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past life and sadhna

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hi ,

i m having visions of devi kali . actually in do have visions of my past life , like who was i what i used to doo . i also see dead ppl some times future incidents too . nag represents my forefathers . i was also cursed due to my fault . the main problem is that i m stuck in the middle and both the materlistic and spiritual world is pulling me from both sides .i want to be a sadhak , learn tantra but cant do as i dont have a guru .i feel like i m loosing all my potentials day by day .i really feel helpless

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