Food addiction,obesity and breaking out of the viscious cycle:'I nearly ate myself to death'

[krsna 3]

'I nearly ate myself to death'

 

 

Names have not been used in this article to protect identities

What happens when food becomes your worst enemy?

One 44-year-old woman talks frankly to BBC News Online's Lucy Wallis about her battle with overeating, laxative abuse and how her obsession with food nearly killed her.

 

 

 

For me, compulsive overeating was like a slow suicide. It would have been quicker if I had gone out and stood in front of a bus.

 

Food can be massively addictive. It's a friend, a sedative. When you've done well, when you've done badly, it's always there for you.

 

I first remember becoming aware that I was overweight from the age of nine-years-old. My family started to make comments about my size and didn't realise how devastated I felt.

 

I would binge on food until, by the age of 22, I was a dress size 18-20. I'm 5ft 6.

 

I struggled to lose weight throughout my teenage years. At 15-years-old, I started taking laxatives.

 

Overdosing on laxatives has caused permanent irreversible damage to my bowel and I have been diagnosed with what's called a spastic colon.

 

 

If... we don't stop eating is a BBC drama showing what may happen if we keep overeating

Wednesday, 7 April, 2004 at 2100 BST on BBC Two

Despite seeing numerous medical experts, there is nothing that can be done to repair the damage and if I ever start to bleed internally I have to go straight to hospital as it could prove fatal.

 

Compulsive overeating is a battle of wills between the mind and the body. You become so mentally sick of food. Your body says one thing and your mind another. One of them has to break down and if your mind wins, you end up bingeing on food.

 

Fear and despair

 

In my twenties, my overeating got worse. I would binge on carrier bags full of food or would constantly graze on food throughout the day.

 

When I was bingeing I felt out of control, despair, fear and absolute incomprehension that I could do this.

 

You ruthlessly cram food into your mouth.

 

I am the type of person that could never eat just one chocolate from a box

 

 

This cycle of bingeing meant I had become so ill that I had no social ability. I wasn't interested in relationships.

 

I lost my ambition and had to leave work because I was unable to concentrate and function properly.

 

I gave up a great career opportunity when I left work.

 

I also sold my car because I didn't have the nerve or the concentration to drive. My family were devastated and couldn't cope and my sisters withdrew from me. I would throw my friends out of the house when they tried to help me.

 

Food had become a master rather than a servant. The illness had taken over and I had become a one person world, where all you can think about is yourself and the bingeing and obsessing.

 

I tried therapy and numerous diets throughout my life, but nothing seemed to work.

 

At the age of 30, I was in total despair after all my failed efforts to control my eating.

 

I had to increase my use of laxatives as my bowel damage got worse and my weight dropped from 14 stone to six and a half stone.

 

This weight loss was only temporary and the emotional overeating shortly returned.

 

Turning point

 

I have been hospitalised a couple of times because I could not function properly. I was also diagnosed with ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which I believe was made worse because my immune system had been so run down.

 

The turning point for me came when I suddenly realised you either die or get well. You reach a point when you know food is killing you and you just want freedom. You feel lonely, depressed, like you are sinking in quicksand.

 

I had a friend who was going to Overeaters Anonymous, a help group which offers a 12 step programme of recovery from compulsive overeating.

 

I don't want to go back, but I know that door is always open

 

I watched people I met there who had the strength not to binge and had achieved peace of mind.

 

I became willing to retrain my ideas about food and created set meal times at - 8am, 12am, a snack at 4pm and a meal in the evening. The philosophy is three meals and a life in-between.

 

It was hard to get from meal to meal at first without eating as food had become a drug to me, but now I don't even need the 4pm snack.

 

I also now avoid trigger foods altogether, or foods that I can't resist, such as those with high levels of sugar in them.

 

I have an addictive personality and am the type of person that could never eat just one chocolate from a box.

 

You have to realise for yourself that something is wrong and that this is a progressive illness.

 

 

Hope

 

 

I now haven't binged for seven years. I am a lot fitter and go swimming and play badminton. I can go out for meals and go on holiday. I am also now in my sixth year of a relationship and in full-time employment, which is nothing short of a miracle!

 

I don't want to go back, but I know that door is always open. I believe if the compulsive overeating came back it would take me for good this time.

 

Everyone is aware that the problems with obesity are escalating at an alarming rate and there is great concern.

 

But there is hope that you can break the cycle and achieve piece of mind.