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How to Talk About Men....

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.. and still be politically correct.


He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.


He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.


He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.




He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.


He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.


He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.


He does not act like a total ass; he develops a case of RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.


He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.


He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.


He is not unsophisticated; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.


He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.


He does not hog the blankets; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.


He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.


He doesn't have a dirty mind; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.


He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.



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