I have been discussing about life and philosophy with my close friends who are interested in the topics. Of late I want to get some definite solutions to some of my questions about life, existence, creation etc., and Earlier I used to be interested in reading books that give a broad picture of things or I feel they were ( Osho, J.Krishnamurthy, Swami Vivekananda and books and topics / lectures on life, philosophy vedanta etc., ).
I have been asking myself a few questions about life, creation, our existence and the cycle of creation and destruction. Why I am here, on what is self realization. Is it a permanent state. What happens after self realization. Will a self realized person always in that state. How can a human being always be in the universal state of GOD hood.
Why are we associating a form to the universal shakthi itself. Telling that the universal form where all of this creation exists is a human form ( Lalitha Tripurasundari ). Why not this be a formless thing ( or non-existent, I am not sure if I can tell it as a thing in the first place ).
Why do we try to confine the supreme and universal god into a fixed form of say Lalitha. Why is it that we associate a particular form based on a particular criteria ( Lalitha tripurasundari's form for instance ) and Shiva's form and for that matter the other forms of gods.
And if we call the goddess the universal mother is it necessary that a human being follow the hindu symbolism to attain the state of enlightenment.
The Lalithopakyana itself about the fight between the gods and the asuras. Are they just symbolism's to indicate a much deeper thing / purpose. Who are the shivas and the Vishnus. I pray the idols in my house, but a lot of the time I feel that I am praying out of fear and greed and sometimes I feel that I might become an atheist. Should I just stop my prayer and keep doing my work and follow my instincts and stay withing the societal guidelines so that I don't hurt anyone and live a life that is not bounded by the fear and superstitious ideas. But again I come back to my original thoughts and I do pray.
I also strongly feel that god should be a very easy concept and why should we have so many different things about god and how to reach god and to know god etc., and still why am I not able to comprehend and grasp the concept of god.
I have my own doubts about free will and if I ( my individual soul ) had the free will and if it is by this free will that my soul separated from the universal whole where I ( my soul ) is again wanting to go back. Why should I ( my soul ) should have come out in the first place. What is this free will about. Also, If the soul had come out of the universal whole, it should have been in a state of purity since it is was so close to the whole and at the same time the great resistance it had to come out of the whole would have created an equal amount of difference so should I consider my soul ( at that time of separation from the whole ) to be purer or more differentiated.
What is this going back to the source about, why are SO many different paths and why is this creation in the first place. There should be something that I am not able to comprehend.
I have read and heard that the human form is attained after 84 crore yoni bedhams. So does it mean that the so many forms ( from single cellular organisms to the current human form ) is an ever evolving form ( at least when I take this earth ). Will this continue to happen with millions and millions of life forms ( including humans ) going through these phases. The evolution as is seen by us on the earth itself.
About re-incarnations and the repetition of the human birth after being born ( after crossing the 84 crore different forms ), what if due to some really bad karma the human being is again going to be born as a non-human, when will the soul get the human form again etc., Or is there a fixed set for every one ( where there is no free will, although it appears like a free will ), should I say it is all planned and we are only doing our roles and we should not think of the free will.
I have lot more to ask and get some clarity on but I am trying to understand these logically. Hence beyond a point I am not able to progress.
I have been discussing a lot of these with my close friends and most of the times we just end up saying may be thats the reason we need someone to show the way or someone has all the answers. Sometimes it might not appear logical but there is a greater logic in play that is controlling everything.
I wanted to vent out all my thoughts to someone and I have read on this site / Web that Sri vidya path is a very logical and scientific path. Hence today I thought of putting forward my questions. During my searches and going through the articles I found this email ID.
I have also sent this request to another email ID about a person on shakhta Tantra. ( On Shakthi Sadhana Web site ).
Please help me understand the reasons
Thanks in advance.