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Harmless Little Snake

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YOU’VE HEARD OF DOG STORIES.....

 

WELL THIS IS A SNAKE STORY

 

Harmless Little Snake

 

Always thought those little green garden snakes were O.K.?

 

 

Read on...

 

 

Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous.

 

Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

 

 

A woman in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted

 

plants, and during a cold spell, she was bringing a lot of

 

them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

 

 

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden

 

in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered

 

out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very

 

loud scream.

 

 

The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living

 

room naked,,,, to see what the problem was.

 

 

She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on

 

the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

 

 

About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him in the

 

butt.

 

 

He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted.

 

 

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an

 

ambulance.

 

 

The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and

 

started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out

 

from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw

 

it and dropped his end of the stretcher.

 

That's when the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital.

 

 

Hold on it gets better/funnier/worse,,,, ?????

 

 

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so

 

she called on a neighbor man.

 

 

He volunteered to capture the snake.

 

 

He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking

 

under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman,

 

who sat down on the sofa in relief.

 

 

But, in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where

 

she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the

 

snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her

 

laying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

 

 

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the

 

grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and

 

slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned

 

goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it

 

needed stitches.

 

 

An ambulance was again called and it was determined that the injury

 

required hospitalization.

 

 

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her

 

neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she

 

assumed he had been bitten by the snake.

 

 

She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey,

 

and began pouring it down the man's throat.

 

 

By now the police had arrived.

 

 

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed

 

that a drunken fight had occurred.

 

 

They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to

 

explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

 

 

They called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his

 

sobbing wife.

 

 

Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch. One

 

of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.

 

 

He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on

 

one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered

 

and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other

 

policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window

 

into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and

 

raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it

 

and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.

 

 

Meanwhile the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire

 

house was blazing.

 

 

Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire-truck

 

had started raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street.

 

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the

 

electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block

 

area.

 

Time passed -----------------

 

 

Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was rebuilt,

 

the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world -------

 

 

About a year later, they were watching TV, and the weatherman

 

announced a cold snap for that night.

 

The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their

 

plants for the night.

 

 

He shot her.

 

 

>>Single Factor (Fleming, 24 Oct 2001)

 

 

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where

 

she selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and

 

a package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on

 

the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk standing behind

 

her watched as she placed her items in front of the cashier.

 

He said, "You must be single."

 

The woman, a bit startled, looked at her four items on

 

the belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about her

selections said, "Well, y'know, that's right. But how on

 

earth did you know that?

 

The drunk said, "Cause you're uglier 'n Arnold!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[This message has been edited by atma (edited 12-17-2001).]

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