The Battle of Evermore

[Guest guest]

Inspired by a letter from a friend. Thanks D.R.

 

 

 

My mental problem stems from being engaged in a large way in my life,

for the last 5 years, in a time consuming part of my life, in a way that

violated one of my own prime directives. This kind of total conflict in

a being as sensitive and thoughtful as I is highly disturbing.

 

But I know that I can survive it, and so I shall, but I am crazy with

this wish for her or a replacement of her, and am aware of the knowledge

of standard consequences for hurrying that, and even for engaging in

'love' at all while here in this plane, and so the battle rages on in me.

 

Just the usual human dilemna living in me. How profane and normal!

Awareness doesn't guarantee freedom from the object. I am knowledgeable,

yet bound hand and foot by desire which blocks me from serving God,

which is what's left after you abandon desire's company. Being lusty, I

want one or the other, and due to not giving up that previous footing in

consciousness, I cannot go to the new one. "I live in the sky between

Heaven and Earth." Floating is no fun. Argh.

 

I mean, Venus in the first in Aries aspected by Jupiter from the 9th.

What a load of lust to carry that is. Unbearable challenge to my

Spiritual consciousness. Unbearable. Venus is Maraka in this way for me.

Killer of the Spiritual Attainment and drainer of life force.

 

These are the words of my mind in God. It makes much more sense than the

very complicated material side of my mind, which makes me constantly miserable.

 

I know that I am not the only one, not at all. I have been given much.

Many lives are worse than mine in painful tests, by FAR FAR FAR. I

shouldn't cry lest I be tested in that way this or next time. Rather,

align align align so as to avoid creating more new reactions.

 

Peace and Sattva is the proof of progress in natural alignment. However,

Devotionally caused adjustments are sometimes swift, and therefore

sometimes cause seeming revolutions in the life, which can be

non-peaceful. But, greater progress may be made at times of distress and

upheaval, so actually, they are not a loss. Loss is not a loss at all,

when one understands God and Truth. The question is, as the dust

settles, who went Spiritually Up, and who was the loser. Neither!

(ultimately), but in the relative, we should try for improvement. That's

how we learn.

 

But I have no devotion, nor courage for the austerity of change for

improvements sake. In other words, I'm not really serious about

Spiritual Progress. I still hope that my desires will be fulfilled. So

for the foreseeable future, I'm totally doomed to stand perfectly still

in Spiritual Progress. I am definitely at a point of being controlled by

Maya. Sad, when viewed with Spiritual Reasoning, but that's where I'm

at. So should I "love myself anyway" or "push myself like hell"?

 

But the Truth is merciful and allows for married life within human

culture without disturbance, and has granted it the service of child

raising. So things go on, and those with needs get maintained in their

states of progress, and some couples live together in Brahmacari, or

near Brahmacari, without children, and make their progress respectively.

So everything goes on. But at no time ever do the Godly condone

attachment in this plane as helpful ultimately, yet at no time do they

ever deny marriage as helpful in principal either. The wise married

person therefore knows the truth, and thus simply does the best they

can, with humility.

 

In constant anxiety between the call to Divine service and desire for

personal sense gratification,

 

Das Goravani

 

 

 

 

 

 

2852 Willamette St # 353

Eugene OR USA 97405

 

or

Fax: 541-343-0344

 

"Goravani Jyotish"

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