Disability and Divinity

[bija 0]

Redsox, thanks for your questions. This process of surrendering is something of interest for me too.

 

It surely seems as we are being purified things appear to get more intense. A clearing and cleaning stage. That is what I am experiencing anyway! It seems also as we gain more knowledge the potential can be for more complexity. Maybe this is why we are being called to simplicity, to bhakti!

 

Just the other day a person asked me if I had found 'that peace of God in my heart.' I replied yes, but I do not think it could be expressed in words clearly. It surely does not mean that tribulations have finished. By no means!

 

 

A lot of devotees are misplaced souls in this world we don't fit, like fish out of water and that can tend to cripple our participation or contribution to a world or ideal we feel is futile, and wasted energy. A devotee just needs to get engagement in that which they truly love and that will automaticly bring satisfaction, in whatever form that may take for our full potential to be realized or actualized. Otherwise it is a constant cause of frustration.

 

For our fully bloomed service capacity to be shared happily with the rest of the environment we have to sometimes take those practical steps or quantum leaps into the unknown, and trust that we have a friend who is working to see all of us become fully capable. quote by Sridas

These words by Sridas bring to mind much for me. I think at some point in our Krsna consciousness we desire to play our part and contribute to the environment. But I feel the way we view and weigh up our contribution can be clouded by relative conceptions of this material world.

 

You see I actually do live with a disability, which has had impact over many facets of my life. So if I compare my contribution to this life in a material sense, against others abilities and contributions, the tendency can be, to become despondent and discouraged.

 

Saying this, the material environment seems to place so many expectations, whether in my own mind or from external factors. And this is what I find most difficult at present. Especially entering middle age, when my situation, is different from the 'norms of success' of others my age. This is material vision. This type of vision is surely not conducive to well-being and happiness.

 

So what does it mean to contribute to the environment in a Krsna conscious sense. What is the eternal duty? Surely it can be nothing but love! This is spiritual vision.

 

Many disabilities may not leave us whilst in this body. But our consciousness will continue to develop deeper. And I am sure we will find that peace which transcends all understanding. Even if tribulation remains.

 

And by faith we will enter the land of love. Which is a land of faith. In our deepest consciousness we may be blessed with a tiny glimpse into this land, fertile land. A place where all material relativities no longer demand so much attention from us.

 

This land is where peace can be found. This real environment is where we are called to place our surrender. The land of simplicity. A land of humility. Vraj.

 

 

Here are some writings from Srila BR Sridhara Maharaja on the nature of the land of love:

 

We are to think, "The environment of that land in which I aspire to live is made of better stuff than I am." We are to enter into a super-subjective domain. The attitude of all the newly recruited persons there should be: "I am not of subjective character, I am of marginal potency, tatastha, but I am receiving permission to enter the super-subjective area where everything holds a higher position than myself." Everyone there is of that consciousness. "The air, the earth, the trees, etc. all hold a higher position than myself, but still I have been given permission by the supreme authority to wander here. I have only been given some service, and I am eager to render that service to this land." With this attitude in the background, one should live there, and in the foreground one will become accustomed to discharging his particular duty. "I have come and I am treading on a soil whose intrinsic value is really superior."

A child reveres his mother but he may be taken on her lap, such is the example of our situation when we enter Vaikuntha and Goloka. "The whole atmosphere is higher than myself and is to be revered, but still they have embraced me and taken me in their lap - svarupa-sakti - and I have been asked to do some duty there. The whole environment is to be revered, and I am allowed to live there only as a matter of grace, not as a matter of right." We are tatastha , and as a matter of right we may be cast in Brahmaloka, the marginal potency, so we must become conscious of this fact.

[Guest guest]

 

I see now that I was not being straightforward,

My service to the lord needs some capability at a mental level, yet i am not able to accomplish that easily, while some one else has the same capability and he does it easily. What else? - I dont even think he does it for Krishna as I do. My question is why is there this distinction? I am not jealous , I was hoping when I surrender my job to Krishna, it will get easier, but it didn't.

 

According to nishkaama karma, you perform your duties without having a result in mind. But from the post above, you seem to worry too much about the results, which is why you're worried about capability/disability in the first place. Krishna doesn't care what you can accomplish, He only cares whether you have the right intent, that of surrendering the work and its fruits at His feet.

 

More specifically, your friend despite being more capable and efficient, FAILS to earn Krishna's grace (because he doesn't want it to begin with), whereas you earn His grace for the simple reason that you're at least striving to perform nishkaama karma. So capability has no relevance here, and you need not worry about it. Even if you do your job poorly, if you do it for Krishna's sake, that is more than sufficient to earn His grace.

[theist 1]

Redsox

 

So much truth has been posted in the previous posts. I would only add that we are all learning what surrender means. I have found that surrender to Krsna is a process that has many levels. Until we have given up (surrendered) ALL desires born of selfish motive, including liberation, and wish to serve Krsna alone with no expectation of reward then we cannot be said to have fully surrendered.

 

Many people think that when they move into a temple, shave their heads, change their clothes, add clay markings and live in accordance with the temple rules that that is full surrender.

 

It is a beginning but certainly not full surrender.

 

We must develop some patience. Your life will become perfect and your happiness will one day be endless and without cessation.

 

The tricky thing is that day won't come until we stop trying to trade our "surrender" for it. Can't trick Krsna. At this point it seems to be a paradox. We can only cross that threshold by strong faith and realization. Both of which come gradually.

 

Krsna is always trying to help us. And the more completely we surrender to loving Him the sooner that day will come.

[Guest guest]

 

There is a very long list of stages very clearly elucidated and defined in the Gaudiya Vaisnava tradition that you go through after you initially "surrender".

It's not like "first you surrender" and then "you live happily forever after, The End." You go through some real hum-dingers, more like playing Monopoly, according to the Gaudiya Matha theology that I have read.

 

Excerpt from a class from the Kartika lecture-course on Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura 's Madhurya Kadambini

Vrndavana: October 21, 2005

Tridandisvami Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Maharaja

 

Now we will speak about Madhurya Kadambini. If an aspiring sadhaka (spiritual practitioner) comes to the lotus feet of Guru and takes diksa and siksa (initiation and relevant spiritual instructions), he can then enter into the realm of bhajana (devotional activities).

 

There are two types of bhajana – nisthita-bhakti and anisthita-bhakti. The first type is nisthita – steady devotional service. In this stage, the disciple will not be weak in his bhajana. He continues his bhajana without any fear of falling down. The second type is anisthita bhakti – unsteady devotional service. In this stage the disciple is plagued by many material desires coming in his heart. Srimad Bhagavatam has described this:

 

nasta prayesu abhadresu

nityam bhagavata-sevaya

bhagavaty uttama-sloke

bhaktir bhavati naisthiki

 

[“By regular attendance in classes on the Bhagavatam and by rendering of service to the pure devotee, all that is troublesome to the heart is almost completely destroyed, and loving service unto the Personality of Godhead, who is praised with transcendental songs, is established as an irrevocable fact.” (Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.2.18)]

 

This is anisthita bhakti (unsteady devotional service). Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura explains that anisthita bhakti is of six types: utsaha-mayi, ghana-tarala, vyudha-vikalpa, visaya-sangara, niyamaksama and taranga-rangini. I will explain them, one by one.

 

The first type of unsteady bhakti is utsaha-mayi. Utsaha means enthusiasm. When the student starts his studies, the teacher will encourage him by saying, “Oh, you are so good, so good. You are doing very nicely.” After a few days the student thinks, “Oh, now I'm such a big scholar. I know everything.” He is now so enthusiastic. Previously he was afraid to go to school, and now he takes his books and runs to school with great enthusiasm. In the same way, when the aspiring sadhaka first comes to the path of bhakti, he approaches Gurudeva and accepts harinama. Gurudeva says, “Oh, you cannot chant 64 rounds? No problem. Just do as many as you want. If somehow you can do 16 rounds, your material attachments will be destroyed and very quickly you will attain love for the lotus feet of Krsna.” The disciple then becomes very enthusiastic and happy with his chanting and other duties, and he thinks, “Yes, I have started to do bhajana.”

 

We are just like this. Even in our present stage we think, “I'm really doing bhajana now – fully.” Somebody may be chanting one lakh of harinama (100,000 names or 64 rounds), but when the Guru instructs or chastises him, pointing his finger and telling him what he is doing wrong, his eyes open up in surprise. Gurudeva tells him, “Oh, you have so many desires and so much anger in your heart. You should follow the first verse of Upadesamrta – vaco vegam manasa krodha vegam. You should control your mind and your senses, your tongue, belly and genitals. And you should follow the second sloka – atyaharah prayasas ca. Don't over-eat, don't over-collect and don't over-endeavor for material things.”

 

Then the disciple thinks, “Oh my God, I'm not doing any bhajana at all. I haven't even started,” He understands his position for some time, but later he thinks, “I am a great scholar, so I don't need to go to Guru. I will just do bhajana on my own. There is no need to go to Guru.” And he takes off. In this way, the new devotee is enthusiastic in the beginning, and later he becomes discouraged and his enthusiasm weakens. In the stage of bhajana-kriya, this is the type of unsteady bhakti called utsaha-mayi.

The second type is called ghana-tarala. A new student will start to study the Vedic scriptures. When he understands something he is enthusiastic, but when he doesn't understand because the subject matter is too difficult, he loses his enthusiasm and becomes upset. In the same way, in this stage the new devotee may sometimes practice the limbs of bhakti very enthusiastically – his practice is very 'thick'. And sometimes, if he meets some obstacles, he experiences weakness and his practice of bhakti becomes very 'thin'.

 

You should realize this fact.

 

Sometimes the study of many scriptures, the endeavor to remember all of the subjects therein, and the endeavor to learn many verses also become obstacles in bhakti. For example, someone who remembers many, many verses from scriptures, and also knows so many things from reading and hearing the scriptures, may be plagued by lust, anger and pride. Have his material desires left him or not? Does he have pride or not? Is he greedy for association with women? Is he still anxious for his own name and fame?

 

We will have to consider whether or not we have acquired the four symptoms of:

 

trnad api sunicena

taror api sahisnuna

amanina manadena

kirtaniyah sada harih

 

[“One can chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking himself lower than the straw in the street. One should be more tolerant than the tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige and ready to offer all respects to others. ln such a state of mind one can chant the holy name of the Lord constantly.” (Siksastaka 3)]

 

Are you giving respect to all others? Are you demanding respect for yourself? You will have to look at all these things. You may have read many, many books and may have memorized so many verses, but if lust and anger do not go from your heart, how can suddha bhakti (pure bhakti) come? How can we enter into the verses? And how can we understand the scriptures?

We have to follow Srila Rupa Gosvami and Srila Raghunatha dasa Gosvami. Srila Raghunatha dasa Gosvami has stated in Manah-siksa:

 

pratisthasa dhrsta svapaca-ramani me hrdi natet

katham sadhuh-prema sprsati sucir etan nanu manah

sada tvam sevasva prabhu-dayita-samantam atulam

yatha tam niskasya tvaritam iha tam vesayati sah

 

[“O mind! How can pure divine love appear in my heart as long as the shameless dog-eating outcaste woman of the desire for prestige is audaciously dancing there? Therefore, always remember and serve the immeasurably powerful commanders of the army of Krsna, the beloved devotees of the Lord. They will at once banish this outcaste woman and initiate the flow of immaculate vraja-prema in your heart.” (Manah-siksa, verse 7)]

 

That pratistha, desire for name and fame, is like a dog-eating prostitute dancing in the heart, and mukti-vyaghra, the desire for impersonal liberation, is like a tigress.

 

So consider how much bhakti you actually have. When women see men, does lust come? When men see women, do they feel lust? You must consider, “When my name and fame is checked by someone, do I become angry with that person? Do I have pride?” You must look at yourself and think about this. If you have these faults, how can bhakti come? Yours is then only a shadow of bhakti. Hearing about all these considerations, you must examine your heart and think, “Oh, I don't have bhakti.”

 

If we consider all these things, we become hopeless – this is our nature. So think about this. You have been hearing so much hari-katha and have lived for so many years with your Guru. Why do you still have so many material desires? How is it possible that the desire to marry is still in your heart? You should already know scripture and you must have attained some renunciation.

 

vasudeve bhagavati

bhakti-yogah prayojitah

janayaty asu vairagyam

jnanam ca yad ahaitukam

 

[“By rendering devotional service unto the Personality of Godhead, Sri Krsna, one immediately acquires causeless knowledge and detachment from the world.” (Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.2.7)]

 

When pure (suddha) bhakti enters the heart, one automatically attains jnana – knowledge of krsna-tattva, and vairagya – detachment from material enjoyment. When we are still beset by lust, anger and pride, we must ask ourselves, “Where am I? What is my position? Oh, I feel hopeless.”

 

Twenty to twenty-five years have already passed, and still this anger and lust and desire for fame have not left you? These things must be dispelled.

 

When we consider our position we become a little hopeless. In this regard, Srila Rupa Gosvami has written in Stava Mala:

 

pracinanam bhajanam atulam duskaram srnvato me

nairyasena jvalati hrdayam bhakti-lesalasasya

visva-dricim aghahara tavakarnya karunya-vicim

asa-binduksitam idam upety antare hanta saityam

 

[“I am very weak and lazy to do even the smallest devotional service. Therefore, when I hear of the peerless and difficult-to-perform services performed by the great devotees in ancient times, my heart burns with despair. On the other hand, O Lord, O killer of Aghasura, when I hear that Your waves of mercy splash everyone, from the demigod Brahma down to the most insignificant creature, and even to the demon Aghasura who was the embodiment of sin, then my heart becomes sprinkled with a cooling drop of hope.”]

 

The meaning of this prayer is as follows: “Alas! Seeing the sadhana of the previous great practitioners of bhakti, I have become hopeless.” We have only one hope. What is that? The mercy of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu is flowing everywhere, and even one drop can drown us. Srila Gaura Kisora dasa Babaji Maharaja and Srila Raghunatha dasa Gosvami performed astonishing austerity. The detachment of Gaura Kisora dasa Babaji was very severe. Before him there were many devotees performing austerities for thousands upon thousands of years – and look at us in comparison.

 

Think about this. What are you doing? Now it is the month of Kartika and we are eating so many delicious foods, up to our neck and even more; and we take rest and drink and enjoy in many ways. We are hearing beautiful kirtanas. Where is the severe sadhana? Where? Therefore think, brothers and sisters. Leave your pride, try to gain victory over your lust, and try to do bhajana of Krsna. There is no other way to achieve this most elevated bhakti.

 

Therefore, stay with the Vaisnavas; never leave them. In their association you will be disciplined and protected. Study our books. Listen carefully and take these words in your heart. Following the Vaisnavas you should lament, “Oh, my pride and lust have not left me. Fie on me, fie on me!” You should think like this. Look at yourself and lament for your condition. Only in this way can you give up all these bad qualities. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura wrote all this, and now I'm just repeating a shadow of what he wrote.

 

The third type of unsteady bhakti is called vyudha-vikalpa, oscillation of the mind. A person accepts diksa and siksa from Guru and starts his bhajana. At that time so many contrary ideas run through his mind. He thinks, “Why should I do bhajana alone? After all, I have my family. My Gurudeva will give Vaisnava diksa to my father, mother, wife and children. I will build a small temple in my home, and there we will serve God together. I will do bhajana and my family members will also do bhajana.”

But then he reconsiders, “Hold on, this is not a good idea. After all, there were many great devotees like Sri Narada Rsi, Srila Rupa and Sanatana Gosvamis, Srila Raghunatha dasa Gosvami and others who left their homes and went to live in Vrndavana, Navadvipa, Jagannatha Puri or any of Lord Sri Krsna's other pastime places. If I stay with my family members, my material desires will continue to plague me. Better I leave my family and go to live in Vrndavana. I don't want to live in Western countries, or anywhere other than Vrndavana. Where will I live there? I will build a room by the side of Seva Kunja, and from my room I will be able to look out at Seva Kunja. Living like this, my life will be successful.” Both men and ladies think in this way.

And then, when he thinks about leaving home, his mind oscillates again. He thinks, “Oh, how can I leave them? After all, I still haven't fulfilled all my material desires. To leave in an immature state is not good. Therefore, to fulfill all my material desires I will continue to live with my family. When I am satisfied fully, my mind will automatically give up these attachments and then I will leave home. Why should I go now? When I'm old, then everything material will automatically no longer interest me.”

He thinks like this, and then again he wonders, “Should I leave now and take sannyasa, or should I wait a few days? Actually, it will be good if I stay for a little while longer.”

 

Lord Kapiladeva has warned, “Beware! Maya was created by the Lord Himself and has come to you in the form of a young woman, under the pretext of serving you. She is beautiful and seems to be very sweet, and she serves a lot. But you should understand that actually she is pulling you to your death.” She is like a blind well covered with grass. A blind well looks very nice on top, but inside it is full of suffering. She is like an oil well that has caught on fire. There are many oil wells in and here in . Kerosene and petrol oil come from there, and if there is fire, as soon as it touches the oil it spreads everywhere. Women should understand this is for men, and men should understand it for women.

 

By nature ladies are very sweet, but after some time they become ferocious, like Durga. In a second, a lady can plunder your wealth and cut off your head. And men are the same. Of course, this does not apply to the Vaisnavis who are absorbed in bhajana, like Sita Thakurani, Malini Devi and Gangamata Gosvamini. The entire world worships them. Think about all these things.

 

When we hear about these examples from sastra, we should have faith that family life is like a blind well covered with grass. Understand that it is a mirage, a false impression. There is no happiness in that association. Even if there is any so-called enjoyment, then diseases like TB or cancer also come. People drink wine to be happy, but when one drinks too much, he gets cancer of the liver and dies or goes mad. We must have strong faith and understanding that this tendency to enjoy material happiness is the cause of all miseries and sufferings.

 

Srimad-Bhagavatam tells the history of Bharata Maharaja. We should think like him. He ruled the entire Earth and enjoyed material opulence for many thousands of years. He was still in his youth when he left his kingdom, beautiful wife and affectionate children to do bhajana. He left them as we leave stool after passing. It was very difficult to renounce them, but he left everything.

 

Listening to such examples, the aspiring sadhaka thinks again and tries to leave household life. He decides, “Oh, I will not live in this world.” Ladies think the same, “I will not stay in worldly life.” But then again they consider other examples from scripture, “Oh, alas! Alas! I want to leave home, but it is such a great sin to leave my old parents all alone. Who will take care of them? And now I have small children and a beautiful wife. What will happen if I leave them? They will all be helpless. If my father dies in grief, this sin will come on my head. It will be my fault. My wife is very innocent and does not know anything of worldly matters. My children are very young – who will look after their education and maintain them? They will become orphans with no one to protect them. How will they live without me?”

 

Thinking like this, the aspiring sadhaka's mind oscillates. First he decides to leave the house, but now his previous determination to renounce everything is destroyed. He thinks, “Oh, it is so unfair to leave old parents and small children. It's not right.” Then his mind changes again: “Oh, I will go. My parents and my children and wife will somehow live without me. They won't die.” Then he reconsiders, “Oh, it is alright if I stay. My mind is still full of material desires. It is not only because of my old parents, wife, and children. I have just started a new business with many new shops, and if I leave them they will fail and I will become a beggar. I will have to go on the street begging alms, simply living as a beggar.”

 

In this way, the mind of a householder, who cannot decide what to do, oscillates back and forth. Lord Kapiladeva explains that because the householder is always attached to the objects of the senses – house, wife, children and wealth – his mind is always disturbed.

 

What to speak of householders, even those who entered the renounced order, accepting sannyasa and saffron cloth, cannot keep their vows. I know so many people who left their homes and were previously doing dandavat parikrama, wearing only one cloth in the winter and walking in wooden sandals – and today, where are they? They have left bhakti completely, and have no connection with bhajana, or with Guru and Vaisnavas. They have returned to their houses and have married again. I have seen thousands of people come and go like this.

 

This is called vyudha-vikalpa, indecision or oscillation of the mind. I will tell more, later. Oh, my brothers and sisters; don't be angry with me. The words I am speaking may pinch, but these are not my own words. I am just speaking what Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura has written.

[Redsox 0]

Its late in the middle of the night now but I had to post this, I just woke up and can't sleep. I think I understand now. For some reason, I couldn't before. Krishna is essentially spiritual, I was trying to understand him through my material body , which is not possible. My relation with krishna has to be spiritual, it was me using a different channel. Surrendering materially is quite useless, because everything is his, how can I give Him what is already His to begin with?

 

What I need to do is give myself. My spiritual self. I think thats it, I really thank you all for helping me here. I think only after reading and rereading your posts that I come to this conclusion.

 

Disability materially might be there, but we are disabled somewhat if we plan to please krishna through those means, no one can have everything to give to krishna. Hence, the disability lies. For me, it might be intellectual, for others it might be financial. I guess my service has to transcend these. Krishna will not be pleased with what I do materially.

 

 

Thank you!

[Redsox 0]

So basically trying to accomplish something materially for krishna is quite useless. I think.

[bija 0]

SRI KRSNA SAMHITA by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura CHAPTER NINE TEXT 17

prathamam sahajam jnaanam dvitiyam shaastra-varnanam

tritiyam kaushalam vishve krishnasya cesha-rupinah

When a living entity through natural knowledge experiences attraction for the Lord, this is known as hearing songs of Krishna. Realizing Krishna after scrutinizingly studying descriptions of His form narrated in the scriptures by persons who have seen Krishna is called hearing the qualities of Krishna. Seeing Krishna's artistry within the world is called seeing Krishna's picture. This material world is the reflected shadow of spiritual variegatedness. Whoever has realized this is said to have seen Krishna's picture. In other words, a person becomes a Vaishnava by three processes-seeing the Lord through natural knowledge, realizing the Lord by studying the scriptures, and seeing the Lord through His artistry.

[Guest guest]

***We can only cross that threshold by strong faith and realization. Both of which come gradually.***quote by theist***

 

Redsox, by being faithful to your bhajana all things will gradually be realized in your heart. Continue chanting and reading scripture.

 

Sometimes we can read the literature and have realizations, and also not understand some topics. And then we go back to the same book some months later and realize so much more, much more clearly.

 

When we then realize such workings in our heart, our faith also grows and becomes strong.

 

Theist has made a very good point here.

[Redsox 0]

 

***We can only cross that threshold by strong faith and realization. Both of which come gradually.***quote by theist***

 

Redsox, by being faithful to your bhajana all things will gradually be realized in your heart. Continue chanting and reading scripture.

 

Sometimes we can read the literature and have realizations, and also not understand some topics. And then we go back to the same book some months later and realize so much more, much more clearly.

 

When we then realize such workings in our heart, our faith also grows and becomes strong.

 

Theist has made a very good point here.

 

I will continue with my chanting and puja. Thank you very much for your time and your help. You and theist, mahaksadasa, tackle berry, bija and everyone here.