Guest guest Posted March 5, 1999 Report Share Posted March 5, 1999 Hi: I read with interest the discussions about the necessity of God. I come from a fundamentalist Christian background, and was raised to believe in a vengeful, judgmental, very male God. I became agnostic as a teenager, and stopped thinking about God. When I developed panic attacks at the age of 29, I tried to turn to God for help but there was no one there. At the end of my rope, I made a desperate plea to the creative force responsible for my existence. Expecting nothing, I was given a taste of the divine mind (which I had forgotten), in which there was no fear. When this state of perfect peace ended as suddenly as it had begun, and I found myself reimmersed in fear, I became depressed again but now knew there was hope. A few weeks later, while thinking deeply about my struggles, the peace I had experienced, and the messages I was receiving in dreams, "electricity" suddenly began shooting up my spine and out the top of my head. It was an ecstatic knowledge of God's infinite love for all of creation. My Kundalini awakening, some 17 years ago, permanently ended my panic, but not my pain. I struggled to reconcile my experiences. I searched the other spiritual traditions. Shortly after my sister committed suicide in 1986, I suffered a psychotic breakdown (I had disowned my shadow to the point that I thought I was possessed) and had to be hospitalized. My recovery took a lot of deep soul-searching and was assisted by "A Course in Miracles". The support of my wife and the teachings of our four children were critical to my eventual healing. During my search for truth, my conception of God changed. He became more a She. She is the divine mother who loves and protects her children. She is without judgment and without any of the ego needs of her children. She is only love. But she wants us to realize that we are made in her image - that we, too, are God (or Goddess, if you prefer - it's only a word). As I proceed on my journey, I expect that my conception of God will continue to evolve. Peace and love. Rob __ http://www.go.com __________ Get your Free GO Network Email address at http://mail.go.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 1999 Report Share Posted March 5, 1999 On Fri, 05 Mar 1999 07:01:59 -0800 (PST) Rob Rinne <breadcasters writes: >Rob Rinne <breadcasters > > >Hi: > >I read with interest the discussions about the necessity of God. > >I come from a fundamentalist Christian background, and was raised to >believe in a vengeful, judgmental, very male God. I became agnostic >as a teenager, and stopped thinking about God. When I developed panic >attacks at the age of 29, I tried to turn to God for help but there >was no one there. At the end of my rope, I made a desperate plea to >the creative force responsible for my existence. Expecting nothing, I >was given a taste of the divine mind (which I had forgotten), in which >there was no fear. When this state of perfect peace ended as suddenly >as it had begun, and I found myself reimmersed in fear, I became >depressed again but now knew there was hope. A few weeks later, while >thinking deeply about my struggles, the peace I had experienced, and >the messages I was receiving in dreams, "electricity" suddenly began >shooting up my spine and out the top of my head. It was an ecstatic >knowledge of God's infinite love for all of creation. > >My Kundalini awakening, some 17 years ago, permanently ended my panic, >but not my pain. I struggled to reconcile my experiences. I searched >the other spiritual traditions. Shortly after my sister committed >suicide in 1986, I suffered a psychotic breakdown (I had disowned my >shadow to the point that I thought I was possessed) and had to be >hospitalized. My recovery took a lot of deep soul-searching and was >assisted by "A Course in Miracles". The support of my wife and the >teachings of our four children were critical to my eventual healing. > >During my search for truth, my conception of God changed. He became >more a She. She is the divine mother who loves and protects her >children. She is without judgment and without any of the ego needs of >her children. She is only love. But she wants us to realize that we >are made in her image - that we, too, are God (or Goddess, if you >prefer - it's only a word). > >As I proceed on my journey, I expect that my conception of God will >continue to evolve. > A beautiful confession, Rob, thank you. Our conceptions of "G-d" may indeed evolve, but that to which they point abides in eternity -- and in the actual, in-the-moment reality of it, any and all conceptions fall away of their own inadequacy. Much love -- Bruce http://www.users.uniserve.com/~samuel/brucemrg.htm http://www.users.uniserve.com/~samuel/brucsong.htm m(_ _)m _ _________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 1999 Report Share Posted March 5, 1999 Rob; Much gratitude indeed for your story. Thank you for sharing. Madhya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 1999 Report Share Posted March 5, 1999 Dear Rob, Thank you for the purely honest and unselfish autobiography. I too have had severe panic attacks, and multiple "breakdowns" (diagnosed panic attack disorder and clinical depression) and have voluntarily hospitalized myself many times (mostly in the late 1980's, once last year during a "dark night of the soul" period). I wish I had had the background you did, or someone had been there to give me a taste of the Nondual perspective. It would have saved a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. I went through a hell that was unnecessary, a complete ego-death of sorts. I wouldn't wish what I went through on Adolph Hitler (I would pity the poor guy in his suffering!) But the past is gone and over. It is NOW. So I Now drop the past "wishes" and continue to walk my "no-path," which I first "stepped onto" simply by reading some nondual viewpoints and honestly examining Myself. With Love, Tim At 07:01 AM 3/5/99 -0800, you wrote: >Rob Rinne <breadcasters > > >Hi: > >I read with interest the discussions about the necessity of God. > >I come from a fundamentalist Christian background, and was raised to believe in a vengeful, judgmental, very male God. I became agnostic as a teenager, and stopped thinking about God. When I developed panic attacks at the age of 29, I tried to turn to God for help but there was no one there. At the end of my rope, I made a desperate plea to the creative force responsible for my existence. Expecting nothing, I was given a taste of the divine mind (which I had forgotten), in which there was no fear. When this state of perfect peace ended as suddenly as it had begun, and I found myself reimmersed in fear, I became depressed again but now knew there was hope. A few weeks later, while thinking deeply about my struggles, the peace I had experienced, and the messages I was receiving in dreams, "electricity" suddenly began shooting up my spine and out the top of my head. It was an ecstatic knowledge of God's infinite love for all of creation. > >My Kundalini awakening, some 17 years ago, permanently ended my panic, but not my pain. I struggled to reconcile my experiences. I searched the other spiritual traditions. Shortly after my sister committed suicide in 1986, I suffered a psychotic breakdown (I had disowned my shadow to the point that I thought I was possessed) and had to be hospitalized. My recovery took a lot of deep soul-searching and was assisted by "A Course in Miracles". The support of my wife and the teachings of our four children were critical to my eventual healing. > >During my search for truth, my conception of God changed. He became more a She. She is the divine mother who loves and protects her children. She is without judgment and without any of the ego needs of her children. She is only love. But she wants us to realize that we are made in her image - that we, too, are God (or Goddess, if you prefer - it's only a word). > >As I proceed on my journey, I expect that my conception of God will continue to evolve. > >Peace and love. > >Rob > >__ >http://www.go.com > > >__________ >Get your Free GO Network Email address at http://mail.go.com > >------ >Start a new hobby. Meet a new friend. > >Onelist: The leading provider of free email list services > > ----- The CORE of Reality awaits you at: http://www.serv.net/~fewtch/ND/index.html - Poetry, Writings, even Live Chat on spiritual topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 1999 Report Share Posted March 5, 1999 Dear Rob, You gave us quite a confession. It probably answers questions like " householder or monk" for good. Regarding your concept of God, you are right. On the nonduality list the issue once arose too: Not everyone is attracted to non-dualism and meditating on a "personal" God is easier than on the impersonal God. So in Hinduism, there are many Gods, each one having certain divine aspects. If the devotee is sincere, meditation on the chosen God will always have results. If one has a guru, the guru will be one's personal God. Purohit Swami comments on (I, 17) : [...] "The yogi is attached to his personal God, prides himself in being his devotee, his son, dedicates his life to him, sings his glory, enjoys his sense of duality, refuses to merge himself into his God, refuses to become God. God initiates him into this last stage, when the yogi says: 'I am spirit, the personal Self is the impersonal Self', leaves all for God, lives there for ever" [...]. Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 1999 Report Share Posted March 6, 1999 At 02:46 AM 3/6/99 -0000, you wrote: >Not everyone is attracted to non-dualism and meditating on a "personal" God >is easier than on the impersonal God. So in Hinduism, there are many Gods, >each one having certain divine aspects. I thought, however, that "Vedanta" means "End of the Vedas," which are the (essentially) polytheistic books of hinduism. Are there others? And other branches of Hinduism? Pardon my ignorance, I have never delved too deeply into Indian history... my interest is primarily Now, and I don't live in India :-) Tim ----- The CORE of Reality awaits you at: http://www.serv.net/~fewtch/ND/index.html - Poetry, Writings, even Live Chat on spiritual topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 1999 Report Share Posted March 6, 1999 Dear Tim: Thank you to you, too. I was fortunate in that I came to understand quite early in my struggles that suffering has a divine purpose. Mental illness is spiritual illness (except perhaps in the rare cases where it is due to an organic cause, such as a brain tumour - but even then, I suspect there is a spiritual connection). To heal, one must honestly confront family of origin issues to gain understanding of what caused the separation from Self. Until this task is complete, we can't really escape our past. Self-compassion and self-love are very important. But we are finally freed to reach out in love to others on the path. In the gnostic Gospel of Thomas, Jesus says: "Blessed are they who are persecuted within themselves. It is they who will truly come to know God". Blessings to you. Rob ---Tim Gerchmez <fewtch wrote:--- > >Dear Rob, > >Thank you for the purely honest and unselfish autobiography. I too have >had severe panic attacks, and multiple "breakdowns" (diagnosed panic attack >disorder and clinical depression) and have voluntarily hospitalized myself >many times (mostly in the late 1980's, once last year during a "dark night >of the soul" period). I wish I had had the background you did, or someone >had been there to give me a taste of the Nondual perspective. It would >have saved a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. I went through a >hell that was unnecessary, a complete ego-death of sorts. I wouldn't wish >what I went through on Adolph Hitler (I would pity the poor guy in his >suffering!) > >But the past is gone and over. It is NOW. So I Now drop the past "wishes" >and continue to walk my "no-path," which I first "stepped onto" simply by >reading some nondual viewpoints and honestly examining Myself. > >With Love, > >Tim > >At 07:01 AM 3/5/99 -0800, you wrote: >>Rob Rinne <breadcasters >> >> >>Hi: >> >>I read with interest the discussions about the necessity of God. >> >>I come from a fundamentalist Christian background, and was raised to >believe in a vengeful, judgmental, very male God. I became agnostic as a >teenager, and stopped thinking about God. When I developed panic attacks >at the age of 29, I tried to turn to God for help but there was no one >there. At the end of my rope, I made a desperate plea to the creative >force responsible for my existence. Expecting nothing, I was given a taste >of the divine mind (which I had forgotten), in which there was no fear. >When this state of perfect peace ended as suddenly as it had begun, and I >found myself reimmersed in fear, I became depressed again but now knew >there was hope. A few weeks later, while thinking deeply about my >struggles, the peace I had experienced, and the messages I was receiving in >dreams, "electricity" suddenly began shooting up my spine and out the top >of my head. It was an ecstatic knowledge of God's infinite love for all of >creation. >> >>My Kundalini awakening, some 17 years ago, permanently ended my panic, but >not my pain. I struggled to reconcile my experiences. I searched the other >spiritual traditions. Shortly after my sister committed suicide in 1986, I >suffered a psychotic breakdown (I had disowned my shadow to the point that >I thought I was possessed) and had to be hospitalized. My recovery took a >lot of deep soul-searching and was assisted by "A Course in Miracles". The >support of my wife and the teachings of our four children were critical to >my eventual healing. >> >>During my search for truth, my conception of God changed. He became more >a She. She is the divine mother who loves and protects her children. She >is without judgment and without any of the ego needs of her children. She >is only love. But she wants us to realize that we are made in her image - >that we, too, are God (or Goddess, if you prefer - it's only a word). >> >>As I proceed on my journey, I expect that my conception of God will >continue to evolve. >> >>Peace and love. >> >>Rob >> >>__ >>http://www.go.com >> >> >>__________ >>Get your Free GO Network Email address at http://mail.go.com >> >>------ >>Start a new hobby. Meet a new friend. >> >>Onelist: The leading provider of free email list services >> >> > >----- >The CORE of Reality awaits you at: >http://www.serv.net/~fewtch/ND/index.html - >Poetry, Writings, even Live Chat on spiritual topics. __ http://www.go.com __________ Get your Free GO Network Email address at http://mail.go.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 1999 Report Share Posted March 6, 1999 Rob, At 10:03 AM 3/6/99 -0800, you wrote: >Dear Tim: > >Thank you to you, too. > >I was fortunate in that I came to understand quite early in my struggles that >suffering has a divine purpose. Mental illness is spiritual illness (except >perhaps in the rare cases where it is due to an organic cause, such as a brain >tumour I feel that in a sense (mostly!) it is, but in the sense of the purely physical (looking at the body as an existent entity rather than illusion), a brain chemical imbalance (usually involving a lack of sufficient serotonin availability across the synapses) is often the cause of such disorders as panic attacks and depression. Otherwise, such disorders would not be controlled (and very effectively in my case) by antidepressant medications, or could be fully controlled with placebo/sugar pills (which they are shown to NOT be). I take a low dosage of such a medication (in my case Fluvoxamine, or Luvox), and find it to be effective. At some future time on my spiritual path, I will likely cease to continue taking it (when I know more clearly that a condition of the body cannot affect my True Nature). With Love, Tim ----- The CORE of Reality awaits you at: http://www.serv.net/~fewtch/ND/index.html - Poetry, Writings, even Live Chat on spiritual topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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