not lead to bondage is true love because unlike other relations there is no condition in it, there is no limit in it.


People often confuse love with relationship. But they are like mirror images; looking similar but exactly opposite. Lovers go through an experience peak and then need to settle down. In the process, they start feeling bored, craving the same peak again and again. When they don’t reach it, they feel frustrated and fall into the ditch of miseries. Peaks in love are experienced when lovers open their wings to fly high into the sky together. There’s a whole sky of freedom and togetherness that they feel in each others company. But the moment they start clinging on to each other and suppress freedom, love falls into the valley of misery and tears and they start wondering what happened to their love? The clinging has clipped the soft wings of love.


And why did the clinging start? Clinging started with expectation. Materialistic or non-materialistic but we all do expect something or the other from the person we love, which is the seed of the problems. Gradually, without getting noticed, expectation grows into demand. And we still believe we are just expecting. Don’t have any expectations. Love because love is your inner growth. Love helps us grow towards more light, more truth, more freedom.


Two persons can be very loving together. The more loving they are, the greater is the freedom between them because the more loving they are the lesser is the space for any doubts, any relationship, any bondage. The more loving they are, the thinner is the prospect of any demand. Naturally then, there is no question of frustration.


Love but never turn love into a relation. Love without condition, without relation and without expectation. Then there will always be freedom, to reach the highest altitude together. Let’s take the example of Lord Krishna and his beloved Radha. We all know how much this couple loved each other. We also know that they were just lovers and never entered into a relation like marriage etc. Have you ever wondered why? It’s simply because the creator wanted to show us the truth. He wanted us to understand the difference between worldly relation and divine love, the conditional and the unconditional, the bondage and the freedom. And the altitude their love has taken them to is that we still worship them and respect their unconditional love so much so that a picture of Krishna alone seems incomplete without Radha in it.


Take a paper and a pencil and draw one circle each for each person you love. One circle for your father, one for mother, one for sibling, one for spouse, one for friend… uncle, aunty, everyone; one circle for each and write in the circle the respective relation you share with the person. Now, we all do love our selves, so draw one circle for your self. Now write down the relation that you have with yourself. No you don’t have any relation with yourself. You are just you with yourself. There is no name for the relation that you share with yourself. Yet you truly love yourself. No matter how ugly looking face you might have but before going to a party you dress your best and always try to put your best foot forward. You take care of yourself daily because you love yourself. And that to without having any relation with your self. This is pure unadulterated love. Love others the way you love yourself without demanding, desiring or even expecting any type of relation form it. A relationship is a part of the materialistic world. A slight change in the situation and it evaporates; and nothing but the name of the relation is left between the persons sharing that relation. There is no solidity in it. But love comes spontaneously, like a fountain, falling form the height of a mountain, yet looking beautiful and asking for nothing in return. It is a fire which burns all the impurities in you and takes out the pure gold in you.


Love is a quality and not a relation. For example take two words, friendliness and friendship. Friendliness is a quality within you; we say the particular person is very friendly; but friendship becomes a burdensome relationship. You can be in a relationship with a few people. But your quality has got nothing to do with anybody else; you can be friendly with the entire world. You can be friendly even when you are alone but you cannot be in friendship when you are alone since the other is needed. Hence you may have several friends out there but when you are alone, you are lonely. By being friendly you might be alone but will never be lonely. Be alone not lonely.


A flower blooms and even if nobody passes by yet it is fragrant. It does not matter whether anyone comes to know about it or not.

Being fragrant is a quality.





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