Guest guest Report post Posted April 1, 2010 Namaste, I was listening to Pujya Swami Dayananda ji this morning and he was explaining amanitvam which is generally translated as absence of pride. He said that the translation misses the import of the word. Little bit of pride is actually healthy. It really means that you don't demand respect from others. He then said that if a person demands respect from others, he really does not respect himself/herself. Even a dumb psychologist will tell you that. The first thing that came to my mind is that sometimes a parent demands respect from the child on curt/brusque speech. Maybe the child is being very objective and the parent needs to grow up but how is this related to self-respect. I would appreciate comments/further explanation by the esteemed members. regards, Shailendra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 1, 2010 Shilendraji - PraNAms Respecting elders, parents, teachers and knowledgeable people is our culture and tradition. Parents teaching the children not only by words by themselves following that teaching are what are required. Ultimately children do not what parents teach but what parents do. yadyadaacaratiH shreShTaH tat tat eva itara janaaH| every body tries to follow the examples of their elders and leaders. The problem in India right now is the downfall of the Indian leaders - yathaa raajaa tathaa prajaa. amaanitvam involves demanding respect for not what it is for some false image of mine. I pose more than what I am or what I have or what I did etc so that I feel I will be respected. In essence I am expecting more respect that what I really deserve. Adambhitvam is being proud of what I have = Here not recognizing that what I is because of HIS gift. H Hence amaanitvam is being proud for what I do not have and adambhitvam is being proud of what I have. Swamiji referring to is self-confidence, which is required in any pursuit. I am confident I can do and with the help of Him I can accomplish. His grace is always there for those who know how to tap. The self-confidence is not being proud of what one is but being confident in accomplishing the task ahead. Hari Om Sadananda --- On Thu, 4/1/10, Shailendra Bhatnagar <bhatnagar_shailendra wrote: The first thing that came to my mind is that sometimes a parent demands respect from the child on curt/brusque speech. Maybe the child is being very objective and the parent needs to grow up but how is this related to self-respect. I would appreciate comments/further explanation by the esteemed members. regards, Shailendra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 1, 2010 Namaste Shailendraji: Sadaji has already provided some insights to your questions and here are my thoughts: Respect is basically an attitude that is shown towards any individuals' feelings or interest. It is acknowledging another's feelings in any kind of relationship. It may not necessarily be feelings shared between individuals but could also be referred to animals, groups or between countries. It implies to very phrase 'treat others the way you want to be treated.' Respect is also considered as a synonym for politeness or manners. Gandhi once said - Self-respect knows no considerations. The attitude of respects is inculcated in every person right from childhood. It is first thought to us at home and then at school and through our contacts with the world. What Swamiji refers is about " Self-esteem " which is different from " Ego " or Pride. Self esteem is not about what we do, but who we are. It is about feeling valued as a useful human being. It is about being able to stand tall and feel good and thankful to the Lord for our existence. It is about loving ourselves for being we are. According to the Chinese philosopher Confucius that the more we respect ourselves, the more others will respect us! In Vedic Culture, children were taught to pay attention to acquire virtues that will help them develop self-esteem. In civilized societies, Self respect is the cornerstone on which many other attributes are built such as honesty, confidence, and integrity. Our sense of self value and respect begins at our birth and is forged throughout our childhood. It is through the loving arms of our parents and by getting our immediate needs met that we first come into contact with our sense of self value. Along the way life impacts on us, forcing us to make decisions about how we respect ourselves. If we are treated with love and esteemed for being our authentic selves, then chances are our self respect will be great! All that we need is to develop our own character which will ultimately develop our own destiny!! Our sense of self is determined by life's knocks and bruises and by our optimistic or pessimistic attitude. Those with positive attitude will be able to face the life events without losing their respect. For some, those knocks and bruises of life events will force them to roll with counter punches. If we harbor resentments, untruths, dishonesty and lies, it is not difficult to see that our armor of self respect will be sadly dented. As we journey toward authenticity, reviewing our definition of respect will direct us toward those areas which need attention. Although others may show their respect for us, we cannot get self respect from others. It comes from within us and must be known and experienced as our own truth. Those who recognize the importance of preserving their self-respect will act more responsibly without losing their temper on life's knocks and bruises and avoid self-injury. I believe that the last paragraph of your posting is specifically addressing the problems faced by Indian parents while raising their children in Western countries such as USA, UK, Canada, etc. Sense of personal worth and ability is quite fundamental to an individual's identity. Family relationships during childhood do play a critical role in child development. Parents may foster self-esteem by expressing affection and support for the child as well as by helping the child set realistic goals for achievement instead of imposing unreachably high standards. Some parents feel that it's not enough if their kids are " just " happy. They expect that their children have to do a lot more and do very well in their studies. They always worry about their children's school reports, sports scores, inter-school competitions and off-school accomplishments. They always worry about how their children look (dental work, hair-cut) and what they wear for a friend's birthday party. They want control of all aspects of the kid's life. In the bargain, they end up feeling anxious and lose objectivity. They set high standards for themselves and expect the child to meet their (parents') goals. Many times such parents, instead of listening to their children, impose unreasonable conditions and constraints. Parents also face peer pressure from parents with over-achieving kids and those who couldn't withstand those pressures blow their temper on their children. In modern times when both parents work, priorities often get shifted which has created more problems for the parents and kids. More information about child development are available through the Internet and other sources. Those who seek such information read more and getting more confused. Decision making based on information with contradictory advice is always complex and difficult. Children expect quality time with their parents instead the parents choose to give quantity time. Many times instead of protecting their children, they seem to be spoiling their kids with unnecessary gifts and favors. The parent child relationship especially for the Indian parents who live in the USA (or other western countries) requires more attention. The parents need to understand that the children are lot more exposed to the western culture than them. Children learn not only from home but also from the school and through their friends. They should learn to listen to their children and respect their ideas and develop their trust. With my warm regards, Ram Chandran advaitin , Shailendra Bhatnagar <bhatnagar_shailendra wrote: > > Namaste, I would appreciate comments/further explanation by the esteemed members. > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 2, 2010 Shri Shankara explains amAnitvam thus— amAnitvam is absence of mAnitvam. mAnitvam-- AtmanaH shlAghanam. Here AtmA does not mean self, but `oneself'. shlAghanam means praise. So mAnitvam is praise of oneself or boasting, and amAnitvam means `not indulging in boasting'. This is the actual meaning of the word. S.N.Sastri advaitin , Shailendra Bhatnagar <bhatnagar_shailendra wrote: > > Namaste, > I was listening to Pujya Swami Dayananda ji this morning and he was explaining amanitvam which is generally translated as absence of pride. He said that the translation misses the import of the word. Little bit of pride is actually healthy. It really means that you don't demand respect from others. He then said that if a person demands respect from others, he really does not respect himself/herself. Even a dumb psychologist will tell you that. > > The first thing that came to my mind is that sometimes a parent demands respect from the child on curt/brusque speech. Maybe the child is being very objective and the parent needs to grow up but how is this related to self-respect. I would appreciate comments/further explanation by the esteemed members. > > regards, > Shailendra > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
