Pain the chest and wrists

[Guest guest]

Hello group,

Last night I had an experience that I believe has broken an old,

unhealthy behavior pattern. I think it has something to do with

expectations. I was having a enjoyable evening with my boyfriend when

suddently, my attitude completely shifted. It happened when I asked

him something and he had nothing to say. For some reason I took this

personally and completely shut down emotionally. Looking back, this

has been a pattern for me with boyfriends in the past, and also with

my mother. I don't know if it's a defense of some kind or what. Not

only do I shut down emotionally, but I feel an intense " pain " in my

chest and wrists. I put pain in quotes because its almost like a part

of me likes to feel this. It's odd. It feels like I completely cut

off the flow of loving energy. My thoughts also become depressed and

self destructive, which I hadn't had in quite some time. Eventually,

I was able to explain my self and I cried and laughed and cried again.

Its like I was reliving all the times I had experienced this in the

past. I felt many emotions within a small amout of time. I could feel

the icky energy leaving and was tired after this whole process. I

recognize that its an unhealthy behavior for me and anyone around. I

believe all the crying and laughing has broken the chain, and I feel

relieved.

Just thought I would share. Have a beautiful weekend everyone!

 

Peace and love,

 

Jessica

[Guest guest]

Yes Jessica you have broken the chain! -blessings and a wonderful weekend to you

as well -

 

 

 

 

Everyone is raving about the all-new Mail beta.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Ohhh Jessica - I so know what you're talking about. Shutting down

emotionally.....depressed and self-destructive, though I'm afraid I

become " other " destructive which is self-destructive all the same.

I'm paying attention in this group - listening more than talking -

and awkwardly, for now, practicing the " Safeties " , meditating more;

but the beauty of it is it's doable. A life-long curse will be

dispelled.

What an honor to be here.

 

-richard O

 

 

, " Jessica "

<jdehne88 wrote:

>

> Hello group,

> Last night I had an experience that I believe has broken an

old,

> unhealthy behavior pattern. I think it has something to do with

> expectations. I was having a enjoyable evening with my boyfriend

when

> suddently, my attitude completely shifted. It happened when I

asked

> him something and he had nothing to say. For some reason I took

this

> personally and completely shut down emotionally. Looking back,

this

> has been a pattern for me with boyfriends in the past, and also

with

> my mother. I don't know if it's a defense of some kind or what.

Not

> only do I shut down emotionally, but I feel an intense " pain " in my

> chest and wrists. I put pain in quotes because its almost like a

part

> of me likes to feel this. It's odd. It feels like I completely

cut

> off the flow of loving energy. My thoughts also become depressed

and

> self destructive, which I hadn't had in quite some time.

Eventually,

> I was able to explain my self and I cried and laughed and cried

again.

> Its like I was reliving all the times I had experienced this in

the

> past. I felt many emotions within a small amout of time. I could

feel

> the icky energy leaving and was tired after this whole process. I

> recognize that its an unhealthy behavior for me and anyone

around. I

> believe all the crying and laughing has broken the chain, and I

feel

> relieved.

> Just thought I would share. Have a beautiful weekend everyone!

>

> Peace and love,

>

> Jessica

>