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Secret GBC Resolution Revealed

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Secret resolutions revealed? Looks rather like some folks having a guilty conscience to speak openly? For example, so many devotees were driven out the movement by questionable management. Now this management declares, see below, all those kicked out devotees are not in good standing and fallen? Pretty much presumptuous and explains why such kind of resolutions have to be made secretly.


Jauvana Prabhu, ACBSP : Secret GBC Resolution Revealed



posted July 30, 2008 07:29 Am

A secret GBC Resolution --No.57.08, passed at this year's Mayapur meetings-- has just come to my attention. An insider sent me the unpublished resolution on condition of anonymity. It deals with the coming wave of devotees, especially first generation Prabhupada disciples, who will be leaving their bodies in the next 10-20-30 years. The GBC decided it was timely to make preparations to properly enshrine their remains within the holy grounds of Iskcon Mayapur.


The GBC body came up with a new program to accomodate and honor the final remains of all members in good standing. Thus, the Mayapur Perpetual Worship Scheme (henceforward known as MAWS) was created by secret resolution at this year's GBC meeting. Till now, dandavats.com has not mentioned it, so the readers of this post are getting a real "scoop."


The purpose of MAWS is to perpetuate the memory and the worship of those great souls whose vision transformed Iskcon from a small spiritual movement into the wildly popular Hindu institution that it is today.


MAWS takes into account the position of the deceased disciples to determine the level of their posthumous worship. For example, Gurus (e.g. those who are officially rubber-stamped to initiate disciples and distribute divine grace), will be offered "VIP" Samadhi Worship as part of the scheme. This will be a "pukkha standard" of worship that no guru will want to be without. Not everyone has disciples who can sit around all year in Mayapur to attend their samadhis. This package allows for elegant worship to continue year-round without burdening any disciples. It comes complete with marble and gold leaf engraved worship paraphernalia, morning arotiks, and a daily 7 course lunch feast. The cooking and worship will be done by brahmacaris from Eastern Europe, because they're cheap. (Originally the GBC wanted Bengali pujaris to do the seva, but the locals demanded iPhones, expensive watches, laptops and visas to the US.) To keep costs down, the GBC decided to import Eastern Europeans.


The annual cost for the VIP Samadhi worship will be only $6001, an amount that one sankirtan devotee or a wealthy disciple can easily come up with in no time. (Monthly installment plans are also available.)


The next level down in the MAWS scheme is for those gurus, sannyasis and vanaprasthas who unfortunately had a minor falldown. MINOR falldowns as defined by the GBC in this resolution include such things as: getting laid, snorting a line of cocaine, seducing your godbrother's wife, or becoming a transexual drag queen. The list is quite long, but basically anything considered sinful can be taken as a minor falldown. The GBC feels that such accidental falldowns should be forgiven. MAWS offers these devotees a simple way out of their embarrasing situation with a posthumous "Redemption Clearance Certificate."


Minor falldown gurus and sannyasis who remain loyal to Iskcon can easily purchase their Redemption Clearance Certificate either before or after death. The pre-paid cost is a modest $501-- that's really the best deal. It's $1008 for the postpaid plan. After the certificate is issued, redeemed gurus and sannyasis can then receive Budget Samadhi Worship. The Budget Samadhi scheme features a handsome brass arotik tray, bi-monthly arotiks on the purnima and amavasya, and feast prasad on holy days (as much as you can eat those days, since you will not receive daily prasadam). The annual fee for Budget Samadhi Worship in the MAWS scheme is $2001.


The GBC resolution has a caveat in it which states: "Any guru, sannyasi or vanaprastha who publishes anything critical of the GBC, regardless of the truth behind their accusations, will be considered unredeemable." Such heretics are considered victims of MAJOR falldowns. Major falldown disciples can never atone for their mistakes. MAWS cannot allow them to purchase a Redemption Clearance Certificate. (Such unfortunate souls will probably go to hell, although this isn't explicitly stated in the resolution.)


Finally, the GBC did not forget the rank-and-file disciples, those godbrothers and godsisters who never had enough ambition to climb the corporate ladder in Iskcon, who rarely got the best maha prasad due to having no position, who could not enjoy business class world travel or have their expenses reimbursed by sankirtan collectors, and who were never surrounded by fawning sycophants. The GBC wants to thank such sincere servants and graciously offers them their own perpetual worship: a small slot in a wall within walking distance of the men's and women's toilets, just a kilometer from the Guru/Sannyasi samadhi area. It's here where their ashes will be respectfully placed. The wall will be nicely decorated with cow dung year-round, and once a year, a pujari will sprinkle buffalo milk on the wall to commemorate the wonderful sacrifices of these unimportant devotees. An amendment to waive the annual fee of $101 for this special "Hole in the Wall" Worship was offered by His Holiness Maha Kripa Sindhu Bindhu Maharaj, and it unanimously passed.


Unfortunately, any ordinary disciple or grand disciple who ever had the shameless audacity or sheer chutzpah to openly question the GBC, BBT, regional secretaries, vice presidents or temple commanders, are considered offenders. The GBC regrets that such offenders' remains cannot be placed anywhere on the sacred grounds of Iskcon Mayapur. They are on their own. Their heirs will need to make other arrangements for them. "Try a local Gaudiya Math, or there's always Ganga Devi," suggested a GBC member, who spoke off the record on condition of anonymity.


That's all that's known so far of this still-secret resolution. We'll update you here as soon as more details become available. Stay tuned.

by jauvana (noreply@blogger.com) at July 30, 2008 07:29 AM





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I always thought about retiring next to a hole in the ground and paying a local farmer to push me in when I pass.


It's such an imposition to hold a festival for a departed love one.


Maybe I'll keep some petro nearby also--so expensive now adays.


Solar-powered cremation? Hmm?

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I received a lot of interesting feedback from my last post, "Secret GBC Resolution Revealed." Most readers thought it was funny and really enjoyed it. Satire exaggerates and highlights the shadows of reality to the point where you gotta laugh at it.

One old friend and godbrother wrote me: "too funny 'maws.' we won't make it to the pisswall at this rate, but at least we'll die laffin on the way there..."

Another godbrother commented that he read half-way thru the post before he suspected it might be a farce. He still wasn't sure if it was true or not, so he looked up the word "Maws" in a dictionary, because English is not his native language. Well, English is my native tongue, but i also looked it up when i was creating an acronym for the Mayapur Perpetual Worship Scheme:

maw |mô|

1. the jaws or throat of a voracious animal like a wolf hound.

2. the mouth or gullet (stomach) of a greedy person.

Do i really think the GBC body should be compared to the jaws of a wolf? The short answer: yes. Because what Srila Prabhupada gave to each and every one of his disciples was his mercy and his love. He deputized the GBC to administer this love on his behalf. How do you administer love? There's only one way: by creating TRUST. Love cannot exist without trust. Trust is always the foundation for love in any relationship.

And what has the GBC done since the disappearance of Srila Prabhupada? From practically the moment he left this world, the zonal acaryas used their power, manipulation, deceipt and despotism to create DISTRUST amongst and between their godbrothers and godsisters. Now that the years have gone by, the zonals have been replaced by the reformers. But have they brought back the spirit of love and trust to Iskcon? If they have, then why are 95% of Prabhupada's disciples-- his spiritual children-- still unwelcome and missing in action?

(To any idiots who want to know if this percentage has been verified by a "survey," no it hasn't, But Prabhupada initiated around 5,000 disciples. How many do you see hanging around Iskcon these days? In most temples, none or very, very few. That means 95% or more are missing. And it's not because they're all "in maya.")

Does anyone in Iskcon's leadership ever ask why those devotees--their godbrothers and godsisters-- have gone away? Or how Iskcon could make them welcome or encourage them? The answer to that question is an all-pervasive silence. Or, if anyone is preaching and criticises the GBC, they pass a resolution to gag that person.

Will a war criminal ever call for his own trial? Does a greedy, voracious politician ever give up his position? Can a moron sit down and write poetry?

Maws was an attempt to satirize the characters within Iskcon who act more like caricatures than acaryas. If i had written such a piece 25 years earlier, clearly my life could be endangered. Even now, some fundamentalist disciple might read these posts and seek me out to avenge his guru's honor. So let me clarify (if only to presevere my own life). I'm not saying the GBC men and women are inherently evil. Most if not all are dedicated devotees. But i am saying that they have failed the basic test and responsibility given to them by Srila Prabhupada. That is the duty of the GBC to set the example for love and trust between devotees.

Either by comission or by omission, the leaders of Iskcon have miserably failed Srila Prabhupada on this most fundamental issue. They have acted not as brahmanas but as kripanas (misers) and even worse, not as servants but as oligarchs who lord over others.

Does anyone claim that the spirit of trust can be found in Iskcon? Or that there is a social model anywhere in Iskcon where artificial hierarchies of haves and have nots does not exist? Let me know, because i haven't seen it, and i've been around a long time. I see the opposite wherever i go. In a few places there is a standard of etiquitte being practiced, but even there, the mentality of "us and "them" predominates. And "us" usually translates to no more than the "I, me and mine" of a respective leader and his surrogates.

OK, but where's the oxymoron i mentioned in this post's title?


a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction

ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Greek oxumōron, neuter (used as a noun) of oxumōros ‘pointedly foolish,’ from oxus ‘sharp’ + mōros ‘foolish.’

The sharply foolish meme here is the notion that the GBC equals Srila Prabhupada's spirit of love and trust. Yes, that is the GBC's reason for existence-- to represent and apply Prabhupada's spirit justly and wisely in the society of devotees. But when you put the words together-- Prabhupada's spirit of love and trust is shown by the GBC -- you get an absolutely perfect oxymoron. It makes for a terribly nauseating condition. The GBC produces mistrust, the opposite of what it was created to produce. It is imcompatible with the spirit of love and trust. It is a living contradiction of Prabhupada's spirit.

The credibility that was invested in the GBC by Srila Prabhupada has become so devalued that only its own members take themselves seriously. Even many of their own disciples see thru their incompetence. After more than 30 years of negligent, often abusive, and always abysmal leadership, the best offering the GBC could now make to Srila Prabhupada is to resign en masse.

Let them call a general meeting of all devotees, especially the disciples of Prabhupada who left or were forced to leave Iskcon but who still honor and worship Prabhupada in their own hearts. Let them sit together and somehow find a way to deconstruct the legal, corporate, religious labyrinth that the GBC concocted with their own ideas and desires. And let them hope to rediscover and reconnect to the original purpose Srila Prabhupada had in his pure heart when he brought Krishna consciousness from Vrindavan to Second Avenue. That's the spirit of love and awareness of Krishna and mutual trust and respect for each other. Love and trust. Without them, Iskcon is just another intolerant religion that promises the truth and delivers lies. Maws, morons and oxymorons.

by jauvana (noreply@blogger.com) at August 03, 2008 10:56 PM

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