Lord Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's Feelings of Separation from Kṛṣṇa

[Guruvani]

Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said to Govinda, "O ādi-vasyā [uncivilized man], do not forbid this woman to climb the Garuḍa-stambha. Let her see Lord Jagannātha to her satisfaction."

[Guruvani]

When the woman came to her senses, however, she quickly climbed back down to the ground and, seeing Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, immediately begged at His lotus feet for forgiveness.

[Guruvani]

Seeing the woman's eagerness, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "Lord Jagannātha has not bestowed so much eagerness upon Me.

[Guruvani]

"She has fully absorbed her body, mind and life in Lord Jagannātha. Therefore she was unaware that she was putting her foot on My shoulder.

[Guruvani]

"Alas! How fortunate this woman is! I pray at her feet that she favor Me with her great eagerness to see Lord Jagannātha."

[Guruvani]

Just previously, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu had been seeing Lord Jagannātha as Kṛṣṇa, the son of Mahārāja Nanda, in person.

[Guruvani]

Becoming fully absorbed in that vision, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu had assumed the mood of the gopīs, so much so that everywhere He looked He saw Kṛṣṇa standing with His flute to His lips.

[Guruvani]

After seeing the woman, the Lord's external consciousness returned, and He saw the original deity forms of Lord Jagannātha, Subhadrā and Lord Balarāma.

[Guruvani]

When He saw the deities, Lord Caitanya thought He was seeing Kṛṣṇa in Kurukṣetra. He wondered, "Have I come to Kurukṣetra? Where is Vṛndāvana?"

[Guruvani]

Lord Caitanya grew very much agitated, like a person who has just lost a recently acquired jewel. Then He became very morose and returned home.

[Guruvani]

Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu sat down on the ground and began to mark it with His fingernails. He was blinded by tears, which flowed from His eyes like the Ganges.

[Guruvani]

Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "I found Kṛṣṇa, the Lord of Vṛndāvana, but I have lost Him again. Who has taken My Kṛṣṇa? Where have I come?"

[Guruvani]

When Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu dreamed of the rāsa dance, He was fully absorbed in transcendental bliss, but when His dream broke, He thought He had lost a precious jewel.

[Guruvani]

Thus Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu would chant and dance, always absorbed in the bliss of transcendental madness. He carried out the necessities of the body, such as eating and bathing, merely out of habit.

[Guruvani]

At night, Lord Caitanya would reveal to Svarūpa Dāmodara and Rāmānanda Rāya the ecstatic feelings of His mind.

[Guruvani]

Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "At first My mind somehow achieved the treasure of Kṛṣṇa, but it again lost Him. Therefore it gave up My body and home because of lamentation and accepted the religious principles of a kāpālika-yogī. Then My mind went to Vṛndāvana with its disciples, My senses."

[Guruvani]

Having lost His acquired gem, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu became overwhelmed with lamentation by remembering its attributes. Then, grasping the necks of Rāmānanda Rāya and Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī, He cried, "Alas, where is My Lord Hari? Where is Hari?" Finally He became restless and lost all patience.

[Guruvani]

"My dear friends," He said, "please hear of Kṛṣṇa's sweetness. Because of a great desire for that sweetness, My mind has given up all social and Vedic religious principles and taken to the profession of begging, exactly like a mystic yogī.

[Guruvani]

"The ring of Kṛṣṇa's rāsa-līlā, manufactured by Śukadeva Gosvāmī, the most auspicious craftsman, is as pure as an earring made from a conchshell. The yogī of My mind is wearing that earring upon his ear. From a gourd he has carved out the bowl of My aspirations, and he has taken the bag of My expectations on his shoulder.

[Guruvani]

"The yogī of My mind wears the torn quilt of anxiety on his dirty body, which is covered with dust and ashes. His only words are 'Alas! Kṛṣṇa!' He wears twelve bangles of distress on his wrist and a turban of greed on his head. Because he has not eaten anything, he is very thin.

[Guruvani]

"The great yogī of My mind always studies the poetry and discussions of Lord Kṛṣṇa's Vṛndāvana pastimes. In Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam and other scriptures, great saintly yogīs like Vyāsadeva and Śukadeva Gosvāmī have described Lord Kṛṣṇa as the Supersoul, beyond all material contamination.

[Guruvani]

"The mystic yogī of My mind has assumed the name Mahābāula and made disciples of My ten senses. Thus My mind has gone to Vṛndāvana, leaving aside the home of My body and the great treasure of material enjoyment.

[Guruvani]

"In Vṛndāvana, he goes from door to door begging alms with all his disciples. He begs from both the moving and the inert inhabitants — the citizens, the trees and the creepers. In this way he lives on fruits, roots and leaves.

[Guruvani]

"The gopīs of Vrajabhūmi always taste the nectar of Kṛṣṇa's attributes, His beauty, His sweetness, His aroma, the sound of His flute and the touch of His body. My mind's five disciples, the senses of perception, gather the remnants of that nectar from the gopīs and bring them to the yogī of My mind. The senses maintain their lives by eating those remnants.

[Guruvani]

"There is a solitary garden where Kṛṣṇa enjoys His pastimes, and in one corner of a pavilion in that garden, the yogī of My mind, along with his disciples, practices mystic yoga. Wanting to see Kṛṣṇa directly, this yogī remains awake throughout the night, meditating on Kṛṣṇa, who is the Supersoul, uncontaminated by the three modes of nature.