You think "surfing" is something you do on dry land.
You find yourself staring at your "InBox" waiting for new e-mail to arrive.
You communicate with people on other continents more than you do with your own neighbors.
You promise yourself that you'll only stay online for another 15 minutes ...at least once every hour.
You dream about creating the world's greatest web site.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
You stay up late every night waiting for your wife and children to fall asleep so you can go online.
You think faxes are old-fashioned.
You cut classes or miss work so you can stay home and browse the web.
Everyone you know asks why your phone line is always busy.
You get a second phone line, but use it to call your secondary ISP.
You get up before the sun rises to check your e-mail, and you find yourself in the very same chair long after the sun has set.
You cancel your newspaper subscription.
You forget to eat because you're too busy surfing the net.
You buy a pager so family and friends that really need to get through can beep you to return their call.
You religiously respond to immediately to e-mail, while ignoring your growing pile of snail mail.
When someone asks you for your address, you tell them your URL.
You sit down at the computer right after dinner and your spouse says "See you in the morning."
You leave yourself e-mail before you go to bed to remind you what to do when you wake up.
Your kids start referring to you as "that guy in front of the monitor."
You're constantly yelling at your wife for using the phone for stupid things...like talking.
You purchase a laptop so you can surf while sitting on the can.
You set up a web-cam as your home's security system.
You actually volunteer to become your employer's webmaster.
You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just so you can have the free Internet access.
You started college as a chemistry major, and walk out four years later as an Internet provider.
You join listservs just for the extra e-mail.
You spend Saturday night making the counter on your home page pass that 2000 mark.
You've given up the search for the "perfect woman" and instead, sit in front of the PC until you're just too tired to care.
At parties, you introduce your spouse as your "service provider."
Your wife melts your keyboard in the oven.
Your pet rock leaves home.
You e-mail your boss, informing him you'll be late.
In addition to your e-mail address being on your business cards you even have your own domain.
Your husband has his lawyer deliver the divorce papers...via e-mail.
You develop a liking for cold coffee.
Your computer costs more than your car.
Your house stinks because you haven't cleaned it in a week.
You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.
Your claim to fame is having the quickest double-clicking mouse finger in the state.
You go outside and look for a brightness knob to turn down the sun.
Your "significant other" erases every one of your bookmarks...except the one to Netaholics Anonymous.
You physically fight the other surfer in the house to get online.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You get a tuner card so you can watch TV while surfing.
You and your friends get together regularly on IRC, even though all of you live in the same city.
When told to "go to your room" you inform your parents that you can't...because you were kicked out and banned.
You know everyone at your ISP on a first name basis.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
You have your e-mail forwarded to your alphanumeric pager.
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
E-mail Deficiency Depression (EDD) forces you to e-mail yourself. You lie, even to user-friends, about how long you were online yesterday.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You rate eating establishments not by the quality of the food, but by the availability of electrical outlets for your PowerBook. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at A-O-L dot com."
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new Web address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You purchase memorabilia from a Web site. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in red.
You read the entire the Netaholics Anonymous page looking for something that doesn't describe you.
Your dog has its own home page.
You've already visited all the links at and you're halfway through Lycos.
It takes you two hours to check all 14 of your mailboxes.
Your MCI "Circle of Friends" are all Hayes-compatible.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You finally give up smoking...for the health of your computer. U can read htis w/o ny porblm and cant figur eout Y its evn listd.
You begin to wonder how often it REALLY is necessary to get up and shower or bathe.
You're given your one phone call in prison and you ask them for a laptop.
You go outside for the fresh air (at -30) but open the window first to hear new mail arrive.
Your husband leaves you...taking the computer with him and you call him crying, and beg him to bring the computer back.
You wake up daily with your keyboard printed on your forehead.
The most exciting sporting events you noticed during summer 1996 was Netscape vs. Microsoft.
You wait for a slow loading web page before going to the toilet.
Your spouse hands you a gift wrapped magnet with your PC's name on it, and you accuse them of genocide.
You sprinkle Carpet Fresh on the rugs and put your vacuum cleaner in the front doorway permanently so it always looks like you are actually attempting to do something about that mess that has amassed since you discovered the Internet.
You ask the car dealer to install a bank of cigarette lighters on your new car to power your notebook.
Your goals for the future are obtaining an ISDN connection and a 6 gig hard drive.
When people ask about the Presidential Election you ask "Which country?" You make up words that go with the "happy tune" your modem makes while dialing your ISP.
You are late picking up your kid from school and try to explain to the teacher you were stuck in Web traffic.
You eagerly await the update of the "Cool Site of the Day."
You consider bandwidth to be more important than carats.
You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
You work for a newspaper and your editor asks you to write an article about Internet addiction...in the "first person." You ask if the Netaholics Anonymous t-shirt you ordered can be sent to you via e-mail.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again. You use Real Audio to listen to a radio station from a distant city rather than turn on your stereo system. You refer to your age as 3.x.
On Super Bowl Sunday, you followed the score by going to the main page instead of turning on the TV.
You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You quickly hand over your wallet, leather jacket, and car keys during a mugging, then proceed to beat the . out of your assailant when he asks for your laptop.
You're being audited because you mailed your tax return to the IRC.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know what gender over three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
You'd rather go to http://www.weather.com/ than look out your window.
You'd rather catch a score on the web than watch the game as it is being played on tv.
You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from French Guinea.
You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
You really believe in the concept of a "paperless" office.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e- mail on the way back to bed.
You vote for foreign officials.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html.
You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
You invent another person and chat with yourself in empty chat rooms.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
The Alta Vista administrators ask you what sites are missing in their index files.
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP ...because you never log off.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
You forget what year it is.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 500 hours per month "unlimited."
Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your final instinct is to search for the "back" button.
You read all the quotes at Netaholics Anonymous and keep thinking "What's wrong with that?" The remote to the T.V. is missing...and you don't even care.
The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.
You create a home page with the impression to cure the afflicted...but your hidden agenda is to receive more e-mail. Your hard drive crashes.
You haven't logged on in two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISPs access number.
You try to hum to communicate with it.