NewsTarget: the new Pledge of Allegiance

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NewsTarget: the new Pledge of Allegiance

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 09:54:41 -0700

 

 

 

 

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Happy Friday!

 

As is traditional on some Fridays, today we bring you a satire piece

that imagines what might happen if drug companies took over the

funding of our nation's public schools. Original story at:

http://www.newstarget.com/017049.html

 

(Please forward to others who may enjoy the humor...)

 

Under new laws declared by the Bush Administration, Big Pharma will

begin funding public education, but schoolchildren will now be

required to recite an UPDATED Pledge of Allegiance.

For those who may have forgotten, here's the ORIGINAL Pledge:

 

I pledge allegiance to the flag

of the United States of America

And to the Republic

For which it stands

One nation

Under God

Indivisible

With liberty and justice for all.

 

The NEW Pledge of Allegiance, authored by drug company researchers,

shall be recited as follows:

 

THE NEW PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO OUR MEDICATION NATION

 

I pledge allegiance to the drugs

of the United States of America

And to the pharmaceutical

My doctor demands

One medication

Under FDA

Uninsured

With Viagra and Prozac for all.

 

A spokesperson for ConPfuzer, a leading drug company, explained the

reason for the changes: " Children need Prozac. All we're doing is

reminding them to take their medically-justified medications each

morning as they begin their school day. It's a genuine public service!

"

 

Big Pharma's hope, said the spokesperson, is to, " Boost mental focus,

improve grades, and provide funding to enhance our nation's schools.

We care about children. After all, they're our future customers. "

 

Children who refuse to cite the new, nationally-recognized Pledge

will be tested for mental disorders by drug-toting psychiatrists who

are standing by, waiting for something to happen that gives their

meaningless lives some purpose.

 

" Many mentally disturbed children are not receiving treatment, "

grinned one psychiatrist, frantically thumbing through the DSM-IV

manual. " It is our responsibility to treat them all. You're not

against helping children, are you? "

 

A Bush Administration spokesperson, also present at the announcement,

said, " Since Bin Laden is attacking, we should drug all the children.

You're not a terrorist, are you? "

 

The new Pledge of Allegiance, we've also learned, has been

copyrighted by ConPfuzer, which will charge schoolchildren their lunch

money as a royalty payment for reciting the Pledge each day. " We must

teach schoolchildren to respect intellectual property at an early age,

" said a ConPfuzer statement. " Otherwise, they might grow up and

commit more serious crimes like sharing music. "

 

It's too late to actually stop the new Pledge from becoming law.

President Bush, citing anti-terrorism powers, explained, " Laws are

whatever I say they are. " Although, interestingly, he could not spell

" allegiance " during the signing of the law (although he had no problem

with " of " ).

 

Here's some REAL information about the Pledge of Allegiance:

 

The history of the Pledge:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance

 

- Mike Adams, the Health Ranger

 

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