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Posts posted by Sunds

  1. A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”


    “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”


    “That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?’


    “Twenty-six!” he said.

  2. A old snake goes to see his Doctor.


    "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days." The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.


    The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.


    Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"


    "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

  3. "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.


    "Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."


    "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.




    "What did it say?"


    "Don't stand up in the car!"

  4. After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"


    The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."


    The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."


    The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, ' Look, he's moving!'"

  5. Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."


    Harry got up from his coffee and replied "Well, okay."


    Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their morning cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."


    Harry got up from his coffee and replied, "Well, okay."


    Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went off and Harry didn't get the rest of the instructions. He said to Martha, "What am I going to do now, Martha?"


    Martha said, "Aw, Harry, just leave the car in the garage."

  6. At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.


    "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."


    "Thanks," he said, "but the plaintiff's lawyer sure had me worried."


    "How's that?" the lawyer asked.


    "I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!"

  7. Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.


    Darryl was called into the doctor s office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "Yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"


    Darryl said, "I'd be half blind."


    "That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"


    "I d be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl s hand, and told him he was free to go.


    On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.


    So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind."


    The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?"


    "I'd be completely blind," Harold answered."


    "Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?"


    "My hat would fall down over my eyes."

  8. Peter walked up to his teacher s desk, holding a report card with a big red F.


    "If I were you," said Peter, "I would change this while you still can."


    "Why is that?" asked the teacher.


    "Because my daddy told me that if I brought home one more failing report card, someone was going to get a beating."

  9. This is an excellent system (Paddhati) of astrological predictions conceived, created by The Great Indian Astrology master, late Prof. K.S. Krishnamurti.

    Major Differences From Vedic:


    • KP system gives importance to the Constellations / Stars / Nakshatras divisions of the Zodiac which is obviously the most desired for precision.
    • Further it divides each Constellation / Star / Nakshatra division into further 9 subdivisions called 'SUBS'. These sub divisions are not equal divisions, but are as per the Vimshottari Dashas Divisions System.
    • K.P. System uses K.P. Ayanamshas as opposed to Lahiri Ayanamshas mostly used in Vedic System. The difference between two is about 6 minutes (Kala).
    • This system uses Cusps that is house/ bhav beginnings like Western Systems, as opposed to Vedic System which uses House Centres i.e. Bhav Madhyas.
    • This system uses Placidus House system.
    • The planet in it's dasha gives results as per it's Nakshtra-Swami (Star-Lord) rather than the planet itself.
      Hence Planet is represents the SOURCE, that Planet's Star-Lord represents the EFFECTS, RESULTS and that Planet's Sub gives idea of the FINAL DIRECTION of that result.
    • RULING PLANETS: Unique Concept of KP for Powerful Divine Guidance during predictions.


    Any Feedback ???

  10. This is First Anuvaka of Lord Shiva's Sri Rudram.

    It is very useful chant for month of March.The full details of this Auvaka is given below.


    You may listen this great Anuvaka at :




    Anuvaka 1


    Om namo bhagavate rudraya


    Namaste rudramanyavautota ishhave namah

    Namaste astu dhanvane bahubhyamuta te namah


    Meaning : Oh! Rudra Deva! My salutations to your anger and also to your arrows. My salutations to your bow and to your two hands.


    Yata ishhuh shivatama shivam babhuva te dhanuh

    Shiva sharavya ya tava taya no rudra mridaya


    Meaning : Oh! Rudra! By favor of your arrow, bow, and quiver, which have shed their anger and turned auspicious, please render us happy.


    Yaa te rudra shiva tanu raghoraapapakashini

    Taya nastanuva shantamaya girishantabhichakashihi


    Meaning : Lord Rudra, you who dwell on Mount Kailas and who confer happiness, by that form of yours which is not terrible, which will not injure us, and which is highly auspicious, behold and illuminate us.


    Yamishhum girishanta haste bibharshhyastave

    Shivam giritra tam kuru ma hisih purushham jagath


    Meaning : My Lord who dwells on Mount Kailas and confers gladness to all! You, who fulfills your vow of protecting all who serve you and take refuge in you; that arrow of yours which you hold ready to let fly, withhold it and make it tranquil and auspicious.


    Shivena vachasa tva girishachchha vadamasi

    Yatha nah sarvamijjagadayaxmasumana asath


    Meaning : Lord of Mount Kailas of the Vedas! We pray to attain you by our auspicious words. We ask that for all our days, this entire world will be free from ills and discord, and that we may live in amity and concord.


    Adhyavochadadhi vakta prathamo daivyo bhishhakh

    Ahishcha sarvajnjambhayantsarvashcha yatudhanyah


    Meaning : Let Him intercede on my behalf and speak in my favor, even Rudra, that foremost one, held high in honor by the gods, the physician. Let him annihilate the enemies of mine like scorpions, snakes, and tigers, and the unseen enemies like the Rakshasas, spirits and demons.


    Asau yastamro aruna uta babhruh sumangalah

    Ye chemarudra abhito dixu Shritah sahasrashoavaishhaheda imahe


    Meaning : This Sun who is copper-red when he arises, then golden-youllow, this highly auspicious and beneficent one is truly Rudra. These other Rudras who are quartered round about in all directions of this earth, may I ward off their anger by my praise.


    Asau yoavasarpati nilagrivo vilohitah

    Utainam gopa adrishannadrishannudaharyah

    Utainam vishva bhutani sa drishhto mridayati nah


    Meaning : The black-throated Rudra who has assumed the form of the sun that glows red when rising. Him the cowherds, the women carrying water, and all the creatures behold. He, who is seen by all, let Him send happiness to us.


    Namo astu nilagrivaya sahasraxaya midhushhe

    Atho ye asya satvanoaham tebhyoakarannamah


    Meaning : Let my salutations be to the blue-throated one, who has a thousand eyes. I also bow to his followers.


    Pramuncha dhanvanastva mubhayo rartniyo rjyamh

    Yashcha te hasta ishhavah para ta bhagavo vapa


    Meaning : Bhagavan Rudra, loosen the string from both ends of your bow. Remove out of sight the arrows from your hands.


    Avatatya dhanustva sahasraxa shateshhudhe

    Nishirya shalyanam mukha shivo nah sumana bhava


    Meaning : You having a thousand eyes, and bearing a hundred quivers, after loosening your bow, kindly blunt the edges of your shafts. Assume your peaceful and auspicious Siva form and become well-intentioned towards us.


    Vijyam dhanuh kapardino vishalyo banava uta

    Aneshannasyeshhava abhurasya nishhangathih


    Meaning : Let the bow of Kapardin, Rudra of the matted locks, be without its string. Let there be no arrows in His quiver. Let His arrows lose their capacity to strike and pierce. Let His scabbard contain little power.


    Ya te heti rmidhushhtama haste babhuva te dhanuh

    Tayaasmanvishvatastva mayaxmaya paribbhuja


    Meaning : You, Oh showerer of blessings, with your weapons and the bow in Your hand, completely protect us.


    Namaste astvayudhayanatataya dhrishhnave

    Ubhabhyamuta te namo bahubhyam tava dhanvane


    Meaning : Let there be salutations to your sturdy and potent weapons, and also to both your hands and your bow.


    Pari te dhanvano heti rasmanvrunaktu vishvatah

    Atho ya ishhudhistavare asmannidhehi tamh


    Meaning : Let the arrow of Your bow spare us in all ways. And place your quiver of arrows far away from us.


    Namaste astu bhagavanh vishveshvaraya mahadevaya tryambakaya tripurantakaya trikagni kalaya kalagnirudraya nilakanthaya mrutyunjayaya sarveshvaraya sadashivaya shrimanmahadevaya namah


    Meaning : Let my salutations be to that great God who is the Lord of the universe; the great God who has three eyes and who destroys Tripura, the three Asura cities.

    To that God who is the Dandhya time when the three sacred fires are lit; who is Rudra the fire that consumes the universe; whose throat is blue; who has conquered death; the Lord of all; the ever auspicious one; salutations to that glorious and great God.


    Anuvaka 2


    Namo hiranyabahave senanye dishan cha pataye namo

    namo vrikshebhyo harikeshebhyah pashunam pataye namo


    Meaning : Salutations to Lord Rudra with the golden arms, the leader of hosts, to the Lord of the four direction, salutations. Salutations to the trees tufted with green leaves; salutations to the Lord of the cattle.


    namah saspijncharaya tvishhimate pathinam pataye namo

    namo babhlushaya vivyadhineannanam pataye namo

    namo harikeshayopavitine pushhtanam pataye namo

    namo bhavasya hetyai jagatam pataye namo

    namo rudrayatatavine kshetranam pataye namo

    namah sutayahantyaya vananam pataye namo namah


    Meaning : Salutations to the trees tufted with green leaves; salutations to the Lord of the cattle. Salutations to Him who is light yellow-red tinged and radiant; to the Lord of the pathways, salutations. Salutations to Him who rides on the bull, to him who has the power to pierce all things, to the Lord of food, salutations. Salutations to Him who is always black-haired, who wears the yajnopavita (sacred thread); to him the Lord of the sleek, salutations. Salutations to Him the instrument that destroys Samsara (Ignorance); to the Lord of all the worlds, salutations. Salutations to Him who protects the world by the might of His drawn bow, to Rudra the destroyour of all miseries; to the Lord of the fields and sacred places, salutations. Salutations to the charioteer, He who cannot be overcome and slain. Salutations to the Lord of the forests.


    Namo rohitaya sthapataye vrikshanam pataye namo

    namo mantrine vaanijaya kakshanam pataye namo

    namo bhuvantaye varivaskritayaushhadhinam pataye namo

    nama uchchairghoshhayakrandayate pattinam pataye namo

    namah kritsnavitaya dhavate satvanam pataye namah


    Meaning : Salutations to the red One, the Lord; to the Lord of trees, salutations. Salutations to the counselor of assemblies, the chief of traders, to the Lord of dense impenetrable clumps and clusters of thickets, salutations. Salutations to Him who has created the world and spread it broad, the creator of riches and lover of those who are devoted to Him; to the Lord of all vegetation, salutations. Salutations to Him of the fearsome war cry, who causes His enemies to weep. To the leader of the foot-soldiers, salutations. Salutations to Him who surrounds His enemies completely, and cuts off their retreat by running swiftly after the retreating stragglers; to the protector of the good who have taken refuge under Him, salutations.


    3rd Anuvaka


    Namah sahamanaya nivyadhina avyadhininam pataye namo

    namah kakubhaya nishhangine stenanam pataye namo

    namo nishhangina ishhudhimate taskaraanaam pataye namo

    namo vajnchate parivajnchate stayunam pataye namo

    namo nicherave paricharayaranyanam pataye namo

    namah srikavibhyo jighasadbhyo mushhnatam pataye namo

    namo asimadbhyo naktam charadhbhyah prakrintanam pataye namo

    nama ushhnishhine giricharaya kulujnchanam pataye namo namah


    Meaning : Salutations to Him who can not only withstand the shock of the onset of His enemies, but overpower them. He who can effortlessly pierce His enemies; the Lord of those who can fight on all sides, salutations to Him. Salutations to Him who stands prominent, the wielder of the sword; to the prince of thieves, salutations. Salutations to Him who holds a dart in His hand to fit in His bow, who has a quiver in His back; to the Lord of those who thieve openly, salutations. Salutations to Him who worming himself into the confidence of others and disillusions them occasionally, and He who cheats them systematically; to Him pretending to be an acquaintance takes away what belongs to them. Salutations to Him who moves about guardedly ever with intention to steal; to Him who moves amidst crowds and thronged places for pick-pocketing; to the Lord of forest thieves, salutations. Salutations to Him who is in the form of those who protect themselves in armor, who want to kill others; to the Lord of those who want to steal crops and wealth, salutations. Salutations to Him who is in the form of swordsmen who wander about at night; to the Lord of those who kill and seize others’ possessions, salutations. Salutations to Him who wears a turban, who wanders about the mountains; to the leader of the landlords, salutations.

    Namo ishhumadhbhyo dhanvavibhyashcha vo namo

    nama atanvanebhyah pratidadhanebhyashcha vo namo

    nama ayachchhadhbhyo visrijadbhyashcha vo namo

    namo asyadbhyo vidhdhyadbhyashcha vo namo

    nama asinebhyah shayanebhyashcha vo namo

    namah svapadbhyo jagradbhyashcha vo namo

    nam stishthadhbhyo dhavadbhyashcha vo namo

    namah sabhabhyah sabhapatibhyashcha vo namo

    namo ashvebhyoashvapatibhyashcha vo namah


    Meaning : Salutations to you who bear darts, who carry bows; to you salutations. Salutations to you who string your bows and you who fit arrows in them; to them my salutations. Salutations to you who pulls the bowstrings and let fly the shafts; to you salutations. Salutations to you who loosen the arrows and pierce the persons you aim at; to you salutations. Salutations to you Rudras who are seated and who are reclining, salutations. To you Rudras who are in the form of those who are asleep and awake, salutations. To you Rudras who are in the form of those who stand and those who run, salutations. To you Rudras who are in the form of those who sit as members of assemblies and those who preside over them, salutations. To you Rudras who are in the form of horses and those who command them, salutations.

  11. German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.


    Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fibre net.


    Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing...


    They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

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