Seriously

[Guest guest]

I am very dedicated to my three months old

ashtanga practise. It has changed my life for the better

so much. <br>Only, I have become more introvert -at

least at home, at work I cant afford it - and look for

peace and quietness while living with this big family

(me and my child, spouse and his three children).

<br><br>I absolutely do not feel like love making at all

any more nor do I want to join the social gatherings

like I used to. So my question is, (since I think that

this sudden change in tastes, which I welcome but my

spouse not, is due to asthanga) does any of you share my

feelings? How are you coping? Did you have to split up? A

quiet studio somewhere? Did you have to change your

company, friends etc in the name of ashtanga and peace?

[Guest guest]

Yes

[Guest guest]

It is important for (you and) your CHILDREN to

have a harmonious and INTACT family. Otherwise what

will you teach so many kids (yours and his) if you

abandon your family life. Think of how you may feel if

suddenly your husband practices some physical activity

that depletes his energy so that he does no longer

want to be affectionate to you (or the kids) when you

may want his love.<br>Think of a solution that may be

positive for everyone. Maybe you can cut back on the

jumpbacks (or some poses) and add those over time when you

have buildt up your stamina slowly. Or practice fewer

days and slowly over time increase the

days.<br><br>True indian saints have never encouraged householders

to abandon there families for the sake of any yoga

practice. I also believe that guruji sets an example of a

householder meeting his obligations.<br><br>As one progresses

there is less and less need for parties and social

gathering. But for the sake of harmony please work to meet

your wifely obligations within reason. Life goes

through many ups and downs and also your husband may meet

a time where he just wants to run away. But the

Lord has entrusted both of you with the well-being of

so many others in your family to

consider.<br><br>May you find balance and happiness and a place for

your practice together with everything else, rather

than instead of everything else.<br><br>My love and

understanding embraces you - may you find strength to see these

challenges through.

[Guest guest]

simlaus<br>I'd like to add that since i have

changed my friends to those who either practice the

spiritual yoga and are vegetarian or those who do asana

with me, my life has become sweeter. These are people

who are accepting and/or supportive of my lifestyle

rather than critical of or continuously quizzically

puzzled by it. Also i changed fom a mainstream career -

What a relief not to have that low-key antagonism

about food choices, not drinking etc. <br><br>People

generally don't like it when someone is different to them

because it challenges their belief systems.<br><br>But...

i have even been ridiculed in a "friendly" way by a

fellow ashtangi for not smoking pot. This is how i know

who i don't want to hang with. Saints place great

value on keeping good company.<br><br>This happened

over time, but boy life is a breeze now by comparison.

If you put it out to the universe how you would like

things to be, visualize it, slowly things may alter.

[Guest guest]

>From B.K.S. Iyenger's book "Light on Yoga"

p34-35<br><br>It is not necessary for one's salvation to stay

unmarried and without a house. On the contrary, all the

smritis (codes of law) recommend marriage. Without

experiencing human love and happiness, it is not possible to

know divine love. Almost all the yogis and sages of

old in India were married men with families of their

own. They did not shirk their social or moral

responsibilities. Marriage and parenthood are no bar to the

knowledge of divine love, happiness and union with the

Supreme Soul.<br><br>Dealing with the position of an

aspirant who is a househoulder, the "Siva Samhita" says:

For the sake of appearances, he should remain in

society but not have his heart in it. He should not

renounce th duties of his profession, caste or rank; but

let him perform these as an instrument of the Lord,

without any thought of the results. He succeeds by

following wisely the method of Yoga; there is no doubt of

it. Remaining in the midst of the family, always

doing the duties of the householder, he who is free

from merits and demerits and has restrained his

senses, attains salvation. The householder practising

Yoga is not touched by virtue or vice; if to protect

mankind he commits any sin, he is not polluted by it.

(Chapter V, verses 234-8)

[Guest guest]

"I absolutely do not feel like love making at all any more"<br><br>Poor baby.

Maybe u shld give up.

[Guest guest]

As everyone else here knows, ashtanga has made no

difference on my attitude to partying, drinking, toxing,

sexing...<br><br>What it has done is made me a MUCH calmer person. And

I'm seriously happy a great deal of the time, whereas

before I was like a rollercoaster. <br><br>Don't give up

your life for yoga - it should enhance your life, not

replace it. Seems to me u r perhaps using ashtanga like a

crutch; it seems like an unhealthy attitude and u shld

have a look 2 c what it is that is making u so

obessessive.

[Guest guest]

I guess if you wake up, instead of next to your

boring wife and family, but next to a 20 yr old blonde

sized 38-24-36 you'll still be too tired??<br><br>If

you cannot even muster the love to merge with your

wife how will you merge with the Lord?<br><br>Next

time rather than rushing off to yoga, why don't you

babysit the kids so that your wife may go to a

restorative yoga class. And instead of giving the kids to her

when she gets back why don't you round them up for

storytime in their bedroom while she takes a long bath.

Then she maybe too sleepy to bug you for sex. (and not

as drained from the kids that she needs her partner

to fill her up)<br><br>Part of being a man is being

a man of your word. The reason getting married

involves vows is because sometime everybody is bound only

by those vows and little else, until they learn and

evolve.No marriage is without struggle. Face yours bravely

and lovingly. That is what ashtanga should teach you

- how to be brave in this world. Do you do the

standing poses? Pull up those kneecaps! Lift your chest,

suck in the lower ribs, Be a man!<br><br>It is not

unusual for a man to be overwhelmed by the

responsibilities of having a family (this may not be the first

time that you experience this). Could you talk with a

clergy person or a family therapist to help you handle

this better? They can be of great help, really. Give

it a try - take your wife.Avoiding your relationship

with your wife is no solution. Try talking without

blaming.<br><br>You have much to think about! Good luck!

[Guest guest]

Sorry for the earlier cryptic message.<br><br>Re:

serious changes. 3 years of ashtanga practice in my case

and this is part of what all is coming:<br><br>Where

worry/fear, shame and distress once governed,<br>coming of

joy and calm.<br>Marriage ended with coming of

honesty.<br>Waning interest in conventional whims.<br>Ended

cutthroat tennis.<br>Hot, swirling energy in hands.<br>Diet

changing.<br>Vibrant dreaming.<br>Fire in work.<br>Affinity with son

and daughter.<br>Constellation of intimacy and

love.<br>Don’t settle for less!!<br>(Many betray themselves and

do!!)<br>(If you’ve lost interest in sex,<br> there’s reason

for it).<br><br>jesus_of_montreal

[Guest guest]

Bravo Jesus. Well said.

[Guest guest]

To simlaus:<br><br>you have recieved a widely

varying set of responses (including some great words from

Jesus of M). I hope something resonates with your

situation. <br><br>The following stood out to me in your

post-- "Only, I have become more introvert -at least at

home, at work I cant afford it -" <br>Maybe work is the

problem? Maybe if you could act as you pleased at work,

you would have more left in you for family and

friends. That's the only time I feel like retreating--when

I have way too much to do.

[Guest guest]

Dear Simlaus,<br>when I began practicing Ashtanga

about two years ago, I had quite the same feelings

(only "always" felt like making love).<br>I was so

happy with my practice, that I would have liked to

leave job, family and everything and go to Mysore to be

close to the root of Ashtanga or something like

that.<br>All my thoughts had to do with Ashtanga Yoga. I

practiced every day, I was angry with wife and children

when "they made it" difficult or impossible for me to

do so, I didn' want to meet my old friends because

they had absolutely no interest in yoga,

.....<br>Although I really made fast progress at that time I wasn't

really happy.<br>I don't want to tell you the whole

story, only that we were two or three times very close

to being divorced.<br>Nowadays I try to practice

ervery morning before I go to work. I'm very happy If I

succeed, but if the children wake up "too early" I'm not

angry anymore but rest in bed with them (3 & 4 years),

tell stories, ... and I'm happy too. I go out with my

wife (or to bed) and friends and everyone is happy. I

life in harmony and thats what Yoga is about.<br>My

thoughts are with you, stay with your practice and family

!<br>Wish you all the best<br>Dirk

[Guest guest]

"I am very dedicated to my three months old

ashtanga practise. It has changed my life for the better

so much." <br><br>Simlaus: you have heard from a lot

of people more experienced than I on this. I can't

quote scriptures or analyze. I can only speak from my

limited personal experience. What I find key is the

newness of the practice for you. <br><br>When I first

started, "re-entry" after practice was particularly

jarring. After "notsavasana" I was on another planet,

floating open-hearted. I became obsessed with Astanga.

Like Dirk, it was all I wanted to talk about. It was

amazing to me, and I wanted to preach it to everyone. I

succeeded in alientating my husband, who had no interest,

and told me that all I ever wanted to talk about was

yoga and that I was becoming very self-centered.

<br><br>(This happened to almost everyone who started

practicing at the same time as I did, they rushed into

Sansrkit courses and bought every book on yoga they could

find. You couldn't stop them from slipping into

postures anywhere, on a public plaza, in a restaurant,

whatever. Even I found this a bit obsessive.)

<br><br>Astanga is a very powerful practice, at times

overwhelming, and I think in the beginning the effects you

mention can be common (tho it had the opposite sex effect

for me) and intensified. You become much more

focuesed on your body and your state of mind. You withdraw

into yourself. But the reaction does mellow over time

as you accept it more and understand it more; you

become more accustomed to the practice -- it doesn't

lose its magic but it does become more routine. It

will become a part of your life, not your

identification.<br><br>I don't know if I'm describing this well, but the

immediate after-effects may diminish and the way you absorb

your practice off the mat can become less jarring. Yes

it will change your life for the better, but I have

found that I am no longer the great proseletizer (sp),

I enjoy and cherish my practice, I benefit from the

calmness it brings to my life and so does my husband, I am

more even-keeled. Give it some time. Don't make any

rash decisions and life changes based on just three

months of practice. Give it time to mellow and blossom

and be better absorbed.

[Guest guest]

I have been where you are. What I think may be

happening is that you are getting to know your true self

for the first time in your life. You are becoming

more introspective as the chatter of your mind

disappears. Things become clearer--and more confusing. You

need time alone to deal with this. Find a studio where

you feel safe and welcome. Go to class as often as

you can, but please do not withdraw from your daily

life. Things and people that are no longer useful for

you will fall away, but the children need you --and

you need to learn something from them or they would

not be in your life. Whether you remain with your

husband will depend on how much he supports your

spiritual growth. He may surprise you and be happy for your

new independence...wait a bit and see. Right now, you

are needing space and time and keeping your physical

body to yourself is probably just a protective

measure. All will be okay! You will know what you need as

you gain more clarity and strength...keep

practicing...do not be afraid. You are stronger than you know.

[Guest guest]

Like Simlaus and others who posted, I went

through some big changes in the early practice of

Ashtanga (and still am changing). Fortunately the impact

on my family (wife and three young daughters) was

blunted by humor, communication, and some

planning.<br><br>At one point about eight months into the practice my

wife kinda put her foot down and said I should drop

back a bit, so I went to 4-5 days per week rather than

the standard 5-6. But then I started practicing more

at odd times and snuck back to the full regimin. I

am waitng for her to notice and cut me back

again.<br><br>I agree with Dirk that you have to acquire the

disposition not to be bugged when the asana practice is

disrupted, or else you miss the chance to practice real yoga

in your life and miss out on everything

beautiful.<br><br>Interesting, this connection between yoga and sex (my two

favorite topics!). I have actually found that Ashtanga,

although it did not decrease my basic interest in sex,

nevertheless took that obsessive (male?)

gotta-do-it-every-night edge out of my sexuality -- which is excellent

because when married people are chasing around three kids

all day and much of the night there is not much

chance to connect.<br><br>So it is easier to now to

practice brahmacharya, though only in short bursts, and

only if she keeps the halter top in the drawer

....<br><br>I wonder if other guys have had the same experience

regarding Ashtanga and desire, and whether it is different

with the women out there.<br><br>Peace,<br>Homer

[Guest guest]

Find a hiding place and practice in secret...

keep silent on the subject of yoga even when pressed.

<br><br>The harsh fact is that friends & family don’t give a

rats ass about your practice, or yoga in general. Just

do it ...all is coming.

[Guest guest]

Luke, don't give in to the dark side.

[Guest guest]

It is a common experience when starting Ashtanga

practice to feel spaced out or fragile and wanting to be

more intraverted.<br><br>On the one hand, in case you

did not realize yet - being introverted is the goal

of yoga. You internalize your consciousness so you

can perceive the true self.<br><br>On the other hand,

this introversion is brought about by concentration

and will power. This desire to escape from the world

is not particularly healthy.<br><br>There are a few

common causes:<br>1. you are not learning in the

traditional manner - eg you are doing too much.<br>2. the

primary series is a detoxifying practice - flushing out

poisons into your blood stream can cause these kinds of

sensations.<br>3. You are hyperventillating when you breathe eg

emphasizing the exhale over the inhale - blowing off too much

carbon dioxide and upsetting the Co2/oxygen balance in

your blood. Breath should be balanced and even.<br>4.

You are not taking long enough rest after practice -

you need at least 10 min.<br>5. Your diet is wrong or

you are taking too many stimulants.<br><br>As far as

family life goes, Guruji often calls this challenge the

seventh series - very difficult, but the most important

one.