How do I resolve the anger of losing my daughter?

[Guest guest]

She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital so

we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok to

go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone. It

was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am so

angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course I

know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be logical.

I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been able

to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go through.

I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I can

be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore. There

is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not let

things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold on

me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily and

get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

to stop them now. I have no peace.

 

I will add some background information as to what my life is like

right now.

I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I was

strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off subject. I

have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability although I

can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a very

poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

 

Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do to

help myself move on?

[Guest guest]

I can't help with the grief and those that say time heals - well....

not that much in my case either....

 

I can offer empathy and sympathy

 

 

however I will say get a lawyer about the disabillity

 

lucile

 

:

> She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer.

[Guest guest]

hi

if you pray you  must believe in god as i do i had the same dilemma i lost my

wife in a fire in which i was also hurt [burned] i was suicidal and suffered

from sever depression both me and Ann were Riki teachers plus we had a wide

range of interests many of the people we helped relied on us so

 i had to put my emotions on the back burner and carry on

when i was meditating one evening i herd the words <i took everything away from

you to give you everything > i have found these words to be true i have traveled

to many country's and have helped many which i could not have done had ann been

with me

so take hart my friend and trust in god this plan always works

 

love peace and joy

leon

 

--- On Thu, 2/5/09, wsearcher <wsearcher wrote:

 

wsearcher <wsearcher

How do I resolve the anger of losing my daughter?

 

Thursday, February 5, 2009, 11:28 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital so

we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok to

go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone. It

was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am so

angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course I

know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be logical.

I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been able

to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go through.

I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I can

be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore. There

is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not let

things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold on

me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily and

get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

to stop them now. I have no peace.

 

I will add some background information as to what my life is like

right now.

I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I was

strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off subject. I

have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability although I

can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a very

poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

 

Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do to

help myself move on?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

---

I can not tell you what to do, nor would it be wise. However, I will

tell you what I have done over the years after my baby son passed.

 

First of all, which was one of the hardest (believe me!!!) I gave

all but an outfit of my young son to the needy. There were plenty

around as I was living in Central America at the time. I thought

that my son would have approved as he had a very sensitive spirit.

Secondly, I treated it as a long vacation -with a change of address.

I believe we will meet up again someday. Yes, I still miss him, and

thought that life could not ever present me with a more difficult

challenge, however, I found that not to be true at all! Life did

hand me several more curve balls that, without going into detail,

unbeknownst to me at the time, had I known what was coming, who

knows what route I might have tried to change. I also suffer from

lack of focus and memory (much stress in my life).

 

Anyway, my prayers are with you. God does know you are there, and He

loves you. It takes time and forgiveness,(to God)but you don't know

how things could have been worsened by some other event.

Take care, Mary

 

 

 

In , " wsearcher " <wsearcher

wrote:

>

> She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

> spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived

for

> three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital

so

> we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

> having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok

to

> go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was

gone. It

> was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so

brave

> right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with

her

> cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am

so

> angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

> circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of

course I

> know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be

logical.

> I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been

able

> to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go

through.

> I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I

can

> be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

> like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore.

There

> is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

> family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

> mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not

let

> things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a

hold on

> me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily

and

> get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have

learned

> to stop them now. I have no peace.

>

> I will add some background information as to what my life is like

> right now.

> I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

> 2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I

was

> strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for

more

> that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off

subject. I

> have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

> surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability

although I

> can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

> arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a

very

> poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

>

> Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do

to

> help myself move on?

>

[Guest guest]

My dear wsearcher,

I am equally concerned with what you have undergone.I also underwent similar

situation when I lost my grandson of18 years when he was killed by an accident,I

think almost every one in this world undergoes some kind of grief. which creates

an impact on our minds.We have to face the challenges/problems/angers in life.

We may try to forget the past/bad dreams by accepting what had been and face the

future with fortitude.

This can be achieved by developing or creating inner peace of mind. May I

mention some of the steps which have helped me and restored my health,happiness

and peace.

 

We must have total faith and focus on God, the supreme authority of creation and

operation. We must surrender to Him with love and devotion. Accept what He gives

or takes away.

Daily and regularly remember Him,thank Him,chant His name and hear/read the

scriptures.

He,in return blesses us with peace and happiness,since He is bountiful.

May I also suggest you to read a small book on 'Inner Peace' by sri sri

Paramhansa Yogananda, UBS publishers, ISBN: 978-81-89955-10-6. It is very cheap.

Also if possible, base your lifestyle on 'Yoga' concepts of body and mind

It you have sometime you may have a look at my website www.happinessoflife.com

 

I AM THAT

HARI

 

--- On Thu, 2/5/09, wsearcher <wsearcher wrote:

 

wsearcher <wsearcher

How do I resolve the anger of losing my daughter?

 

Thursday, February 5, 2009, 11:28 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital so

we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok to

go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone. It

was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am so

angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course I

know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be logical.

I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been able

to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go through.

I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I can

be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore. There

is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not let

things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold on

me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily and

get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

to stop them now. I have no peace.

 

I will add some background information as to what my life is like

right now.

I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I was

strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off subject. I

have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability although I

can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a very

poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

 

Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do to

help myself move on?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi,

 

Dissatisfaction is the first stage of Yoga i.e. Union with God. Keep treading

the path of spirituality.

 

As far as as the personal problems go, the first step is to accept the

situation.

 

Pray yourself. The Pope and Prayer Circles pray themselves. Have Faith. Keep

your head high, heart humble and surrender to God.

 

love

 

Vik

 

 

 

 

________________________________

wsearcher <wsearcher

 

Thursday, February 5, 2009 11:28:03 AM

How do I resolve the anger of losing my daughter?

 

 

She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital so

we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok to

go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone. It

was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am so

angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course I

know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be logical.

I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been able

to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go through.

I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I can

be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore. There

is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not let

things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold on

me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily and

get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

to stop them now. I have no peace.

 

I will add some background information as to what my life is like

right now.

I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I was

strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off subject. I

have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability although I

can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a very

poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

 

Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do to

help myself move on?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

--- what a story but dealing with your child first ...

are you aware that your child lives on the other side of life

you can converse with her and send your thoughts too

and if you enquire with meditation or a good medium or a good

spiritualist church ,,,these can provide you with a lot of comfort

and healing ,and in time the sure knowledge that your child survives

 

plese realy look into this side of life or this aspect .....

 

thankfully we have thousands of experiences with the so called dead

and you will find there is no such thing.....

 

while you are looking into life after death you will find many

spiritualist churchs offer spiritual healing

you are stongly advised to have some and your husband

look into spiritual healing//reiki it can help you greatly

 

one final point make sure you do not add to your karmic account in a

negative way

ie be helpful to others

phill In , " wsearcher "

<wsearcher wrote:

>

> She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

> spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

> three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital

so

> we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

> having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok

to

> go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone.

It

> was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

> right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

> cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am

so

> angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

> circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course

I

> know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be

logical.

> I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been

able

> to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go

through.

> I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I

can

> be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

> like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore.

There

> is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

> family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

> mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not

let

> things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold

on

> me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily

and

> get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

> to stop them now. I have no peace.

>

> I will add some background information as to what my life is like

> right now.

> I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

> 2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I

was

> strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

> that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off

subject. I

> have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

> surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability

although I

> can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

> arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a

very

> poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

>

> Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do

to

> help myself move on?

>

[Guest guest]

God bless you for reaching out to our group. You are in good hands! The two

things that I want to say is that, you can join a race for supporting AN

ALTERNATIVE CURE for breast cancer. The cures are here already, they are just

not being supported or even known about by the majority of our population. We

need more advocates to help support more publicity for breast cancer PREVENTION,

and making women aware that if and when they are diagnosed, to look to

alternative cures first.

 

The second thing is, YOU. The loss of your child is so traumatic that it will

actually put you at risk for some serious health issues. Our bodies react to

this trauma and our immune system becomes disrupted. Your daughter is always

near you, just right on the other side. You will feel her presence. She will

support you in taking care of yourself, through a healthy, preventive diet.

Make it your lifes work to keep yourself healthy, learn all you can about

prevention, so you can help others. There are some good antioxidents you

should be taking. If you can not afford them, try to eat as much fresh fruits

and vegetables instead of cooked meats and processed foods. If you can start

your day with good nutritional support, you will be able to accept your grief,

and understand it will always be there but it won't consume you. Google natural

cures for cancer, and start educating yourself. It will empower you!!!

 

Warmly,

Rox G

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hello, my sweet friend!

I agree with that, God has the answer.

 

Oh, I'm so sorry your lovely daughter passed away to another place. My

sister and two uncles did the same, from cancer, all three. And my best

friend, also. My heart goes out to you, my dear friend.

I was

diagnosed in July '07 with invasive breast cancer. I was scared to do

what my family and friend did, since it ended their lives. So, I

decided to go natural, and forget everything else. God blessed that,

and healed me thru His plants and pure water and walking and prayer. My

story is at http://healingplan.synthasite.com...all free info, not

selling a thing.

God saved me at 28 years of age, when I called out

to Him, please, save me! With Him, I was able to face losing three

babies, too.  He is able to comfort us. God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble, Psalm 146:1....boy, He really is. I've

been abused by three perverse husbands.  Suicidal more times than I can

count. But oh joy, one day, I will see His loving face gazing right at

me. I can't wait. He is my Father, my Savior, and my Lord.  Once He

gets to know you, your life will never be the same.

 

Here's a link to the story of the love He has for you, it's so big and His arms

will be all around you.

 

 

 

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0085/0085_01.asp

 

 

 

Oh, I hope you will read it. He really, really loves you!!

 

Love,

 

Marilyn

 

--- On Thu, 2/5/09, Leon Hlawka <leonhlawka wrote:

Leon Hlawka <leonhlawka

Re: How do I resolve the anger of losing my

daughter?

 

Thursday, February 5, 2009, 5:31 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hi

 

if you pray you  must believe in god as i do i had the same dilemma i lost my

wife in a fire in which i was also hurt [burned] i was suicidal and suffered

from sever depression both me and Ann were Riki teachers plus we had a wide

range of interests many of the people we helped relied on us so

 

 i had to put my emotions on the back burner and carry on

 

when i was meditating one evening i herd the words <i took everything away from

you to give you everything > i have found these words to be true i have traveled

to many country's and have helped many which i could not have done had ann been

with me

 

so take hart my friend and trust in god this plan always works

 

 

 

love peace and joy

 

leon

 

 

 

--- On Thu, 2/5/09, wsearcher <wsearcher > wrote:

 

 

 

wsearcher <wsearcher >

 

How do I resolve the anger of losing my daughter?

 

 

 

Thursday, February 5, 2009, 11:28 AM

 

 

 

She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

 

spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

 

three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital so

 

we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

 

having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok to

 

go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone. It

 

was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

 

right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

 

cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am so

 

angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

 

circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course I

 

know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be logical.

 

I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been able

 

to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go through.

 

I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I can

 

be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

 

like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore. There

 

is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

 

family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

 

mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not let

 

things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold on

 

me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily and

 

get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

 

to stop them now. I have no peace.

 

 

 

I will add some background information as to what my life is like

 

right now.

 

I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

 

2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I was

 

strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

 

that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off subject. I

 

have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

 

surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability although I

 

can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

 

arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a very

 

poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

 

 

 

Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do to

 

help myself move on?

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I cannot heal the grief you feel for your daughter, but just this:

God Heals in His/Her own way. Healing is not the same as fixing. It may

include dying.

 

All the best,

 

Ien

[Guest guest]

My Dear wsearcher,

 

I do not post very often and after reading part of the following you

may see why.

 

I am a Pagan, actually Asatru, as in Norse (Viking) so my beliefs

don't follow the typical religious vein, but after seeing your post

in my email scanning I feel compelled to say a few words.

 

First thing: Time will heal that wound, nostly. There will always be

SOME hurt associated with the memory of her. IF you can replace the

hurt with thoughts/memories of the best of times you had with her,

eventually the only feelings associated with her will be of good

things. I know that will be hard. It took and still is taking much

effort in my own life for this.

 

Second thing: My Mother (As was her Mother before her) was a Witch.

No, I mean a full blown practicing Witch; the High Priestess of a

very large Coven in N. California (No not anything bad, nor a Devil-

Worshipper either as alot of people seem to think/claim) and one of

the greatest of the Montra's that she lived by was " You may not know

why, nor even in this life be able to tell or find out why BUT there

is a positive reason for EVERYTHING that happens to you. " She would

explain to others that if you sit down and try to really look at all

the things surrounding the event, you may find that that event was

placed in your path to help YOU, not them in your life, if you only

allow it to happen. Now I cannot feel your pain but maybe i can help

you look at the situation from a slightly different point of view.

 

In 2002 My then wife of 8 yrs was at a mall in Ft. Worth, Tx as her

job required her to travel all over the US west of the Mississippi.

She came out of the back employee door of a old Fred Meyer store

into the alley and walked into rumble between two rival gangs. The

mall video cameras showed that upon seeing them, she went the other

way but it was too late. She was sexually asaulted mulible times

before she was shot dead. Even though the mall security had all this

on video, nothing was done until the next day. The local gang unit

police knew who the perp's were (By name no less) but were not

intrested in procicuting these kids as their mission was to get the

heads of the gangs, not the army members. The local law would not

allow me to go back there and claim her body for almost 14 months as

they claimed the body was still part of an " Active Crime Case " . Was

I angery? YOU BET. Anger was a nice way of detailing my feelings. I

flew out there several times, meeting with everyone from the haed of

the gang unit to the head of police & sheriff dept's but to no avail.

FINALLY, after having her family and I threatening to go to CNN with

the story, they released her body.

 

I was sooooooo angry and then a massive depression set in. My life

was crap for a long 1 1/2 yrs. I wanted nothing to do with

relitives, friends, co-workers. Then an old friend from my Mother's

Coven came to see me and I poured out my emotions to her, all the

frustration, the sorrow, the anger and all the vendictive thoughts

that had welled up in me towards the law enforcement, the gang-

bangers who were STILL free continuing to do who knows what. This

friend was patient with me and listened to all of my feelings and of

course I had been balling my eyes out by this time. We hugged for

awhile then said a old Viking prayer and she then reminded me of the

saying my Mother used to say. Something happened. I don't know what,

but I had a new clairity that I'd not had before.

 

Do I still get angry? A little. Am I sad still? Somewhat, but there

are all those memories of all the wonderfull times we had together.

For some reason, it all doesn't seem to feel as bad.

 

Also, that incident changed the way mall security did things as well

as having several fired for lapses in jobs. It was also a turning

point (after a yr or so) in how the metro gang unit does their jobs.

 

The incident all those years ago has also givin me a new sense of

direction in my life to try to help others whenever possible. At

this point in my life, I am ok with myself.

 

Don't know if any of this is going to help, but I hope so.

 

In Frith,

 

Merlin

 

 

, " wsearcher "

<wsearcher wrote:

>

> She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

> spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived

for

> three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital

so

> we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

> having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok

to

> go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was

gone. It

> was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so

brave

> right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with

her

> cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am

so

> angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

> circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of

course I

> know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be

logical.

> I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been

able

> to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go

through.

> I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I

can

> be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

> like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore.

There

> is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

> family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

> mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not

let

> things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a

hold on

> me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily

and

> get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have

learned

> to stop them now. I have no peace.

>

> I will add some background information as to what my life is like

> right now.

> I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

> 2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I

was

> strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for

more

> that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off

subject. I

> have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

> surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability

although I

> can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

> arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a

very

> poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

>

> Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do

to

> help myself move on?

>

[Guest guest]

You could try the eft technique to take away the strong emotion from

this event. It does not take away the memory, but it certainly puts

everything in perspective and allows you to move on.

For a free download of their manual

www.emofree.com

 

Diana Moore

www.bowentherapy.homestead.com

[Guest guest]

, " maryk_homes4you "

<maryk_homes4you wrote:

[i believe we will meet up again someday. Yes, I still miss him, and

> thought that life could not ever present me with a more difficult

> challenge, however, I found that not to be true at all! Life did

> hand me several more curve balls that, without going into detail,

> unbeknownst to me at the time, had I known what was coming, who

> knows what route I might have tried to change]

 

Right now I can not think of anything worse than losing a child but I

am not going to say " there is nothing worse than losing a child " .

Everyone is different and what might be unbearable for some, is not

for others. My husband almost died of a ruptured appendix and one

month after he finally came home from the hospital my daughter was dx

with cancer. It has been one major life event after another, each

year it seems. I just don't know how much more I can stand before it

is too much, you know?

I am so sorry about your losses. Cancer or some other life altering

event happens to everyone finally. I hope you are coping well. Thank

you for replying.

[Guest guest]

Your post struck me. I'm not sure with your concentration issues if you can

read? But if you can or listen to books on cd, I would read/listen to The

Shack. The man in that book deals also with the loss of his daughter who was

murdered and how he was able to forgive God. He also talks about his " great

sadness " .

Good luck with everything.

 

You are in my prayers,

 

Laura in Austin

 

____________________

This email has been scanned by the MessageLabs Email Security System.

For more information please visit http://www.messagelabs.com/email

____________________

 

 

[Guest guest]

dear  w  searcher---- i forgot to add- if you can join a meditation class

somewhere for  at least 6-8 weeks----one night or day per week--would be most

benefical,  i know many people say oh ah meditate  and very few people -take

it up-----it teaches you to still the mind-which helps the  healing-it changes

the  frequency at which the mind    vibrates at and so helping to change the

patterns of thoughts-it would do you well to  mix  with  different happy

people and change the  feeling of being trapped in hell--alone.....

 also definitely ge yourself  some  rescue  remedy----- take a few drops 3-4

times  daily---------- i know th shock wa  some years agfo but  that

negative  energy is stored in your body and bach flowers help to release

it----believe me it was the first   approach to my healing

process        -once i took it  i started to heal-i could feel   a

difference--even tho it was still a slow   track up to the  light-i did 

feel  a  sudden  shift in how i felt and  was  sorry i didn't  take it 

straight away-i was  so drowning in  my grief -i forgot to think---i know that

sounds  bizare but only when you heal and look back   can  one  understand

that  concept.if you go to a place that sells homepathic remedies or ph a

homeopath  if they will sell you a bottle . it won't cost  a great deal-

between $7--------$-20 . make sure you do this  as it is important to  reeease

thart  energy  and it is suttle.

 

 

the meditation will help heal mind , body and soul-let go of  your grief-i

became sort of compfortable with mine and it disolved  my former personality

and i was becoming bitter and angry with the world where before i was allways

happy and laughing no matter what happened.... i am 95 % back to 

-----ok            still have a little work to do but am so glad i

crawled out of a deep  deep hole-also see  a doc  and see if you have

depression----------as that won't help-then you need to work on healing that as

well but try  these things  first. good luck

--- On Mon, 9/2/09, wsearcher <wsearcher wrote:

 

 

wsearcher <wsearcher

Re: How do I resolve the anger of losing my

daughter?

 

Received: Monday, 9 February, 2009, 4:35 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

, " maryk_homes4you "

<maryk_homes4you@ ...> wrote:

[i believe we will meet up again someday. Yes, I still miss him, and

> thought that life could not ever present me with a more difficult

> challenge, however, I found that not to be true at all! Life did

> hand me several more curve balls that, without going into detail,

> unbeknownst to me at the time, had I known what was coming, who

> knows what route I might have tried to change]

 

Right now I can not think of anything worse than losing a child but I

am not going to say " there is nothing worse than losing a child " .

Everyone is different and what might be unbearable for some, is not

for others. My husband almost died of a ruptured appendix and one

month after he finally came home from the hospital my daughter was dx

with cancer. It has been one major life event after another, each

year it seems. I just don't know how much more I can stand before it

is too much, you know?

I am so sorry about your losses. Cancer or some other life altering

event happens to everyone finally. I hope you are coping well. Thank

you for replying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make 7 your homepage and win a trip to the Quiksilver Pro. Find out

more

 

 

[Guest guest]

This is a really, really good post if you can read it---what is wrong

with your computer?!

 

I think meditation is as good as it gets---I do not understand why

and I cannot explain it even to myself---I've read a lot on it and I

have never heard it put quite that way---changing " the frequency at

which the mind vibrates...changing the pattern of thoughts. "

 

I like that.

 

There is a CD called Plum Village Meditations which is $12 at

Amazon. I think I have all the best DVD's on meditation if you are

interested. Now if you are adverse to the buddhists, it might bother

you, but I think of it as content neutral because I am very much a

Christian.

 

And getting in a meditation class will help----this is not so much a

talk group as it is a meditate group---you will be surprised how much

it will help you. You have to give it a try.

 

And Ignatia will probably help you. I don't know what's in the

rescue rememdy, but it might be. You can get Ignatia 30c at a health

food store and just take one dose and wait. Don't pop it whenever

you feel bad like a valium or some drug, just take one dose and

wait. You suck on it, don't swallow it, and don't take it after

brushing your teeth with mint toothpaste or taking any type of mint

tea or mint candy. It will probably help you.

 

You are not alone in the path you walk.

 

My best to you,

Rebecca

 

 

 

 

In , cheryl bullock

<cooee.shari wrote:

>

> dear  w  searcher---- i forgot to add- if you can join a

meditation class somewhere for  at least 6-8 weeks----one night or

day per week--would be most benefical,  i know many people say oh ah

meditate  and very few people -take it up-----it teaches you to

still the mind-which helps the  healing-it changes the  frequency

at which the mind    vibrates at and so helping to change the

patterns of thoughts-it would do you well to  mix  with  different

happy people and change the  feeling of being trapped in hell--

alone.....

>  also definitely ge yourself  some  rescue  remedy----- take a

few drops 3-4 times  daily---------- i know th shock wa  some years

agfo but  that negative  energy is stored in your body and bach

flowers help to release it----believe me it was the first  

approach to my healing process        -once i took it  i

started to heal-i could feel   a difference--even tho it was still

a slow   track up to the  light-i did  feel  a  sudden  shift

in how i felt and  was  sorry i didn't  take it  straight away-i

was  so drowning in  my grief -i forgot to think---i know that

sounds  bizare but only when you heal and look back   can  one 

understand that  concept.if you go to a place that sells homepathic

remedies or ph a homeopath  if they will sell you a bottle . it

won't cost  a great deal- between $7--------$-20 . make sure you do

this  as it is important to  reeease thart  energy  and it is

suttle.

>  

>  

> the meditation will help heal mind , body and soul-let go of  your

grief-i became sort of compfortable with mine and it disolved  my

former personality and i was becoming bitter and angry with the world

where before i was allways happy and laughing no matter what

happened.... i am 95 % back to  -----ok            still

have a little work to do but am so glad i crawled out of a deep 

deep hole-also see  a doc  and see if you have depression----------

as that won't help-then you need to work on healing that as well but

try  these things  first. good luck

> --- On Mon, 9/2/09, wsearcher <wsearcher wrote:

>

>

> wsearcher <wsearcher

> Re: How do I resolve the anger of

losing my daughter?

>

> Received: Monday, 9 February, 2009, 4:35 AM

, " maryk_homes4you "

> <maryk_homes4you@ ...> wrote:

> [i believe we will meet up again someday. Yes, I still miss him,

and

> > thought that life could not ever present me with a more difficult

> > challenge, however, I found that not to be true at all! Life did

> > hand me several more curve balls that, without going into detail,

> > unbeknownst to me at the time, had I known what was coming, who

> > knows what route I might have tried to change]

>

> Right now I can not think of anything worse than losing a child but

I

> am not going to say " there is nothing worse than losing a child " .

> Everyone is different and what might be unbearable for some, is not

> for others. My husband almost died of a ruptured appendix and one

> month after he finally came home from the hospital my daughter was

dx

> with cancer. It has been one major life event after another, each

> year it seems. I just don't know how much more I can stand before it

> is too much, you know?

> I am so sorry about your losses. Cancer or some other life altering

> event happens to everyone finally. I hope you are coping well. Thank

> you for replying.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

Make 7 your homepage and win a trip to the Quiksilver

Pro. Find out more

>

>

[Guest guest]

maybe you could reapply for disabily money

 

 

there could be causes of cancer and we should try to find reasons

 

some say bras cause cancer

 

you did your best

 

get the dr amen dvd or see him on youtube

 

i think he helps

 

, " wsearcher "

<wsearcher wrote:

>

> She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

> spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

> three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital

so

> we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

> having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok

to

> go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone.

It

> was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

> right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

> cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am

so

> angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

> circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course

I

> know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be

logical.

> I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been

able

> to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go

through.

> I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I

can

> be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

> like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore.

There

> is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

> family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

> mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not

let

> things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold

on

> me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily

and

> get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

> to stop them now. I have no peace.

>

> I will add some background information as to what my life is like

> right now.

> I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

> 2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I

was

> strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

> that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off

subject. I

> have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

> surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability

although I

> can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

> arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a

very

> poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

>

> Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do

to

> help myself move on?

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Wsearcher,

 

I read your original message with great empathy knowing the trauma you

have faced and your ongoing struggles over the loss of your daughter.

We, too, have been there. My wife and I lost two daughters within two

weeks a number of years ago, one at birth and the other just two days

before her second birthday. Our loss was devastating as well. Well

meaning individuals shared from their hearts and counseled us in the

best ways they knew, but that did not help me. I didn't blame God,

because I didn't believe in God. I just questioned everything and

hurt terribly.

 

What did help me was when, in desperation, my wife turned to the Bible

and began to study it, seeking God's truth. What she found was truth

we had never heard in church – that God heals today; that Jesus bore

our sicknesses and carried our diseases and with His stripes we were

healed (1 Pet 2:24); that the thief (satan) comes but for to steal and

to kill and to destroy, but Jesus came that we might have life and

that more abundantly (Jn 10:10); that God would that we prosper and be

in health even as our soul prospers (3 Jn 2). We began to study the

Bible as we had done with our college texts, and I came to the

realization that God loves us and has given us His Son and His word to

strengthen and to heal us.

 

We hurt, but we never suffered prolonged grief over our loss. We

focused our energy into knowing God and His word such that we would

have a ready answer to help others in times of need and to be able to

help them escape what we had to go through. We came to see that the

patriarch Joseph, who was sold into slavery by his brothers and later

cast into prison falsely, said (paraphrased) that what satan had meant

for evil, God would use for his honor and glory if we would give the

situation to Him and allow Him to work through it (Gen 50:20). He has

done so for us, and He will do it for you as well if you will give the

situation to Him. We now have something that no one can take from us

– the knowledge that we will be one day be reunited with our children.

We know that God is not in the business of killing children. Satan

is the thief, not God.

 

My wife, who was a nominal Christian, but one without knowledge, also

prayed for the Lord to undertake in our daughter's life. She knew God

could miraculously heal our daughter and then I would believe that

there was a God, but what she didn't know was that God had given

mankind dominion over the earth and that she was asking God to do what

He had already done through Jesus. She was not applying the spiritual

truths that govern our universe. After we started seeking truth

through the Word, she asked the Lord for more understanding, which she

was given in a vision. She had found from the Word that we are given

ministering angels to work in the behalf of the children of God.

Psalms 103:20 tells us that the ministering angels hearken to the

voice of the Word of God. In the vision, she saw her ministering

angel standing like the Mr. Clean in advertisements of old (with hands

crossed standing there waiting, waiting, and waiting). God told her

that her angel had been there to do His bidding but she/we hadn't

spoken over the situation anything to put her ministering angel to

work in our daughter's behalf. God wanted to work, but He does not

lie, and He would not take back that which He had given us. He gave

man dominion, Adam gave it to satan, Jesus took it back through His

sacrificial death on the cross, and according to Revelation we are now

overcomers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.

 

That being said, what can you do now in your present situation? Seek

God's truth in the Bible (not from the church), and don't seek man's

wisdom. Forgive God, for He was there wanting to help all of the

time. Forgive yourself. Allow the hurt to bring compassion to your

heart such that you will be able to minister strength and life to

others in their hurt. Focus on the joy of the times you shared with

your daughter and not on the loss you have endured. There are

wonderful essential oils that will help you to do this.

 

As to your inability to concentrate and focus, I would suggest you use

the essential oil blend of Clarity or Brain Power. The research and

testimonies show that they are very powerful at helping to eliminate

brain fog. Seek an individual who can guide you in emotional release

through the use of therapeutic grade essential oils. Break every

power of satan over your life through the Word of God, and take

authority in the name of Jesus over that tormenting spirit that is

trying to destroy you.

 

Through life's circumstances such as we have faced, one can become

either bitter or better. Your anger and bitterness in life can be a

curse to yourself and to others, or you can choose to become a

blesing. I am one former athiest who is very glad that I chose the

latter. I have seen many miracles as I learned to apply God's word.

God is alive. He loves us, and He loves you.

 

I pray for God's best in your life – that He will strengthen you in

your mind, your emotions and in your spirit, and that He will heal

your hurts and use you for His honor and glory in the lives of multitudes.

 

 

Blessings to you.

 

Bruce Dietler

Certified CARE Instructor

deet777

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

, " wsearcher " <wsearcher

wrote:

>

> She passed away three and a half years ago of breast cancer. It

> spread to her brain and thats what finally killed her. She lived for

> three years after being dx. She did not want to go to the hospital so

> we kept her at home with hospice care. She lingered in a coma and

> having seizures until I finally whispered in her ear that it is ok to

> go, that it was time to go. She took her last breath and was gone. It

> was like she needed to know it was all right to go. She was so brave

> right up to the end. Her courage helped me cope day to day with her

> cancer. Now I question myself what if... My reaction was that I am so

> angry at God. Why didn't all the prayers work? She was in prayer

> circles all over the world, even the Pope prayed for her. Of course I

> know the answer to these questions but it does not help to be logical.

> I am trying to regain a relationship with God but I have not been able

> to do so. I have read books about grief and the stages we go through.

> I went to a counselor for a bit. I talk about her with others. I can

> be doing anything and I will think of her and begin to cry. I feel

> like I am making slow progress but then there is no joy anymore. There

> is a sadness that is always there. Even if I have a good time with

> family or friends this sadness is always there, in the back of my

> mind. I am not the same person. I use to be a person who did not let

> things bother me. I let petty arguments go so as not to have a hold on

> me and ruin my peace. Now everything bothers me. I cry so easily and

> get upset. I started having anxiety attacks, although I have learned

> to stop them now. I have no peace.

>

> I will add some background information as to what my life is like

> right now.

> I have memory and concentration loss due to a back surgery I had in

> 2006.(a year after her death) The hospital almost killed me but I was

> strong enough to survive. I can not concentrate on anything for more

> that 10-20 seconds and I lose my train of thought or go off subject. I

> have not been able to work and have been disabled since my back

> surgery. So I am living in poverty. I was denied disability although I

> can't work. I have to care for my husband who is disabled with

> arthritis. He is bi-polar as well and is very negative and has a very

> poor attitude. It is a challenge just to be around him.

>

> Is this anger something that will work its self out? What can I do to

> help myself move on?

>

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry for your loss and the situation you are currently in.

 

I understand that you are limited financially, so I won't suggest

therapy, nutritional supplements, etc. But, what about EFT to work

through your emotional issues? It is free, easy to use and highly

effective.

 

Check out: http://www.emofree.com

 

Wishing you well,

Michelle