Bubba Claus

[Guest guest]

TO: All Concerned

Santa Claus

 

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve

the States of Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana,

Mississippi, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas and

Virginia on Christmas Eve.

 

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was

renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the

new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so

keep that in mind.

 

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your

local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side

of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys

to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between

us.

 

Differences such as:

 

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.

 

He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: " These toys

insured by Smith and Wesson. "

 

 

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC

cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.

 

And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please

have an empty spit can handy.

 

 

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead

of reindeer.

 

I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and

Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

 

 

4. You won't hear " On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.. " when Bubba

Claus arrives.

 

Instead, you'll hear, " On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty. "

 

 

5. " Ho, Ho, Ho! " has been replaced by " Yee! Haw! "

 

And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, " I her'd dat! "

 

 

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have

Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off. "

 

 

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as " Miracle on 34th Street " and

" It's a Wonderful Life " will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.

 

Instead, you'll see " Boss Hogg Saves Christmas " and " Smokey and the Bandit

IV " featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus with dozens of state patrol cars

crashing into each other.

 

 

And Finally,

 

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt.

 

If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way

when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

 

Sincerely Yours,

 

Santa Claus

 

 

jan s

www.sweetprairiesoap.com

jans

e-mail for paypal

 

 

[Guest guest]

Phew, I guess we fall under the old contract here in Michigan. I just love

Miracle on 34th street and a butt crack is not what I want to see on Santa. LOL

MAKE A HAPPY MEMORY EVERY DAY:

Evelyn

Alternasense Skin Design Products

www.alternasense.com

-

Jan Schmidt

Friday, December 05, 2003 2:30 AM

Bubba Claus

 

 

TO: All Concerned

Santa Claus

 

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve

the States of Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana,

Mississippi, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas and

Virginia on Christmas Eve.

 

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was

renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the

new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so

keep that in mind.

 

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your

local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side

of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys

to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between

us.

 

Differences such as:

 

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.

 

He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: " These toys

insured by Smith and Wesson. "

 

 

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC

cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.

 

And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please

have an empty spit can handy.

 

 

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead

of reindeer.

 

I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and

Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

 

 

4. You won't hear " On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.. " when Bubba

Claus arrives.

 

Instead, you'll hear, " On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty. "

 

 

5. " Ho, Ho, Ho! " has been replaced by " Yee! Haw! "

 

And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, " I her'd dat! "

 

 

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have

Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off. "

 

 

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as " Miracle on 34th Street " and

" It's a Wonderful Life " will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.

 

Instead, you'll see " Boss Hogg Saves Christmas " and " Smokey and the Bandit

IV " featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus with dozens of state patrol cars

crashing into each other.

 

 

And Finally,

 

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt.

 

If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way

when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

 

Sincerely Yours,

 

Santa Claus

 

 

jan s

www.sweetprairiesoap.com

jans

e-mail for paypal