I have a same-sex partner - now what?

[Guest guest]

Hello. I used to live in an ashram and follow the four regulative principals. Now I've moved out and I have a gay boyfriend. Is there any hope for me? I'm afraid to go back to the temple and tell them my situation for fear of rejection. My bf is not a devotee but I still believe in the philosophy if only I could be accepted by the Temple devotees. I don't want to split from my bf because I love him. What next?

[Guest guest]

Just stay in monogamy, do the best you can, and eventually maybe your boyfriend will like Krishna. A lot of people will condemn, but if you are not brahmacharya (very few people are bonefide in that way), no need to feel bad. Otherwise you will quit KC and that would be bad.

[Guest guest]

your materialistic activities. The restriction against illicit sex is scientific, directly related to cleanliness, a necessity for krsna consciousness. The partner is of no consequence, the illicit activities are. Good luck, the same austerities are required regardless of preference.

 

Hare Krsna, ys, mahaksadasa

[Guest guest]

as a spiritual soul you have the right to go back to godhead

 

it is not necessary that you reveal this situation to neophite devotees that can discriminate you...

 

you are a vaishnava, you have not to be blasphemed by anyone, you have the right to have the darshan of the temple murtis and the association of devotees... that's it........ chant hare krishna,go back to visit the temple and consider carefully if it is necessary to reveal to everyone your affective/sexual condition

 

for me there's no need

 

[Max_ 0]

As long as you aren't having sex with him there is no problem. Sex is sex if it's a guy and a girl, girl and a girl, guy and a guy. It's all breaking that rule man. So just try to stay in KC and everything should work out for you.

[BruzWayne 0]

Hare Krishna. I think that Prabhupada didn't mention things about gay people. However, I think that gay behavior is a form of illicit sex because intimate relationships are meant to happen only between man and woman with the purpose of having children and following the proper regulations. Gay behavior is a deviation due to abnormal attachment to sense gratification. So you need professional help from a psychologist in order to fix your sexuality.

 

Hopefully you will find the right woman to have a normal relationship.

 

I think there was a story about Lord Brahma suddenly dealing with a bunch of gays that wanted to touch him and Krishna told Brahma that it was all a mind situation and that Brahma needed to fix his own mind by getting rid of those abnormal thoughts.

 

Don't confuse frienship with gay tendencies. In friendship there is no sexual desire but in gay tendencies there is illicit sex tendencies. A good psychologist can help you to fix those weak desires so you can approach the right woman for you.

 

Hare Krishna and good luck.

[Guest guest]

illicit sex is deeper than just sex not for procreation...it involves sexual thoughts...

 

we all have sexual thoughts, and the only way to rid them is to chant...

 

haveing a heterosexual relationship outside marriage is also unfavourable, but if they have the intent of eventually getting married and following the four regs, it is alright...

 

however, by keeping a boyfriend, you are basically ruling out the chance of marriage anyway...your connections with him will always be illicit...

 

i agree that there should be nothing stopping you from going to the temple...

 

just keep chanting, and one day you will have the strength to break off connections with this boy if they are at all based on physical/mental attraction...your mind and love will hopefully be directed to Krishna then rather than your 'boyfriend'...

[Guest guest]

There is hope for everyone. If you are gay, Krsna allowed it to be so. Always remember that our relationship with Krishna is eternal. That is all that really matters. Anything else in in life, let us approach with tolerance, love and humility.

[Guest guest]

This is sad, so many replies yet no one specifically answered him correctly.

 

The answer is Just Chant Hare Krishna!

Whatever your position in life the Holy Name is there for you. One day you will lose the taste for material things and gain the taste to chant.

 

That's it. Just sing and chant Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare ! ! !

 

Stop reading this, get off the computer, do it!

Use a guitar or harmonium or whatever. Just sing and chant the names of Hari!

[Guest guest]

The answer is Just Chant Hare Krishna!

 

read better.. this answer was already given

 

"as a spiritual soul you have the right to go back to godhead

it is not necessary that you reveal this situation to neophite devotees that can discriminate you...

you are a vaishnava, you have not to be blasphemed by anyone, you have the right to have the darshan of the temple murtis and the association of devotees... that's it........ chant hare krishna,go back to visit the temple and consider carefully if it is necessary to reveal to everyone your affective/sexual condition

for me there's no need"

 

[Guest guest]

I was born a gay man also, and have a boyfriend who is also now practicing. We do service at the temple in any way we can.

 

Please check out this website: http://www.galva108.org/

It may be helpful to know that "third gendered" people like us have always been around, are mentioned throughout the scriptures, and had a place in Vedic society. You are not alone.

 

Hare Krishna

 

[omshanti 0]

"Gay behavior is a deviation due to abnormal attachment to sense gratification."

 

This is harmful, untrue information. The American Psychiatry association declassified homosexuality as mental illness in 1972. We are born this way, just as you are born with your own peculiarities. If gay behavior was a deviation due to abnormal attachment to sense gratification, then a vast majority of the population would be gay, and probably yourself included, unless of course you have mastered the mind and senses.

 

Respectfully,

 

NayanAnanda das

[Guest guest]

like everything, it is due to past karma...

 

u r gay due to past karma...

 

...sorry to be so direct, but it needs to be said...

 

tho only help needed is chanting...pray to Krsna that all obtacles to bhakti are gotten rid of...if your homosexuality is an obstacle, then Krsna will get rid of it eventually...

[omshanti 0]

of course it's due to karma, i never said it wasn't. Chanting is everyone's only help, including yours. I'm not going to buy into any guilt about it, just as you shouldn't regarding your own karmic situation. Just "making the best of a bad bargain".

 

Hare Krishna

[Guest guest]

Isn't there anyplace free of sex problems? So you are gay and like men...So what!?!?!?! Fine...You love Krishna, you love your boyfriend...great! Your love for Krishna takes priority over your boyfriend. Go to the temple, chant Hare Krishna, take shelter of Nityananda and Gauranga's lotus feet. Know that the love you have for your boyfriend is wonderful but won't last forever, know that your love for Krishna and Nitai Gauranga will last forever...relax, stick with your rounds, read transendental literature, love your boyfriend and keep your heart on what's important....

Does this make sense? Whether you have a boyfriend or not isn't really a big deal...enjoy the comanionship and love while it lasts but know that it will pass away sooner or later...Devotional Service is the only thing that lasts.

[Guest guest]

My realization is that the desire for temporary sense gratification is most powerful and can only be mitigated by unmotivated, uninterupted Krishna bhakti. We can not have it both ways. Most of us however, as far as I know, are neophyte. And the material mind gives us all kinds of excuses to stay neophyte.

 

[Guest guest]

...u'll realise that the vedas say that relationships of attraction where babies cannot be created are illicit...

 

...pray to Krsna that the feeling will go away...

 

do not:

 

blame yourself for feeling the way you feel

 

but also:

 

do not make the mistake of thinking that this relationship has a future, if u are trying to be Krsna-conscious...

 

Just like, if someone is addicted to something that is explicitly condemned by the scriptures, they should pray to Krsna that the addiction grdually dies away

 

[Guest guest]

I've been reading through these responses to your concern. It seems you reached out sincerely from your material condition and though there were some positive responses, there were many misinformed and negative responses. First, aside from simply chanting Hare Krishna which is the basis of the spiritual practice, you need to find a community of devotees that are not inimical to your situation. There are ashrams and Guru's that will not discourage your being gay and having a monogamous same-sex relationship, but simply see it as such and welcome you and your partner into their community. Some of these responses are truly unsettling and fanatical. If we were all to take the same outlook on all material issues that each and every devotee faces with the same negative outlook, then we'd all be either completely lost, or we'd all be saints because we'd all be pure. Unfortunately, we're not all pure, and it seems to me that much of what is being said here is due a lot to social conditioning rather than coming from a spiritual outlook of love, humility and compassion for ALL jivas. Find a positive community where Krsna's mercy is seen as being extended to all....

[Guest guest]

are illicit by nature...

 

...therefore should not be encouraged...

 

...this is not being negative, this is just following Krsna's instructions...

 

...the point is that living with a man you are attracted to is just going to increase the feelings...the thing to do is accept that you have this attraction for men, but try and make your situation so that there is the least possible agitation for this feeling...in other words make sure you associate with those who are not gay - so the attraction will not be encouraged...also, just pray to Krsna that this feeling goes away...there is nothing negative about this response...it is better than encouraging a relationship that can only take the focus away from Krsna...

[Guest guest]

Theres always going to be gays. there always have. there always will. just dont tell anybody you are gay. what interest is it of theirs?

[Guest guest]

Don't tell and don't act. Just try to control by sublimating the most unnatural, in the mode of darkness sexual behaviour. Sex is possible within married life between man and woman and in the ideal case just for having children.

Of course, we understand that unregulated, hedonistic people have great difficulty with this. It's mercy to stick to and propagate the guidelines of the creator and His bona fide messengers. Can one imagine how tough it is to be a guru?

Praise the bona fide guru, whomever he may be.

[Guest guest]

I'm a lesbian vaisnavi. I chant Hare Krishna, and I try to serve and pray Krishna, but I do many materialistic activities. There is hope for everyone, and gay and lesbians aren't worst than others. The maha-mantra is the answer.

Please, accept my humble obeisances

[Guest guest]

cantiamo hare krishna, prabhupada non e' venuto a salvarci per poi vederci litigare e fare discriminazioni basate sui gusti sessuali

 

accetta tu i miei omaggi

 

hare krishna

[Guest guest]

 

The main thing is to center your life and marriage around Krsna. This may be more difficult if your partner is not Krsna conscious, but that is true for any heterosexual couple as well. We simply have to try our best. That's all we can do. Gays are human beings too (despite attempts by many devotees to dehumanize and demonize them) and they experience the same emotional needs to bond and share intimacy that heterosexuals do. Celibacy is something that should be adopted voluntarily, not forced. There is nothing worse or more dangerous in spiritual life than artificial renunciation. We have to acknowledge the reality of our own level of spiritual advancement and go on from there, chanting Hare Krsna and gradually working on our ability to renounce.

 

It also really helps if you have a nearby temple community that is accepting of everyone, including gays. Some temples are very hateful and bigoted, while others are quite warm, understanding, and welcoming. It's important to avoid the bigoted temples and associate instead with the compassionate, swanlike devotees who never judge or reject others based upon the body.

 

The following is the best statement I've heard so far from Hare Krishna devotees regarding gays and lesbians:

 

"My opinion regarding gay and lesbian devotees is that they should be honored in terms of their devotion and spiritual progress. They should cultivate spiritual life from either a celibate status, or in something analogous to a heterosexual monogamous situation. Gay and lesbian people have always been a part of society from Vedic times to our postmodern times. They should be accepted for what they are in terms of their sexual orientation and encouraged like everyone else to pursue spiritual life."

 

(B.V. Tripurari Swami, 7/2001)

 

In other words, it doesn't matter whether your relationship is gay or straight. The process is the same. Gay couples can be treated in the same way as, say, a sterile or postmenapausal heterosexual couple would be. Such couples are not prohibited from marrying in ISKCON, and they can just as well adopt children and raise a Krsna conscious family that way. The same is true for gay couples. While in some ways such nonreproductive couples may be discouraged from marrying since they cannot have children, they are still nevertheless allowed to marry if it is deemed necessary for them and their stage of spiritual advancement.

 

Celibacy is something that is encouraged and engaged in voluntarily. We cannot "force" people to be celibate. Rather, we must encourage them to be--often gradually so--and for this purpose the natural system of marriage can be quite helpful for anyone, whether gay or straight.

[Guest guest]

Grazie davvero!

Hare Krishna, accetta i miei omaggi. Tutte le glorie a Srila Prabhupada