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Modern Medical Expertise

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The following quotes were taken directly from actual medical records as dictated word for word by our local hospital's allopathic physicians.

(you can't make these up, no matter how hard you try)

1) *By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.

2) *Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3) *On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

4) *The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

5) *The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

6) *Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7) *Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8) *The patient refused an autopsy.

9) *The patient has no past history of suicides.

10) *The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

11) *Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

12) *The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.

(40 in 3 days)

13) *She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

14) *The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

15) *She is numb from her toes down.

16) *The skin was moist and dry.

17) *Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18) *When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room..o..o..o.




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