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Rules of computers

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1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.


2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.


3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.


4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.


5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.


6. To err is human. . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it's downright natural.


7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.


8. If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer.


9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.


10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.


11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

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If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.


If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash; and your data is corrupted cuz the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!


If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!


When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom.

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