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Difficulty to practise the forgiveness with my little son . :)

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At 05:37 PM 11/14/2008, you wrote:

This so important part of the

safeties i practise with

complication.There are a lot of cases in the family life when

everything turns to war.The more i try to control it the more

impossible see that everything is.I came to the conclusion that

maybe

the silence is the best pill for solving the insight family problems

 

but maybe not the enjoyble one.

When I first managed to do this it was beyond enjoyable - because I made

a game of it, and my goal was to get through a two-hour conversation with

my mother without having an argument.

When my son (age

2,5 year)is fine in

good stage of mind all is going ok,i will never treat him with anger

 

in the moment which he is obedient.But when he has hard time(i have it

 

some times so i understand it) and there is nessesity to complete some

 

daily tack it is impossible to make him did it.There are days that i

 

decide to be as good as it is possible,but it seems like that he knows

 

where the border is.If i don't alterate my voice he never change his

 

action.I know that this educative question is timeless story but is

not bad to take some other opinion here!Thank you all and

blessings!

I actually know a guy who wrote a book on the topic of controlling

others. " Controlling Others for Love and Profit " by James

Roswell Quinn ( " If you believe that, then you better wake up.

Controlling others is not the solution - It is the problem. " ). The

bottom line is that controlling others doesn't work. I think it was

Benjamin Franklin who first said " Definition of insanity: Always

doing the same thing and expecting different results " .

The alternative is not to allow yourself to be walked upon. It's not to

allow a child to endanger himself. The solution is to be proactive, to

think through your response rather than to unconsciously react. That you

know there is a danger is the first step. I highly recommend Ross's books

and classes, and I also recommend PET (Parent Effectiveness Training). I

am sure there are other classes and techniques out there - I recommend

you take the classes rather than just read the books, no matter what you

choose, because it all sinks in deeper when that is your sole focus for a

few days. You can Google Quinn and PET there are other parenting and

personal growth classes that could be helpful to you.

Brandi

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" Spare the rod and spoil the child. "

 

The " rod " can be many things a raised voice or a swat on the bottom

but it must be applied as he earns it that he may develop the

understandings that will serve him well in his later life.

 

Discipline is needed in life in order to function well with others

in a society. So the rules of your society will govern the

disciplinary teachings that are needed to help him succeed in his

social considerations and personal ability to set a goal and

accomplish it. Or get along with others.

 

It is difficult inside of the teaching process this is true! But as

he must learn to dress himself for protection and social acceptance

so too must he learn to clothe his attitudes and actions that he may

be able to learn the various dynamics that come with being a part of

his society.

 

Not saying that hitting is always the answer. There are many ways to

get the point across but it must be backed up with resolve and

repeated action so that it can become ingrained in the child's

mental and emotional bodies. Given with love and consideration he

will have a much better start than those allowed to do as they

please to whomever they please. - my take - chrism

 

Kundalini-Awakening-Systems-

1 , " asen_perperov " <asen_perperov wrote:

>

i try to control it the more

> impossible see that everything is.

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mum with 5 kids advice ages 3,5,7, 11 & 12

 

" Spare the rod and spoil the child. "

my mother believed in this saying ,

It created nothing but extreme rebellion in me. I see smacking and

hitting as lazy parenting.

 

What works is listening to the child. Giving them the right to their

own minds as long as it wont hurt them.

 

For example my 3 year old girl is stroppy to wear her clothes.

So we let her think she is choosing, we put 3 outfits in front of her

and ask her what do you want to wear today. She chooses one ,and

because she chose it she wears it happily.Food the same issue,

present choices and let them chose.

 

Reward positive behavior , ignore negative behavior...kids only

produce negative behavior for attention , don't be their audience for

this and the behavior stops.

 

Using this method , keeps communication channels open when they are

older.My oldest son tells me everything he thinks, even the naughty

jokes that went on at school. When they have a problem they ask me

openly even if it's a question that is a bit dodgy. Our home is quite

open and I answer their questions honestly.

 

My brother -in -law has the smacking attitude. I see his children

have very little independence of thought or action.The boy of ten his

mother put on his jacket and ties his shoes for him , will she still

be doing this when he is an adult?

If you talk to them they have a fearful look that an adult is

talking to them.

 

A little freedom and choice goes a long way.

 

(Our main issue at home right now, is the boys visiting the crazy

bones stock market :)...I'm trying to teach them to deal fairly and

not make take an unfair trade that will take advantage of another

kid.Trying to teach them

to look for the win win situation in their trading..a lesson learned

in the playground that will continue into adulthood I think)

 

Paula..

 

 

, " chrism "

<> wrote:

>

>

>

> The " rod " can be many things a raised voice or a swat on the bottom

> but it must be applied as he earns it that he may develop the

> understandings that will serve him well in his later life.

>

> Discipline is needed in life in order to function well with others

> in a society. So the rules of your society will govern the

> disciplinary teachings that are needed to help him succeed in his

> social considerations and personal ability to set a goal and

> accomplish it. Or get along with others.

>

> It is difficult inside of the teaching process this is true! But as

> he must learn to dress himself for protection and social acceptance

> so too must he learn to clothe his attitudes and actions that he

may

> be able to learn the various dynamics that come with being a part

of

> his society.

>

> Not saying that hitting is always the answer. There are many ways

to

> get the point across but it must be backed up with resolve and

> repeated action so that it can become ingrained in the child's

> mental and emotional bodies. Given with love and consideration he

> will have a much better start than those allowed to do as they

> please to whomever they please. - my take - chrism

>

> Kundalini-Awakening-Systems-

> 1 , " asen_perperov " <asen_perperov@> wrote:

> >

> i try to control it the more

> > impossible see that everything is.

>

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When I first managed to do this it was beyond enjoyable - because I

made a game of it, and my goal was to get through a two-hour

conversation with my mother without having an argument. Brandi

 

My g-d Brandi either your a saint or a martyr..

when my mum was alive that would have been 2 hours of me being non-stop

criticized by her..

 

got quite amusing what she found to criticize sometimes..

once I got an endless drone for growing daffodils..and how daffodils

just were not good enough lol

 

Oh and her classic.. My Dear, why don't you wear a pretty dress..

that one makes my eye twitchy still...

 

Paula ..

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Interesting point of view!I´ll try it,also important because if you

leave them today maybe the live tommorow will not leave their mistakes

unpunishable.So be disciplinate is important in every aspect,but we

must achieve this in positive way as it is possible....

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From: asen_perperovDate: Sat, 15 Nov 2008 15:44:43 +0000 Re: Difficulty to practise the forgiveness with my little son . :)

 

 

 

Interesting point of view!I´ll try it,also important because if you leave them today maybe the live tommorow will not leave their mistakes unpunishable.So be disciplinate is important in every aspect,but we must achieve this in positive way as it is possible.... See how Windows® connects the people, information, and fun that are part of your life Click here

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I find in our house we talk a lot, so our kids learn what we think is

a good example of living this way. We sit around free chatting about

everything. I learn as much from my kids views as they learn from me.

Only yesterday Ari taught me to cure horses legs with chestnut

paste :)..our kids are involved in the household decisions we make.

Everyone has a responsibility to fulfill their share.From friends and

relatives im always getting compliments on how good my children are

but this is all their achievement.We just allowed them the space to

be themselves.

 

Paula..

 

 

 

 

 

, " asen_perperov "

<asen_perperov wrote:

>

> Interesting point of view!I´ll try it,also important because if you

> leave them today maybe the live tommorow will not leave their

mistakes

> unpunishable.So be disciplinate is important in every aspect,but we

> must achieve this in positive way as it is possible....

>

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Hi Asen,

( ate the other message before I even began!)

 

OK Sorry to say I don't have the credentials that our sister Paula has with a wee three year old at home right now (lucky!) my daughters are in their late teens.

 

But my prayers with parents are longstanding overall. Lots of blessings to you through working the Safeties. God gave me a nice release of judgi-ness regarding choices my eldest daughter made and now we get along with a lot of affection and respect.

 

When I heard for the first time from my Reiki master that I chose my parents I was surprised. I was stuck on conflicts stemming from having been born into a marriage with severe problems. With a little spiritual time and the Kundalini infusion I came to understand the truth to that. I believe your son is with you for your good and looks like there's a lot of good to come with the K in your life. How great is that blessing for both of you.

 

since you might be looking at a class or reading material... I could suggest Deepak Chopras..7 Spiritual Laws for Parents (or a title that sounds like that) available on CD probably book too. Up to you. What I like is that he and his wife were really together on how they approached parenting from birth or early childhood through adolescence. Get 5 GB of storage with Windows Live Hotmail. Sign up today.

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Hi Asen,

It certainly can be difficult not to raise your voice sometimes with

the little ones. I have a two year old at home, he is great but when

he's angry....well he doesn't hold back his feelings like us adults.

 

I have found the k to be a great source of help with the raising of my

child. If you have any sort of a way to communicate with your k or

your intuitive part then ask for guidance as much as possible. Its

best to do this in a calm state of mind, not in the middle of a

battle. I have used this to make so many decisions about how I handle

my child it has actually been a really important catalyst in

developing my guidance in everyday life.

Like Paula said, presenting them with a little bit of choice can be

really helpful, and lots of praise or a reward when they do something

well really helps create the behaviour that you want. Also think

before you get into a battle of wills 'Is this really so important?'

and back off before it escalates if reasonable.

I wouldn't advise smacking as it only makes you feel bad, yelling

doesn't really work either, it just teaches them to yell back at you.

I was yelled at and beaten in my childhood and it just made all of us

kids very rebellious against our parents, and all of society. It has

made it much harder for me to control myself when I deal with my own

children.

It's can certainly be one of the hardest things to do in life, and I

don't think anything can really prepare you for the challenge. But

remember there are millions of other families having the exact same

battles as you are, including me!

 

Good luck and wishing you all the patience you can conjure

Ana

 

 

-- In , " asen_perperov "

<asen_perperov wrote:

>

and there is nessesity to complete some

> daily tack it is impossible to make him did it.There are days that i

> decide to be as good as it is possible,but it seems like that he

knows

> where the border is.If i don't alterate my voice he never change his

> action.I know that this educative question is timeless story but is

> not bad to take some other opinion here!Thank you all and blessings!

>

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Hello Asen,

I have a very precocious soon to be 4 year old. She is an angel 99% of the time, but that 1% can be trying, LOL! What I have done with her since she was able to understand is offer her choices. I let her choose her course, but I lay out what the consequences are in each case and, more importantly, I stick to it. I don't believe in spanking and I try not to raise my voice (doesn't always work). I have found that when the choices and consequences are laid out, 99% of the time she makes the right choice.

It's not easy being a parent, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Sarita

> > Kundalini-Awakening-Systems-> 1 , "asen_perperov" asen_perperov@ wrote:> >> i try to control it the more impossible see that everything is.>

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At 08:29 AM 11/15/2008, you wrote:

When I first managed to do this

it was beyond enjoyable - because I

made a game of it, and my goal was to get through a two-hour

conversation with my mother without having an argument. Brandi

My g-d Brandi either your a saint or a martyr..

Not either, not by a long shot. I just finally decided it was no

longer important to get into those battles. I wasn't going to change her

mind. She was never going to hear what I had to say. Having some peace

was more important than having my say. A wise mentor of mine asked a

question ... " Would you rather be right or happy? " and that put

it in perspective for me <g> ... now the first time I tried it I

failed miserably. The first words out of her mouth (before

" Hello " , I swear it) was that gay marriage would be the end of

Western Civilization. My best friends are a gay couple and she knows how

I feel about that. So we were off to the races. So I called up one of my

mentors and asked her how do I respond when confronted with something

that stupid? She said " Just say okay. "

I was floored .. but then she explained " Ok " doesn't mean

" you're right " or that I agree. It means " I hear

you " . I understand what you are telling me. You can't argue with

" Okay " for very long (laugh). I do still have the occasional

argument with her, but mostly they have lost the sting. When I have

managed to do that, it feels so good, it doesn't matter what they said or

thought. Knowing I can have that kind of control, that I can decide how

to react, feels better than anything they can dish out.

when my mum was

alive that would have been 2 hours of me being non-stop

criticized by her..

Laugh ... my mother has Virgo Rising. I can relate.

got quite amusing

what she found to criticize sometimes..

once I got an endless drone for growing daffodils..and how daffodils

 

just were not good enough lol

Oh and her classic.. My Dear, why don't you wear a pretty dress..

that one makes my eye twitchy still...

Caroline Myss says something about criticism I find helpful ... she

points out that in tribal thinking, the highest expression of love is

tribal loyalty. If a tribal person sees you stepping outside of the

tribe, becoming conscious, they may criticize you to weaken you, to keep

you with the tribe. Looked at that way, criticism is a function of love.

 

Brandi

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At 07:54 AM 11/15/2008, you wrote:

For example my 3 year old girl

is stroppy to wear her clothes.

So we let her think she is choosing, we put 3 outfits in front of her

 

and ask her what do you want to wear today. She chooses one ,and

because she chose it she wears it happily.Food the same issue,

present choices and let them chose.

That is such an awesome technique, it works on adults too <g> ... I

use it on difficult clients at work.

Brandi

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Caroline Myss says something about criticism I find helpful ... she

points out that in tribal thinking, the highest expression of love is

tribal loyalty. If a tribal person sees you stepping outside of the

tribe, becoming conscious, they may criticize you to weaken you, to

keep you with the tribe. Looked at that way, criticism is a function of

love. Brandi

 

Looking on the flipside of the coin, because you know it's coming from

a love base , You Do sit there and *take it*.Whom else but the mother

could a person withstand such a lesson from :)

 

A mother's lessons can act like Carlos Castaneda's petite tyrant, and

dissolve the ego :)

 

Paula..

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That is exactly what happen...:)But what to do is the same cicle.I

will ask kundalini ,let me see what She will tell about it:)Thanks!

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At 03:03 AM 11/16/2008, you wrote:

Looking on the flipside of the

coin, because you know it's coming from

a love base , You Do sit there and *take it*.Whom else but the mother

 

could a person withstand such a lesson from :)

A mother's lessons can act like Carlos Castaneda's petite tyrant, and

 

dissolve the ego :)

Where I come from, it's not about " taking it " , because it just

doesn't get in. It's just words. I didn't feel I was " taking

it " during my experience with my mother because what she said really

didn't stick to me. Same with another, far more challenging experience

.... when I was actually verbally attacked and abused in a situation I

could not escape from ... for about 6 hours or so. During that

experience, it was horrible. I was in tears, it felt horrible, I

developed a migraine and may have had a very minor stroke. Half my body

went numb, but I was so terrified of this person I did not say anything.

I was more afraid of this person than I was of the medical situation,

which should give everyone an idea how awful it was. There was nothing I

could do but " take it " because if I made any attempt to defend

myself, it only got worse.

When I got home, and was finally safe, I sat down and had a mental review

as is my normal reaction to something like this. I was bullied almost

continually through my school life. Back then, people told me things like

" You're too sensitive " and " It's about them, not

you " . These things had always sort of made some sense to me, but

they had never truly hit me. I was replaying the events in my mind and I

realized that what was really said was not that I was all the awful

things I was accused of ... these things were merely reflections of how

this person felt about himself. He felt alone, bitter, angry, that he had

no friends, that he was worthless and unlovable and he saw me as just one

in a string of false friends who were actually enemies. Yet I knew I had

been a true and loyal friend all along. For the first time in my life,

" It's about them, not you " truly meant something to me, and in

that moment of recognition, all my fear and sadness disappeared, and I

went into a joy, a bliss, so profound, to this day I say it is the best

day of my life. I later told my LifeStream mentor " I just went

through the most hideous experience of my life, and it was AWESOME! "

What made it so cool was that I realized that never again would anyone

control me with hate the way he had. That feels powerful.

Later, I went to one of Bijan's classes and he talked about how people

volunteer to play roles in our lives, that they love us so much that they

agree to be our abusers so we can learn specific lessons. I thought that

was baloney, still kind of do <g> ... but it triggered an insight.

This fellow had sacrificed one of his best friends and I ended up with a

life-changing power lesson that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

That insight brought on a wave of love and gratitude for him that was

profoundly healing for me. It doesn't matter whether it was part of a

karmic agreement or just an accident of life that we ended up together,

his abuse had been a powerful gift in the end. Do I want him back in my

life so I can tell him so? (laugh) Heck NO. I've had enough abuse, thank

you.

There are times when I feel it is important to stand up and say

something. It's just when I do that now, I weigh the pros and cons, I

decide how much emotional energy I am going to put into it and the

likelihood I will be effective with the argument. If I feel I will get

too emotionally invested, or that there is no argument I can make to

change the other person's mind, I let them have their say and walk away.

If there are other parties involved and I may reach one of them instead,

then I may speak out. I've done that in discussion groups. Knowing I

cannot reach someone, I may challenge them anyway, because I know that

out there someone is sitting on the fence and I could have an impact

there.

There are also times when you absolutely have to stand up for yourself.

You shouldn't " take it " if doing that does not leave you

feeling empowered. A key question to ask is " Which course of action

feels more powerful to me? " ... I find applying that makes my course

of action clear every time. Different situations call for a different

response.

Brandi

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Powerful story ,vanquishing fear.

enjoyed this immensely Brandi..

 

Once the fear barrier drops it doesn't return.

 

Do you ever find yourself wanting fear back?

For example the stock market is nuts, the pound has started

crashing, there's depleted uranium circling the Earth poisoning us all

and I don't feel fear. I should feel fear, but It's gone...

 

appreciate your insights..

paula don quixote :)

 

 

 

, Brandi Jasmine

<jazztalk wrote:

>

> At 03:03 AM 11/16/2008, you wrote:

> >Looking on the flipside of the coin, because you know it's coming

from

> >a love base , You Do sit there and *take it*.Whom else but the

mother

> >could a person withstand such a lesson from :)

> >

> >A mother's lessons can act like Carlos Castaneda's petite tyrant,

and

> >dissolve the ego :)

>

> Where I come from, it's not about " taking it " , because it just

doesn't get in. It's just words. I didn't feel I was " taking it "

during my experience with my mother because what she said really

didn't stick to me. Same with another, far more challenging

experience ... when I was actually verbally attacked and abused in a

situation I could not escape from ... for about 6 hours or so. During

that experience, it was horrible. I was in tears, it felt horrible, I

developed a migraine and may have had a very minor stroke. Half my

body went numb, but I was so terrified of this person I did not say

anything. I was more afraid of this person than I was of the medical

situation, which should give everyone an idea how awful it was. There

was nothing I could do but " take it " because if I made any attempt to

defend myself, it only got worse.

>

> When I got home, and was finally safe, I sat down and had a mental

review as is my normal reaction to something like this. I was bullied

almost continually through my school life. Back then, people told me

things like " You're too sensitive " and " It's about them, not you " .

These things had always sort of made some sense to me, but they had

never truly hit me. I was replaying the events in my mind and I

realized that what was really said was not that I was all the awful

things I was accused of ... these things were merely reflections of

how this person felt about himself. He felt alone, bitter, angry,

that he had no friends, that he was worthless and unlovable and he

saw me as just one in a string of false friends who were actually

enemies. Yet I knew I had been a true and loyal friend all along. For

the first time in my life, " It's about them, not you " truly meant

something to me, and in that moment of recognition, all my fear and

sadness disappeared, and I went into a joy, a bliss, so profound, to

this day I say it is the best day of my life. I later told my

LifeStream mentor " I just went through the most hideous experience of

my life, and it was AWESOME! " What made it so cool was that I

realized that never again would anyone control me with hate the way

he had. That feels powerful.

>

> Later, I went to one of Bijan's classes and he talked about how

people volunteer to play roles in our lives, that they love us so

much that they agree to be our abusers so we can learn specific

lessons. I thought that was baloney, still kind of do <g> ... but it

triggered an insight. This fellow had sacrificed one of his best

friends and I ended up with a life-changing power lesson that I will

treasure for the rest of my life. That insight brought on a wave of

love and gratitude for him that was profoundly healing for me. It

doesn't matter whether it was part of a karmic agreement or just an

accident of life that we ended up together, his abuse had been a

powerful gift in the end. Do I want him back in my life so I can tell

him so? (laugh) Heck NO. I've had enough abuse, thank you.

>

> There are times when I feel it is important to stand up and say

something. It's just when I do that now, I weigh the pros and cons, I

decide how much emotional energy I am going to put into it and the

likelihood I will be effective with the argument. If I feel I will

get too emotionally invested, or that there is no argument I can make

to change the other person's mind, I let them have their say and walk

away. If there are other parties involved and I may reach one of them

instead, then I may speak out. I've done that in discussion groups.

Knowing I cannot reach someone, I may challenge them anyway, because

I know that out there someone is sitting on the fence and I could

have an impact there.

>

> There are also times when you absolutely have to stand up for

yourself. You shouldn't " take it " if doing that does not leave you

feeling empowered. A key question to ask is " Which course of action

feels more powerful to me? " ... I find applying that makes my course

of action clear every time. Different situations call for a different

response.

>

> Brandi

>

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Sorry Paula,but i have to digress with this.Criticism will kill you

if you let it and i should know this better than anyone else because

i have taken it from both my parents and i finally stood up to them

as an adult.It's all about choice and i hope you don't like it when

someone uses their will on you by simply wanting you to do what they

say or the highway even if that is your mother.This is your life,your

choices and not her's.The person who uses someone to bring them down

or make them do what they themselves think that it's the right thing

for you are only projecting their wishes and expectations on the

other person and it often comes with strings attached and it will

affect that person life forever because they'll always think about

what such and such will think about rather than doing something

because it feels right.In the end you don't know if the other

person's criticism comes from love even if she's your mother.We are

all put here to teach people lessons and to make them think for

themselves and so that one day they will not need anyone's approval.

 

love,nicole

 

, " alayafire "

<ari.reza wrote:

>

> Caroline Myss says something about criticism I find helpful ... she

> points out that in tribal thinking, the highest expression of love

is

> tribal loyalty. If a tribal person sees you stepping outside of the

> tribe, becoming conscious, they may criticize you to weaken you, to

> keep you with the tribe. Looked at that way, criticism is a

function of

> love. Brandi

>

> Looking on the flipside of the coin, because you know it's coming

from

> a love base , You Do sit there and *take it*.Whom else but the

mother

> could a person withstand such a lesson from :)

>

> A mother's lessons can act like Carlos Castaneda's petite tyrant,

and

> dissolve the ego :)

>

> Paula..

>

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Hi Nicole , cool to investigate what we think..

 

From my perspective as a mother it is something I would find

abhorrent, it is the hugest abuse and criminal. I personally would

never consciously abuse another , I could never act as the petite

tyrant ,ever. As a mother I desire to allow my children to grow into

what they desire to be and not what I desire them to be.

 

When I wrote this I wrote it from the perspective of the abused

daughter. I was mentally and physically abused by my mother even

until the day of her death! I like Brandi discovered that at some

point when you hit your weakest, when you are being abused that you

find yourself.Fear is vanquished and you find a path out.

 

I still have feelings of being less than everyone.

And that I'm unlovable and I overly guard my heart taking a long time

to trust but im working on it.My heart is eventually thawing

from the abuse of my mother ,brothers and sisters.

 

I wanted to take my negative experiences, and see what I had learned

from them that was positive, this way I can forgive, and grow.

 

love paula

 

 

 

, " ntaroiu "

<lsirca wrote:

>

> Sorry Paula,but i have to digress with this.Criticism will kill

you

> if you let it and i should know this better than anyone else

because

> i have taken it from both my parents and i finally stood up to them

> as an adult.It's all about choice and i hope you don't like it when

> someone uses their will on you by simply wanting you to do what

they

> say or the highway even if that is your mother.This is your

life,your

> choices and not her's.The person who uses someone to bring them

down

> or make them do what they themselves think that it's the right

thing

> for you are only projecting their wishes and expectations on the

> other person and it often comes with strings attached and it will

> affect that person life forever because they'll always think about

> what such and such will think about rather than doing something

> because it feels right.In the end you don't know if the other

> person's criticism comes from love even if she's your mother.We are

> all put here to teach people lessons and to make them think for

> themselves and so that one day they will not need anyone's approval.

>

> love,nicole

>

> , " alayafire "

> <ari.reza@> wrote:

> >

> > Caroline Myss says something about criticism I find helpful ...

she

> > points out that in tribal thinking, the highest expression of

love

> is

> > tribal loyalty. If a tribal person sees you stepping outside of

the

> > tribe, becoming conscious, they may criticize you to weaken you,

to

> > keep you with the tribe. Looked at that way, criticism is a

> function of

> > love. Brandi

> >

> > Looking on the flipside of the coin, because you know it's coming

> from

> > a love base , You Do sit there and *take it*.Whom else but the

> mother

> > could a person withstand such a lesson from :)

> >

> > A mother's lessons can act like Carlos Castaneda's petite tyrant,

> and

> > dissolve the ego :)

> >

> > Paula..

> >

>

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