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The 9 Types of Girlfriends - Which type are you?

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Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"

Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat

Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly

Disadvantages: May wise up someday


Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me


Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell

Advantages: Pays attention to you

Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans


Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"

Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy

Advantages: Predictable

Disadvantages: Contagious


The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that


Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom

Advantages: Often right

Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?


Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"

Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey

Advantages: Easily soothed

Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed


Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."

Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out

Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys

Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs


Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"

Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly

Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you

Disadvantages: You will have no friends


Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"

Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic

Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable

Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud


Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must

make love like crazed weasels now"

Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous

Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited

Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you



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To be fair hear is the other side:


Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"

Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup

Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts

Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy


Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."

Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk

Advantages: Stays put; predictable

Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass


Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."

Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you

Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled

Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle


Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."

Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb

Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled

Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig


Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"

Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict

Advantages: Well rested; easy target

Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams


The Sneak - "Who, me?"

Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch

Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt

Disadvantages: May be having time of his life


Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"

Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster

Advantages: Perpetually aroused

Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused


The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"

Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Fool

Advantages: Tells good stories

Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"


Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"

Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy

Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer

Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

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"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"


You missed something. The complete sentence should read,


"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, hair color, and boy friend?"

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