God taught us many thing by putting us in different situation.
The more away you from your lover (Mahadev/Satsang) the more strong desire to meet wih ur lover arises.
As far as the desire to love mahadev is there you are blessed.
Don't think that if u were in then u must have realized. there are many in india who does satsang & visit holy places but havenot realized.
So surrender to Shiva & keep remembering/worshipping him. shiva is everywhere he is always with you. dont think -ve.
I assure if you keep loving Shiva then you connection with shiva will continue in next birth too...
Om Namah Shivay.