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I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting it

because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my family will see.

And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy and I'm just tired of

it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is just money (whcih land

would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of yall but I'm just so tired

of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a lie, I can't be myself fully in

this world because I must hide aspects of my self and what's really happening to

me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it be better to be living in a place where

you can be yourself fully and use the internet and phones for the people who

basically wouldn't understand what you're going through? If it's just money,

then with all the people who can help, why don't we get this underway, or have

we just been procrastinating? why do we continue to live lives of refugees?

when are we going to band together to form our home?

 

 

craig

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, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting it

because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my family will see.

And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy and I'm just tired of

it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is just money (whcih land

would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of yall but I'm just so tired

of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a lie, I can't be myself fully in

this world because I must hide aspects of my self and what's really happening to

me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it be better to be living in a place where

you can be yourself fully and use the internet and phones for the people who

basically wouldn't understand what you're going through? If it's just money,

then with all the people who can help, why don't we get this underway, or have

we just been procrastinating? why do we continue to live lives of refugees?

when are we going to band together to form our home?

>

>

> craig

>

 

 

I wanted to exclude and and Bradly, and all other's who help

behind the scenes in my question about procrastinating.

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Hey phoenix,

 

i feel what you mean, to be able be yourself is hard, most of my friends

from the old days can't seem to follow my stories when being told. I hardly

talk to anyone anymore about it. or it has to be a person, at that moment

who'm i've just encountered. and then they mostly tell the same thing over

and over. you need help man. you can't do this alone.

we are all alone on this path. but we can learn from eachothers stories.

even if what being told seems stupid, out of order, or anything...

we can only get there together... we need eachother

even if we still walk the path alone, we still need eachother

 

but to exclude others, hmm, have some trouble with that...

plus, government has technology that can track a human...

i've seen this a few time...

it's like authorities are all over my a*s

how can one keep up like that, it's hard enough already, without the

pressure of the outside...

 

 

On Mon, Nov 16, 2009 at 11:05 PM, phoenix.ing9 <phoenix.ing9wrote:

 

>

>

>

>

> --- In

<%40ya\

hoogroups.com>,

> " phoenix.ing9 " <phoenix.ing9 wrote:

> >

> > I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about

> deleting it because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my

> family will see. And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy

> and I'm just tired of it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is

> just money (whcih land would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of

> yall but I'm just so tired of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a

> lie, I can't be myself fully in this world because I must hide aspects of my

> self and what's really happening to me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it

> be better to be living in a place where you can be yourself fully and use

> the internet and phones for the people who basically wouldn't understand

> what you're going through? If it's just money, then with all the people who

> can help, why don't we get this underway, or have we just been

> procrastinating? why do we continue to live lives of refugees? when are we

> going to band together to form our home?

> >

> >

> > craig

> >

>

> I wanted to exclude and and Bradly, and all other's who help

> behind the scenes in my question about procrastinating.

>

>

>

 

 

 

--

ShinSham

DTL Heer Lorcan

 

 

 

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Craig, I was thinking that maybe we aren't meant to live in an isolated group

unto ourselves but are to be out among others quietly 'radiating' kundalini

energy to one and all. And, if actions speak louder than words, you shouldn't

have to worry about who you can tell what; just live your life and hopefully

people will notice and perhaps improve their own behaviors as a result of being

near you.

 

My thoughts,

Carolyn

 

, " phoenix.ing9 " wrote:

>

>why don't we get this underway, or have we just been procrastinating? why do

we continue to live lives of refugees? when are we going to band together to

form our home?

>

>

> craig

>

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Dear Craig,

 

Even if money was provided and a place built and a community of K folk gathered

it would not change much for me in my situation...

I could not just up and go live in this community...

I am not sure that I would want to anyway... I am not sure it really would be

progress...but that is just my very first reaction...

It is an interesting proposition.

 

Your post has prompted me to write about my own secrecy with K... I feel a long

post coming on !

 

I hope I am authentic to those I love although they are unaware of my K

awakening. I cannot speak of K to my sisters and certainly not to my

father..... it would upset him and trouble him no end and I would not wish that

burden on him. My tradition is christian and catholic and K is not on the

radar at all. If I, who am experiencing K, still have issues and questioning

arising, then how can I then speak of it to those who do not know of K, with

out burdening some folks and providing entertainment for others

I have envied those from the eastern traditions because I imagne that speaking

about K must be easier for them. Secrecy must not be such an issue...Perhaps

that is incorret but it is my perception.

I have since coming here shared more and more with my husband and I am supported

and loved very much by him. I am not absolutly alone in my " real world " with

this awakening..although I also am fully alone. I was actually directed by K to

speak to two of my older children about K, not in fine detail but they were good

conversations and recently when I told them I was being directed to eat like a

vegan they didn't bat an eye lid...lol!

Who knows what the future holds...maybe I will always be secretive about K... or

perhaps I will begin to tell some of my friends when directed to do so... I am

still struggling to surrender fully, I am often in conflict and I still have

doubt about what I have been blessed to receive... I know that seems silly but

doubt does return here and I cannot deny it.

Craig, I know for me I will have to come fully home to me first...perhaps then

I can let the secrecy go fully. As of this moment in time secrecy protects me,

it allows me to float, swim and sink in the ocean of Kundalini knowing that my

" performances " are not not being observed or judged... for me there is enough

pressure from my own ego without adding the egos of others into the mix. I am

so grateful for the community here. It is very real and present for me. I have

also a huge longing to meet everyone here and I know I will meet many of you at

some stage, of this I have no doubt. I will come to the states or you will come

to Ireland.

 

Craig can I ask, what difference would a real bricks and morter place make in

your life. If it existed tomorrow what would you be doing differently? Could

those changes you might make be implimented without the bricks and morter?

Would it be possible for you to make it to one of the KAS seminars in December

or in April and then you would get to meet people who would understand. At the

seminars you would find a physical place for a long week end at least... perhaps

there would be comfort in that.

 

Love and blessings

Julia

 

 

 

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting it

because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my family will see.

And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy and I'm just tired of

it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is just money (whcih land

would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of yall but I'm just so tired

of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a lie, I can't be myself fully in

this world because I must hide aspects of my self and what's really happening to

me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it be better to be living in a place where

you can be yourself fully and use the internet and phones for the people who

basically wouldn't understand what you're going through? If it's just money,

then with all the people who can help, why don't we get this underway, or have

we just been procrastinating? why do we continue to live lives of refugees?

when are we going to band together to form our home?

>

>

> craig

>

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PS...

 

Don't be too hard on yourself Craig...

 

No one know all the aspects of another... we all " hide " aspects of

ourselves..... I am sure that is true also for Chrism, who is open to all about

his Kundalini. I think we can be open and honest without revelaing all.

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Dear Dear criag:

 

I know how you feel have felt this way since first knowing what was happening.

I have a big mouth so I was not quiet about my situation- my family all know -

they do not understand necessarily but I do not keep it secret. My one brother

has seen chrism's aura - he was really impressed- he has held his secret for

many years of his premonitions - his knowing. I now have been more quiet with

the K talk - not because I want to be but because of the work I do - however I

talk freely of it with my cousins and uncle - they all know what I am going thru

and what I feel I want to do.

 

This openness that I encounter is not for all- and the feelings of wanting to be

with other K active folks is not for all. I, like you, are free to go and be

wherever the wind blows or the K sends- others have their responsibilities. And

Yes like you I long for a place - we have this K ashram in cyberspace and that

is a wonderful gift and it fills a need for many of us- yet - a real in the

flesh place where some of us could be all the time and have room for company all

the time well that is a dream of mine.

 

All things in time so I am told - I am impatient - I have the added fact of age

against me - given the stats I have a number of years left yet not nearly as

long as I would like and time tends to move quickly. So a place would be sooooo

very nice soon so at least in this lifetime I can enjoy the camaraderie of other

K actives.

 

We have some options for now- we talked of meeting at the seminar. We can plan

on this and get ready- be ready - we can call we can write - we have each other

and all the folks here in the group. And we have our dreams - does not hurt one

bit to dream and envision a place - a place that can be a gathering place - a

living place and a radiating place of love where we do what K folks do best -

service to others in any and all ways -

 

Or there could be many such places - where two or more gather - it is happening

in the CA area with the seminars that have been held there - there is now a

group of folks who know each other and who can share with each other on a more

personal basis - it will happen in Phoenix and other places- it happened for me

in Ojai - I now have close friends from that event and I met you and Zach - we

are building our little community all the time...

 

It may not be a physical place at this moment but it is a place of the heart - a

place in our hearts - a place where we can hold each other close and feel safe

and open- be open be whoever you feel like being say whatever you feel like

saying and be accepted.

 

A friend brought up how she was meditating on " love " there are all kinds of

love - and the greatest of these is unconditional love- that is the love K folks

offer to each other and to those around them. I offer you my unconditional love

craig - you are part of my family and there will always be a place in my heart

for you.

 

One day there will be a physical place but til then you have a loving place to

be... right here ...

 

namaste dear fella...

e

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Hi Craig:

Exclusive often excludes. A gated/private community keeps those in as much as

keeps those out. I would encourage the thought to perhaps spend some time with

groups of individuals who often are discriminated against, isolated, or

considered a subculture within a prominant society. In sharing with such

individuals or attending their groups you may experience a commonality and

reciprocated understanding of how you may be experiencing your K in secrecy.

Although your K experience is your all, it is not your all. Balance within self

and within society is key. And oh believe me, there are those of us who wish we

were made of money so that the seemingly opportunities would be instantly

revealed, but it is the journey and the gathering of materials which is building

your very said community. How blessed are we that the community spans the globe.

 

If you can muster, come see the desert and it's K dwellers come April, yes.

 

Love to you.

Danielle

 

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting it

because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because

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I would consider discretion the best approach and not secrecy. While we on this

path consider that it is the optimum approach, there are many other `viable'

paths out there. The kundalini approach is one that was and still is, to some

extent, considered the approach for a selected few (in this context don't

include the numerous quick fix supposed kundalini awakenings that are offered by

many on the net for a small fee and by way of an attunement – they are far from

the real thing). Many `religious' folk will shy away from discussion of the

kundalini as much from ignorance as from not wanting to have their belief system

`unhinged'.

 

Remember that many on this path see or perceive things that others can't and

which gives them a measure of added `security' as to the `correctness' of their

approach. Is it fair to then to try to draw someone with different beliefs onto

this path when you cannot give them any greater measure of tangible proof than

they have with their own system? They cannot see or perceive that which you

can. You must not remove what you cannot replace as that would leave them in a

void and that would be wrong. We ALL have faith because we cannot see the whole

picture due to our limitations, and the kundalini path is for those who are

ready for it – they will find it when their time is right and if it is the right

path for them.

 

Let people know that you do follow a path but do not go into specifics. People

will accept that. Some however will be drawn to you and want greater detail –

in that case share it with them as they have been drawn to you for a reason.

 

Blessings - Jonathan

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guess i wasn't thinking of excluding anyone, and not a gated community but one

where all are welcome, sort of like Elizabeth Lesser's Omega Institute for

anyone and everyone of all races, religions, and hair styles and where one could

go to to live for a while if they felt guided to...a place of love...

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Hi Craig:

> Exclusive often excludes. A gated/private community keeps those in as much as

keeps those out. I would encourage the thought to perhaps spend some time with

groups of individuals who often are discriminated against, isolated, or

considered a subculture within a prominant society. In sharing with such

individuals or attending their groups you may experience a commonality and

reciprocated understanding of how you may be experiencing your K in secrecy.

Although your K experience is your all, it is not your all. Balance within self

and within society is key. And oh believe me, there are those of us who wish we

were made of money so that the seemingly opportunities would be instantly

revealed, but it is the journey and the gathering of materials which is building

your very said community. How blessed are we that the community spans the globe.

>

> If you can muster, come see the desert and it's K dwellers come April, yes.

>

> Love to you.

> Danielle

>

> , " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9@> wrote:

> >

> > I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting

it because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because

>

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I feel like my intent with my post and the way people are responding to it don't

match up. Still hard for me to put into words what my heart's trying to

convey...I would never try to draw someone onto this path, it would make me no

different than all the missionaries who believe they are doing the right thing

but are in actuality causing more suffering. another perspective that I see from

what I posted to Danielle is: that when someone wants to really learn zen, they

join a monastary and begin zen training (and yes there are other ways of

learning zen than this more extreme approach). Are they being exclusive for

having a system based around zen? I dont think so, its a path...and it's a

blessing to have such a place to go to begin training, and the same is true for

all the different paths, Christian, Taoist, Buddhist, etc. My question is why

not? Why not have a place where we could have an option of more intense training

with the freedom to go back out into society at any time, just because you live

in a community doesn't mean you can't go out into 'regular' society for any

amount of time of your choosing, you're not trapped in a certain plot of land.

Sorry I got off on a tangent, it just came out as I was typing and I know that

not all of this is tied to what you said in your post Jonathan. I don't know

what else to add or say...

 

craig

 

 

 

, " jonrow_2914 "

<jrowland wrote:

>

>

> Remember that many on this path see or perceive things that others can't and

which gives them a measure of added `security' as to the `correctness' of their

approach. Is it fair to then to try to draw someone with different beliefs onto

this path when you cannot give them any greater measure of tangible proof than

they have with their own system? They cannot see or perceive that which you

can. You must not remove what you cannot replace as that would leave them in a

void and that would be wrong. We ALL have faith because we cannot see the whole

picture due to our limitations, and the kundalini path is for those who are

ready for it – they will find it when their time is right and if it is the right

path for them.

>

> Blessings - Jonathan

>

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thank you for your reply Julia. One of the hardest things for me right now is

the dancing around the subject. Everythings really starting to tie into

Kundalini, well my perception of it is growing, and it feels like I'm trying not

to lie of say why I can't sleep some nights, and trying to use discretion but it

feels like I can't go with the simplistic approach of telling the full truth and

it feels tiring to 1. hold it in from those around me or option 2. to dance

around the subject and try to be honest but at the same time not tell them the

truth...I grew up as the ugly duckling in my family and now I'm just feeling

more alienated than before with not being able to open up to anyone in my

immediate surroundings...

 

craig

 

, " Julia " <jajahern

wrote:

>

>

> Dear Craig,

>

> Even if money was provided and a place built and a community of K folk

gathered it would not change much for me in my situation...

> I could not just up and go live in this community...

> I am not sure that I would want to anyway... I am not sure it really would be

progress...but that is just my very first reaction...

> It is an interesting proposition.

>

> Your post has prompted me to write about my own secrecy with K... I feel a

long post coming on !

>

> I hope I am authentic to those I love although they are unaware of my K

awakening. I cannot speak of K to my sisters and certainly not to my

father..... it would upset him and trouble him no end and I would not wish that

burden on him. My tradition is christian and catholic and K is not on the

radar at all. If I, who am experiencing K, still have issues and questioning

arising, then how can I then speak of it to those who do not know of K, with

out burdening some folks and providing entertainment for others

> I have envied those from the eastern traditions because I imagne that speaking

about K must be easier for them. Secrecy must not be such an issue...Perhaps

that is incorret but it is my perception.

> I have since coming here shared more and more with my husband and I am

supported and loved very much by him. I am not absolutly alone in my " real

world " with this awakening..although I also am fully alone. I was actually

directed by K to speak to two of my older children about K, not in fine detail

but they were good conversations and recently when I told them I was being

directed to eat like a vegan they didn't bat an eye lid...lol!

> Who knows what the future holds...maybe I will always be secretive about K...

or perhaps I will begin to tell some of my friends when directed to do so... I

am still struggling to surrender fully, I am often in conflict and I still have

doubt about what I have been blessed to receive... I know that seems silly but

doubt does return here and I cannot deny it.

> Craig, I know for me I will have to come fully home to me first...perhaps then

I can let the secrecy go fully. As of this moment in time secrecy protects me,

it allows me to float, swim and sink in the ocean of Kundalini knowing that my

" performances " are not not being observed or judged... for me there is enough

pressure from my own ego without adding the egos of others into the mix. I am

so grateful for the community here. It is very real and present for me. I have

also a huge longing to meet everyone here and I know I will meet many of you at

some stage, of this I have no doubt. I will come to the states or you will come

to Ireland.

>

> Craig can I ask, what difference would a real bricks and morter place make in

your life. If it existed tomorrow what would you be doing differently? Could

those changes you might make be implimented without the bricks and morter?

> Would it be possible for you to make it to one of the KAS seminars in December

or in April and then you would get to meet people who would understand. At the

seminars you would find a physical place for a long week end at least... perhaps

there would be comfort in that.

>

> Love and blessings

> Julia

>

>

>

> , " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9@> wrote:

> >

> > I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting

it because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my family will see.

And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy and I'm just tired of

it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is just money (whcih land

would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of yall but I'm just so tired

of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a lie, I can't be myself fully in

this world because I must hide aspects of my self and what's really happening to

me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it be better to be living in a place where

you can be yourself fully and use the internet and phones for the people who

basically wouldn't understand what you're going through? If it's just money,

then with all the people who can help, why don't we get this underway, or have

we just been procrastinating? why do we continue to live lives of refugees?

when are we going to band together to form our home?

> >

> >

> > craig

> >

>

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Oh I'm sorry, Craig. I didn't mean to imply that this is what you were

meaning...this was just my personal anology. I had just come out of an

unbearable migraine when writing this, so maybe should have thought through

things more. I do understand what you are relaying, I just don't know how to

articulate the large/larger scope of it back...it was more on the lines of

blending. I think Denny wrote more-so what I was meaning.

 

Blessings to you:

Danielle

 

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> guess i wasn't thinking of excluding anyone, and not a gated community but one

where all are welcome, sort of like Elizabeth Lesser's Omega Institute for

anyone and everyone of all races, religions, and hair styles and where one could

go to to live for a while if they felt guided to...a place of love...

>

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lol, no worries, I'm starting to think that I should have thought through the

title to use for my post more before using the one I chose...or maybe it's

something I wrote in the post...don't know but anyways, love to you Danielle :)

 

craig

 

, " iamwaitingmoon "

<iamwaitingmoon wrote:

>

> Oh I'm sorry, Craig. I didn't mean to imply that this is what you were

meaning...this was just my personal anology. I had just come out of an

unbearable migraine when writing this, so maybe should have thought through

things more. I do understand what you are relaying, I just don't know how to

articulate the large/larger scope of it back...it was more on the lines of

blending. I think Denny wrote more-so what I was meaning.

>

> Blessings to you:

> Danielle

>

> , " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9@> wrote:

> >

> > guess i wasn't thinking of excluding anyone, and not a gated community but

one where all are welcome, sort of like Elizabeth Lesser's Omega Institute for

anyone and everyone of all races, religions, and hair styles and where one could

go to to live for a while if they felt guided to...a place of love...

> >

>

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Craig-

No problems- we all read words from our own perspective - we all interpret from

our own experiences and beliefs. I understand your words one way and others

other ways.

 

In my mind you were very clear - a place to be - a place to live if able - an

intended community -open to anyone with like values- being able to discuss your

feelings, thoughts and desires about K- no proselytizing - just openness- yeah -

I want the same -

 

If someone is ready to listen they will if not then they will not.

 

You were guided to bring these thoughts into the group. It gives all a chance

to view how they feel on sharing the K info with others.

 

I remember writing when I first learned of the K in me of how I wanted to shout

it from the mountain top - and why not? I feel good that feeling of good I want

to share and in my own way I do shout it out - I share with those who are ready

to hear - I approach folks and let them decide on what they want to hear- but I

share lots of things about me - and this is a major aspect of who I now am - so

it is a natural step to share openly

 

It is ok not to share - we each have our skills and gifts- mine happens to be

the ability to draw those who need to know - another person who has this gift is

swami nick in canada- he meets people on trains, in the office , at meetings ,

he gives talks on energy - I love his stories of how folks who know nothing of K

are introduced to the energy and often to K because of his kindness and his

willingness to share.

 

We each are unique - we are unique in how the gift is presented and shared and

served to others.

 

Blessings - thank you for being open enough to share your feelings...

e

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Hi Craig,

 

this was a great post!! it sure raised the energy of a lot of folks and got a

lot of responses :)

 

my take is a line from Chogyam Trungpa (The deceased tibetan buddhist teacher

)) used to say to to his students " be yourself and the world will give you

feedback " ..lol..

 

There are pros and cons to honesty. Personally, I wrote a book about a part of

my awakening, was deeply truthful, and showed it to my mother..haha. I am

showing it to some of the elders at my church and they think my writing is

excellent yet are concerned about the graphic sexual experiences, and havnt

quite figured out what to do with me :) Part of my truth is to introduce them to

paradoxes which their current meaning making systems cant handle, with the hopes

of somehow encouraging growth... (my secret agenda here..lol) I feel that when

you are going through the intense personal journey of healing and the emotional

rollercoastes, its essential to have people to share with, and this group serves

part of that function.

 

There is also discretion, as if they have no reference point for what you are

talking about, its impossible for them to understand. In the end, you gotto drop

the egoic need to be understood in the world, and relentlessly seek to

understand others....

 

that said, its a lonely path and the awakened heart seeks to share, to

understand and be understood..

 

love and communion

Bruce

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting it

because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my family will see.

And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy and I'm just tired of

it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is just money (whcih land

would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of yall but I'm just so tired

of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a lie, I can't be myself fully in

this world because I must hide aspects of my self and what's really happening to

me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it be better to be living in a place where

you can be yourself fully and use the internet and phones for the people who

basically wouldn't understand what you're going through? If it's just money,

then with all the people who can help, why don't we get this underway, or have

we just been procrastinating? why do we continue to live lives of refugees?

when are we going to band together to form our home?

>

>

> craig

>

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Dear Craig,

 

I sometimes would like a magic wand and if I had one in my hand now I would wave

it three times and your wishes would come true....

 

You would be able to go to the place of love that you speak of...

 

you would be at peace and have no conflict about how to express the truth....

 

you would turn into the swan that you know you actually are....

 

I am smiling now Craig because I know that is exaclty what K is doing in your

life...As I type she is granting you all those wishes but just not an

abrakadabra delivery of your hearts desire.... it takes a bit longer than that

with K.... lol! Just threw the magic wand in the bin..lol!

 

I want to thank you for writing the post and for putting your vision here.... a

place of love.... On further reflection I think I would like to visit too and

stay awhile.

It has been also very helpful for me to have written about my own secrecy and

thanks for prompting that too.

Lots of love and hugs being sent from here

Love Julia

 

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> thank you for your reply Julia. One of the hardest things for me right now is

the dancing around the subject. Everythings really starting to tie into

Kundalini, well my perception of it is growing, and it feels like I'm trying not

to lie of say why I can't sleep some nights, and trying to use discretion but it

feels like I can't go with the simplistic approach of telling the full truth and

it feels tiring to 1. hold it in from those around me or option 2. to dance

around the subject and try to be honest but at the same time not tell them the

truth...I grew up as the ugly duckling in my family and now I'm just feeling

more alienated than before with not being able to open up to anyone in my

immediate surroundings...

>

> craig

>

> , " Julia " <jajahern@>

wrote:

> >

> >

> > Dear Craig,

> >

> > Even if money was provided and a place built and a community of K folk

gathered it would not change much for me in my situation...

> > I could not just up and go live in this community...

> > I am not sure that I would want to anyway... I am not sure it really would

be progress...but that is just my very first reaction...

> > It is an interesting proposition.

> >

> > Your post has prompted me to write about my own secrecy with K... I feel a

long post coming on !

> >

> > I hope I am authentic to those I love although they are unaware of my K

awakening. I cannot speak of K to my sisters and certainly not to my

father..... it would upset him and trouble him no end and I would not wish that

burden on him. My tradition is christian and catholic and K is not on the

radar at all. If I, who am experiencing K, still have issues and questioning

arising, then how can I then speak of it to those who do not know of K, with

out burdening some folks and providing entertainment for others

> > I have envied those from the eastern traditions because I imagne that

speaking about K must be easier for them. Secrecy must not be such an

issue...Perhaps that is incorret but it is my perception.

> > I have since coming here shared more and more with my husband and I am

supported and loved very much by him. I am not absolutly alone in my " real

world " with this awakening..although I also am fully alone. I was actually

directed by K to speak to two of my older children about K, not in fine detail

but they were good conversations and recently when I told them I was being

directed to eat like a vegan they didn't bat an eye lid...lol!

> > Who knows what the future holds...maybe I will always be secretive about

K... or perhaps I will begin to tell some of my friends when directed to do

so... I am still struggling to surrender fully, I am often in conflict and I

still have doubt about what I have been blessed to receive... I know that seems

silly but doubt does return here and I cannot deny it.

> > Craig, I know for me I will have to come fully home to me first...perhaps

then I can let the secrecy go fully. As of this moment in time secrecy

protects me, it allows me to float, swim and sink in the ocean of Kundalini

knowing that my " performances " are not not being observed or judged... for me

there is enough pressure from my own ego without adding the egos of others into

the mix. I am so grateful for the community here. It is very real and present

for me. I have also a huge longing to meet everyone here and I know I will meet

many of you at some stage, of this I have no doubt. I will come to the states

or you will come to Ireland.

> >

> > Craig can I ask, what difference would a real bricks and morter place make

in your life. If it existed tomorrow what would you be doing differently?

Could those changes you might make be implimented without the bricks and morter?

> > Would it be possible for you to make it to one of the KAS seminars in

December or in April and then you would get to meet people who would understand.

At the seminars you would find a physical place for a long week end at least...

perhaps there would be comfort in that.

> >

> > Love and blessings

> > Julia

> >

> >

> >

> > , " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9@> wrote:

> > >

> > > I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about

deleting it because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my family

will see. And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy and I'm just

tired of it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is just money

(whcih land would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of yall but I'm

just so tired of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a lie, I can't be

myself fully in this world because I must hide aspects of my self and what's

really happening to me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it be better to be

living in a place where you can be yourself fully and use the internet and

phones for the people who basically wouldn't understand what you're going

through? If it's just money, then with all the people who can help, why don't we

get this underway, or have we just been procrastinating? why do we continue to

live lives of refugees? when are we going to band together to form our home?

> > >

> > >

> > > craig

> > >

> >

>

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Hey Craig,

 

I know what you mean. I have been toying with the idea of doing something

similar. It would be nice, and if there were other people who really wanted to

do that I would probably be down. However I know that there are still some

worldly things in my life plan that need to be accomplished/finished, before I

can do anything like that. As much as I would like to drop everything and live

off the land or in and ashram, its just not possible right now. In the meantime

I think the lesson in all of this is to learn to let go of all feelings of

separation and really live in oneness with everyone and everything around you.

Bring those wonderful feelings to you instead of longing for something that is

outside of yourself.

 

I feel you 100%, this is something I am struggling with as well, especially when

it comes to family bonding and people in general. Hang in there.

 

love,

 

-Matt

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lol! you showed that to your mother?! Now that takes guts ;). that's funny about

the elders in your church too.

 

blessings to you Bruce :)

craig

 

, " BruceO " <bruce_oom

wrote:

>

> Hi Craig,

>

> this was a great post!! it sure raised the energy of a lot of folks and got a

lot of responses :)

>

> my take is a line from Chogyam Trungpa (The deceased tibetan buddhist teacher

)) used to say to to his students " be yourself and the world will give you

feedback " ..lol..

>

> There are pros and cons to honesty. Personally, I wrote a book about a part of

my awakening, was deeply truthful, and showed it to my mother..haha. I am

showing it to some of the elders at my church and they think my writing is

excellent yet are concerned about the graphic sexual experiences, and havnt

quite figured out what to do with me :) Part of my truth is to introduce them to

paradoxes which their current meaning making systems cant handle, with the hopes

of somehow encouraging growth... (my secret agenda here..lol) I feel that when

you are going through the intense personal journey of healing and the emotional

rollercoastes, its essential to have people to share with, and this group serves

part of that function.

>

> There is also discretion, as if they have no reference point for what you are

talking about, its impossible for them to understand. In the end, you gotto drop

the egoic need to be understood in the world, and relentlessly seek to

understand others....

>

> that said, its a lonely path and the awakened heart seeks to share, to

understand and be understood..

>

> love and communion

> Bruce

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Dear Craig,

You mention a physical group location. Something like this did cross my mind.

This group is scattered far and wide all over the world though, so I'm not sure

of how the practicalities would work. This would be up to to decide,

however he is directed and wishes to direct each of us. Also, there are

drawbacks with forming largescale organisations and classifying things and

therefore restrictions would arise. There are so many of these organisations,

and many people are put off by power struggles and abuses that inevitably occur.

Maybe our path is to be living examples in each of our communities all over the

world.

Love, Sandra

 

 

 

 

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> I was thinking of my facebook account and am really thinking about deleting it

because there's no point, I can't be honest on it because my family will see.

And it got me thinking, I'm just living a life of secrecy and I'm just tired of

it. Why don't we have a physical group location? Is is just money (whcih land

would cost money as well)? I don't know about all of yall but I'm just so tired

of living in secrecy. My whole life feels like a lie, I can't be myself fully in

this world because I must hide aspects of my self and what's really happening to

me. Is this not backwards? Wouldn't it be better to be living in a place where

you can be yourself fully and use the internet and phones for the people who

basically wouldn't understand what you're going through? If it's just money,

then with all the people who can help, why don't we get this underway, or have

we just been procrastinating? why do we continue to live lives of refugees?

when are we going to band together to form our home?

>

>

> craig

>

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Chrism, please forgive me if this is not the right thing to do...I wanted to say

that this is not just my idea that sprung up out of the blue. has thought

about it too. And if anyone is interested they can join his sister group and we

can get the ball rolling more...

 

Intentional-Kundalini-Community-of-Home/

 

I'm done with this thread now. I understand that it's not for everybody but this

is highly disappointing...

 

craig

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Dear Craig,

Thanks for your thoughts and for the information. I understand how close this

issue is to your heart, and that waiting is difficult.

Love, Sandra

 

, " phoenix.ing9 "

<phoenix.ing9 wrote:

>

> Chrism, please forgive me if this is not the right thing to do...I wanted to

say that this is not just my idea that sprung up out of the blue. has

thought about it too. And if anyone is interested they can join his sister group

and we can get the ball rolling more...

>

> Intentional-Kundalini-Community-of-Home/

>

> I'm done with this thread now. I understand that it's not for everybody but

this is highly disappointing...

>

> craig

>

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Secrecy

 

We all hold in how we truly feel most of the time anyway so, as I see it, no big

deal about Kundalini.

 

Actually it is inappropriate to express all of our feelings and beliefs anyway.

 

At work I can't just express all of my feelings with everyone, even if they ask.

The same is true with family, with friends, etc.

 

There are things that we don't tell our parents.

 

We go to parties, meetings, work and the store and hold back 90% of what is

going on inside. This is just how it is. Imagine if everyone expressed

everything they felt all of the time! What a mess it would be.

 

I understand the need to share how we feel but that is just not how it works

except with things like baseball, the weather, taxes, and few other things.

 

I don't want to get too hard edged about this but…We do live a life of secrecy.

If we are lucky we have a good friend or two that we can honestly share with.

 

 

 

Share here, it is good, we care

 

The monastery is in your heart

 

The " more intense practice " IS in society and how we interact with others and

how we balance our inner and outer lives

 

rich

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