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  1. Namaste Deviji, First, may urge you to change the way you refer to yourself: Angelic_devil. You are neither Angel nor devil, both concepts created out of delusion. Your inherent nature is DEVI. Please first hod on to that TRUTH. Every other thing is false and nonsensical before that single TRUTH. That is the first step to healing. Second, if you are in India, and are willing to go to a monastic center of impeccable reputation, both domestically and internationally, I can suggest a place and can make arrangements. The monks there are genuine and powerful Tantrika practitioners, while being strictly celibate. That place is Namgyal Monsatery, under the auspices of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. There are more than enough strong tantrika yogis in Dharamshala, besides the monks at Namgyal. I have personal knowledge of some of these sadhakas. So, you are welcome to listen to suggestions based on good intentions but no real experience, or to take advantage of those who can effectively help you without making themselves public. I do not know how to use the personal message system of this forum and have tried and failed to find that facility; I would like you to contact me via that system.
  2. Namaste Sudhirji, There are many who take upon themselves to be "gurus"whether or not they are permitted, and even more allow themselves to comment on what is shastra, and what is decent and indecent. None of their business, since they are not going to be doing the dying for you, nor are willing nor able to carry the burden of karma for as well. It is a pity that there is so much ideology and sanctimony involved with the practice of religion. Since we live separated by time, space and causality, one is unable to offer you any meaningful support on your sadhana. It is most useful to turn the woman and wife who is Mrnmayi into the Chinmayi, and sequentially, and after that simultaneously, begin to perceive her as Anandamayi, Karunamayi, Chaitanyamayi and ParamA. These simple words each have a Universe hidden in EACH and EVERY one of these conventional terms, e.g. Anandamayi. Please go ahead and try, and very slowly, after much effort, you will begin to realize the enormous metaphysical Universe around each word. Parallel to this, you will automatically be led through the deep sadhanas of the Most Holy Ten Mahavidyas. This will happen by itself, and you will receive deshanA, advice, suitable to your needs, as and when your need grows, in very tiny, frustrating dribbles. This will not be anything like that practiced by those seeking material gain, but the rahoyaga, culminating in the Gurupuja. You will begin to understand the meaning of the Akhandamandala and where your Holy Spouse fits into the scheme of things. She is the gem or crystal throughwhichthe entire Reality is filtered and inverted to become the Akhanda Mandala. The shattered world of conceptual reality. that of vaka and artha, of prana and mano rUpI brahman, becomes transmutated into that Akhanda Mandala, via that Unconditional Grace, your wife emanating as HER inherent true nature as the VajraBhairavi. Don't worry about those who are not practitioners, just do not pay them mind. Their own sense of self-importance dooms them. This entire reality will come to your aid when you become humble enough to understand that all that exists can be construed as forms of your sacramental wife; svakIyA kevalA jneyA sarvadoShA vivarjitA. With your svakIyA shakti in front of you, the incomprehensible beauty and sanctity of the Kamakala will flood through you without ceasing, and you will vibrate to the core meaning of "Bhavani tvam.." That is real Saundarya Lahari, real Ananda Lahari, becoming a center of liberation for the whole world. You are a blessed being, and so is your wife; the terms male and female do not apply. Please find a holy sadhaka and tell him that you are sadhakas of the consonants "tha" and 'da' respectively, of the 17th and 18th consonants, and to please give you help. Those will provide the necessary clues. May the Most Holy Bhavani-Shankar bless you always, and make you fit to be Gurus. Om Namo Narayanaya.
  3. Namaste. Have you considered consulting some holy person having knowledge of the Ashta Vinayaka pujas, with special understanding of the UcchiShta Ganesha Who is very powerful in aiding disturbed marriages? An icon or photograph of the said form, after proper puja, should be placed in your bedroom with daily homage by you, or as per the advice of the holy person or sadhu.
  4. Dear Sriramji, We should be very grateful if you would continue to add to the profiles of contemporary scholars & sadhakas in Shri Kashi Ksetra [and elsewhere]. You were very busy 2 years ago, 2009, but we hope you might spare a few minutes in 2011 to perform this holy service for the benefit of the many, bahujana hitAya, bahujana sukhAya. As you know, the great spiritual goal of liberation cannot ever be vyasthi, sequestrated or indivdual, from samasthi-mukti, that of all illusory beings, since the atman is not individual and parcelled out into separate discrete individual beings like you, me and others. Atman is bhUmA, without division. So, for the sake of all the spiritual seekers who come here, ALL of the knowledge residing in you represents the unconditional compassion of the Holy Guru and the Holy Mahatmas who have chosen you to be their conduit to the Universe. So long as you live, please spread their message to benefit others, to the limits of your capability.This is uttamarNa,at the very least. That such a holy sadhaka like Parampujaniya Gangananda Tirtha Maharaj-ji has graced your existence is a mark of astonishing compassion. You, too, should relate to us more about this holy sage and keep us informed as to where he is so that others might seek darshan. Once a year, just 2 minutes to write 3-4 lines,anyone can manage no matter how busy, given the priority of such a holy being.
  5. Shri Gurubhyoh Namah Shri Venugopalan, Namaskar. The fact that you are asking these questions with an acute desire to know means that the Inner Guru has started the process to get the answers. The Inner Guru is God or your own true Identity. Every other Identity is relative or borrowed, subject to apparent causality, space time etc. May I venture to suggest that the most profound Avaitavadin and the most profound Dvaitavadin occupy EXACTLY the SAME POINT of realization. How they choose to interpret the profound absence of self and explain that feeling, that experience, is where their samskaras lead them to use different CONCEPTUAL MODES ONLY. Same goes for SHUNYAVADIS. In the Rgveda,we have such terms as VARUNA, VAIVASVATA YAMA. These are very dense with meaning, PREGNANT with meaning. Once you are caught in their grip, that same Inner Guru will attract external influences, be it human or other teachers, books, life experiences. We call these the External Gurus. But please note that just as the THUMB is the prime element in your hand that essentially manages the use of the other fingers, so also it is the INNER GURU pulling in these external Gurus at each stage of your development. Now, Bhagavan [term of respect for a great rsi] Bhrgu asked Bhagavan [DEITY, avyakta paramapurusha here !] Varuna some questions that were troubling him, exactly the circumstances you find yourself in now. This is in the BHRGUVALLI of the TAITTIRIYA UPANISHAD. The important point we are making here is that Bhagavan Varuna gave Bhrgu Rsi a tiny teaching. Immediately, holding that BRIEF teaching in his conscious the rsi did enormous tapasya around the meaning of that teaching. Tapasya means effort that produces heat. This has relevance when we understand that the word DIKSHA is derived from DAH + SAN (a pratyaya) the abhIpsA or determination to go up in flames. When someone is so determined that s/he is ready to become fire, i.e. burn up, transmute his nature, s/he is ready for DIKSHA and then, getting a little TEACHING, does TAPASYA, that burning we mentioned. That FIRE is invoked with the name, given a personality, SAHAS SUNU. Sunu is the same word as SON, and SAHAS means INDOMITABLE FORCE, SPIRIT, COURAGE. Our minds are creatures of concepts, and it helps if we have a conceptual overhang on which to focus. Now the main point is, Brghuji spent his entire effort is GROWING HIS CAPACITY to fully understand that teaching. There is prajnAnam [apprehension] and then samjnAnam [absolute comprehension], knowing by BECOMING! SAMYAK SAMBODHI. So, growing your capacity is very very crucial. Asking someone to explain something is not enough. You also have to generate a corresponding capacity to absorb. Consider Shri Venugopal at age 1 month looking out at the Universe and interpreting it as he MUST have done then in his own terms. Then consider him doing that at age 5, 10, 25, 50, 70. At each stage it is the same man, but his mode of interpreting or understanding the world has changed due to experience, education or other factors. We can say his capacity has altered. Likewise, here too your capacity needs to be grown in the right way in the right directions. You have proceeded in a most auspicious path, reading books by authentic spiritual teachers like Swami Vivekananda. I have no idea about Osho, since I really know nothing about him except hearsay. One additional way is directly to tell your ATMAN whatever you need, straight and simple: I am trying to find my direction about important things. “Atman, you who are omnipotent and omniscient, please do not fail me but help me in my quest.” Keep requesting the Atman and it will most definitely respond. I should not raise your hopes, but sometimes I have found it to respond almost in a miraculous fashion. I am saying this truth in the name of my Holy Guru. But do not get worried about results. The struggle is VERY IMPORTANT. You are building spiritual muscles with this weight training! Please try this. Swami Vivekananda suggested this method. I have tried it myself and it works for me. Nothing is without effort. Shri Ramana Maharshi underwent great tapasya to find his goal. I am an ant, a mere nothing, but please let me say that things my holy teacher said when I was 15-18 I had strenuously kept churning in my mind and heart more than 32 years, never giving up even when life turned totally black. Indeed, those words and ideas were the only things that kept me alive, sane and a human being. The holy teacher creates a 360 degrees environment, not just through words but life circumstances too. You had better be prepared because the teacher in the end says that hardship and enemies are the kindest teacher. He would say “ Directly, could never do anything like this to any of my children. Also, if any of them knew what was in store for them they would run away and not have the courage to continue.” He was right on both counts. I would never have had the courage. But without being broken in many serious ways, nothing comes alive. You give up something to find something. How much of one, is the interesting part!! Now that I am 50, only the faintest stirrings of sense may be dawning. But all that you asked, the entire structure of reality as cognized by the conceptual mind [buddhi, manas, prana, vak & how they interact with the chatushpAda brahman : akash, dik, ananta, manobuddhisattva], is very clear. It can be told to someone many times over, BUT without effect. That is the interesting part. You need to go through that fire YOURSELF to find out the SPARKLING RELEVANCE and meaning of each word. WHY? If I sit with you and only talk about a map from Chennai to Delhi, even though you may be very interested in making the journey, I would lose your comprehension much before we got to Dindigul!! If both of us were making the journey TOGETHER, and say I was just 1 km ahead of you, then every night I could come back to you and happily discuss about that intervening 1 km, and the next day’s travel plans would be most relevant and exciting to both of us. Just so in this case. The very issue is the conceptual mind, which deals with concept, word, meaning and sound. Then there is consciousness and lifeforce. How sound-light, conciousness and lifeforce interact and entwining flow “back into the source” is the answer to ALL your questions. Whether you take one system or the other, the issue is the same. However you cook cabbage, be it one of 10 different Indian styles or 20 different foreign styles, it is the cabbage you have to cook, eat and get strength from. Your preliminary teachers came in the form of books.Other teachers may have been role models like parents, grandparents,even a faithful dog or old servant. The name of the game is how to kill selfishness, give the “I” without any condition. It takes no big system. Try to understand this clearly: the problem is the mirage between SELF AND OTHER. Once you find a path to resolve that, everything falls into place. Insome Shakta paths we have elaborate ways to vibrating in phase with SWARUPANANDA, JAGADANANDA, VISHAYANANDA all at the same moment, and not be in time at all, the great spanda of the Kamakala and many other things. But you cannot get Tat TVAM through TATTVA!! My dear friend, all of these come down to ONE thing only: knowing how to give away this “I”. Speak nicely to people around you, be genuinely concerned about their needs, NOT your own. When you see poor people on the streets, offer them at least an internal namaskar.If you eat in a small hotel, be genuinely courteous to waiters, give them namaskar, treat them like your brothers, not servants. Offer tips as a pranami, not as baksheesh: think, Holy ShrimanNarayana, please grant me the grace of taking from my hands what you have blessed me with in the first place. See the Narayana in them and offer the money with folded hands. Make yourself small & humble, but neither foolish, weak or vulnerable. Always keep a holy name in your mind. Whatever name you like or nothing at all, just say Atman because you cannot deny your own soul!!!!!! Every hour put an alarm on these telephones or watches, and just take ONE MINUTE to say ATMAN or whatever name pleases you. Please do some of these practices regularly and you will definitely find CHITTAPRASADA. Moreover, you will find that your questions will be getting resolved slowly. By the way, if you are married, treat your wife with utmost respect and affection.Any woman, for that matter. When she touches you in a conjugal manner, think that Holy Atman is giving you abhishekam. I will not trouble you with deity names!! When she even looks at you, see in that look the Holy Atman looking at you with infinite compassion and grace, prasada.(In the ShrimadBhagavadGita, not once is the word ANANDA mentioned!! Instead we have PRASADA. Try to explore the many meanings of this word; take decades if you feel the need, no rush!!) When anyone, especially a woman, is serving you food, or even in the market selling food, accept her offering with a mental namaskar. Thank you Holy Atman, you are coming to me in this auspicious form, I bow to YOU. I am deadly serious about this. If you see a beautiful woman to whom you are attracted too much physically, say/think Atman, Atman inher direction. We say Kali, Kali, but you choose whatever term you want. That is why it is crucial that no AryasantAna above 24 remain unmarried; that is ORDER of the shastras. Either be a sannyasi or be a sanctified householder, not a s.o.b. in between. Marriage is an immeasurably holy sacrament. There are 2 types of tyAgis, the householder and the sannyasi. Especially for the Kaula shakta, strict modes of renunciation at many levels is spontaneous, who is in unbroken adoration of his wife. She IS the Guru-Deity. That is a special and huge branch of Shakti sadhana: svakIyA kevalA jneyA sarvadosha vivarjitA. Point is, please be very careful how you treat or see any woman: young girls, old women, married women, anyone. India is a slavish country because we enslave our women. Even Manu says, yatra naryastu pujyante tatra ramante devatAh……na pujyante…sarvastAtrah.aphalAkriyA. In India, we have all our auspicious, dharmic activities generally going towards failure, but not the asuric ones!! Please forgive me for the long post and for any personal or lecturing attitude I have taken. These are things that I have personally found to give results. Shakta sadhana is KRIYAVATI, action-oriented, not discursive. Therefore I included some small ideas to include in daily activities, some changes in outlook etc., if not already present. Inculcating these is BOUND to give visible results one way or the other. You have a tiny boil deep in your muscle. By placing some hot compresses, the boil can come to the surface. Then a real doctor, a true teacher can take over. That is my heartfelt prayer at the feet of the Holy Guru.
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